Recap: Steve asks Brandon if he's absolutely sure he doesn't want to go to Las Vegas with him, David, Clare and Valerie...and reminds him that David's footing the bill and that Ray Pruit will be headlining at the hotel they're staying at. (That last thing doesn't sound like much of an incentive.) Brandon says he has zero interest in going to Vegas with the four of them, so Steve teases him about wanting the house to himself so he can spend the weekend alone with Tracy...but Brandon reminds him that Tracy went home early for Thanksgiving. Steve changes the subject and says he's working on a term paper and asks Brandon if he has a paper he can use to "just check for format". Brandon walks over to the computer and loads up a paper he recently wrote, and Steve looks intrigued and asks him what grade he got, and Brandon says, "What do you think?" Clare enters the room wearing a grisly, super tight crop top and asks Steve to help her with her bags, and Brandon volunteers to help her, which leaves Steve in the kitchen alone, staring at Brandon's A+ paper on the computer screen. He suddenly gets a really boneheaded idea and deletes Brandon's name in favor of his, grins cheekily, and says, "What are friends for?" Apparently to cheat off of, without them even knowing.
David's acting scarily manic again and calls Valerie to tell her that she and the others need to be ready to leave the instant he arrives at Casa Walsh. Valerie assures him they'll be ready, then thanks him for bailing her out of her financial troubles with the After Dark. David magnanimously replies, "No sweat. That's what I'm here for, baby" - bwahaha! - and then promises to show her a good time in Vegas.
In the next scene, the four are piled in David's new red convertible and on the road to Vegas...and we get superfluous footage of David's highway driving for what seems like a really loooong time. David says he wants to open up the jets so he can see how fast the car will go, and instructs everyone to fasten their seat belts. They all comply...which is weird 'cause it means that none of them was buckled in before that. David presses the pedal to the metal and Clare freaks out and yells at him to slow down...and he responds by driving even faster and then taking both hands off the wheel and laughing maniacally. Steve and Valerie also start yelling at David to knock it off, so he finally begins to slow down...then laughs and calls them all ridiculous for fearing for their lives.
Beach house. Kelly gets a call from Mark as he sits at his dining table dressed in a white wife beater (OMG), and he schmaltzily tells her he loves her...again. He proposes they hang out this weekend and pretend to study, and Kelly slips into her little girl voice and coos, "Sounds very educational." He says he'll pick her up in an hour, then tells her he loves her again. Easy, Mark.
The Peach Pit. Brandon is staring at a menu, grumbling to Nat about how he's been ordering the same old food off the same old menu...and befriending the same old creepy diner owner who's been way too invested in their lives for the last six years. It's a clear sign that it's time for the gang to find a new hangout. A pretty redhead, who's sitting at the counter, orders a cup of coffee - but when Nat pours her one, she says she doesn't want it. Nat looks perplexed and asks her if she's OK, and she says, "No...not really." She tells him she just arrived in Los Angeles and was on her way to see her fiancé when some guy on rollerblades snatched her purse. Naturally, the address where she was supposed to meet her fiancé was in her purse, so she has absolutely no idea what to do now. Nat tells her they'll figure something out, and Brandon concurs and offers to drive her anywhere she needs to go. She thanks them for being so nice (which I doubt they'd be if she weren't so hot) and introduces herself as Melanie from Ohio.
Beach house. Kelly emerges from her bed and finds Donna trying to study. She tells Kelly she's worried about David, and explains that she didn't go to Vegas 'cause he always gets annoyed when she expresses concern about his drinking and frighteningly manic behavior. Kelly says she's sure Steve and Clare won't let him do anything too stupid...and Donna sadly remarks on how David has everything he could possibly want, but is intent on pissing it all away. Kelly says he's become a monster since inheriting 250K from his grandfather's estate, then just kind of shrugs and tells Donna there's not a whole hell of a lot she can do about it. She's nothing if not empathetic.
Brandon drives Melanie to the Wilshire Crescent Motel, which is where she thinks her fiancé was staying. They go inside and ask the desk clerk if he (Phil) is still there, but the clerk says he checked out and left no forwarding information. Well that was considerate of the dickwad. Brandon leaves his home phone number with the clerk in case Phil happens to return, then tells Melanie she can stay at his place until they sort all this out. Melanie looks a little weirded out and asks Brandon if she can trust him, and Brandon says, "This is Los Angeles. Nothing bad happens here" and a few seconds later they hear the loud wail of a police siren. Womp womp!
Las Vegas. David and Valerie check into their swanky hotel suite, and David over-tips the bellboy. Valerie is impressed with the suite, and David tells her it'll be comped if he gambles at least $10,000. She looks at him in surprise and asks if he's really going to gamble that much, and David grins and cockily declares, "I'll win that much and more." The two then discuss the sleeping arrangements and agree that since there's only one round, fur trimmed bed, they'll probably end up doing the horizontal mambo on that at some point. David then gets distracted by a little flyer promoting Pumpkin Head's performance and shows it to Valerie, and she looks at him suggestively and says there's still lots of time to kill before the show. The two start canoodling...but a few seconds in, David gets restless, jumps up, and says he wants to go to the casino and start gambling so he can get the room comped. I think he just likes saying the word comped.
Elsewhere in the hotel, Steve and Clare settle into their room...and Clare notes that their room number is 3003 and gets a sudden hunch about how lucky it is. I'm not sure why the writers bothered putting these two back together if all we're going to get out of it is lame storylines like a lucky room number. The fuck?
CUTV. Brandon drags Melanie to the station 'cause he needs to pick up some papers. He enters the control room and is startled to find Mark and Kelly making out. He's all, "Ack!", quickly finds his papers, then rushes out and hastily steers Melanie out of the building.
Las Vegas. The four are strolling through the lobby when David blurts out, "There he is! Ray!" and Ray comes over and hugs them like they didn't all hate each other back when Ray was living in L.A. He thanks them for planning to come to his show, and David barks at a server to bring over two bottles of the hotel's finest champagne. He starts acting all manic again and tells Ray that he and Valerie are partners at the After Dark now, and that they'd love it if he came back to perform (at double the pay!) and Ray says he'll talk to his road manager and see what they can work out. David suddenly jumps up and announces he's off to the casino to gamble. After he scampers off, Ray asks whassup with his freneticness, so Steve explains that he just inherited some money from his grandfather...and Clare wryly jokes, "The money hasn't gone to his head or anything."
The Walsh house. The phone rings, and somehow it's Phil. I guess he must have gone back to the Wilshire Crescent Motel and gotten Brandon's phone number from the clerk. Melanie tells him about how her purse got stolen, and then a nice guy helped her out. She asks Brandon if it's OK for Phil to stop by, and he's like, "Sure!" and gushes about how happy he is that everything magically worked out.
Las Vegas. Ugh - Ray is performing his breathy, grisly music. It's too bad the DVD version of this episode didn't cut this segment out like it did with so many of his other musical performances. The gang is enjoying the show, tapping their hands and feet to the undanceable music. LOL. David springs up from his seat and loudly orders another round of drinks for the table, and Steve moans that he's had enough. David downs a full glass of champagne with one swig and retorts, "I'm still standing!" He wants to go play Blackjack...and Steve mumbles that he's too tired to gamble, but then obediently follows Clare over to the craps table. She places a bet on #3 - but when it doesn't win, she scrunches her weird doll face in confusion and says she had such a "hot hunch". Steve doesn't care and just wants to go upstairs and doink. David, meanwhile, is doing well at the Blackjack table, and Valerie wryly remarks, "The more you drink, the more you win." David snarkily insists he's not drunk - just having a good time frolicking around like an assclown.
Steve and Clare return to their room, but Clare is still troubled by losing at craps. Steve says it's no big deal and tries to start getting it on with her...but she puts a sudden stop to the canoodling to run to the door of their room to re-check the number: 3003. She rethinks her betting strategy and drags him back downstairs to play craps again. This subplot is almost as bad as the Brandon/Melanie from Ohio one. And speaking of which..
The Walsh house. Phil arrives and thanks Brandon for helping Melanie track him down...since he didn't exactly make it easy to do that on her own, the douchebag. The phone rings, so Brandon excuses himself to answer it - and it's Muntz, who's been tasked by Steve to come by and pick up a term paper and then deliver it to his professor. Whatever. By the time Brandon returns to the living room, Phil appears to have left and Melanie is looking very sad. Brandon's like, "Where's Phil?" and she says he left, and Brandon's all, "Wuh?" Apparently, the dinkwhistle met someone on his second day in L.A., fell in love, and was too much of a prick to tell his fiancée about it, and let her travel all the way to California under the assumption that they were still getting married. Needless to say, the engagement is off.
Mark's house. Mark and Kelly have just finished a scrumptious sushi dinner, then retire on the couch for a little post-meal canoodle. Mark asks her if she'd like to spend the night, and she says it's prolly not a good idea 'cause she has no intention of putting out and doesn't want him to think she's a tease. Mark's OK with that, and promises to just hold her in his arms all night. The way he figures it, them hitting the sheets is "probably an eventuality" so he's choosing to not be sexually frustrated...at least for now.
David drunk dials Donna to tell her how incredible Vegas is and how awesome Pumpkin Head's performance was. LOL. He invites her to fly out, offering to pay for the plane ticket, but she declines and says she has a lot of studying to do. She then warns him to be careful, and he gets all bitchy and snaps at her to stop treating him like a baby. After they hang up, David continues to guzzle champagne (or whatever alcohol he's progressed to) while Donna stares into space, looking contemplatively concerned.
Las Vegas. David's now losing at Blackjack, and Valerie suggests they go back to their room and order in some food, but he doesn't want to and barks at her to stop telling him what to do. He then gets enraged when he loses another hand at Blackjack and snarls at the dealer, "This casino sucks!" and announces that he's going off in search of a better casino. Valerie warily asks him if he really needs to do that, and he chastises her for getting on his nerves and bugging him the way Donna's always bugging him. Valerie throws in the towel and says she's going back to their room 'cause she's had enough, and he snarkishly retorts, "Well, I haven't" and stumbles toward the lobby.
Clare is doing well at the craps table with her $3 bets. A stereotypical Texan wearing a big hat, who's standing nearby, tips his hat to her and says, "Little lady, I ain't never seen anything like this." LOL. Clare abruptly cuts off her gambling after three wins, tips the dealer, then tells Steve she wants to spend her winnings on some wine.
David's standing in front of the hotel, waiting for a cab. He meets two scantily clad ladies - a blonde and brunette (who looks suspiciously mannish) - and invites them to come with him to a different casino. The blonde asks him if he'd like to stop off at their hotel for some drinks first, and David perks up at the prospect of a sexy three-way and chirps, "Sounds great!" He says they're going to have an incredible time, and all three pile into the cab. Awesome idea, Dave. What could possibly go wrong in a Vegas hotel room with two complete strangers?
The Walsh house. Brandon pours Melanie a glass of wine as she remarks on how much she had to grow up today. She's furious at her rat of an ex-fiancé for hooking up with another woman, then says she doesn't believe in her dreams anymore - which is a shame, 'cause frankly they were unremarkable and modest: get married, have kids, and retain the same husband her whole life. She asks Brandon what his dreams in life are, and he furrows his brows and says he's been thinking about going to law school and pursuing a career in politics...and hopefully one day becoming President of the United States. Melanie shifts the topic and asks, "So, who's the girl?" and Brandon admits he once asked Kelly to marry him and that he's still in love with her. Melanie wanks him by telling him he has a special way of making everything seem like it'll be OK, then says Kelly must be crazy to not want to be with such a perfect human being. He wryly retorts, "She's crazy about another guy" and Melanie's like, "Oooh...well, good luck with that" and turns in for the night, leaving Brandon staring contemplatively into space.
Las Vegas. David is passed out in a room at the seedy Mustang Motel, and the blonde and mannish brunette are ridiculing his stupidity for trusting them and derisively call him a sucker. They steal his watch and empty his wallet...and when they find his driver's license, they mock the fact that he's from Beverly Hills. They see a grisly photo of Donna (that, for some reason David carries around in his wallet) and laugh about how she's "his honey" and then decide to humiliate him further by discarding his clothes.
Mark's house. The next morning, Kelly arrives and gives Mark a large gift wrapped box that's filled with sheets and pillow cases. He's all, "Wuh? You don't like my bedding?" then realizes it's a sign that they'll probably start bumping uglies soon. Kelly remains vague, but says at the very least he'll be prepared if she ever gets around to deciding she wants to spend the night with him.
Las Vegas. Steve, Clare, Valerie, and Ray discuss what might have happened to David. Valerie just kind of shrugs indifferently and says he left the hotel last night to gamble elsewhere, and Steve seems to give even less of a rat's ass and says he probably just crashed at a different hotel for the night. Valerie mulls that over and says he was kinda out of control before he staggered out - and Ray stares at them in bewilderment and reminds them that they're supposed to be David's friends, then asks how in the hell they could let him leave the hotel in his drunken-manic condition. He suggests calling Donna to get some extra backup, then makes a beeline to the nearest phone.
Mustang Motel. David wakes up in his underwear, looking haggard and bleary-eyed. He glances around the room, finds his empty wallet, realizes he was robbed, and snaps, "Damn it!"
The Walsh house. Brandon is taking Melanie to the airport to catch a flight back to Ohio - even though her purse was stolen, so it's unlikely she has any ID and therefore wouldn't be able to board a plane. The phone rings...and it's Phil, who has called to apologize to Melanie for dumping her and wants to know if she'd like to get back together. He's certainly a fickle one, that Phil. Melanie turns him down, then later tells Brandon that she still intends to move to Los Angeles. After all, why should Phil be the only one who gets to live their California dream? Good for you, Melanie...and godspeed.
Las Vegas. Donna arrives at the hotel wearing a pink patterned suit that looks several sizes too big for her skeletal frame. She finds Clare, Valerie, Steve, and Ray in the lobby...and Steve informs her that David finally returned to the hotel, wearing just his socks and underwear. Clare adds that he's too embarrassed to talk to anyone except for her. Donna self-righteously snarks at them for allowing David to leave the hotel, and gets even more prickly when she realizes that David and Valerie were sharing a suite. She storms upstairs, looking as though she wants to give David the what for...but then looks startled when she finds him sitting on the round, fur trimmed bed, holding his head in his hands and weeping piteously. She sits beside him, and he laments what a dumbass he made of himself (well, d'yuh), then whimpers, "I need your help - I don't know what's wrong with me." Donna promises to help save him from his destructive self, and says she won't let anything like this happen to him ever again.