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"Isaac's Double Standard / One More Time / Chimpanzeeshines" Original airdate: 1/13/1978 Episode summary: Isaac is displeased when he learns that his mother is shacking up with her new boyfriend. A performing duo decides to re-couple and take their bickering act on the road. Gopher sneaks aboard a chimpanzee named Louise, who quickly proves herself to be a thief and a ransacker. Guest starring:
Recap: Gopher arrives late for work, clutching a bag that clearly contains a live animal. He unconvincingly tells Julie he's late 'cause he had a flat tire, and Julie reacts by scrunching her face in bemusement and refraining from wondering too hard what live thing he's obviously sneaking aboard the ship. Captain Stubing asks Julie why he hasn't seen Gopher report for duty yet, and she shrugs and half-heartedly suggests that maybe he had a flat tire. Julie welcomes aboard Cynthia Parker and her daughter Anne, who's wearing a big white bandage taped across her nose after a recent rhinoplasty. Cynthia pulls Julie aside and tells her that Anne is self conscious about her nose bandage, then asks Julie who did her perfect little button nose. Julie affably says, "The man upstairs", and Cynthia remarks on how lucky she is "to live in a doctor's building", to which Julie reacts by staring after her quizzically. Isaac anxiously asks Gopher if his mom has boarded yet, and Gopher says she hasn't, but that there's plenty of time remaining for passengers to arrive. Isaac says that this is her first real vacation since her husband passed away, then grinningly says she still thinks of him as her baby. A few seconds later, Isaac's current squeeze, Charlene, boards the ship and explains that she got tired of waiting for him in port all the time, so decided 'why not book a Love Boat cruise so that we can spend some quality time together?' Isaac's all, "But my ma's on this cruise!", and Charlene says she doesn't mind...and is, in fact, looking forward to meeting her. Later, Julie is on hand to greet Isaac's mom, Millie Washington, who leaps to the somewhat accurate conclusion that her darling son is too busy skirt-chasing to make time to welcome her aboard. Julie then welcomes aboard Mitzy Monroe, a performer she hired to entertain the cruise's passengers and who's boldly dressed in yellow from head to toe. Julie excitedly tells her that the pianist she hired to accompany her is dynamite - just as that pianist, Lenny Camen, wanders over and quips, "Who's the banana?" LOL. Mitzy groans at the sight of him...and when the two start bickering, she informs Julie that Lenny is her ex-everything (including ex-husband) and is less than thrilled by this unexpected reunion. Lenny shrugs and says he doesn't mind them re-coupling for the purpose of a paid performance...and after Mitzy huffily stalks off, Lenny tells Julie that the two of them were married for (a no doubt turbulent) ten years. Isaac asks Gopher if his mom got settled in OK, then glances across the deck and sees that Captain Stubing is giving Millie a personalized tour of the ship. Isaac hugs his mom hello and introduces her to Gopher - just as she notices a tear in her son's jacket and offers to fix it, sassily adding that he's going to need to bring it to her cabin 'cause she doesn't deliver. After she ambles off, Charlene wanders over and remarks on the tear in Isaac's jacket and offers to fix it, and Isaac joking asks, "Do you deliver?" ... and she just stares back at him in mute confusion.
Lenny finds Mitzy doing some writing in the lounge, and the two boast about how awesomely their (failing) careers are going...then start bickering back and forth ad nauseam. Julie enters the room and tells them that a performance isn't worth fighting over, then proposes flipping a coin: winner will perform solo and pay for the other's passage. An alarmed looking Mitzy and Lenny are like, "Nooooo!" 'cause apparently neither is able to afford the cost of two cruises, and Julie smugly says, "I'm glad that's settled" and saunters off while Lenny and Mitzy shoot hateful stink-eyes at each other. Isaac enters the dining room, chats with Gopher for a few minutes, then notices that his mom is having dinner with a strange gentleman. He growlingly wonders, "Who is that guy?", then ambles over to further investigate the kind of company his mom is keeping. Millie introduces him to her companion, a dentist named Roy Harwood, and natters on about how her family doesn't need extensive dental care and that Isaac "has the best set of chompers in town". Isaac spots Charlene entering the dining room and hastily excuses himself to whisk his girlfriend off to somewhere private. She looks into it as she remarks on his beautiful teeth, and he grinningly acknowledges that, indeed, he has the best set of chompers in town. Elsewhere in the dining room, Mitzy and Lenny are all, "Ack!" when they're nearly seated at the same table. The two march in tandem towards the exit together - until Mitzy decides she's hungry and wants to stay and have something to eat, leaving Lenny staring after her from the opposite side of the glass door. As Julie dines with Gopher, she asks him why he's filling a doggie bag with food taken off both of their plates, so Gopher weakly explains that since he's not usually that hungry at dinner time, he's decided to stockpile food that he can snack on later. Cynthia urges Anne to remove her nose bandage and start enjoying the cruise, but Anne says she's reluctant 'cause of her fear that the doctor might have botched her nose job. Gopher steals two bowls worth of peanuts at the bar Isaac is tending, then sneaks off - just as a still-hungry Julie arrives and complains to Isaac that he's not replenishing his peanut supply quickly enough. Isaac's all, "Say wuh? I just filled that!", prompting Julie to stare suspiciously into space. Gopher returns to his cabin, calls out, "Louise!" ... and when a chimpanzee decked out in a purple dress emerges, he shows her the doggie bag he brought back for her. While that's happening, Julie and Isaac barge into his room and are all, "Busted!" and Gopher sheepishly explains that he had no choice but to sneak Louise on board 'cause he promised a friend he'd babysit and didn't expect to be on duty. He makes Julie and Isaac swear to not tell anyone he's hiding her in his cabin, and the two reluctantly agree to keep mum about the hairy stowaway.
Cynthia tells Anne, who's locked herself in the bathroom, to come out and meet Doc, but she refuses 'cause of her nose embarrassment. Doc tells Cynthia to just let her be, and assures her that she'll remove the nose bandage once she feels ready. He then invites Cynthia to go get some breakfast with him, and Cynthia eagerly accepts as she looks around for her sunglasses, which have suddenly gone missing. Gopher sternly asks Louise where she got her cool new sunglasses, and correctly assumes that she stole them while sneaking around the ship. He asks her how on earth she was able to exit his cabin, so she lumbers over to the door, turns the knob, and saunters out. LOL. Lenny snarls at Mitzy for being late to rehearsal...and after more of their tedious bickering, she starts singing - while sneezing throughout 'cause of his insistence on turning up the air conditioner - and objects to his slow tempo. After yet more bickering, she accidentally (or intentionally?) slams the piano cover on his hand. Gopher stops by Cynthia's/Anne's cabin to return the sunglasses Louis stole, and Anne opens the door a tiny crack. Gopher looks instantly smitten and asks her if she's an actress or model traveling incognito, then dreamily coos that she has the most beautiful blue eyes he's ever seen. He then slips the sunglasses to her through the door crack, waves goodbye, and wanders off looking discombobulated. Anne, who's newly buoyed with confidence in her appearance, decides she can now muster the courage to remove her nose bandage - just as Cynthia returns for the grand unveiling. Anne tells her to cover her eyes until after the bandage is off...and while that's happening, Louise - who has somehow sneaked into the cabin without Anne noticing - stands in front of Cynthia so that when she opens her eyes, anticipating seeing her daughter's new and improved nose, she's staring at a toothy chimpanzee decked out in a purple dress. She looks at the primate in horror, then faints as Louise quietly sneaks out of the room. Millie is dancing with Roy while Isaac and Charlene look on. Isaac tells Charlene he's very suspicious of Roy, and that he's worried about his mom 'cause she has no idea what cruise ships are like. Charlene then gives him a smooch at the same time Millie and Roy start smooching...and Isaac huffily says he intends to put an immediate stop to the illicit smoochery between his mom and Roy. Charlene stops him from storming onto the dance floor, urges him to lighten up about his mom's sex life, and suggests they go somewhere private to get it on. Isaac mulls over his options and chooses getting his rocks off over chastising his mom for her looseness. Isaac stops by his mother's cabin to 1) drop off the jacket that needs fixing, and 2) straighten her out about men. He warns that a lot of men come on these cruises looking for one thing, and Millie wryly thanks him for the tip, but that it's wildly inappropriate for him to be giving her dating advice. She then bids him goodnight 'cause she's ready to go to bed now - just as Roy emerges from the bathroom wearing a bathrobe. A stunned Isaac's all, "The fuck?" and makes it clear how appalled he is by their hookup, so Millie explains that she and Roy came on this cruise together, and that despite them being in love, she's not quite ready to accept Roy's marriage proposal. Isaac bitterly retorts, "Instead of getting married, you want to be some sort of swinger", and Millie reacts by giving him a loud sounding smack across the face.
Cynthia reports to Captain Stubing that her cabin has been ransacked and that the thief stole an heirloom brooch...so the captain summons Gopher and orders him to track down the thief pronto. As he races off, he runs into Anne (sans nose bandage), and stares at her all smitten-like while once again marvelling how much she looks like a beautiful Hollywood actress or model. Captain Stubing pokes his head into the hallway and barks at Gopher to find the fucking jewel thief already, and Gopher races down the hall before giving a final little wave to Anne. Mitzy wanders into the lobby and sees a promotional poster advertising tonight's musical performance featuring herself and Lenny. She rips up Lenny's photo, then disappears up the stairs - just as Lenny enters the lobby, looks miffed that his photo is no longer on the poster, and takes out a black marker and defaces Mitzy's photo by drawing in a moustache and black marks over her teeth. Gopher returns to his cabin and is dismayed to learn that Louise, as anyone could have predicted, was the jewel thief who stole Cynthia Parker's brooch. Millie and Roy meet privately with Captain Stubing to tell him they want to get off at the next port and fly home 'cause of what a pissy little bitch Isaac is being on account of he doesn't approve of his mother shacking up with her boyfriend. Captain Stubing chuckles, "Young people today.." and laments their hypocritical double standard of judging their parents' behavior while doing the very same thing. Millie says she's surprised by how "prim and proper" Isaac is acting regarding her relationship with Roy, so Captain Stubing points out that Isaac isn't such a saint himself, given that he's been seen openly canoodling with his girlfriend Charlene at various points throughout this cruise. Gopher enters the lounge clutching the brooch Louise stole from Cynthia's cabin and heads over to where Cynthia and Anne are seated. He joins the two women and attempts to slip the brooch into Cynthia's purse - just as Doc suddenly interrupts to invite Cynthia to dance. As Gopher's gaze remains fixed on the purse Cynthia is clutching while on the dance floor, an oblivious Anne suggests they go for a romantic moonlit walk. Gopher distractedly tells her to put a pin in that for the moment, then rushes over to the dance floor to cut in on Doc. He's somehow able to slip the brooch into Cynthia's purse before Doc returns to the dance floor and tells him to buzz off 'cause he wants to continue dancing with his gal. Gopher rushes back to where a miffed looking Ann is sitting and weakly explains that he cut in on Doc just now 'cause he wanted to make a good impression on her mother, then says he's totes up for that moonlit stroll and offers to get them some brandy. On his way to the bar, he finds Louise seated on a nearby sofa chair...and when she bolts, he's forced to abandon the moonlit walk with Anne to chase after the cheeky chimpanzee. Doc schmaltzily tells Cynthia that her embrace makes her weak in the knees...and as the two engage in a smoochfest, Louise sneaks over and steals her purse. Cynthia's all, "The heck?", then faints at the sight of the chimpanzee racing off with her purse. Julie and Isaac complain to Gopher about all of the personal belongings Louise has stolen from them, and Gopher haplessly says he has no idea where the chimpanzee ran off to. A few seconds later, Anne arrives at his cabin to find out why he abruptly cancelled their moonlit walk, and he tells her he's in the process of wading through some very complicated monkey business. Cynthia wails at Doc about the horror of the "hairy little man in a dress" who made off with her purse. Doc breezily assures her it was only Gopher's pet monkey and promises that they'll get her purse back - just as Captain Stubing happens to walk by at the same time Louise is sauntering back to Gopher's cabin carrying Cynthia's purse. Doc, Captain Stubing, and Cynthia enter Gopher's cabin, where Gopher, Isaac, and Julie have already congregated...and Doc grabs the purse from Louise and hands it to Cynthia, who's delighted to find her missing brooch inside. Gopher apologizes to Captain Stubing for bringing Louise aboard the ship, and a visibly pissed off Captain Stubing sternly orders him to report to his office first thing in the morning with his bags packed 'cause he's getting kicked off the ship as soon as they dock in Ensenada. As he storms out, Anne chases after him and asks him if he's firing Gopher. Captain Stubing gruffly says he will not discuss the ship's business with her, so she fibs and tells him that the chimpanzee belongs to her, and that Gopher was gallantly protecting her from getting into trouble. She insists that if anyone should be punished it should be her, and Captain Stubing snarks, "Then it will be", but doesn't specify what that punishment is.
The next morning, Gopher reports to Captain Stubing's office with his suitcase and says he's ready to leave. Captain Stubing goes, "Leave..?", says that nothing could be further from his mind, and that he found his chivalry in putting his job in jeopardy for the sake of saving a passenger from embarrassment utterly charming. He tells Gopher he's proud of him and orders him to get back to work pronto...then looks around for his hat, which Louise somehow stole and is wandering around the ship wearing atop her head. A swimsuit clad Charlene tries to canoodle Isaac, but he grumbles that after the mom slap he's not in the mood...and Charlene rolls her eyes and tells him to lighten up about Millie wanting to spread her wings. A few seconds later, Millie drops by his cabin with the jacket she repaired, cheekily warns Charlene about the men on this cruise, and accuses Isaac of having two sets of rules: one for her, one for himself. Isaac chews on that before agreeing that, yep, he's been acting like a total horse's arse this episode. As the three chuckle, he explains that, as any stereotypical TV son whose mom has become a widow, he didn't think any man was good enough for her...and Millie says she's proud of him for being able to admit when he's wrong, and then the three share a happy group hug. That evening in the Acapulco Lounge, Julie introduces the performers for the evening, Mitzy and Lenny, who bicker at each other as they approach the stage. When they continue their bickering on stage, the audience hoots with laughter 'cause they assume it's part of the act...which, because of Lenny's injured hand, ends up being more of a 'I hate my ex-spouse' comedy standup routine than the musical number everyone was promised. After the show, Lenny drops by Mitzy's cabin to gush about what a surprising success their act was...and agree that the two of them need each other when it comes to delivering quality entertainment. The two start smooching and agree that they've missed each other's kisses...and Lenny perks up when Mitzy invites him to spend the night in her cabin.
Isaac says goodbye to Charlene, who's then offered a lift home by Millie and Roy. Isaac thanks Roy for not holding his pissy 'tude against him, and is A-OK with him calling him "son" as long as he keeps his mom happy. Roy says he hopes they can spend lots of time together, then remarks on how right Millie was about his great teeth...and everyone chuckles joyfully about the wondrousness of those pearly white chompers. Lenny and Mitzy tell Julie they're going to limit their bickering to the stage, then make an immediate exception as they bicker back and forth just before disembarking. Gopher asks Anne if he can call her once he drops Louise off, and she happily replies, "You'd better." Doc kisses Cynthia goodbye, then watches in amusement as Louise races back onto the ship with a stolen suitcase while a panicked Gopher follows in close pursuit. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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