The Hills - Season 5, Episode 3

"I've decided to hire Stephanie as an intern - mostly for my personal amusement."

"I'm Done With You"
Original airdate: 4/13/2009

Episode summary: Heidi confronts Spencer about his flirty behavior towards Stacie and gives him an ultimatum. Stephanie interviews for an intern position at People's Revolution. 

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Recap: Stephanie drops by Casa Montag-Pratt to inform Spencer that she just got a text from Heidi, detailing how she ran into her ex-boyfriend (Colby) while she was in Crested Butte. Spencer says he knows all about her dating history with Colby, and that Darlene really really likes him. Stephanie asks him if he's still seeing the cute bartender from The Dime, and Spencer snappishly tells her it's none of her business...and that, furthermore, he's going to do whatever he damn well pleases. Stephanie warns that, to the contrary, he should be on his best behavior if he has any hope of winning Heidi back. 

Over at People's Revolution, Kelly Cutrone tells Lauren that she wants to hire a pretend intern now that Whitney is starring in The City spin-off, and asks if she has any friends at FIDM who might be interested in being part of this subplot. Lauren says she might know of someone [who's conveniently already on The Hills' payroll], and Kelly urges her to be careful who she refers - especially if they're a friend.

While lunching at a restaurant called Tart, Lauren tells Stephanie that People's Revolution is looking to hire a Hills cast member as an intern. Stephanie perks up at that and says she's definitely ready to leave her current internship, and Lauren advises her to get a few internships under her belt before she graduates...then offers to arrange for her to interview with Kelly Cutrone. 

Spencer enters his apartment and is surprised to see that Heidi has returned from Crested Butte. When she tells him that Darlene is appalled that they're having "bartender jealousy issues", he grumbles accusingly about her run-in with Colby. Heidi irritably explains that Colby just happened to enter the restaurant while she was dining with her family - which is a far cry from him doing shots with Stacie at a dive bar. The two then bicker back and forth...blah blah...until Heidi mutters, "I don't even want to talk to you anymore." Spencer huffs out of the room, leaving Heidi staring after him while shaking her head in dismay.

Stephanie arrives at People's Revolution for her interview. She hands Kelly her skimpy looking resume...and as Kelly glances at it with amusement, Stephanie gabbles about how it's her main goal in life to develop a handbag line - in a decade from now. Kelly chucklingly says, "You should be able to move quicker than that, honey" and tells her that as a faux intern, she'll have to do stuff like print labels. Stephanie stares back at her blankly, then, for whatever reason, pretends to know French - until Kelly starts trying to converse with her en français and gets another blank stare. Kelly firmly tells her that if she's going to be an intern for this staged MTV storyline, there are two main rules in her office:

• No crying
• No looking nervous

Stephanie bravely insists that she's ready for the challenge, and Kelly snort-laughs, "Not by this resume." Lol..

"Me no parle français, or have any idea how to print labels."

"In that case, you're definitely hired."

Spencer is driving his car with Charlie, who has his eyes closed as he grooves to the music on the car radio. Spencer cackles about how much fuuuuun they're going to have with Stacie and her posse at a new club (H. Wood). Charlie warns, "Don't get caught slippin'" ... and when Spencer says he don't slip, Charlie nonsensically mumbles, "You don't slip, you trip, you flip." Spencer grunts, "Woo woo.." and decides he likes the sound of flippin' better than slippin', then hits the gas pedal...and I have no idea what the difference between the two words are in this confoundingly illiterate context. 

Over dinner at Katsuya, Stephanie tells Heidi that her interview at People's Revolution was terrifying. Heidi swiftly changes the subject to Spencer and says she hasn't talked to him all day, so Stephanie suggests they head over to the likeliest club he and Charlie would be hanging at. 

Over at H. Wood, Spencer and Charlie are seated at a table with Stacie and two of her pretty gal pals, drinking and looking as though they're having a fantastic time. As Spencer cackles about how much he looooooves the chill vibe, Heidi and Stephanie arrive. Heidi marches over to where Spencer's sitting and growlingly demands to know, "What the fuck are you doing?" to which Spencer replies, "Hanging out with friends." An incredulous looking Heidi asks him if he's now dating Stacie...and when Charlie inserts himself and urges her to chillax, she snaps at him to mind his own business. When he continues to babble, Stephanie barks at him to shut up, calling him "the worst influence ever". Heidi sarcastically asks Spencer if she can join this little party, prompting Stephanie to whisper to her about what a slut Stacie is. Stacie's all, "Wha-a-at did you call me?", and Stephanie adds that, in addition to being a slut, she's also home wrecker. The two exchange insults and look as though they're gearing up for a cat fight - until Spencer yells at them to shut it. Heidi shoots him the stink-eye and firmly tells him she's done, and that he's not to call her or talk to her ever again. As she and Stephanie march off, Spencer stares after her, agape.

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Manufacturing some much needed Season 5 drama."

Heidi has decided to spend the night at Stephanie's apartment, and complains that Spencer has the audacity to flirt with Stacie while insinuating that she committed acts of hanky panky with Colby when she ran into him in Crested Butte last episode. She continues to weakly insist I'm done, and pretends to doubt that there's any future for the two of them. She puts on her best 'I'm soooo fed up' face as she rhetorically asks, "How many chances do you get?"

Back at People's Revolution, Kelly tells Lauren she thought it was pretty boneheaded of Stephanie to tell her that her life's goal is to design a line of handbags. Kelly then pretends to be very scared to faux hire such an obvious dumb-dumb, but then explains the need to provide a filming location for the MTV cameras by reasoning, "The interview was such a folly that she could be genius." [That she might, Kelly. That she might.] She warns Lauren that if Stephanie screws up, it's somehow going to reflect badly on her, and that she's going to have to be the one to fire her when things (predictably) go awry. Sounds like Kelly gets off on running a scarily toxic workplace...if, in fact, this were a real workplace.

Heidi meets up with Spencer at an outdoor patio restaurant and tells him that Stephanie suggested they undergo therapy, not least 'cause last night's run in with him and Stacie was utterly mortifying. Spencer says he's totes over the drama, and insists that he's only ever seen Stacie three times in his entire life. Heidi chides him for not even having the decency to apologize, then offers an ultimatum: get your shit together and agree to pre-marital therapy or else we're done forever. She then gets up and leaves, strutting down the street in a ridiculously high pair of stilettos. 

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