The Hills - Season 4, Episode 10

"I'm very invested in not hurting Justin's feelings whenever he calls to ask whassup."

"Who To Choose?"
Original airdate: 10/12/2008

Episode summary: Spencer gives Heidi an ultimatum: kick Holly out of the apartment or he's moving out. Audrina resumes dating Corey the Australian. The Hills posse heads to Malibu for a swanky pool party.

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Recap: Audrina dishes to Lauren about her latest (re-purposed) squeeze, Corey the Australian, last seen in Season 3's Once a Player episode. She gushes about how much she likes likes him, and that she hasn't told Justin about him 'cause he always makes her feel guilty for going on dates with other guys - despite the fact that he regularly carries on with God knows how many other women. She calls Justin "a weird one", and Lauren somehow suppresses the urge to say that that just might be the biggest understatement in the history of Hills understatements.

Spencer has summoned Stephanie to meet up with him at Karma coffeehouse to grumble about how much he haaaaates Holly and Darlene. He adds that he's still miffed about how Darlene called him manipulative and controlling and then complained that Heidi doesn't tell her any personal stuff anymore. Spencer mumbles, "Settle down, stalker mom" ... then calls Holly "the mooch of the century", 'cause all she does is lounge atop the couch and watch TV, which is in direct conflict with his desire to spend all day lounging atop the couch and watching TV. He credits Stephanie for not being as bad as he's made her out to be this season, in comparison to Holly...then bitchily dishes that Heidi wrote Lauren an apology letter, something she kept a secret from him until Holly blew the whistle on the whole thing. When he gripes that Holly has thrown "some wrenches in this machine", Stephanie warns about how foolhardy it is to go to war with Heidi's family, so he whines that they started it "when they came out here and bombed me like Pearl Harbor" - 'cause, yeah, that's remotely comparable - then moans about how desperately he wants Holly to move out of the apartment asap. Stephanie strongly advises him to convince Heidi to be the one to kick her sister out, and he gives that idea a big thumbs up. 

"I think of myself as Pearl Harbor and Heidi's family as the Japanese Navy."

"That might be the stupidest thing that's ever spilled out of your mouth."

Over at People's Revolution, Lauren invites Whitney to a party in Malibu this weekend 'cause it seems as though the entire Hills gang is required to be in attendance...and adds that Audrina is taking the opportunity to bring along Corey. She says she's definitely Team Corey, then chuckles about Audrina's low bar in that she's so pathetically grateful that Corey actually returns her calls and doesn't stand her up, and Whitney agrees that that kind of courtesy should be expected from any prospective suitor. 

Over dinner at Woo Lae Oak, Corey tells Audrina that soon he'll be headed back to Australia for Christmas, then changes the subject and asks her if she's mostly single these days. She tells him she's been chillin' with a few other guys, including Justin, though not so much lately. Corey says he just got out of a five year relationship and is "stress free, just cruisin'" ... and when Audrina invites him to the Malibu party, he seems totes into being her plus one.

The next morning, Audrina is getting Corey a bowl of cereal when Lauren enters the kitchen and looks delighted to see him rather than Justin. She's further delighted when she learns that Corey will be escorting Audrina to the Malibu party...and then Audrina takes another bold step forward and invites Corey to the Hills posse's upcoming trip to Cabo. 

As Holly lounges on the couch and watches TV, Spencer and Heidi are in the bedroom, getting ready to go to brunch. Spencer tells Heidi he most definitely doesn't want to invite Holly along, then makes it clear that he wants the mooch outa the apartment asap. Heidi wrings her hands, reminds him that he squatted on Stephanie's couch for two months when they fake broke up, and moans about how hard it is to give a family member the boot. Spencer implores to her to not allow Holly to impose herself on them a moment longer [while completely ignoring his own history of imposing on Stephanie], then delivers the ultimatum: "It's either her, or it's me."

"If Holly stays, me and my Xbox are outa here."

"You say that like it's a disincentive."

Malibu party! The Hills posse arrives at the swanky house - that looks to be populated by a large group of bikini-clad randos we've never seen before - and Audrina is in the pool with Corey, both of whom look extremely canoodley while lounging on a pink pool floatie. Frankie asks Lauren whassup with Audrina's new fella, then explains that he's only asking 'cause he wants to invite Justin to come along on their upcoming Cabo trip, as well as to the party they're currently at. Lauren implores him to please not fucking do either of those things - but Frankie ignores her desperate pleas, dials Justin's number, and leaves an incoherently contradictory message about how great/totally lame this Malibu party is. When Audrina ambles over, Frankie asks her which guy she's bringing to Cabo...and when she firmly says she's going by herself (despite having invited Corey along in a previous scene), Frankie frets about what he's supposed to tell Justin when he calls to ask about Cabo. Audrina shrugs disinterestedly and says that after four years of getting jerked around by him, she's finally found a guy who's reasonably nice to her and returns her phone calls...and Frankie's all, "Blah blah.." and informs her that Brody apparently threw all caution and good taste to the wind and invited Justin to party with them in Cabo. LOL.

The next day, Lauren, her pooch, and Audrina hike in the hills and discuss the pros and cons of Justin versus Corey. Audrina says that Justin has been calling her more than usual 'cause he must have heard that she's happily dating someone else. In a valiant effort to not appear anti-Justin, however much she'd probably love it if the obtuse slob would just permanently vanish from their lives, Lauren pronounces, "Things are still fun and new with Corey, but I don't think Justin's going anywhere." That he isn't, Lauren. That he isn't. 

Out on the terrace of Casa Pratt/Montag, Heidi tells Holly it's time they figure out somewhere else for her to live...and when Holly stupidly asks why, Heidi reminds her that this arrangement was only supposed to be a week or two, and that she was supposed to use the time to actively search for a job and/or apartment of her own - not just lazily lounge on the couch all day, Spencer-style. A miffed Holly asks if she expects her to go live on the street, and Heidi's like, "Dunno" and dismissively says she can't figure her life out for her at the expense of sacrificing her relationship with her malevolent Chucky doll look-alike of a boyfriend. Holly says she doesn't get why it has to be one or the other, so Heidi tells her about his ultimatum and helplessly asks, "What am I supposed to do?" before sauntering inside. 

"You need to find a home of your own."

"I'd much prefer to continue pretending to do that from the comfort of your couch."

Audrina is hanging with Justin by the pool of her house, and - interestingly - he's still being tagged by MTV with the title Audrina's boyfriend. After sipping some wine, Justin tells her he'd like it if she slipped into the pool so he can creepily watch her swim, and she obliges by stripping off her sarong and tank top and lowering herself into the water. She then strips off her bikini while staring at him coquettishly...and after a few seconds, he joins her. When the topic of Cabo comes up, Justin mumblingly gives her a heads up, "I'm going to get in trouble" and then cackles like a demented person...and when Audrina laughingly calls him an ass, he declares, "It's on now!" When she asks him what he means by that [and asks as though he's capable of delivering any kind of coherent response], he nonsensically says he gets to use his hall pass, to which she mumbles that it doesn't really matter 'cause she shouldn't care...and then the two chuckle, canoodle, and kiss before he swims away and giggles, "I'll see you in Cabo!"

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