The Hills - Season 4, Episode 8

"This lost puppy of a girl keeps texting me about DVD night...though, admittedly, I usually do enjoy her selections."

"Don't Act Innocent"
Original airdate: 9/28/2008

Episode summary: Doug throws Stephanie under the bus when the Hills posse learns about their restaurant outings. Heidi's mom is unimpressed with Spencer's behavior during a one-on-one lunch.

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Recap: Lauren and Whitney are working out with Jarett, aka the annoyingly chatty trainer from Season 3's "With This Ring..." episode. Lauren tells Whitney it's been confirmed that Stephanie went out to dinner with Doug - egads! - and for some reason Jarrett weighs in by expressing his needless opinion that it was definitely not cool of Stephanie to dine out with a friend's ex...even though "ex" is prolly far too strong a descriptor for the seemingly flaccid connection that existed between Doug and Lauren for barely two episodes.

The next day at FIDM, Stephanie seats herself beside Lauren and asks her whassup, so Lauren tells her she heard about her dinner date with Doug, then comes right and accusingly asks, "What are you doing?" Stephanie explains that the invitation came out of left field, and that she suspects Doug is using her as a form of revenge after being dumped by her (Lauren) ... and then goes on to assure Lauren that she deleted his contact info from her phone and hasn't returned his many calls. Lauren asks her if she's attending Doug's barbecue party later this episode, and Stephanie says she is...and when Lauren shoots her a bewildered stink-eye and asks her why she'd go to his barbecue after deleting his info from her phone, Stephanie spacily points out that the barbecue was planned weeks ago...and that one can only assume the Hills producers are making her go. Lauren reacts by staring confusedly into space, as if she's not starring on a reality show that's in the business of manufacturing contrived drama wherever possible.

Darlene (Heidi's mom) is in Los Angeles and drops by Casa Pratt/Montag to surprise her daughter. Heidi hugs her hello, as does Spencer, who looks visibly put off by her unexpected visit. Darlene shoots Spencer the side-eye and chides Heidi for not informing her that he moved back into the apartment, and Heidi poutishly replies that she didn't feel like being judged for making that befuddling life decision. Darlene chews on that for a few seconds, then invites Spencer to spend some quality time with her over lunch, and he grins like an idiot and says he knows some great lunch places. 

While out on a coffee date - double egads! - at Bella, Doug assures Stephanie that if she gets any crap about them being out at a restaurant together, he'll back her up and insist to the rest of the posse that she did nothing wrong. He says they should be able to hang out whenever they want, and that he hasn't told Brody or Frankie about their get-togethers 'cause he doesn't think it's a big deal. With that said, he asks her what she's doing after this...and the two grinningly decide to make it another DVD night. Hmm hmm...

"If anyone gives you shit about dining out with me, I have your back."

"Can I get that in writing?"

At People's Revolution, Lauren tells Whitney that the contrived outrage she's been experiencing over the Doug/Stephanie Dining Out Situation has been largely brushed under the rug by the perpetrators, and that Stephanie is planning to attend Doug's barbecue. Whitney says she's being forced by the producers to make a rare appearance at this Hills event, and Lauren chucklingly predicts that she's really going to haaaaate Doug. 

Brody drops by Doug's house and chides him for being a shady guy...so Doug faux explains that he merely wanted to be friends with Stephanie, who keeps "hittin' me up". To provide misleading evidence of this falsehood, he shows Brody a text he got from Stephanie, mocking her invitation to get together for DVD night [which he seemed totes into, two scenes ago] ... then bloviates about how Stephanie was "out of her mind in Vegas", and that when he was nice to her, she blew it all out of proportion. Brody warns him that "Lauren's trippin'", to which Doug points out that she was the one who dumped him [for good reason, clearly], then says that both Lauren and Stephanie are scheduled to be at his barbecue. He cacklingly tells Brody he hopes he doesn't make Stephanie cry again, and Brody shrugs unconcernedly and coldly retorts, "If she cries, she cries. It's not my fault."

Over lunch at the Bloom Cafe, Darlene thanks Spencer for allowing Holly to crash at the apartment for a little while, and Spencer clarifies that Heidi is the one allowing it, and he's not at all fond of the idea. Darlene points out that it's a temporary arrangement until Holly can get back on her feet - but Spencer argues that he suspects Holly's intention is to get him outa there so that she and Heidi can cohabitate without him. Darlene visibly lights up at that prospect and says she'd definitely be on board with that idea, then asks him why he feels the need to live with Heidi so soon after pretending to get back together. Spencer smarmily says he loooooves that Heidi welcomed him back into their home and that she doesn't feel the need to get her family's permission to make these kinds of life decisions, and goes on to suggest that perhaps she no longer gives the tiniest rat's ass about her parents' opinion. Darlene glares back at him and calls him controlling and manipulative, adding that she doesn't say this to make him uncomfortable. He smilingly replies, "I don't get uncomfortable, my dear"... and when an incredulous looking Darlene calls him out for being "condescending, rude, and very hostile right now", he tells her she's taking this nonsensical conversation entirely the wrong way.

"I've strongly urged Heidi to not give a shit about her family's opinion of me."

"I'm running out of unflattering descriptors to throw at you."

Barbecue party! The Hills posse arrives at Doug's place...and, for whatever reason, Doug decides it'd be a good idea to cannonball it in the pool and drench the gals, resulting in Whitney getting completely soaked. As she dries herself off, Doug offers an apology - but she dismissively retorts, "I don't even know you...and I don't wanna." Hee! Brody, meanwhile, ambles over to where Stephanie is lounging and tells her she's got a lot of nerve, showing her face at this party. He pompously adds that he's been right about her all along, and that he saw the text messages she's been sending to Doug about invitations to DVD night. Stephanie denies that she's been pursuing Doug - but Brody makes it clear he ain't buying it and snarls, "Don't pretend to be innocent when you're not." As she gets up and flees the pool area, Whitney remarks to Lauren that it's inappropriate for Brody to be publicly admonishing Stephanie like that - but Lauren's just like 'whatever' and begs Whitney to take her with her if she finds herself wanting to leave this train wreck of a barbecue party early. 

While dining out together at Tart, Heidi tells her mom that lately she's been sooooo busy with her pretend Bolthouse job, then changes the subject and says she's annoyed that Holly was the one who broke the news about her and Spencer moving back in together. Darlene says she's definitely disappointed that she didn't hear it directly from her, then complains about how rude and condescending Spencer was during their lunch. Heidi pretends to look completely bemused by that revelation and asks what specifically he said, so Darlene tells her he was sarcastic and didn't show her an ample amount of respect. She then tears up and expresses her concern about Spencer not liking it when she spends time with her family, and sadly points out to Heidi that, pre-Spencer, they never used to argue like this. A few seconds later, she inexplicably back pedals and admits to maybe being too controlling, and explains that it's hard to see her daughter be so enamoured of an insufferable Chucky doll lookalike - but concedes that if this relationship makes her happy, then so fucking be it. 

Stephanie hides out in Doug's bedroom, the walls of which are adorned with various framed portraits of Doug that I can only assume Doug thought would be a good idea to hang. She sits on the edge of the bed...and the way the footage is edited, she appears to eavesdrop on the conversation that is now occurring in the pool area:

Brody tells Lauren that Stephanie is shady for texting Doug, while Doug argues that he doesn't get why it's the crime of the century to have dinner with a friend. When Lauren says she thinks there was more to their dinner than platonic friendship, Doug claims that he was merely trying to be nice to this lost puppy of a girl, who he suddenly wants nothing to do with. Lauren remarks that for someone who thinks he did nothing wrong, he's spending a lot of time defending it - and Doug proceeds to downplay his dinner + coffee meet-up with Stephanie, to which Lauren responds by exclaiming, "You went out for coffee too?!" LOL. Doug says he doesn't get why the two of them dining out together has become such a big fucking deal, and reminds her that she's nothing more than his ex-fling... and Lauren squeals in protest at being labelled an ex-fling and beats a hasty retreat from the pool area. Frankie and Brody hang back to tell Doug he prolly shouldn't have gone out with Stephanie to any restaurant for any reason - but Doug continues to insist that he did nothing wrong.

The only thing more wondrous than a framed sketch of oneself..

..is a framed photograph of oneself

Lauren heads over to the bedroom to check on a tearful Stephanie, who vows that she no longer wants to hang with the posse if Brody and/or Doug are present. Lauren agrees that Brody is definitely a lost cause, but says she's still of the opinion that she (Stephanie) and Doug did something they shouldn't have done. She then stares at Stephanie with a look of weary incredulity and murmurs, "I didn't know you went out for coffee too" ... and when Stephanie tries to explain the general nothingness of her coffee date with Doug that no one in their right mind would give even the tiniest of shits about, Lauren cuts her off and storms out of the room looking irked. She then gathers her purse to leave this wretched barbecue party, while Stephanie remains in Doug's bedroom, sadly staring at the floor. 

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