Recap: After motorcycling all night, Jake stops at a gas station to fuel up. He heads over to a nearby pay phone and dials Jo's number - but she's unable to rush out of the shower in time to answer...and so Jake assumes she's not home and hangs up. A few seconds later, Amanda drops by Jo's apartment looking for Jake, and Jo tells her he's not here...and explains that after they argued last night, Jake declared that there was nothing left for him in Melrose Place and pissily took off on his bike. Amanda's all, "Say wuh?" and bitchily accuses Jo of provoking Jake to leave 'cause of all the pressure she put on him, and Jo snaps back that she is equally guilty of that...then tells her to get lost, 'cause she's grappling with the stark reality that she may just have lost a dear friend. At D&D, Alison asks Elizabeth why she's been processing the files in Billy's outbox but not hers, and Elizabeth shrugs disinterestedly and says she simply didn't notice them. Alison presses harder and accuses her of ignoring her outbox and reminds the flunky that she's supposed to also be her assistant, so Elizabeth explains that since Billy's outbox is always so full, she assumed that it included both their files. She half-heartedly apologizes for the oversight, and Alison reacts to the [what seems to me like a] benign misunderstanding by storming into Amanda's office to rail about what a shitty assistant Elizabeth is. Amanda says she's surprised to hear that, given what an eager beaver she is...and asks Alison if she's not just a teensy bit jealous of Elizabeth. Alison haughtily denies being at all jealous and points out that Elizabeth is not doing the job to her satisfaction, and Amanda chews on that for a few seconds and promises to have a chat with the inept employee. Over at the hospital, Matt enters the office of the Chief of Staff expecting to find Dr. Levin - and quickly learns that the dud has been replaced with the far more telegenic Dr. Peter Burns. Peter invites him to come in and chat about whatever's on his mind, so Matt interprets that as a green light to blab about how Kimberly was appointed the chair of the Social Services Committee and has proven herself to "a pretty brutal administrator", meaning she only cares about the hospital's revenue and not the hardships she's causing to the uninsured when she heartlessly steel-toes them out the door. Peter reacts by staring back at him contemplatively and promises to do his best to remedy the troubling situation asap. Elizabeth tearfully informs Billy that she was just fired, bitterly adding, "Apparently someone didn't like my work and went to management." Billy coos about how sorry he is to hear that and promises to call soon [spoiler: not]. Once she's out of earshot, he asks Alison, who's been eavesdropping on the conversation, if she was the one who complained about Elizabeth...and Alison admits that, yep, she lodged a tiny complaint with Amanda - but didn't do so with the intention of getting Elizabeth fired. As Billy shoots her the stink-eye, Alison points out how hard Elizabeth sucked at her job, and that tattling to Amanda about it was purely business, not personal. Billy continues to glare, then snarls, "I never noticed how petty and vindictive you can be" before huffing off.
While dining out at a fancy restaurant, Jane gushes to Chris about how much she's enjoying her design firm's success, then wrings her hands about how she wishes that Sydney too could enjoy a happy, fruitful life instead of always being such a damn train wreck. She says that tomorrow is Sydney's birthday...and that she doesn't even know if she should plan anything, so Chris suggests she organize a small outing, e.g. the three of them going out dancing together. Jane mulls that over and somehow decides that asking her sister to third-wheel it to a club with her and creepy boyfriend sounds like just the thing that'll improve her mood. The two then indulge in an amorous smooch, and Jane breathily tells Chris she really really wants to go to his place, like right now. After the two arrive at Chris's place, Jane purrs about how eager she is to leap into the sack, awkwardly adding that she responsibly planned ahead by slipping a condom into her purse...and Chris kind of flinches at the prospect and tells her he "wants to do this right" and not rush things. He proposes that instead of intercourse they spoon all night, explaining, "Things that can be had too easily can't be valued." Jane looks deeply impressed by his (frankly needless) restraint and says that him wanting to save himself for her means sooooo much to her, and that she's A-OK with zero penetration for the foreseeable future. Elsewhere across the country/state (?), Jake motors up to a beautiful family home. He knocks on the door and tells the woman who answers that he's looking for Vince Connors...and a few seconds later, Vince rushes over to handle the situation and snarkishly tells Jake that they have nothing to talk about. When Jake refuses to budge from the doorstep, Vince suggests they meet up at a nearby coffee shop tomorrow and chat about what in blazes he thinks he's doing, showing up at his house unannounced. After Jane has fallen asleep, Chris climbs out of bed and phones Sydney to creepily pronounce, "I know you're in bed, and I know you're alone." He adds that he's been thinking about her and what she might be wearing, then asks her if she's decent under the sheets. Sydney's all, "The fuck..?" and hastily hangs up the phone. The next morning at the coffee shop, Vince asks Jake how he was able to locate him, and Jake explains that his mom gave him his general contact info, and that he's been keeping tabs on him over the years. Vince acknowledges he's his bio dad - but only 'cause he crossed paths with his drunken ma in a bar and got it on with her, despite the fact that he was married with a child. When Jake grimly says he's heard the icky conception story, Vince pulls out his check book and asks him how much he wants. A visibly offended Jake says he doesn't want his money, then explains that he grew up missing having a dad he knew was out there somewhere - but never within reach. Vince shrugs disinterestedly and says there's nothing he's willing to do 'bout that now, and makes it clear he doesn't want him anywhere near his wife or kids. Jake abruptly says, "Forget it" and says he's prolly better off not knowing any more about him - but Vince looks as though he's having a sudden change of heart and asks, "Why now?" Jake explains that lately he's lost a lot, and that for once he wanted to find something. Vince mulls that over and invites him to his house for dinner...but only with the understanding that 1) he needs to leave right after the meal, and 2) he'll be introduced to his family as the son of an old college roommate.
Jane and Chris arrive at the design studio and are irked when they find Michael sitting at her desk, looking over company files. He waves around a document titled Creative Non-interference and asks whassup with this, so Chris explains that he had his lawyer draw it up for him to sign so that he and Jane didn't have to consult with him every time they want to develop a new clothing line. Chris then announces that he's off to a meeting...and once he's safetly out of hearing range, Michael chides Jane about her "slick" boyfriend trying to pull a fast one. He warns that Chris is manipulating her into trusting him, and Jane's like, "I do trust him", then tells him to get lost 'cause she has a business to run. Jake is at Casa Connors for dinner...and when Mrs. Connors asks him where he's staying while in town, he says he booked a room in a nearby motel. She frowns at that and invites him to stay at the house, and Jake's all, "Sounds great!" while Vince glowers in irritation. Jo tells Alison she's been worried about Jake ever since he suddenly disappeared, and Alison grumbles about how much she'd looooove it if Billy suddenly disappeared. [I second that.] Jo urges her to forget about the wooden-faced numb-brain and move on with her life, then tells her there's a guy across the bar who's been ogling her all night. When Alison makes eye contact with her admirer, he saunters over, introduces himself as Mitch, and offers to buy them drinks. Over at Dominique's (a dance club), Jane motions over at a despondent looking Sydney and asks Chris if he would please attempt to cheer her up by asking her to dance. When Sydney glumly follows Chris onto the dance floor, he leans in and whispers, "Are you decent under that dress?" Sydney stares at him in horrified disgust and calls him out for saying something as equally icky on the phone last night...and when Jane reappears after a trip to the ladies room, Sydney insists on going home right now. Mitch walks Alison to her apartment and asks if he can come in, and she's like, "OK, just for a minute." Once inside, the two smooch urgently, then start to really get it on atop the couch. Across the courtyard, Sydney is laying on the pullout couch watching TV when Chris calls to creepishly inform her he left a present for her in the top drawer of Jane's desk. When Sydney investigates, she finds a wrapped box containing lacy black underwear, which...ew. The next morning, Alison wakes up in her bed as Mitch is quietly getting dressed, no doubt with the intention of sneaking outa there undetected. He tells her he's off to work...and when she asks when she'll see him again, he suggests they meet up at Shooters tonight and go somewhere for dinner. He then hovers over her, gives her a smooch, and smarmily says, "You were wonderful last night."
Sydney comes right out and tells Jane that Chris has been coming on to her very ickily since the previous episode - but Jane refuses to believe it and chides Sydney for lying in an effort to break them up. Sydney says she has proof, then shows her the black lace underwear he bought her for her birthday, and Jane nonsensically accuses her of planting the panties herself. A few seconds later, Chris calls and asks Sydney if she's wearing her present...but when he hears her whisper to Jane that it's Chris on the phone being gross, he pretends he merely called to tell Jane he's going to pick her up at 8pm. Alison arrives at D&D with a post-coital glow on her face. She smugly tells Billy she has a very satisfying life right now, and Billy grumbles, "It couldn't happen to a nicer snitch." Alison then runs into Amanda and blushingly asks her if she wouldn't mind covering for her at tonight's photoshoot 'cause she has a date with someone who means a lot to her, and Amanda assures her it's no problem and remarks, "He must be some great guy" while Billy openly scowls. Michael and Kimberly drop by Peter Burns' office with a houseplant, and Peter curtly thanks them, then brusquely tells Kimberly he's removing her from the Social Services Review Committee 'cause he wants someone in charge who has more sensitivity. Michael smarmily applauds his willingness to restructure staff, unlike his predecessor - but Peter tells him to shut it and warns that he's going to be a 'play no games and take no crap' kind of boss. Jake is gabbling with Vince's two kids about his motorcycle when Vince pulls up, barks at his kids to wash up for dinner, and gruffly asks Jake why he's still here. Jake reminds him that 1) his wife invited him to stay, and 2) he is his bio son - but Vince angrily accuses him of hanging around 'cause he wants to ruin his life. Jake argues that he simply wants to matter to his dad and wishes he'd give a damn - but quickly gives up on that pipe dream and motors off. Alison is at Shooters, waiting for Mitch to show up. She heads over to the nearest pay phone and leaves a message on his machine, reminding him about their date that he's half an hour late for. Vince tails Jake and honks at him to pull over...and once the two are parked on the side of the road, a regretful Vince says he didn't want to leave things on a bad note. He pulls out a photo of Jake in his high school football uniform and admits that he thinks about him a lot and really does give a damn. He pulls Jake into a hug and asks if he's headed home...and when Jake's like, "Er, maybe..?", Vince asks if he has people who care for him wherever he's living. Jake says he does, so Vince tells him that that's where he needs to be, and to please get in touch every now and again. Jake drops by Jo's apartment to announce his return, and she stares at him incredulously and snarks, "How dare you leave town for a day and a half!" and cause her to worry. He apologizes, hugs her, and assures her he's back to being a permanent Melrose Place resident.
Alison shows up at Mitch's workplace to call him out for being a "using, lying, shallow creep". She says she won't stand for being treated this way, especially not by a loser such as himself. Mitch tells her that, to him, their roll in the hay was just one night of fun, and that it's not his fault if she can't handle fun. Alison argues that she can handle fun, then picks up a pitcher of water that just happens to be standing on a nearby table and pours it over his head. Haha! Jake heads up to Amanda's apartment to explain that he briefly left town 'cause he needed to work something out on his own, and Amanda pretends that she has no intention of giving him back his apartment...but then quickly relents and hands him his keys, weakly demanding a security deposit. Jake grins, takes the keys, and leans in to give her a grateful cheek kiss. Jake enters his apartment, which has remained unchanged after he pretended to abandon it less than two days earlier. He plays his phone messages, which includes one about overdue boat slip fees...and then a second about collecting ample reward money for his role in resolving the Palmer Woodward 'fugitive from justice' case. Sydney ambles across the courtyard to throw away garbage when Chris suddenly appears out of nowhere, presses himself against her, and nonsensically warns that if she continues to resist his grotesque advances, he'll convince Jane that she's so crazy she belongs in a padded cell. [Sounds like a ridiculously weak plan, but OK.] He forcibly kisses her, says, "I'll be in touch", and then races off...leaving Sydney staring after him in repulsed puzzlement. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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