The Hills - Season 5, Episode 2

Spencer expresses an idle interest in pretending to want to hook up with Stacie

"Everything Happens for a Reason"
Original airdate: 4/6/2009

Episode summary: Heidi jets to Crested Butte to enjoy some drama-free time with her family. Lauren reprimands Stephanie for ruining her birthday yacht party. Spencer reaches out to Brody.

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Recap: Spencer drops by Stephanie's apartment to give her the what for for bringing Heidi to Lauren's birthday yacht party, knowing full well that she wasn't going to be welcomed with open arms by Lauren and her posse. Stephanie points out that she didn't force Heidi to attend...and that it didn't mean he needed to spend the evening at The Dime, flirting with Stacie. Spencer chides her for showing Heidi et. al. the text message she received from Cameron, mostly objecting to the lack of familial loyalty it demonstrated. Stephanie rolls her eyes about how old his constant talk of loyalty is getting, then declares that she's no longer going to put any effort into convincing Heidi that he's a good guy. She reminds him how readily he abandoned all of his friends to the point that he now has zero clue how to exist in the world without Heidi...and he retorts by bitchily urging her to figure out her own life before getting all up in his bidness, then storms out. 

Lauren tells Audrina and Lo that she enjoyed spending her birthday with her pals - but did not enjoy being trapped on a boat with Heidi aboard [while the MTV camera crew was conveniently on hand to film their crying hugs]. Lo admits it was "a good idea in theory", and insists that her/Audrina's original guest list did not include Heidi.

Heidi struts over to The Dime and identifies herself to Stacie as the fiancée of the malevolent Chucky doll lookalike who had come to the bar during the previous episode. Stacie pretends to think about to whom she's referring, then chucklingly mutters, "Oh...the fighter." She tells Heidi she had no idea Chucky was in a relationship, and dishes about how he had saucily asked what would incentivize her to dance atop the bar. She retroactively pretends that the comment made her feel very uncomfortable [even though it totally contradicts the MTV footage], and primly says she wouldn't want her fiancé behaving like that. As Heidi looks appropriately appalled, Stacie breezily chirps, "Good luck with that!" Lol..

"I was so aghast by his uncouthness that I said 'You sir are no gentleman.'"

"I'm fairly sure that you, miss, are no lady."

Spencer returns home to a visibly upset Heidi, who informs him that she went to The Dime and talked to Stacie, who confirmed that his behavior the other night was waaaaay out of line. When she references his comment about wanting Stacie to dance atop the bar, she wails, "How dare you disrespect me like that!" Spencer complains that she clearly doesn't trust him...and that ever since Season 3, he's been stuck in this apartment [they've both been pretending to live in], and hasn't so much as looked at another female. Heidi sarcastically apologizes for depriving him of enjoying the company of other women, then announces that she's off to Colorado to spend some much needed time with her family so that she can contemplate whether or not they have a future. Spencer sourly wishes her a great trip...and to say hey to Darlene.

Heidi arrives at her parents' house in Crested Butte, CO...and the downhill ski trails look utterly fantastic. Darlene (Heidi's mom) looks thrilled to see her, and lends a sympathetic ear as Heidi complains about how frustrating her life with Spencer can be. She then shares some rare good news: she went to Lauren's birthday yacht party, where they conversed like old friends again...after learning that Spencer had punched Cameron for sending Stephanie a text about his brazen flirting with Stacie. Darlene's all, "Nooooooo...", calls that "not OK", and points out that Spencer is the common denominator of all the shitty things going on in her life. Darlene then remarks on how huge it is that her fractured relationship with Lauren is finally starting to improve. 

At a fabric store, Lauren and Stephanie are browsing swatches for an upcoming FIDM project. Lauren looks bored by the errand and complains that her birthday party was far more drama-filled that it needed to be [surely the MTV producers would disagree], and Stephanie fibs and says it was Heidi who had insisted on crashing the party. She then says it's sooooo confounding for her to grasp why she can't just get along with Heidi, so Lauren growlingly reminds her about how intensely she haaaaates the lowlife Heidi seems determined to hitch herself to. She chides Stephanie for not dissuading Heidi from crashing the party and maybe suggesting a dinner instead...and when Stephanie murmurs that she would never agree to have dinner with Heidi, Lauren's like, "Exactly!" and asks her why she'd then assume Heidi would be welcome at her birthday party. Stephanie coos about how desperately Heidi wants her best friend back, to which Lauren snappishly retorts, "You have to stop pushing it on me!", makes it clear that she's not kidding around, and that it's very unfair to have Heidi being constantly pushed on her. 

"Heidi forced me at gunpoint to bring her to your party."

"One less Stephanie would still be preferable to forcibly celebrating my birthday with Heidi."

Spencer summons Brody to meet up with him at Cafe Muse to update him on The Stacie/Cameron's Text Situation and to grimly report that Heidi fled to Colorado to spend time with Darlene, who prolly hates him as much as Lauren does. Brody says he's of the opinion that he should mostly be annoyed at Heidi for believing that he flirted with Stacie, then urges him to regain his independence and indulge in some clubbing after being cooped up with Heidi 24/7. Spencer stares into space as he mutely contemplates his possible future status as an individual person.

That evening in Crested Butte, Heidi is having dinner with Darlene and Tim (her stepdad) at Timberline (the family's restaurant) and talking about Colby (Heidi's wholesome ex-boyfriend). By scripted coincidence, Colby enters the restaurant a few seconds later, joins the Montags at their table, and reminisces about the pre-Hills days of yore. Darlene beams like a smitten schoolgirl as she gushes at Colby for being crowned Colorado's wrestling champion, cackles, "You were the stud of your high school!", then sighs, "I love you, Colby." A dismayed Heidi's like, "Easy there, ma" and chimes in to share that Spencer just got his purple belt in jujitsu...to which Darlene wryly adds that, yeah, he also recently got into a bar fight. Darlene makes it clear to Colby that she's still holding out hope that he and Heidi might end up together, and squeals happily when Colby confirms that he's not yet engaged to anyone. 

"Would you do me the honor of replacing my daughter's shitty boyfriend with yourself?"

"Consider me Spencer 6.0."

Lauren meets up with Brody at the Avalon Hotel to further discuss Heidi's unwanted presence at her birthday yacht party. Lauren says she's very annoyed at Stephanie for bringing her, and irritably says she clearly missed the part where she had fully consented to resume her friendship with Heidi. Brody tells her that Heidi is in Colorado, and that Spencer called him 'cause he has no other friends to whom he can complain about the state of his relationship...and Lauren chews on that for a few seconds and points out the irony of both Heidi and Spencer having no other options but to reach out to the two people they "burned". 

Heidi is standing on her parents' balcony, staring out at the snowy slopes when Darlene joins her with two cups of cocoa. Heidi coos about how drama free and relaxing this trip has been, and that it was also nice to catch up with Colby last night. Darlene remarks on how grounded she always seems when she's back in Crested Butte, and worries that when she's in L.A., she spends sooooo much of her time with Spencer. Heidi prickles at the notion that Spencer has power over her - but Darlene insists that she's more influenced by him that she probably realizes...and that there are too many things they still don't know about each other. Heidi concurs, then says it's definitely a good thing that they only got faux married in Mexico at the end of Season 4. 

Spencer and Charlie are back at The Dime, guzzling tequila shots with Stacie. Spencer tells Stacie that Heidi went to Colorado to visit her family, and that he doesn't even know if they're still a couple. Stacie's all, "Wow - well, I thought she was nuts" [mmm...did you though?], then joins a three-way toast to 'no crazy girlfriends!' Stacie gigglingly points out that drinking tequila can solve any problem...and when Spencer asks her if there's going to be a next time they enjoy over-drinking together. Stacie shoots him her best attempt at a sultry stare and coquettishly mumbles, "I dunno..? It's up to you." As Spencer wonders aloud what they should do about it being the end of the evening, the edited footage makes it look as if the two are just staring mutely at each other with faint hints of wanton desire etched across their faces.

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