The Hills - Season 3, Episode 17

Any non-Justin guy Audrina goes out with gets a five star rating from Lauren

"Once a Player"
Original airdate: 12/3/2007

Episode summary: Lauren is bummed when Brody leaves her Halloween party early. Heidi and Spencer continue to clash over their wedding planning. Audrina starts dating an Australian named Corey.

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Recap: Lauren is at a restaurant with Brody, who's brazenly checking out every attractive woman who ambles past their table. He asks Lauren if she's talked to Jen Bunney lately...and she says she has, and that Jen is coming to her Halloween party. She jokes about how the two of them can hang out again, then gets visibly peeved when he continues to ogle women.

The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren chats with Whitney about her upcoming Halloween party. She says that Audrina has invited Justin's replacement to attend, and clarifies that Brody and Frankie (as opposed to her and Brody) will be dressing up as a distinct twosome. She then says she's not sure exactly what's going on with Brody, who she considers a good guy but has a roving eye. Whitney agrees that he's a shameless playboy and tells Lauren she doesn't need to be another notch on his bedpost...even though she can sense a lot of chemistry between them whenever she's in their presence. 

Heidi summons Stephanie over to her apartment to gripe about her latest wedding planning argument with Spencer, who once again stormed out and stayed away all night. She laments how much all of this contrived sparring is tearing them apart, wonders aloud if they should postpone the wedding, and asks Stephanie not to mention any of this to Spencer. Stephanie's like, "Of course" ... and by of course she means that naturally she and the MTV camera crew are going to track Spencer down asap so that she can be filmed blabbing to her brother everything they just talked about. 

"Please don't tell Spencer that we had this conversation."

"I will translate that to mean I should do the exact opposite."

Hillside Villas Halloween party! Lauren is decked out as a cute flapper, while Brody and Frankie show up as Batman and Robin - which Whitney jokes seems more like a Siegfried & Roy coupling. LOL. A few seconds later, Audrina's date Corey, who's dressed up as a sailor, arrives and is introduced to The Hills gang. After much drinking and party game playing, Brody and Frankie bid Lauren adieu 'cause they're off to another party...and as they depart, Lauren makes a show of letting out a long, disappointed sigh.

The next morning, Audrina and Lauren clean up after the party and agree that it was kind of a bummer that Brody and Frankie left so early. Lauren then changes the subject to Corey and says he seems like a great guy, and that she appreciates the way he made an effort to talk to all of the partygoers.

Stephanie accompanies Spencer to a paper store to pick up the Save the Date cards Heidi had ordered. Stephanie then drops the bombshell that Heidi was really freaked out by their most recent argument and is mulling over whether or not they should even be getting married right now. Spencer's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and decides to scrap plans to pick up the Save the Date cards and instead expend his energy clearing the air with his beloved.

Audrina and Corey go out for dinner at Katana, where they chat about Australia and their mutual desire to go snowboarding sometime. As they finish up their dinner, Corey asks her what she wants to do next, then kind of winks when he suggests, "Go home?" and Audrina just stares back at him with an inscrutable blank stare. 

"So, your place or mine?"

While dining out at a fancy restaurant, Lo apologizes to Lauren for missing the Halloween party on account of her midterms, and Lauren's all, "Whaddya gonna do?" and tells her that it kinda sucked that Brody and Frankie left her party so early. Lo asks her if she wants to be more than friends with Brody, and Lauren pretends to consider that possibility and says that what she'd like to have happen is for Brody to not want to see or ogle other girls and direct all of his non-platonic affection onto her.

The next day at Hillside Villas, Audrina tells Lauren that her date with Corey went well...and that she'd gotten so used to Justin's assholery that she's somewhat weirded out by how nicely she's being treated by her new love interest. Lauren wants more details - like, did they kiss...and, if so, was it a passionate type smooch? Audrina admits that they did kiss, which was nice after being with Justin, who doesn't like kissing, practicing personal hygiene, or behaving in public like a reasonably mature adult. Lauren amusedly summarizes why Corey is a definite upgrade from the Disheveled Dimwit:

• He returns her phone calls
• He bathes with regularity
• He enjoys kissing

Heidi asks Spencer why he seems to glum, so he asks her what the status of their wedding plans are, then explains that Stephanie stopped him from buying Save the Date cards for a wedding she assumes is on hold. Heidi says it's really none of Stephanie's business, to which Spencer points out that she made it her business when she called her over to use her as a sounding board to air their contrived pre-wedding woes. Heidi says she's increasingly miffed that he doesn't seem to want a big wedding, knowing full well that her heart is set on hosting a grand affair with lots of friends and family in attendance. She then reminds him that he was the one who pushed her to move in with him, hastily proposed marriage, and created a situation so toxic that she had little choice but to give up everything for their relationship. An indignant Spencer's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!" and says that he too has given up hanging with his homies...and bitches and moans about how he has sacrificed everything to be home with her 24/7. He then gets so fed up with the conversation that he makes a beeline towards the door...and Heidi yells, "If you leave, don't come back!" and throws a book at the door [though too late to bean him on the back of the head].

"I gave up all my friends to be in this relationship."

"And I gave up every scrap of dignity I ever had when I was cast as the villain of this reality show."

Lauren and Brody arrive at Off Vine for a fancy dinner out and begin their date discussing Audrina and her new, non-Justin-esque fella. Lauren says that so far she likes Corey and hopes that Audrina will be strong enough to permanently stay away from Justin. She adds that sometimes a particular guy isn't good for a girl...and then the conversation steers to the topic of Brody's phone, specifically the the vast number of girls' numbers he has stored on the device. He hands it to her so that she can scan through the very long list, which includes an entry for Britney Canada Whore. He says, in his defence, that the phone list is an accumulation of many years of slutty playboying, and assures her that those girls mean nothing to him. Lauren shrugs and says, "You can do whatever you want", and Brody tentatively suggests that she could maybe give him some sort of signal...but when Lauren scrunches her face all faux confusedly about what in blazes he's talking about, they both drop the matter and exchange blank, bummed out stares. 

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