And Just Like That... - Episode 9

Charlotte is listening for signs of Lily's tampon string presenting itself

"No Strings Attached"
Original airdate: 1/27/2022

Episode summary: Miranda recruits Carrie and Charlotte to help paint a women's shelter. Lily is mystified by the notion of a tampon. Seema is intrigued by a sexy club owner.

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Recap: Over lunch at a fancy diner, Miranda tells Charlotte and Carrie she has a favor to ask of them, and that it involves manual labor and Brooklyn. She explains that she'd like to recruit them as helpers to finish painting the women's shelter Nya has been volunteering to help get off the ground and says the charity needs a big turnout on Saturday. Charlotte eagerly says she's in and that she'll bring her kids along, while Carrie's all 'meh' about the notion of manual labor and says she'd much prefer to write a check. Miranda nixes that and tells Carrie she can't just be the white lady who writes checks, and that she needs to "change it up" in her life and actually get her hands dirty while painting. Charlotte's like, "Speaking of change.." and tells the gals that since she hasn't had her period in four months she's assuming she's in full on menopause, then smugly adds that she hasn't experienced any terrible symptoms like the two of them have reportedly suffered.

Lisette drops by Carrie's apartment to give her a ring she designed, then admits she has an ulterior motive: she'd looooove for Carrie to post a photo of herself wearing it on her Instagram page so that her jewelry designs can get maximum exposure among Carrie's raunch reading fans. Carrie warns her to lower her expectations and points out that she's just a lowly writer, and Lisette mumbles, "Hardly" and wanks her about how obsessed she is with her podcast, which...seriously? As Carrie tries on her new ring, Lisette notices that she's also wearing a wedding ring and remarks on how she's never seen her husband around, so Carrie sadly explains that a Peloton recently killed him and that she hasn't yet been able to bring herself to stop wearing her wedding ring.

Charlotte is hovering over Rock as she helps them study for the upcoming *** mitzvah. Rock whines about not wanting a bat mitzvah, so Charlotte clarifies that it'll be a they mitzvah, and that they are going to need to study a lot harder in order to be fully prepared for the imminent rite of passage. A few seconds later, Anthony calls to inform Charlotte that he's bringing a new boy toy to Shabbat dinner on Friday...and while that's happening, Lily lets out a horrified shriek from the nearby bathroom. She rushes over in a panic to inform her mother that an anticipated visit from Aunt Flo is going to ruin an upcoming Hampton's pool party she's been invited to. Charlotte says the choice is clear: learn how to use a tampon, or skip the pool party. Lily responds by shrieking in frustration.

Over at the Empire Diner, Che tells Miranda she's looking especially pretty today, and Miranda tells Che to consider the compliment returned in whatever non-offensive woke manner a compliment can be received by an insufferably self-absorbed human soapbox. Two trans women who are clearly fans of Che make a beeline over to get a selfie and discuss all of the people they know who are rumored to have slept with Che - awkward - and Miranda, who has identified herself as Che's non-famous girlfriend, offers to take the photo. 

While standing in line to get into a nightclub, Carrie asks Seema if she wouldn't mind taking a photo of her flashing the shiny new ring Lisette gave her so that she can post it on Instagram. Seema indulges her, then expresses her annoyance at having to wait in line at a club and is tempted to bribe the doorman 'cause she really really wants to go dancing on her birthday. Carrie's all, "It's your birthday?", then promptly struts to the front of the line to try to sweet talk the bouncer into letting them slip in so that her gal pal can enjoy a birthday jig. The bouncer stonily replies that they're at full capacity...and when Seema tries to slip him some cash, he admonishes her "offensive" behavior. The two scuttle off, looking visibly embarrassed.

"My friend would like to enjoy a quick birthday dance in your club."

"That's nice. We're still at full capacity."

 Carrie takes Seema to a café, where the two share a piece of cake and lament Seema's still single status at the age of fifty-four. Seema then rationalizes that her fifty-third year wasn't a total waste 'cause she met an amazing new gal pal, and the two toast their budding friendship. Seema then asks Carrie if she's free to go to a matinee on Saturday - but Carrie has to decline and explains that she promised Miranda she'd help paint a new women's shelter in Brooklyn. Seema kind of perks up at that and says she'd be happy to give her a lift to Brooklyn and tag along for the day.

Charlotte is preparing Shabbat dinner when Lily enters the kitchen and says she's finally ready to learn about tampon insertion. Charlotte [somehow refrains from telling her to read through the little instruction booklet that comes with all boxes of tampons and at least attempt to figure this out herself, given that she's sixteen and not six and] agrees to meet her in the bathroom. When Anthony arrives with his new friend, Justin, Charlotte tells Harry she has a minor bathroom emergency to deal with and to please get their guests a drink and remember to take the challah out of the oven in ten minutes. Justin looks bemused at the mention of challah and asks if this is a Jewish dinner...and when Harry nods, Justin smirks and says, "You know the Holocaust is a hoax, right?" to which Anthony shrieks, "Get ouuuuuuuut!!!!"

Carrie stares at hers and Big's wedding rings, then decides to wear them both - even though Big's ring is far too big for her finger and is at great risk of slipping off at the most inopportune moment (spoiler). 

Charlotte is doing her best to describe to a mystifyingly-mystified-about-tampons Lily exactly how one inserts a tampon, but Lily just stares back at her in confusion...and it remains unclear why this tech savvy sixteen year old hasn't thought to watch any one of the zillions of available online videos that gently describe the process for first time tampon users. Also unclear is why the writers opted to go down this dumb menstrual rabbit hole in the first place.

"I could demonstrate tampon insertion by performing an interpretive dance for you."

"That sounds about where this inane story arc is headed."

Carrie is waiting on a street corner for Peter to arrive for their date...and when he sees the sad look etched across her face, he correctly assumes that she's not up to it. Carrie confirms she isn't, says she didn't want to rudely cancel by texting him, then explains that since she can't bring herself to stop wearing hers and Big's wedding rings, she's probably not ready to start dating. Peter says he understands and tells her he still has his wife's last voicemail on his phone and plays it from time to time so that he can hear her voice again. The two then share a friendly hug, and Peter jests that this dinner cancellation was the "best rejection ever". 

Back at Casa Tampon, Charlotte offers to demonstrate tampon insertion to Lily by doing it on herself, but Lily's like, "Ew" and finally manages to accomplish the feat on her own. Hooray!

During Shabbat dinner, everyone picks at the burnt challah that Harry forgot to take out of the oven in time, and Anthony glumly apologizes for bringing an anti-Semite to their home.

Miranda shows up unannounced at Che's apartment with a bag of cookies and saucily says she was craving a little Che, so she bought them some tasty treats and hopped on a train. Che gives her a WTF are you doing here? look and calls the sudden interruption awkward...and when a horrified looking Miranda asks if someone else is in the apartment, Che says they're alone - but extremely busy with a writing project and wishes she'd called or texted before just showing up unannounced. Miranda flushes with embarrassment, admits that she never would have shown up on a male suitor's doorstep like this, and explains that she was just trying to be spontaneous. Che assures Miranda that they're not sleeping with anyone but her (for the moment, at least) and invites her in - but Miranda declines and says that, in keeping with their non-traditional relationship, she's outa here, and sassily adds she's going to eat the entire bag of cookies on the ride home. So there.

The next day, Carrie and Seema arrive at the women's shelter to help paint. Miranda greets them and hands Carrie a paint roller, while Seema's like, "On second thought, nope" - LOL - and wanders off to find a place to smoke and fiddle with her phone. Steve and Brady arrive, while Nya emerges from the shelter and gets introduced to Carrie for the first time. A few seconds later, a giant while limo arrives, and Charlotte, Lisa, and their families spill out. Lisa gets introduced to Nya and tells her she brought along a camera to take photos that the shelter can use for their website or future fundraising efforts, then asks if there's anything else she can do. Nya's like, "As a matter of fact, my lunch arrangements for these hundred or so workers fell through and I have no idea what to do 'bout that", and Lisa just shrugs and says it'd be no problem for her to arrange for the arrival of some tasty grub, and immediately gets on the phone.

As Herbert teaches his kids how to paint, Andre looks over at him longingly and remarks to Nya about what an awesome father he is, and that it's "the stuff of life". Nya's all 'meh' and cynically points out how much easier parenting is when a couple is as well off as Herbert and Lisa are, and Andre chides her for bringing down the vibe and irritably ambles off. Nya wearily looks over at Miranda, who was within earshot of that conversation, and complains about how Andre is suddenly so into kids after years of never noticing them.
 
Seema is sitting at an outdoor table, smoking and looking at her phone when a sexy middle-aged guy in a convertible pulls up, looks around confusedly, and asks Seema whassup with all the tables, trucks, and crap on his street. He adds that he's directing his question towards her 'cause by the way she's smoking and doing fuck-all while everyone around her seems super busy, she looks like a boss. Seema sassily retorts, "You got that right", so then Sexy further explains that he referred to Bayshore Drive as his street 'cause the trucks and crap are parked right in front of his nightclub (succinctly named Z). Seema perks up at that and asks him if his club is any good...and as he tells her it's the hottest club in Brooklyn, the two stare smittenly at each other. Mmm hmm..

"Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you."

"OK my turn: I hope you know CPR, 'cause you're taking my breath away."

While painting, Steve asks Carrie how long she's known about the unholy coupling of Miranda and Che and if she was the one who introduced them [answer: yes]. Carrie mumbles something unintelligible in response, then assures him she had nothing to do with their actual hooking up. Steve asks her how long the affair has been going on, and before a visibly uncomfortable Carrie can awkwardly mumble another non-answer, she accidentally steps into a bucket of paint and rushes to the nearest bathroom to wash the paint off of her stiletto...because of course Carrie would wear expensive heels for a day of painting in a newly renovated women's shelter. As she's doing that, Big's wedding rings slips off of her finger and goes down the drain, and she's all, "Nooooo!!" and yells for Steve to come help her. She explains what just happened, and he assures her that the ring is probably caught in the p-trap, then rushes off to get a tool to unscrew the thing.

An anxious Lily tells Charlotte that she's pretty sure her tampon string has vanished, and Charlotte assures her that that's impossible, then brings her over to a portable toilet so she can fish around for it in private. As that's happening, a couple of lunch truck vendors, courtesy of Lisa, arrive to feed the volunteers.

Steve takes the p-trap apart, finds Big's wedding ring, and hands it to Carrie. She clutches it to her chest and thanks Steve for his help.

As Lily continues to frantically search for her missing tampon string, Charlotte takes a break from hovering next to the portable toilet to get her daughter some water. She runs into Carrie, Nya, and Miranda as they're getting lunch, needlessly explains Lily's current predicament, then rushes back to deal with The Case of the Missing Tampon String. OMFG.

Andre and Nya have another boring argument about wanting/not wanting children, blah blah. Nya thinks the two of them are enough without kids, while Andre expresses a deep desire to be a father and isn't taking kindly to her trying to talk him out of wanting kids. 

Lily finally manages to locate her tampon string, but is now too afraid to pull the tampon out and asks Charlotte for help with that. Charlotte says she draws the line with her helicopter parenting at tampon removal and tells Lily to just &^%$ do it herself. As she stomps off, Lily pokes her head out and notices a menstrual blood stain on the back of Charlotte's white jump-suit and tries to alert her - but Charlotte ignores her and continues stomping off all the way to the lunch truck, where Miranda and Carrie notice the blood stain, motion her over to inform her that she just had a flash period, then cover her bloody backside by tying a dark sweater around her waist. 

Carrie admits to Steve that she panicked when she thought she lost Big's wedding ring, and Steve tells her he's never taking his wedding ring off 'cause he vowed 'til death do us part', the poor sap. Carrie scrunches her face in sympathy and asks if he doesn't want to find someone who maybe won't always treat him like a bag o' shit, but he just shakes his head and insists that his wedding ring is never coming off. 

"I'm going to wear my wedding ring for the rest of my life."

"You're really the most hopeless of hopeless schmucks, aren't you?"

Back at the apartment, Carrie takes off hers and Big's wedding rings and returns them to the safety of their jewelry box...then texts Peter to ask him if he's up to trying for date #3.

Seema and Carrie strut to the front of the line at Z, aka Brooklyn's hottest club, and are let in by the sexy new friend Seema met while wisely avoiding helping paint the women's shelter.

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