Recap: In the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren gives Whitney a brief recap of what happened during the previous episode in Vegas: she kissed Brody and argued with Audrina. A few seconds later, she gets a text from Jen Bunney, who tells her she has something she desperately needs to share with her. After the opening credits, Lauren arrives home and tells Audrina about the text from Jen...then says it prompted her to be self-reflective about her general judgeyness over her friends' abysmal taste in men. She admits to still being broken from all of the Heidi/Spencer toxicity that unfolded throughout Season 2, and that she truly thought she was doing the right thing by repeatedly urging Heidi to date literally anyone but the malevolent Chucky doll lookalike - but it ended up having the opposite effect and drove Heidi out of Hillside Villas and into the dipshit's arms. Lauren says she doesn't want to go down that route a second time, and is determined to shut up about what an insufferable cockwomble Justin is and do her best to pretend to be happy for her as she deludes herself into thinking that he's actually capable of a normal relationship. She sheepishly says sorry, and Audrina smilingly accepts her apology.
While out shopping, Lauren tells Lo she apologized to Audrina for her part in the Justin-related drama in Vegas, but Lo just sneers and snarks, "Justin's a loser, whatever." LOL. Lauren changes the subject and informs Lo that she's agreed to meet up with Jen Bunney for lunch, and Lo urges caution 'cause she doesn't want her to suffer any more social misery at the hands of "that mean girl". At Bolthouse, Brent summons Heidi into his office to ask whassup with the contrived emergency associated with Friday's event, so Heidi explains that when Elodie didn't show up as promised, she dropped everything to rush over and resolve the faux crisis. Brent brusquely informs her, "Elodie doesn't work here anymore, but you do", and that next time she wants to rope someone into covering for her so that she can canoodle with Spencer over candlelight, she needs to communicate this to him and/or his co-manager, Jennifer. He reminds her that she pretended to fight for this job and therefore needs to be 100% on her game, and a chastened Heidi assures him that this kind of staged incompetence won't happen again. Unless, of course, The Hills producers don't think they've fished that lake dry yet.
Lauren meets Jen Bunney for lunch...and the two warmly greet each other and quickly get caught up on each other's lives. Lauren asks her why she summoned her to this tête-à-tête, so Jen reports that Heidi is going around claiming that Brody was the main instigator of the rumor surrounding the Lauren/Jason sex tape [that clearly never existed or it would have circulated on the Internet by now] ... then just kind of shrugs and says, "I don't know. I don't want to get involved." Lauren scrunches her face into an expression of skepticism and says that that makes zero sense 'cause she's always been fairly good friends with Brody and doesn't believe he would do such a heinous thing...but that it makes a lot of sense for Heidi to blame the rumor-spreading on someone who's not her or Spencer.
Lauren returns to Hillside Villas and tells Audrina that her lunch with Jen went fine, and that Jen told her all about Heidi's accusation against Brody. Audrina frowns and points out that Brody has never been one to stir up trouble, and Lauren concurs and says she's having dinner with him tonight and will, for once and for all, clear up the lingering confusion surrounding The Sex Tape That Never Was. As Heidi primps in her bathroom, Spencer expresses annoyance that Brent admonished her when it was Elodie who "sniped" her out. Heidi agrees that the kerfuffle wasn't her fault, and Spencer's like, "Lesson learned" and says that this contrived incident proves that the various peripheral characters on The Hills really can't be trusted. Over at Venice Bistro, Audrina and Justin are shooting pool and gushing about how much more peaceful it is whenever they hang out sans the rest of The Hills gang. Justin grumbles about how static-y things get when the others are around, and Audrina tells him that Lauren apologized for acting so judgey and disapproving about the two of them coupling and promised to give her her space. Justin mumbles, "Things should be happy, and blissful and mellow" 'cause life's too short for reality show type drama - even though nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to be a reality show cast member - and Audrina hopes that Lauren will get distracted by something sparking up between her and Brody. Justin shrugs disinterestedly, 'cause it's clear he couldn't give even the tiniest of rat's asses 'bout Lauren's or Brody's love life, then gushes at Audrina when she wins at pool. That evening, Lauren and Brody have dinner together, toast their platonic friendship, and agree that they thoroughly enjoyed all the cuddling they indulged in in Vegas. Lauren then gets down to the business of informing him that Heidi is now claiming he was the one who started the sex tape rumor, and Brody replies by shaking his head incredulously and saying, "She's lost her mind." Lauren implores him to be honest with her about who started the rumor about The Sex Tape That Never Was and come clean with what he knows...so after some hemming and hawing about how reluctant he is to get involved in any of this, he admits, "I know 100% fact that they did it." Lauren looks satisfied at finally learning the full truth and thanks him for his honesty.
The next day in the Teen Vogue closet office, Lauren tells Whitney the latest about sex tape-gate, and that she never believed Brody was the rumor spreader, given that he has a strong track record of never bad-mouthing people with whom he's become estranged. When Whitney asks her if she thinks Heidi was involved, Lauren says she thinks the likeliest scenario is that Heidi at least knew about it and didn't object. She then says the next thing on her to do list is to text Jen Bunney and ask her to stop spreading the rumor that Brody spread a rumor about a non-existent sex tape that neither she nor Jason ever filmed. Jen Bunney meets up with Heidi at Cheebo to update her on her lunch with Lauren, adding that it's helped smooth things over between them. An envious looking Heidi says she'd loooove to put all of this acrimony behind them, but Jen says that putting a sex tape rumor in front of millions of people has made for a very sticky situation...then informs her that Brody has denied to Lauren that he had anything to do with it and put the blame squarely on her and Spencer. Jen comes right out and asks her if she had anything to do with sex tape-gate, and Heidi immediately gets defensive and says she should know better than to confront her with that, unhappily mumbles, "I can't believe you're coming at me like this", and asks the waitress for the check.
Heidi returns home and tells Spencer that Brody insists that he's the one who started the sex tape rumor, and Spencer rolls his eyes and snarks, "He's such a little bitch." Heidi says she's deeply annoyed at Jen for asking her if she knew anything about it, not least 'cause she's remained friends with her while Lauren shunned her for nearly a year. Spencer calls Brody shady...but when Heidi says it's soooo sad that the wrong person is being blamed for the rumor, he just stares back at her with a smirky grin that strongly suggests that, in fact, the correct person is being blamed for the rumor. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGERecapper: Isabel K. French
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