Recap: Valerie unfolds a cardboard box and pretends to pack up her stuff as Brandon watches from the doorway. He tells her she's being much too hard on herself (no she's not) and that no one wants her to move back to Buffalo (yes they do), and she argues that everyone hates her and that it's time to cut her losses and leave L.A. (um, probably). Brandon says she's exaggerating, that Steve and Dylan will get over the rift in their friendship (she helped cause), and that Mama and Papa Walsh are big on giving second, third, fourth, and fifth chances to anyone who lives under their roof and screws up big. Like Brenda constantly did, for example.
Downstairs, Mama Walsh is on the phone with Abby Malone (Valerie's mom) and tells her they understand and that she shouldn't worry about anything. When she hangs up, Papa Walsh grumps that this is a lot more than what they bargained for when they let Valerie live with them. When Valerie comes downstairs, Mama Walsh tells her that her mom is checking herself into a mental ward in Buffalo, and that her siblings are staying with a neighbor until she's fully functional again. Valerie gets upset that her mom didn't want to talk to her about her mental breakdown, and that she's choosing to flip out now.
KEG house. The KEGers and Alphas are decorating the KEG house for their upcoming Halloween festivities. Steve shows up with his hand bandaged from when he punched Dylan in the face in the previous episode, which was so awesome. Griffin, who's carrying a huge pot/container thing into the yard, grumbles that he's faking the injury to get out of doing any physical labor, so Steve assures him the injury is real and that his contribution for the day will be "to keep this Halloween vision alive". Griffin walks over to where Donna is sitting cross-legged on the patio, painting something. He says he knows she's been avoiding him, but she weakly denies this and tells him she's not still mad about their tiff in Catalina. He doesn't look convinced, so she gives him a little kiss. Steve sees the kiss and declares the KEG house to be "a no kissing zone" so that romantically disadvantaged losers like himself won't have to feel bad. When Kelly strolls over, he tells her the no kissing policy will also apply to her and Brandon...so Kelly tells him that Brandon won't be coming over today, since Valerie isn't leaving L.A. after all. I'm not sure what one thing has to do with the other, but whatevs. Steve snidely wonders aloud if Valerie would reconsider leaving town if he bought her a ticket, and Kelly bitchily offers to chip in to buy the floozy a first class ticket if it'll get her out of the Walsh house and away from Brandon. Griffin jumps on the bandwagon and slams Valerie for her deceit in stringing along two guys... so Donna, who's currently stringing both him and Ray along, quietly mutters that Valerie probably didn't plan it that way. Speaking of Ray, he arrives in his red pick-up truck to deliver a large load of pumpkins for the KEG's Halloween party. Donna panics and asks Kelly what she should do, and Kelly just shrugs and says that Ray and Griffin were bound to run into one another at some point...then jokes that she could start running now. Donna rushes over to Ray, and when he kisses her on the cheek she kind of flinches and says she hasn't told her friends about them yet. He mumbles something about them being "college types" then introduces Donna to his young cousin Tommy, who came along to help with the pumpkins. Donna gives Ray and Tommy a half-hearted introduction to whoever happens to be standing nearby, and then Griffin comes over to help Ray unload the pumpkins and invites Tommy to the children's Halloween party. Ray looks impressed and thanks him for being so nice to his little cousin, and Griffin tells him he is nice, and that he shouldn't believe anyone who tries to tell him that rich frat boys are pompous, self-centered a-holes.
The Walsh house. Valerie says she has an aunt in Tucson who might let her live with her, but Mama Walsh insists that she continue living with them. Valerie tells Mama and Papa Walsh she overheard them talking and knows they don't really want her to stay, so Papa Walsh freely admits that when Abby told them they couldn't pack her up and ship her back to Buffalo, it threw them for a loop. However, because they've been close friends with her parents for years, they're going to resist the urge to throw her out on the street. Papa Walsh tells her he should have given her a much sterner warning about Dylan, and says it's time they all acknowledge what he's degenerated into: a slouchy, slovenly, cantankerous, self-destructive wino. Valerie declares that since they're all putting themselves out on her behalf, she'll do her part and obey his edict. Mmm...or not.
Ahn-drea and Jesse drop by to borrow Brenda's old bunny suit to put on Hannah for Halloween...and I have to admit, she looks totes adorable in it. Jesse tells the Walshes to convince Ahn-drea that Hannah will not be permanently scarred if she celebrates Day of the Dead with his family...and naturally this annoys Ahn-drea, and she bitches back that she has no desire to make her tiny baby sit in a cold cemetery all night. Jesse retorts that he was just forced to sit through Yom Kippur and that wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs.Oh my - do I detect a crack in this seemingly joyless marriage that anyone could have predicted would fail from the get-go? Fortunately, Hannah needs changing, so Jesse takes her to the bathroom, and this gives Brandon and Ahn-drea a moment alone together. He assures her that there's nothing wrong with Hannah celebrating her heritage, so Ahn-drea starts rambling about how if her Hasidic grandfather knew that Hannah was sitting in a cemetery all night for a "part Aztec, part Catholic harvest ritual", he'd die all over again. Yes...but by the same token, if Jesse's dead grandfather knew what a self absorbed, obstinate turd his grandson had married, he would die a thousand times over.
The Peach Pit. Dylan mumbles to Nat that he thinks the After Dark could generate a lot of dough...but Nat reminds him that Steve the Wonder Party-planner is no longer involved with the club. I guess he quit that gig when he found out Dylan was regularly doinking Valerie. Dylan argues that Steve issooo replaceable, so Nat snarks back that lately he's been treating all his friends as though they're replaceable. He adds that Dylan doesn't seem to even understand what's real anymore, and Dylan snarks back that he took out a mortgage on his house to pay for the After Dark...and if it doesn't make money, he could lose his house in two months. He glares daggers at Nat and snarls, "That's how real this is to me...grrr.."
California University. Clare and David are attending a lecture about UFOs. David thinks it's bunk and smirks through the whole thing, while Clare looks totally fascinated. After the lecture, she tells David she wants to camp out in the desert so she can try to catch a glimpse of aliens...and David agrees to go along and keep her company.
KEG house. Brandon arrives to help Steve with the preparations for the Halloween party. Steve snarks at him for fraternizing with the enemy, so Brandon tells him how much Valerie is suffering and that she thinks everyone hates her. Steve laughs and says the hate is well deserved, so Brandon tells him that Valerie is staying in L.A. because her mother just checked herself into a mental ward...so she has nowhere to go. He asks Steve to give her a break, since it'll encourage the rest of the gang to do the same - and caps off the request with, "Come on, bro." Steve hems and haws, but eventually gives in and tells Brandon he can invite Valerie to the KEG Halloween party. As for Dylan, he can go pee up a rope as far as Steve's concerned, and Brandon doesn't argue with that.
Dylan’s house. Dylan's on the phone with a bill collector, rifling through his drawers trying to find a canceled check (or something). In one of the drawers, he comes across his old gun. He cuts the call short, gazes at the gun in fascination, then picks it up and aims it at the camera.
Beach house. Kelly tells Clare and David that they're the first people she’s ever known who like strawberry ice cream. David says the ice cream (which they're packing in their cooler for their desert jaunt) isn't for them, it's for the aliens. He explains that he and Clare - mostly Clare - are on the hunt for aliens who have been known to abduct people in the desert near Barstow. Donna emerges from her room and tells everyone that she and Ray sneaked out to a blues club last night and stayed out really late, then sighs and says maybe she should try to get abducted by aliens. Oh...if only the aliens would take her. Clare saucily replies, "And miss a party where two guys are after you? Where are your priorities?" Donna smiles, looks annoyingly smug, and lets out a really long, nasally sounding hmm giggle.
KEG house. It's the children's Halloween party, and the kids are being well entertained. Ray asks Griffin if he's seen Donna around anywhere, and an amused looking Griffin says he'll let her know he's looking for her. Valerie and Brandon arrive with a big cake, and Steve and Kelly look less than thrilled by Valerie's presence. Brandon and Kelly go inside the house so they can make out in private, and they find Donna decked out in a skimpy, boob and naval-bearing Carmen Miranda costume, hiding from Ray and Griffin. She whines that she doesn't know how to juggle two guys, and Brandon looks appalled at her Valerie-esque deceit in playing two guys against each other. Eventually, though, he and Kelly convince her to go outside and join the party. She ambles across the lawn just as Ray is entertaining the kids with his guitar, singing The Hearse Song in his ghastly, breathy voice.
Across the lawn, Ahn-drea snidely remarks that there's no way fussy Hannah is going to last in a cemetery all night - and Jesse rolls his eyes and snaps, "If you want me to take her by myself, I will" and stalks off. This leaves Steve and Valerie standing alone together, looking awkward. She says that the Zuckerman-Vasquez family feud is so minor compared to what she's going through, and Steve tells her how sorry he is about her mentally unstable mother. To cheer her up (and obey Brandon's directive), he invites her to the Halloween party that evening, and she looks pleasantly surprised to receive an invitation.
Griffin strolls over to Donna, compliments Ray's blechy singing, then jokes about how Pumpkin Head likes her. He then kisses her cheek, which Ray happens to notice and, of course, misinterpret...and as soon as he's finished the song, he packs up his guitar, brusquely tells Tommy they're leaving, and storms past Donna. She runs after him, looking totally ridic running in her skimpy costume, and reminds him that she told him she has a boyfriend. He snaps back that he thought they were beyond that, and climbs into his truck. She begs him not to leave, so he relents and tells her he'll come by and pick her up later. She starts whining that she has a party she can't get out of...then quickly agrees to ditch the party so she can hang with him.
Pool hall. Dylan wins a pile of money at pool and starts bloviating to anyone within earshot about the roll he's been on. He sees the clock and realizes he missed a 4:00pm meeting he was supposed to have with Nat, but doesn't seem to give much of a rat's ass. A drug dealer, who's been sitting at the bar and listening to Dylan's horseshit, starts talking about the joys of drug fueled highs...and Dylan looks intrigued.
Desert. Clare and David enter a diner near Barstow that has a really strange vibe. David asks the guy at the counter about the best spots to find aliens, and he offers to sell David a videotape that reveals this information - for $39.95. Clare gets disgusted, storms out, and tells David the guy's a crackpot and making a mockery of her belief in the existence of UFOs. This storyline is about as riveting as the recent Hannah/daycare snorefest.
Dylan's house. Dylan's sacked out on his couch, looking stoned out of his mind. He ignores the two trick-or-treaters banging on his front door demanding candy. Valerie arrives, knocks on the door, and orders Dylan to let her in, so he gets up and ambles over. She tells him she's on her way to the KEG house for a Halloween party, but decided to take a detour to see if he was in the mood for a quick romp. She gives the trick-or-treaters $5 to go away, and they grumble about what the hell they're supposed to do with $5. How about: go buy some damn candy. Dylan starts aggressively kissing and fondling Valerie, then pushes her onto the couch and mounts her. His weird behavior startles her, so she asks him if he's on something, then gets even more anxious when she notices the bullets that are littered across his coffee table. He tells her they're for his gun, and she panics and tells him he has to get rid of it. She reminds him that her dad killed himself that way, but he doesn't care and yells at her to go to her stupid party, then storms off down the hall to his bedroom.
Desert. Clare and David have set up their tent for the night. David is eating the strawberry ice cream while Clare frets about not being in the optimal location to see aliens. She then starts gabbling about how she believes there's a mothership floating around and that they're not alone in the universe, blah blah..
Cemetery. Jesse, Ahn-drea, Hannah, and Jesse's mom are standing around the gravestone of Jesse's grandfather in celebration of Day of the Dead. Jesse and his mom reminisce about grandpa, and Ahn-drea looks uncharacteristically tranquil and calls the experience beautiful. A moment later, Jesse's aunt and uncle arrive and gush over Hannah. The aunt puts a crucifix around Hannah's neck...which of course does not go over well with Ahn-drea. She has a mini freakout that no one seems to notice, then starts twitching.
Desert. Clare and David are still talking about aliens and the universe when they spot what looks a lot like a bright green spaceship. Clare runs toward it, and David follows her with the video camera and whatever's left of the strawberry ice cream. Clare yells out, "This is it!!" and takes the video camera from David and starts recording, documentary style...but then abruptly stops when she realizes the spaceship is just a satellite dish - which, for some unexplained [by the writers] reason, has a bright green light emanating from it. Clare collapses onto the ground and calls herself an idiot...and David also calls himself an idiot. I concur that both are, indeed, idiots.
KEG house. Steve is pissed off that Valerie pulled a no-show at the Halloween party and grumbles that she's probably spending the evening doinking Dylan. Donna, meanwhile, is recounting for Kelly how badly things went with Ray earlier, and Kelly's like, "What about Griffin?" Donna says that their relationship has hit the point where he's going to start to expect sex, so Kelly says that if Griffin doesn't want to accept her chastity until marriage vow, she has a big problem. Donna says she hasn't really told him 'bout any of that, and Kelly disapprovingly says she's stringing him along. Griffin suddenly ambles over and remarks that Valerie's no-show has pushed Steve over the edge...and Kelly concedes that Valerie should have been honest with Steve from the beginning, and says this while glaring right at Donna. After she stalks off, Donna stammers to Griffin that they need to talk about why they haven't hit the sheets yet...and Griffin grits his teeth and snarls, "Who is he, Donna?" She tries to explain that her no sex policy isn't because of another guy...then mutters something about how she's been out with Ray a few times - and Griffin looks incredulous and asks, "We're talking about Mr. Pumpkin Head?" Bwahahaha! Donna gets mad, tells him to go to hell, then storms out of the house. Griffin trails after her and mocks her for getting it on with the delivery boy...and by scripted coincidence, Ray suddenly pulls up in his red truck. Griffin bitchily asks her if Ray threw her down on the back of his pick-up (ack! - visual alert!) and she gets all haughty and retorts, "What makes you think you can talk to me that way?!" He snarls back, "'Cause you're a pathological tease who sluts around!" Oh no he diin't! Donna gives him a long hard smack across the face, and he growls that he can't believe he put up with her as long as he did. Donna runs across the street to Ray's truck, climbs into the passenger side, and tells him to just drive.
The Walsh house. It's late when Valerie arrives home and tiptoes inside the dark house. Brandon is still up, looking very self righteous and judgmental about her ditching the Halloween party. She insists that she tried to go to the party...but somehow her car drove her over to Dylan's house instead. Brandon tells her he's annoyed that he begged everyone to give her a second chance, so Valerie tells him that Dylan is now a druggie, and that he's doing hard stuff and was also waving his gun around. Brandon looks shocked and says he thought Dylan got rid of his gun, and Valerie retorts that he obviously still has it. Brandon immediately heads out to go check up on Dylan, and she asks if she can come along, but he insists on going alone.
Donna and Ray are sitting on the back of his truck, talking about the hard smack she just gave Griffin. He leans in and kisses her, but she pulls away...and when he asks her what's wrong, she mumbles that it's hard to say. Ray suddenly decides that this is the perfect moment for him to sing and play his guitar, so Donna blurts out that they can't have sex...not because she's diseased, but because she's stubbornly determined to remain a virgin until her wedding night. She tells him she'd understand if he bailed out of their budding romance now - and after pondering that for a few seconds, he says that while the no sex thing is kinda weird, all that matters to him is being with her.
Dylan's house. More trick-or-treaters bang on Dylan's front door...and when he doesn't answer, they pelt it with eggs. Dylan suddenly wakes up and yells at the kids to get lost...so they egg his patio door. He bursts onto the patio and points his loaded gun at the kids, and they all flee in terror. In his foggy drug fueled haze, he glances around his living room and notices a paper skeleton propped up against a chair. He sneers, "What are you laughing at?" then fires several bullets into the chair. What a psycho nut.
Ahn-drea's/Jesse's apartment. Ahn-drea and Jesse arrive home and immediately put Hannah to bed. Jesse tells her it meant a lot to his family that they celebrated Day of the Dead with them. Ahn-drea grimaces as she clutches the crucifix necklace. She tells Jesse that she wants Hannah to feel connected to his family and heritage...though not really, because she then announces that Hannah is Jewish. Jesse chuckles and says he thought they already went over this. Ahn-drea says she doesn't want a cross around her daughter's neck and insists that a person can't be Jewish and Catholic. Jesse argues that Hannah is both, but Ahn-drea looks confused and asks, "But what does that mean?" A weary Jesse tells her they'll figure it out, but not tonight...so she snaps, "When?" then lumbers off to the bedroom without waiting for an answer. OMFG why are these two dullards still on the show? And why is the guy who plays Jesse getting billing as a regular cast member in the opening credits when his only dialogue consists of him bickering with Ahn-drea? I'm sooo ready for them and their baby to be shipped off to Connecticut for good.
Desert. Clare and David are nestled inside their sleeping bags beside a campfire. She asks him if he has any protection, and he shows her the 200 condoms leftover from high school he didn't need 'cause he was with Donna. Haha! The two start getting it on, and they're so engrossed in their foreplay that they miss seeing the bright UFO that flies directly over them.
Dylan's house. Brandon pokes Dylan awake and orders him to get up and walk around so he won't die in a drug-induced slumber. Dylan springs up from the couch and snaps that he's fine. Brandon comments on the bullet riddled chair, and Dylan asks where his gun is and starts bumbling around in search of it. Brandon tells him he has got to get over being ripped off by Kevin and Suzanne...and quit getting wasted all the time, since it's making people think there was never anything more to him than the money. [Newsflash: there never was anything more to Slouchy than the money.] Dylan barks at him to not come over after snubbing him for the past two months and analyze him. He accuses Brandon of being the most mollycoddled person in history, and Brandon snaps back that this isn't about him, and that he's probably the only friend he has anymore. Brandon then grabs the gun and heads over to the door, and Dylan warns him he'll call the police if he leaves the house with it. Brandon shrugs and walks out...but returns a few minutes later. By this time, Dylan has passed out again, so Brandon pulls up a chair and sits beside his comatose friend and stares at him concernedly.