The Hills - Season 5, Episode 4

"This is how much more slovenly I want to present myself as compared to last season."

"Crazy in Love"
Original airdate: 4/20/2009

Episode summary: Audrina is dismayed by Justin's rude disheveledness when she runs into him while clubbing. Stephanie gets off to a rough start at People's Revolution. Heidi and Spencer attend their first couple's therapy session.

---

Recap: Audrina is at Big Wangs with Lauren, discussing how much she's been looooving keeping a safe distance from Justin. Amen to that. She adds that she's been on a lot of first dates with a lot of randos, and is very excited about making a fresh start.  

​Stephanie is at People's Revolution with Lauren, logging clothes into a computer database before tossing them in a nearby cardboard box. Kelly arrives, snaps at Stephanie for leaving her coffee on an unauthorized surface, and then for not using paper dividers between the clothing items she's packing up. She snarlingly warns, "I am watching you, Stephanie Pratt" ... and Lauren wishes Stephanie good luck before wandering off. 

Spencer pulls into the alley behind Bolthouse and phones Heidi so they can have a tête-à-tête in his car. He asks her where they're at in their relationship, then unhelpfully whines about feeling "caged up" at the tender age of twenty-five. Heidi sarcastically tells him he's more than welcome to do shots and "God only knows what else" with Stacie the Bartender...and Spencer assures her he's not into Stacie 'cause she's not a blonde. Heidi looks unmoved by the quasi-flattery and tells him that if he doesn't agree to go to couple's counselling with her, they're through.

That evening, Lauren and her posse arrive at Coco De Ville, where the group is merged with Brody, his clingy girlfriend [and Playboy playmate] Jayde, and Frankie, et. al. Brody reminds Frankie about their upcoming trip to Hawaii...and when Lauren looks put out and demands to know why the gals weren't invited, Brody tells her it's strictly a boys' trip. Justin, meanwhile, can be seen slouching several feet away, and Audrina throws something at him to get his attention. He reluctantly lumbers over to say hey and give Audrina a hello hug, then gets all weirdly bitchy about the way she pats him on the back in mid-hug. After he wanders off, Brody winces and remarks on how awkward that was and asks Audrina what the deal is...and while that's happening, Jayde looks extremely irked that Brody isn't 100% focused on her and pulls him towards her and possessively plants a giant smooch on his lips. 

Stephanie drops by Audrina's house to discuss Justin's rudeness at Coco De Ville last night. Stephanie advises her to end their toxic relationship/whatever this now is on good terms - but Audrina says she's going to need to engage in at least one more interaction with the boorish slob and highly doubts that it'll go well.

The next night at a club called Apple, Brody is hanging with Jayde when he decides 'why not call up Spencer and invite him along to Hawaii?' Spencer finds it too hard to hear what Brody's saying over all the background noise and fibs that he's in Vegas right now. After he hangs up, he explains to Heidi that fibbing was the quickest way to get off the phone with Brody, and Heidi says she cannot wait to discuss all of this fibbing and non-vacationing with a therapist. 

"Whaddya up to, Spence?"

"Livin' the dream of domestic bliss."

Sleazy T (one of Brody's inner dipshit circle members) tells Audrina that Justin is going to need a personality transplant if there's any hope of reviving anything resembling a relationship between the two of them. A few seconds later, the camera pans over to a disheveled looking Justin, who seats himself beside Brody so that they can grunt at each other about whatever's going on/not going on between him and Audrina. Audrina complains to Sleazy T that Justin is still trying to win her over [mmm...I'm not getting that impression], but that it's not going to work - just as Justin suddenly appears beside her, musses her hair, and pontificates about how short a human's earthly life is. When he holds out two fingers as a needless means of demonstrating how short one's life actually is, Audrina wearily asks him if he's being serious, then complains that he always makes her feel like a fool and generally just stupider for being in his presence [sorry, that last thing was me, projecting]. Justin retorts that she's crazy, so she wryly adds that she's crazy in love with a moron who couldn't give two shits about her. Stephanie interjects to once again advise Audrina not to talk to Justin, who has abruptly abandoned the conversation to wander across the club and act clownish.

Back at People's Revolution, Lauren tells Stephanie she should prolly answer her phone whenever it rings, then tries to get her interested in the various tasks to which she's been assigned. She asks Stephanie if she dutifully logged every item of clothing that's currently in the nearby cardboard box, and Stephanie just stares at her blankly and says she has no idea (lol). Lauren gets visibly frustrated, tells her how important it is to focus, and points out that if she (Stephanie) were having this conversation with Kelly, there'd be a whole lot of yelling and repeated threats of termination.

"Do you have the slightest idea how to do the most basic tasks you've been assigned?"

"I'll let this neutral face emoji expression be my response."

Heidi and Spencer arrive at Dr. Mansbacher's office for their first round of couple's therapy. Heidi recounts Spencer's flirtitude with Stacie the Bartender and describes it as "an emotional affair", so then Spencer grumbles that she clearly doesn't trust him - even after he faux married her in Cabo at the end of last season. Dr. Mansbacher disdainfully remarks, "This sounds all really high school-ish to me" and instructs the two to face each other and express something they're currently feeling. Spencer sourly quips, "I feel like I'm in a nightmare", prompting Heidi to chide him for not taking therapy seriously and for being so emotionally checked out. Dr. Mansbacher asks her what she's doing with a malevolent Chucky doll lookalike who is so checked out, and Heidi responds by staring back at her in mute cluelessness.

Lauren, Audrina, and Lo arrive at Crustacean and discuss the boys' upcoming trip to Hawaii, idly wondering if Brody's main motivation is to get away from Jayde for a few days. Audrina gushes about how good looking and positive Brody always is, smilingly adding, "You catch each other's eye and you feel that attraction." Lauren and Lo stare at each in stunned silence at that shocking revelation...then put a pin in it for now as they all decide it might be fun for them to tag along to Hawaii at the exact same time as Brody et. al. and somehow describe it as "a girls' trip". They solemnly vow that they're firmly committed to not causing drama of any kind. Hmm mmm..

Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---