Recap: Carrie, Jackie, and Che are podcast-debating their worst breakup experiences, and Carrie decrees that she's the hands down winner 'cause of Big keeling over after his Peloton workout, declaring, "Death, the ultimate breakup." &^%$#!
Later, Carrie tells Big's ashes that she's going out on a date with Peter, and Big's ashes are like, "I really don't give a shit 'cause I'm dead."
At the end of the evening, Peter walks Carrie to her brownstone, pleasantly chuckling about how they both survived the date. He then admits to Googling her and learning that she's a NY Times bestselling author, and she jokingly denies being that Carrie Bradshaw, then says she too Googled him and was impressed to learn that he was New York State teacher of the year in 2018. Peter politely asks if she's willing to give him the green light for a chaste goodnight kiss...and when and she tepidly nods her OK, he leans in and gives her a smooch lite. He then says they did pretty OK for two heartbroken people [who continue to have zero sexual chemistry], and she agrees, bids him good night, and heads up to her apartment.
Seema is getting it on with the sexy new club owner she met during the previous episode when Carrie calls to report on her boring date with Peter. When she hears Sexy's voice in the background, Seema explains that they've been sexing in a hotel suite for the last three days on the smoking floor (is there really such a thing in New York in 2021?). She pretends to want to know the details of Carrie's first kiss with Peter, so Carrie complains that the man definitely does not make her heart race, and that she kinda hated that he asked for permission prior to leaning in for the kiss. Sexy saunters over to canoodle Seema...and as the two tumble onto the bed and start getting it on, Carrie takes the hint and abruptly ends the call.
Carrie is ready to go to sleep, so she turns off her reading lamp...and is mystified when the lamp somehow turns itself back on.
At lunch the next day, Carrie tells Miranda and Charlotte she thinks that Big is mad at her, then explains that after she kissed Peter on their third date, her reading lamp started started turning itself on and then blinking on and off, which she's translating to mean that Big is expressing his displeasure about her dating Peter. Charlotte says that while she could totally buy that Big might be communicating with her through a reading lamp, she doesn't think he'd be angry at her for moving on with her life. Miranda says she doesn't buy any of this and tells Carrie that she's probably just feeling guilty about going out with Peter...then changes the subject to a family dinner that Che has invited her to attend. Charlotte's phone lights up with the message that, after various other rabbis have had to cancel (due to fake family emergencies) presiding over Rock's imminent they mitzvah, a transgender rabbi is available. She happily squeals, "It's bashert!"
Carrie informs Samantha via text that she kissed a man...and when Samantha texts back to ask how it was, Carrie replies, "It wasn't Big." The two then agree to have an actual, real time voice-to-voice phone conversation off-camera at some point.
Carrie brings her malfunctioning lamp to a lamp repair shop and tells the technician that it keeps turning itself on and off. The technician agrees that that's very strange.
Anthony shows Charlotte and Harry the sourdough challah bread he plans to make for Rock's they mitzvah, says it's the only sourdough challah in the city, and that he plans to take full advantage of this untapped market. Harry makes a face, disapprovingly calls it "hipster challah", and says that the older Jews attending the they mitzvah are going to want the traditional stuff. Anthony compromises and agrees to make half of the loaves non-sourdough - just as Rabbi Jen enters the room to inform Charlotte and Harry that Rock is not prepared for their they mitzvah on account of they don't even know the basics of the Torah, and that moving ahead with the current plan isn't realistic. She suggests cutting down the Torah portion to two lines or conducting the service in English - but Charlotte adamantly nixes that idea, and Anthony says he's going to try talking some sense into the over-indulged imp.
Anthony storms over to the living room, where Rock is lounging on the couch, playing a video game. Anthony admonishes them for fake studying the Torah and for being about to blow it at their they mitzvah. He barks, "Learn your friggin' lines!", takes away the video game controller, and storms out of the room.
Miranda shows up at Che's family gathering in what looks like a nightclub and is introduced to Che's grandmothers. Che then sits her down and rushes over to the stage to begin singing a rendition of the Beach Boys' California Girls. A perplexed Miranda asks the grandmothers what in blazes is happening, and they respond by smiling vacantly at her. Che wraps up the song, then explains that this is their way of sharing to their loved ones that they're off to California 'cause they've somehow been cast in a new pilot...and a crestfallen Miranda stares despondently into space.
Later, Che tells Miranda that it'll probably take about a month to see if the pilot gets picked up...and explains that they didn't want to say anything until it was more of a sure thing, then admits that they're "a fuckin' narcissist" to inform everyone of their good news by belting out California Girls at a family fathering...which, no duh. They inform Miranda that the plan is to fly to L.A. on Saturday and that they'd really really like it if she tagged along.
Che breaks the news of their imminent departure, and the [merciful] end to the grisly podcast to Carrie, Jackie, and Franklyn (the cute control booth guy). Che wanks them about how proud they are of the podcast, and Franklyn just shrugs and tells them it's their show and their decision - while Jackie gets visibly upset at suddenly having no more podcast to perform in, and Carrie glumly remarks that she was just getting the hang of real time raunch talk.
Later, Jackie tells Carrie he's stunned by the sudden end to the podcast, then invites her to attend a party at his house on Friday night.
Miranda stops by Nya's office to inform her that she's made a life decision to finish up the semester remotely 'cause she wants to be with Che in L.A. for the next several months while they film their new TV pilot. Nya gives her a the fuck? look and asks her if she's seriously, actually, for real throwing away the opportunity to intern for Human Rights Watch, aka the competitive internship she was offered after she (Nya) wrote her a glowing recommendation? Miranda sheepishly says that, yep, she's pulling out of that to follow her heart, and that she doesn't want to second guess herself like she usually does. Nya backs off and says she totally gets that, then sadly shares that Andre is currently on tour so that they can each gauge how it feels to be apart and grasp what they may be throwing away for a yet non-existent baby.
Seema calls Carrie to report that she really really likes her sexy new beau - just as Carrie arrives at a fancy restaurant to have lunch with Big's brother [who doesn't seem to have been given a name]. He asks her how she's doing these days, then asks where John is...and Carrie stares back at him in horrified incredulity before reminding him of Big's death. Brother Big says he knows that, and is asking where his remains are 'cause he never got word of a final resting place. Carrie says she hasn't decided that yet, and has been keeping Big's ashes on a shelf next to her favorite stilettos until a better idea magically comes to mind. Brother Big asks her to consider burying the ashes inside the family crypt, then adds that since he and his wife are splitting up, there's room in there for her too. Carrie looks aghast at the prospect of eternal rest inside a crypt, but politely thanks him and says she's going to need to think long and hard about where Big would most want to be.
Carrie returns to the lamp repair shop to pick up her reading lamp. The technician confirms that it had a bad wire, which he fixed. Or so he claims.
Jackie's party! Jackie introduces Carrie to his girlfriend Smoke, then rushes over to a microphone to announce to the partygoers that - surprise! - they're actually attending his and Smoke's impromptu wedding ceremony! A few seconds later, Franklyn makes his appearance and wanks Carrie about how great she was at giving relationship advice to people who called into the podcast, then suggests she start her own podcast, which he'd be more than happy to produce. Mmm hmm..
That night, Carrie tells Big/the reading lamp to blink if he's trying to reach her...and when nothing happens, she shuts it off and lays her head atop the pillow. A few seconds later, the lamp suddenly turns itself back on, prompting Carrie to coo, "That is soooo you." She then turns it off, falls asleep, and has a vivid dream about being on the Pont des Arts bridge in Paris, aka the same bridge where Big told Carrie she was "the one" during the Sex and the City finale. [I'm guessing this was the scene the producers had to retool after making the swift decision to eliminate any further footage of Chris Noth after several women came forward with sexual assault allegations.] Carrie wakes up, notices that the reading lamp has turned itself back on, and stares contemplatively into space.
They mitzvah! While noshing during coffee hour, Carrie tells Miranda and Charlotte that Big came to her in a dream last night and expressed his final wish to have his ashes scattered into the Seine from the the Pont des Arts bridge in Paris, which she calls "our bridge" ... and adds that she made plane and hotel reservations for the three of them to go to Paris so that they can all do this together. Charlotte says she's in, while Miranda says she first has to check her schedule. A few seconds later, Anthony and his Hot Fellas deliverers arrive with the regular and sourdough challah loaves, while Harry rushes over to Charlotte to grimly inform her that there's a situation requiring her immediate attention.
Rock stubbornly says they're refusing to take part in the they mitzvah, and Charlotte insists they are 'cause they've been practicing and studying for months (even though it was established that Rock hadn't actually studied much at all). Rock argues that they don't even believe in the notion of being they mitzvahed...and Harry and Charlotte exchange troubled expressions of hapless concern.
Miranda tells Carrie she'll have to fly to Paris from L.A., then explains that she'll be on the west coast with Che while they film their pilot. Carrie says the flight from L.A. to Paris is much too long for a three-day trip, then dismissively tells her to forget about it, and chides herself for being presumptuous in expecting her to drop everything to jet to Paris with her and Charlotte. Miranda follows Carrie into the ladies room and insists that she really really wants to come to Paris for the spreading of Big's ashes, but that it's also really really important to her to be in L.A. for the taping of Che's pilot. Carrie gives her a the fuck? look and asks if she really, seriously, actually passed up her internship with Human Rights Watch so that she can trail after Che, then derisively asks her what she's going to do in L.A. all day: sit in the audience and laugh? She points out how utterly out of character it is for her to no longer focus on her own life aspirations, and Miranda just kind of shrugs and chalks that up to the writers' decision to water her character down from being the ballsy, pragmatic lawyer she was throughout six seasons of Sex and the City to a pathetically love-sick puppy who's content to throw rare career opportunities out the window to follow her new non-binary lover to California just so she can watch them live out their dreams. Carrie half-heartedly tells her to just do whatever she wants and not worry about what anyone else thinks - just as Rabbi Jen exits one of the stalls and urges the ladies to protect what's clearly a precious, strong friendship bond.
Rock continues to dig in about not wanting to be they mitzvahed, and is further objecting to labels of any kind: Jew, girl, boy, non-binary, Christian, Muslim, New Yorker, earthling. A distraught Charlotte unburdens herself to Lisa about Rock's refusal to be they mitzvahed, and Lisa wanks her about what a super awesome mom she is, then urges her to take a breath and think about what she wants as a result of this special occasion [to which she's invited a whole lot of people].
Charlotte marches back to where Rock is brooding and reminds her daughter that there's a large roomful of people waiting for something interesting to happen. She insists that someone is going out there and getting *** mitzvahed today...and by someone, she means it'll end up being herself, 'cause that won't be odd for the guests who are expecting to commemorate a teenager on reaching their religious adulthood. In the next scene, Rabbi Jen is standing next to Charlotte while declaring that this grown woman has been officially bat mitzvahed, then invites the rest of the Goldenblatts to join them for the next blessing...which they do, including spoiled rotten Rock.
Carrie tells Charlotte that Miranda won't be coming to Paris 'cause of her Che plans, and tells Charlotte she need not come either 'cause she now thinks that the spreading of Big's ashes is something she's capable of doing on her own.
As Brady waits for his airport car so that he can head off on a backpacking trip through Europe with Luisa, he and Miranda quip about her new red hairdo...which she got, 'cause after railing about "grey pride" throughout this reboot, she suddenly felt like changing it up.
Carrie is decked out in a scarily poofy orange Valentino gown as she ambles onto the Pont des Arts bridge in Paris clutching a small bag shaped like the Eiffel Tower. She stares down at the Seine with an anguished expression before finally opening the Eiffel Tower bag and scattering Big's ashes into the water below. After staring sadly into space some more, she pulls her phone out and texts Samantha to let her know she's in Paris, and invites her to meet up for a cocktail. Samantha suggests tomorrow night, and Carrie replies with FABULOUS.
Back in New York, Carrie is podcasting relationship advice while Franklyn produces from the adjacent control booth. She assures a heartbroken caller who just got dumped that one day she'll laugh again, especially if she has a few good friends to lean on...and that love is always a possibility, given that the future is unwritten. The caller thanks her and says that that platitude really helped, and then Franklyn motions for her to wrap it up. Carrie promptly signs off from her very first Sex and the City podcast.
Franklyn walks Carrie to the elevator, wanking her about what a phenomenal job she did on Episode One. Carrie credits him with making it soooo easy for her to get through her first podcast, and he responds by leaning in and giving her a passionate smooch.
Suck on that, Peter.
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