"Julie's Old Flame / The Jinx / The Identical Problem"
Original airdate: 11/10/1977
Episode summary: Julie reconnects with an old flame who used to cheat with her on his wife. Doc unwittingly romances twins who are pretending to be the same person. Gopher is convinced that a husband and wife who survived the Titanic are jinxed.
Recap: Doc is hanging with Julie when he spots a bookish brunette woman board the ship and giddily natters about how hot she is. The woman ambles over and checks in with Julie as Ellen Edwards and makes it clear to the horned-up Doc that she has zero interest in indulging in any kind of cruise-ship fling with him.
An elderly couple named Horace and Henrietta McDonald check in with Gopher and tell him they were married on the Titanic, and Gopher's all, "Wow, kewl!" before tripping over a pile of luggage while fetching a brochure for Horace.
Doc ogles who he assumes is Ellen Edwards and smarmily tells her he'd like to escort her to her cabin, and she perks up at the offer and says she'd be delighted.
Captain Stubing ambles over to the crew to wish them all a good morning - just as Julie spots a handsome male passenger about to board, cries, "Ack!", and flees.
Ellen Edwards turns out to be the twin sister of Helen Edwards - what kind of idiot parents name their twins Ellen and Helen? - and it looks as if the two are defrauding The Pacific Princess by travelling on one ticket, aka pretending to be the same person. Helen reminds Ellen to take off her eye glasses whenever she leaves the cabin, and the two arrange to use an ill-thought-out synchronized watch alarm system to ensure that each twin has equal time to publicly enjoy the cruise.
Julie is glancing over the passenger list and happens to come across the name Buddy Stanfield. She then opens her wallet, pulls out a photo of the man she saw earlier, and tosses it into the garbage.
Gopher's arm injury from falling atop the luggage is so serious that he's now wearing a sling. He tells Isaac he blames the McDonalds who married aboard the Titanic 'cause he believes that people who survive shipwrecks are automatically jinxed. Isaac breezily says to not blame his clumsiness on the McDonalds...then heads across the deck and accidentally tumbles into the pool on his way to deliver drinks to the couple. Womp womp!
Julie drops by Doc's office to dish about her past connection to Buddy Stanfield, but abruptly zips it when she sees that Captain Stubing is in the room. When the Captain insists she spill the beans on whatever's bothering her so that he can dispense any life advice she might need, she decides 'ah what the hell?' and tells the two she met Buddy in Paris three years ago, hooked up with him and had the best three-week-long doinkfest of her life...then followed him to Los Angeles, where she only saw him two nights a week 'cause - [no] surprise - he turned out to be a married man. She says he currently appears to be travelling alone and wants advice on what she should do - but then supplies answers to her own questions. She declares that she plans to handle the matter in "a grown up, mature fashion" and thanks the Captain for his mute helpfulness.
Isaac comes to Doc's office to get treated for a sore neck from his tumble in the pool, and Gopher chuckles and attributes his injury to the jinxed Titanic couple. A few seconds later, Horace and Henrietta enter the exam room to see if Isaac is OK, and Doc assures them he's fine and sends them on their way. Once they're out of earshot, Doc chides Gopher for referring to the sweet couple as a jinx, then gets struck on the head by the door when Horace re-enters the exam room for no real reason.
Julie runs into Buddy Stanfield while on the elevator...and when Captain Stubing also enters and makes small talk with her, she alters her voice to sound gravelly so that Buddy won't recognize it. After Captain Stubing exits the elevator, Buddy says he'd know that perfume anywhere, then shoots her a sultry gaze while purring, "Hi baaaaaby."
Helen Edwards finds herself assigned to a dinner table with a couple who's smoochily dry humping each other - just as Doc, who's now wearing a bandage on his forehead, wanders over and invites himself to join her. Helen orders rare roast beef a couple of seconds before her watch alarm goes off, and explains to Doc that she has to take an allergy pill right now. She rushes back to the cabin to pass the baton to Ellen, but warns her to keep away from Doc by declaring, "He's mine."
Ellen enters the dining room and seats herself beside Doc...then turns her nose up at the rare roast beef that Helen just ordered, prompting Doc to scrunch his face confusedly.
Julie is hanging with Buddy in the lounge...and when she asks him how his wife Barbara is doing, he tells her that Barbara isn't his wife anymore. As Julie visibly perks up at that tidbit, Buddy schmaltzily suggests that they get together for dinner tomorrow night.
Gopher tells Doc and Isaac that the McDonalds want a bunch of postcards delivered to their cabin - and the three agree they want nothing to do with the task 'cause they're wary of being jinxed again. Gopher hands the postcards to a random crewman named Vince and gives him the cabin number...and, as anyone could predict, Vince stumbles on his way up the staircase and drops the postcards, which scatter everywhere.
Doc just happens to run into Helen as she's sunning herself on a lounger. She asks him if he wouldn't mind rubbing sunscreen on her legs and back, and he's like, "Of course not" before rushing over to the bar to get them a couple of drinks...but by the time he returns, bespectacled Ellen has taken her sister's place on the lounger and slaps Doc for his impertinence when he starts rubbing lotion on her back. These twins should really consider working out smoother transitions, given that they're trying to pass themselves off as the same person.
Gopher, Isaac, Doc, and Julie are hanging at a bar together when Horace McDonald wanders over with Captain Stubing in tow to announce that he and his wife would like to renew their marital vows. Captain Stubing says he'd be honored to officiate and that his crew will be thrilled to attend the ceremony - but once he and the McDonalds are out of earshot, Gopher, Isaac, and Doc grumble about having been injured at the hands of the jinxed couple. Julie's like, "Funny. Nothing like that has happened to me" - just as Isaac uncorks a wine bottle and the cork flies out and hits Julie in the eye.
That evening in the lounge, Julie dances with Buddy as Gopher and Isaac glare over at Buddy from the bar and agree that there's something about the guy they don't like. Captain Stubing cuts in to ask Julie why she's spending so much of her time with Buddy, and orders her to spread herself among the rest of the passengers more.
Helen invites Doc to join her for a drink, and he stares back at her quizzically, apologizes for trying to rub suntan lotion on her back earlier, then complains about all the mixed messages "she's" been giving. She gives him a long smooch and assures him he's making this cruise very enjoyable for her...but when her alarm watch goes off a few seconds later, she abruptly cancels their drink plans and suggests they get together tomorrow. After she rushes off, Doc murmurs, "That was weird" ... which, indeed it was, Doc. Indeed it was.
Julie hangs with Buddy by the pool and asks him if they're spending so much time together for old time's sake, but he schmaltizily assures her it's for new time's sake and says if he can pull off some big deal in Puerto Vallarta, it could change their lives. He adds that while he doesn't want to rush into anything, there is something specific he wants to ask her tomorrow night. After he smooches her and ambles off, Isaac and Gopher wander over to stare disapprovingly at Julie. She insists that things with Buddy are different than they were three years ago and assumes he's going to pop the question to her tomorrow night. As she happily scampers off, Isaac tells Gopher that no way in hell is this philandering scumbag proposing to their starry-eyed gal pal.
Doc and Helen are in mid-smooch as Ellen anxiously waits for them to finish so that she can begin enjoying her allotted cruise time. When Helen spots her impatient sister motioning at her to hurry up, she abruptly announces to Doc that she has to go and races off...and a few seconds later, Ellen decides it'd be a good idea to stride past Doc after he and Helen were just smooching and completely ignore him. Doc's like, "Hey! Where are you going?" and pulls her towards him and moans about how crazy about her he is...and after struggling against his grab-handsyness for a few seconds, Ellen decides she enjoys being forcibly smooched and gets totes into it.
Ellen tells Helen she's fallen for Doc...and the twins argue about who has a stronger claim on him until they decide it's probably best to avoid conflict altogether and give him up. Helen points out that Doc is going to need an explanation [though, not really] and promises to let him down easy tomorrow.
Isaac, Gopher, Doc, and Julie sing at the McDonald's wedding ceremony prior to Captain Stubing officiating the marriage do-over. The two exchange vows - just as Ellen's?/Helen's? phone alarm goes off and prompts her to rush out of the room. After Captain Stubing re-declares the old couple husband and wife, they all head into the hallway to have photos taken...and when Isaac, Gopher, Doc, and Julie attempt to move the layer cake and other refreshments to where the reception is to be held, the trellis topples over and causes Isaac to dive face-first into the wedding cake. Womp womp!
Helen drops by Doc's office to give him the heave-ho - but when he continually kisses her, she decides 'why bother going through the trouble of dumping the guy when the ship is docking tomorrow?'
Julie and Buddy are enjoying an evening stroll along the deck when he suddenly presses her up against a wall and breathily says, "I want you for my very own", suggests he get them a penthouse in Los Angeles, and promises that the arrangement won't be as fraught with [quite as much] deception as it was three years ago. Julie squeals, "I love you!" - but Buddy urges her to think carefully about his non-proposal and says she can give him her answer tomorrow.
Helen fibs to Ellen and says she spoke to Doc, who "got the message" ... and Ellen scrunches her face skeptically and remarks that it took her an awfully long time to return to the cabin. In the next scene, Ellen sneaks over to Doc's office to tell him she's changed her mind about wanting to break up with him...and when he's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" she leans in for an intense smooch.
Julie calls Buddy and comes right out and asks him if he's going to propose marriage...and after an awkward silence, he's like, "Uh, no, 'cause I don't want to make the same mistake again." A crestfallen Julie replies that she doesn't want to do that either, then hangs up and sobs into her pillow.
As the ship docks, Gopher asks Julie if Buddy popped the question, and she fibs and says he did, but that she hasn't yet given him her answer. After she dashes off, a pretty blond woman appears and asks Gopher and Isaac if they know who Buddy Stanfield is...and when they warily say they do, she introduces herself as Buddy's wife of two months, and giddily explains that she nabbed him about five minutes after his divorce from Barbara on account of what a great catch he is. After she scampers aboard the ship to track down her shitty husband, Julie reappears to clarify to Gopher and Isaac that Buddy popped the question, but that it wasn't the right question...and explains that since he wasn't able/willing to offer a relationship with any commitment, she declined and feels sooooo good about her decision. Gopher and Isaac applaud her inner strength and wisely keep mum about meeting Buddy's new wife just now.
Doc bids Ellen adieu, and she kisses him and gives him her work number. About a minute later, Helen appears, kisses Doc, and also gives him her work number...and Doc somehow translates that to mean she's one woman who holds down two jobs. The dumbfuck happily clutches the two pieces of paper - until he leans over the railing and accidentally drops them in the water. Haha!
Captain Stubing announces to the crew that he's off to spend the weekend on his rich friend's yacht this weekend. He compliments their professionalism during the cruise (Doc's borderline aggressive romancing of twin passengers notwithstanding), and chides Gopher for spreading the myth that the McDonalds were jinxed. As he heads off, Horace and Henrietta appear and tell the crew they really really want to say goodbye to Captain Stubing. The crew points at him and sees that he's about to board a small boat that will transport him to the yacht...and as Horace hollers, "Yoo hoo! Captain Stubing!", the Captain whirls around and accidentally plunges into the water as the boat he was in the process of boarding pulls away...and the crew reacts by giggling and waving at him. And keep their fingers crossed that someone will eventually fish him out of the ocean.
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