The Hills - Season 4, Episode 19

A full-sized flashback would maybe have worked better for TV viewers

"Mr. & Mrs. Pratt"
Original airdate: 12/14/2008

Episode summary: Whitney accepts a job at DVF and prepares for her imminent move to New York City. Spencer convinces Heidi to get secretly faux married while on vacation in Cabo.

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Recap: Heidi and Spencer arrive at a swanky resort in Cabo San Lucas...and as they gaze out at the pretty blue water, Spencer pontificates about how their relationship seems to work best in complete isolation. Heidi concurs with that red flag of an assessment and says she definitely likes this surprise...and when Spencer promises that it's going to be the most memorable vacation of her life, she replies by cackling, "Buckle up, baby."

Over at People's Revolution, Whitney gets a call from Alixe Boyer, informing her that she got the DVF job. Lauren gushes about how happy and proud of her she is, and Whitney says she's going to have to call her parents to break the unsurprising news and schedule a goodbye party asap.

A bikini clad Heidi delivers a bottle of champagne to Spencer, awkwardly canoodles him, and says that the alcohol has helped her de-stress from all the tension their relationship has caused for their family and friends. Spencer says he's very much looking forward to "Heidi and Spencer time", and the two vow to not let outside forces get in the way of their bliss.

Stephanie drops by Audrina's house, says hey to Justin (who happens to be over at the time), and asks Audrina if she's talked to Heidi lately. When Audrina's like, "Mmm, no", Stephanie says that no one seems to know where Heidi and Spencer disappeared to. Justin cheekily suggests, "You should put up some signs" [or ask MTV if, by chance, they sent a camera crew to film the pair in Cabo].

While guzzling tequila, Heidi drunkenly cheers, "¡Arriba!" - LOL - which somehow prompts Spencer to suggest that they run off together and get married in secret. Heidi replies with, "¡Loco en la cabeza!" - but Spencer insists that he's totally serious, then summons the waiter to ask for more tequila shots.

"Let's get married in secret."

"¡Arriba!"

Lauren, Lo, and Audrina arrive at Whitney's goodbye party, where her tearful parents toast her budding career in the fashion biz, while also keeping their fingers crossed that she'll be able to return to Los Angeles in the foreseeable future. Audrina, meanwhile, does her best to get Lauren and Lo interested in The Mysterious Disappearance of Heidi and Spencer - but since neither could give the tiniest of rat's asses about what Heidi and/or Spencer are up to, they react by shrugging disinterestedly.

Back in Cabo, Spencer tells Heidi he's very serious about them getting secretly married, mostly 'cause he wants their relationship "to go somewhere". Heidi calls the idea "so crazy" - but also looks as though she's warming up to the prospect of becoming the wife of a Chucky doll lookalike. Spencer creepily calls her his angel, and that he mostly wants to marry her in order to keep her away from the rest of the world...'cause, yeah, that's totally healthy and normal. Heidi naturally decides to throw all good sense to the wind and chirps, "Let's just go do it!" When the two start going at it, Spencer chucklingly tells her to save something for the honeymoon, to which Heidi saucily replies, "I'll show you what a wife does." Ew.

Lauren and Whitney get together for one last beverage summit at Lemonade. Whitney says she's nervous about making the move to New York, and wonders aloud how in blazes the process of transporting groceries to her home works: cab? bicycle? [spoiler: just carry your food home in a grocery bag, Whit]. She laments not knowing very many people in the Big Apple...and when Lauren assures her she'll make new, good friends, Whitney touchingly replies, "No one like you, though." She says it feels as though they've grown up together...and then the two chucklingly reminisce about their first day at Teen Vogue, when two of the magazine's stylists made fun of Whitney's "matchy matchy" get-up while needlessly altering their outfits so that they looked good for Lisa Love. Lauren tearfully says she never expected to get such a good friend out of that internship, and Whitney agrees that they were lucky to have found each other. After shedding a few more tears, the two get up, hug goodbye, and promise to stay in touch.

"How will I transport my New York groceries to my New York home?"

"Perhaps they have grocery bags on that strange planet."

The next morning, Heidi and Spencer dreamily call each other Mrs. and Mr. Pratt [a TV trope I really can't stand] ... and Spencer says he looooooves saying that and that he had planned their secret wedding at the time he booked this vacation. The two then watch footage of the aftermath of their secret [but also non-legally binding] ceremony on a tiny video camera screen (not sure why it was impossible to treat viewers to a more full-sized flashback of the momentous event), where the two can be seen milling in front of a chapel, drinking champagne and flashing their wedding bands. Heidi calls it romantic and "on a whim" - but admits that her mother is going to have a conniption. When Spencer suggests she simply not tell her, Heidi points out that a secret faux marriage is not something you can really hide for very long...even though I'm pretty sure that a person could probably do so indefinitely. Spencer rightly predicts that, yep, Darlene is definitely going to have some serious issues with the two of them pretending to wed, and Heidi stares at herself in the mirror with a morose expression on her poutish face. 

Whitney is headed to LAX - at the same time Heidi and Spencer are departing Cabo. A few seconds later, Whitney arrives at the airport and wistfully glances around at Los Angeles one last time. 

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