Melrose Place - Season 3, Episode 30

"I, Brooke Armstrong, am settling for you, Billy Campbell."

"The Big Bang Theory, Parts 1 & 2"
Original airdate: 5/15/1995

Episode summary: Alison crashes Billy's/Brooke's wedding, but is unsuccessful at preventing the two from tying the knot. Jess violently attacks Jo when she refuses to take his marriage proposal seriously. Kimberly is mentally tortured by an unsightly, goateed demon, who eggs her on to get revenge on the Melrose Place clan.

---

Recap: Sydney visits Michael in jail, smugly remarks on how awful he looks, then says it must suck really hard to be locked up for a crime he didn't commit. She breezily says she wishes she could help him out - but since there's nothing she can do, she's simply going to put his plight out of her mind and go out for a nice lunch...and perhaps do some shopping. Michael begs her to pleaaaaaase help him, insists that Kimberly set him up with a faux assault charge, and pleads with her to find out what the crazy lady is up to. He lays it on thick about how she's the only friend he can truly trust right now, and Sydney visibly softens and agrees to look into whether or not Kimberly is concocting some kind of nefarious plot.

Pa Armstrong is enjoying breakfast outdoors on his lovely estate when Brooke and Billy amble over, hand in hand. Billy breaks the news that they're engaged, assures Pa that he loves his daughter, and is A-OK devoting the rest of his life to making the spoiled twit happy. Pa Armstrong wryly calls that "a tall order" and congratulates them - but is alarmed when Brooke tells him they're marrying this Saturday 'cause of how bafflingly desperate she is to lock this down. Pa Armstrong asks to speak with her privately...and while Billy is still in hearing range, he's like, "Are you out of your mind?" - uh, right? - but Brooke insists that while Billy might seem like a dipshitted lightweight, in fact he has lot of potential and, for some God-only-knows-why reason she's fallen deeply in love with him over the course of only a few weeks.

A dazed looking Kimberly arrives at the hospital, opens her locker in the staff lounge, and sees the goateed demon man in her little mirror. When Demon tells her they need to talk, she mutters that she doesn't want to lose her sanity [despite the sanity train having left the station a long time ago]. Demon retorts that he's always been inside of her, to which Kimberly moans, "This isn't haaaaappening..." He haughtily says he can't just sit back and do nothing...particularly with regard to Amanda and Michael, who both deserve acts of revenge for what they've done to her. Kimberly insists that she doesn't want to hurt anyone - but Demon threatens to continue living inside of her conscious mind until the job is finished. 

Jake returns to Shooters, gets enraged when he finds Jess working behind the bar, and tells him to get lost. Jess chides him for being ungrateful about all the hours he's been putting into the bar to keep it afloat while he was hospitalized, and Jake's all, "Blah blah...just fuck off already and get out of my life" and amen to that.

Sydney is at the hospital, getting examined by Kimberly for a set of wide-ranging (faux) symptoms. She expresses shock that Michael assaulted her and stalked Amanda, but hastily assures her she doesn't doubt her side of the story. Kimberly does her best to keep her focus on the examination and remarks to Sydney that her blood pressure is a bit high, so she's going to draw blood to send off to the lab. As Sydney starts chattering non-stop, Kimberly fixates on a pair of sharp scissors while Demon taunts, "What are you waiting for? This is your chance. Kill her, Kimberly. Do it. Do it." When Sydney asks Kimberly where she's living these days, she replies that she checked into a nearby motel, then picks up the scissors and looks as though she's seriously contemplating stabbing Sydney, but then noisily drops them back onto the tray.
​
Paul phones Matt to coo about how much he misses him, and inform him that he and Carol are meeting with their divorce lawyers later. He tells Matt he neeeeeeeeds to know he's going to hang in there with him, and Matt amiably assures him he's not going anywhere. 

Jane is busily working at her design studio when two deputies from the Sheriff's office burst in and announce that they've been ordered to shut the place down and seize the assets. When a panicked Jane demands to know whassup, one of the officers tells her the studio is in foreclosure and that she needs to vacate immediately. Jane wails that she has orders to fill and can't bear to leave behind her sketches, and he makes it clear how tiny of a rat's ass he could give about her inability to keep her design business financially afloat.

"I can't leave my sketches behind."

"Judging from the grisly looking Jane Mancini originals laying around...uh, you can."

Over at Melrose Place, Jo tells Jess she just cooked him a tasty pasta dinner - but he shrugs disinterestedly and grumbles about being fired from Shooters. She points out that Shooters is by far not the only employer in town and promises to help him look at want ads tomorrow...and Jess suddenly looks contrite and apologizes for being such a downer and admits that the pasta smells delish. Before they're able to sit down, Jo gets a call from Alison in Hong Kong, who rails about her deteriorated relationship with Billy and finds herself tempted to get on a plane...and an irked Jess rips the phone receiver out of Jo's hand and snarlingly tells Alison that she's interfering with his 'Jo time' and causing their dinner to get cold. Yeesh. A weirded out looking Jo takes the receiver back, tells Alison she'll call her in the morning, and urges her to not leave Hong Kong until they've talked this out.  

Michael is stunned when he receives a jail visit from Peter Burns (!), who informs him that he'd be more than happy to pay his bail [in exchange for a rather large favor].

Jo runs into Billy when he (and Brooke) return from a morning jog...and pulls him aside to inquire about his sudden romance with Brooke. Billy says he loves Brooke and is marrying her this Saturday, and a stunned Jo's all, "The fuck?" and points out that clearly he's on the rebound from his toxic rollercoaster coupling with Alison. Billy points out that his relationship decisions are really none of her business...and that if she can't be supportive of his impending marriage, ill-advised as it may be, she prolly shouldn't RSVP to the wedding.

Over at the beach house, Michael tells Peter he's sooooo happy to be bailed out of jail...and Peter tells him that after attempting to murder Amanda in the They Shoot Mothers, Don't They? episode, he retained a great lawyer, got a mere slap on the wrist and ridiculously light sentence of community service, and was in and out of the jail system within three days. Michael marvels, "Wow...and you were guilty!" LOL. Peter goes on to explain that he's scheduled for a hearing with the medical board this week to determine whether or not he should lose his medical license [probably he should, IMO]. He tells Michael that in exchange for posting bail, he'd like him to recant his prior testimony about Amanda's faux emergency appendectomy...and sweetens the deal by suggesting that perhaps the two of them could be partners in a lucrative Beverly Hills practice. 

Alison is attending an AA meeting, Hong Kong style, when a handsome young man approaches her, tells her he liked what she shared with all the meeting-goers, and introduces himself as Ian Sinclair (from the Armstrong Sales Division). When he learns that she doesn't yet have a sponsor in Hong Kong, he offers to fill that void and hands her his card and tells her to feel free to call him any time.

​Michael is over at Jane's apartment, railing at her about her bankrupt studio despite Sydney sinking 100K of his money into it...which is a totally fair point. Jane weakly explains that she used the bulk of the 100K to pay off her creditors, but that it wasn't enough - just as Amanda stops in to deliver the invoice for the D&D campaign her studio had commissioned. Amanda is stunned to see that Michael is out of jail, and is even more stunned when he explains that his bail was paid courtesy of Peter Burns. She says she's skeptical of that, 'cause she's under the delusion that after being charged for her attempted murder, he'd rightly be deeply holed up in the prison system. Michael just shrugs and says that Peter just got himself a good lawyer - correction: they both have a good lawyer...to which Amanda snarkishly tells him to stay far away from her. Michael cackles about her flattering herself for thinking that he'd risk prison to go anywhere near her, then says he's seriously contemplating slapping a defamation suit on her that'll drain her finances and cause her to go bankrupt, like Jane. After he saunters off, Amanda turns her attention back to Jane and is like, "What's this about you being bankrupt?" and Jane admits that, yep, her business is officially defunct and that D&D is going to have to get in line with the rest of her creditors. Amanda says she couldn't give two shits 'bout that and needlessly shares that she's meeting with Richard Hart, the new president of Mackenzie Hart Designs. Jane's all, "Wha-a-a-at?!" and says she looooooves Mackenzie Hart, who is apparently the reason she became a designer. She implores Amanda to introduce her to Richard, but Amanda derisively says she highly doubts the man would have any interest in her shitty scribbles, then sashays off to work.

In the next scene, Jane shows up at D&D, spots Richard Hart ambling towards the elevators with Amanda and Brooke, and brazenly walks over to introduce herself. Amanda apologizes to Richard for the intrusion and snarls at Jane to get lost - but Jane roughly shoves Amanda away from her and jumps into the elevator with Richard so she can have a private one-on-one. Jane explains to Richard that up until yesterday she had her own design company...then interprets the blank look on his face as one of disinterest and deflatedly apologizes for bothering him. He hands her a business card and invites her to stop by Mackenzie Hart Designs tomorrow, and she beams happily and thanks him for the opportunity. 

Sydney tells Michael she figured out which motel Kimberly is currently living in - but isn't under the impression she's up to no good, judging from how sweetly she acted towards her during her medical exam earlier. Michael reminds Sydney how intensely Kimberly hates her guts, and implores her to sneak into her motel room and have a good look around...preferably with a camera so that she can capture any visible proof of her nuttiness.

Paul calls a local florist to order roses for his wife...and a few seconds later, Matt drops by and the two head out together. 

Sydney calls the hospital to verify that Kimberly is on duty, then sneaks into her motel room via an unlocked window. She enters the bathroom and finds the mirror covered with photos of various Melrose Place cast members - Amanda, Jane, Matt, Michael, Sydney - with their eyes gouged out. Sydney stares concernedly at the disturbing collage, mumbles, "Kimberly, you're not a well woman", and takes several photographs.

"Oh look - some interesting mirror art."

"Oh wait - holy fucking shit!"

Michael and Sydney head over to the nearest police precinct with the collage photos - but the unimpressed officer glances at the photographs, correctly assumes that they were obtained illegally, and reminds Sydney that he's well aware of the fact that she recently spent time in the psych ward for trying to kill Michael. After that, he wryly reminds Michael that he's currently out on bail for stalking and assault. He tells them he has zero interest in their theories about Kimberly Shaw being a demented threat to society, and suggests they leave before he decides to look into their lawbreaking. 

Peter is carrying out his community service in a medi-clinic when Kimberly drops by. She makes it clear how unhappy she is that Michael is out on bail...and the two exchange barbs about each other's lousy judge of character, blah blah. Peter shifts gears and admits that he's had naughty sex fantasies about her, then cheekily asks her out. Kimberly looks as though she's considering it, then wonders aloud what'll happen if the reality of their sexing doesn't measure up to his wet dreams, to which he coquettishly counters, "What if it does?"

Jane is at the Mackenzie Hart design studio, tooting her horn with Richard Hart about what a great designer she is - but that she doesn't have the cash and/or business know-how to not run her own design studio into the ground. Richard agrees that her work is solid and innovative, promises to pass along her portfolio to Mackenzie, and declares that the three of them will further discuss the matter at dinner tonight.

Alison calls D&D and is accidentally transferred to Amanda, who drops the bombshell news that Billy is marrying Brooke this weekend...and that she's been asked to serve as maid of honor. Alison's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and stares into space with an expression of shocked befuddlement.

Billy drops by Shooters to ask Jake if he'll be his best man. Jake points out how dumbfuckingly idiotic it is to marry a woman he met five minutes ago - but then says he just wants him to be happy and is A-OK standing up for him at his wedding.

Back in Hong Kong, Alison moans to Ian Sinclair about how her beloved Billy is marrying another woman this weekend, so Ian stupidly suggests she fly home asap, adding that surely Pa Armstrong won't mind her absence, considering the fact that he created this position especially for her...and Alison's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" at that last thing.

Carol Graham is heading out of town for her niece's graduation...and Paul wishes her adieu and promises a fun getaway for the two of them to Laguna when she returns. Paul then goes back inside, phones Matt to falsely report that Carol has just moved out, and says he wants them to be together. Matt says he definitely likes the sound of that and agrees to meet up with him at the hospital later. 

That evening at Dominique's restaurant, Mackenzie is looking over Jane's sketches and grilling her about what she thinks makes a good designer and whether or not she's ever stolen another designer's ideas. Mackenzie then gets up, criticizes Jane's outfit while calling her 'Janet', and sashays off. When Jane stares glumly at Richard, he informs her that Mackenzie's odd behavior is actually a clear sign that she likes her and that she starts work at the design studio tomorrow. 
​
While standing at an overlook above downtown L.A., Jess tells Jo he found a construction job...and Jo's all, "Hurray!" at that low bar achievement and gives him a congratulatory hug. Jess gushes about how she represents "home" to him and wants to make things permanent, including their [chemistry-free] relationship. When he proposes marriage, Jo kind of laughs (while I laughed too), then sheepishly says she assumed he was kidding. Jess gets visibly pissed off, says he's not in the mood to talk about marriage anymore, and yells at her to get on his motorbike so that he can drop her off at her apartment.

Kimberly arrives at Peter's house dressed in fancy evening wear. She tells him she has two tickets for the opera...and Peter sexily retorts that he hates the opera, tosses the tickets onto the floor, and presses against her for an amorous smooch. 

The next day, Peter is over at the beach house, coaching Michael on what he should say to the medical board in order to successfully back pedal his prior testimony...and Michael says he'd be more than happy to do his bidding in exchange for being out on bail. Peter then informs him that he just started dating Kimberly, and looks totally unfazed when Michael issues a dire warning about how the woman is more than a few clowns short of a circus.

"I should warn you that my ex-wife is an unhinged lunatic."

"I'll translate that to mean she's a tigress in the sack."

Back at the Mackenzie Hart design studio, Richard shows Jane some bad sketches and tells Jane that, basically, Mackenzie wants to rubber stamp her (Jane's) designs under the Mackenzie Hart umbrella. Jane argues that she would much prefer to get credit for her work, and Richard somehow refrains from pointing out that, since she's clearly incapable of running her own design firm, she's certainly not going to get individualized credit while working at a studio run by someone else. He suggests they chat more about it at dinner later. 

Later that evening, Richard escorts Jane to her door...and when he remarks on how she has the skills of a top designer but not the killer instinct, Jane vehemently denies that [totally spot-on] assessment and leans in for a big smooch. Richard's immediate reaction is, "I should get going" - but Jane continues to smooch him and then steers him into her apartment.

Alison calls Pa Armstrong to haughtily inform him that she's resigning from her made-up job, effective right now. Pa Armstrong weakly claims that he merely created a job for her 'cause he has a special eye for talent - but she snarls, "Save it" and says it's obvious that the newly created position had everything to do with Brooke conniving to get her hooks into Billy and then rushing him to the altar.

Peter runs into Kimberly in the hospital parking lot, hands her a bouquet of flowers, and makes it clear how into her he is. As she basks in the flattery, he invites her to be his plus one at the Beverly Hills Physicians' Association cocktail party tomorrow night...and sexily urges her to bring along her toothbrush. As Kimberly blushingly gets into the driver's seat and is ready to drive off, goateed Demon appears in the rearview mirror and admonishes her for getting so distracted with a new romance. Kimberly buries her head in her hands and moans, "I can't taaaaaake this" and proposes killing herself as the only way to get rid of him. She then squeals out of the parking lot and drives maniacally as Demon warns her against doing something she'll regret. She wails that she's ready to die to be rid of him - but when she brings the car to a screeching halt, she's relieved that Demon's unsightly reflection is no longer staring back at her. She happily murmurs, "I'm free" [though, spoiler: not].

"Don't do anything sensible that I might regret."

"Fortunately for you, there's almost zero chance of that."

Pa Armstrong calls Brooke at D&D to inform her that Alison just quit her fake job, knows about her/Billy's wedding, and is likely returning to the U.S. as they speak. Brooke says she's worried that Alison is going to spoil her wedding and snappishly orders her pa to keep Alison from finding out Billy's general whereabouts until they're safely hitched. After she slams down the phone, Amanda walks over and admits that she's the one who spilled the beans to Alison about the wedding - but before Brooke can react to that act of blabbery, Billy ambles into his cubicle and agrees to Brooke's urgent request to keep the wedding planning on schedule by staying at Casa Armstrong tonight.

Jo drops by Jess's workplace/construction site and says she was worried when he didn't come home last night. Jess apologizes, admits to being a jerk, and explains that her refusal to commit to marriage really got under his skin. Jo ignores that red flag and reminds him that before last night they never talked about commitment, and doesn't know if she's even interested in anything long-term - just as the foreman yells at Jess to stop jabbering with his girlfriend and get back to work. 

Mackenzie tells Richard she tried calling him several times last night, so he fibs that he was working late with Jane...and when she asks if he slept with her, he gives her an adamant no, but then reminds her that they agreed it was OK for each of them to see other people. Mackenzie says she only faux agreed to that so she wouldn't lose him, adding that she can't stand the thought of him doinking another woman. She self-deprecatingly says she totally gets that she's no spring chicken - but is sure he feels a little something for her...and when Richard half-heartedly agrees that he does, Mackenzie leans in for a smooch. From across the studio, Jane happens to glance over at that moment and witnesses the canoodling.

Matt arrives at Paul's house for some takeout Chinese food. Paul says he hasn't heard from Carol, and that she left a lot of her things behind...like the expensive candle holders on the table, for example. Matt unwisely picks up one of the candle holders to admire it close up, and the camera pans in to emphasize that he noticeably gets his fingerprints all over it. 

Jane snippily tells Richard that she spotted him and Mackenzie smooching earlier, and Richard sheepishly informs her that he routinely puts out in order to keep his well-paying job. Jane declares that she won't play the role of "the other woman", especially since he's not married, then leans in for a kiss...and for some reason doesn't ask why Mackenzie and Richard have the same last name (which I found rather confusing).

Alison has boarded an L.A. bound plane, which suddenly experiences mechanical issues and is now going to be delayed for four hours. Alison complains to her disinterested seat mate that it looks as though she's not going to make it to a wedding nobody wants her at.

At the Beverly Hills Physicians' Association cocktail party, a hot and bothered Kimberly tells Peter she wants to jump his bones right now, and he tells her the feeling's mutual and that he'll prove it to her - but only after he's done networking with other rich doctors. As they press against each other and suck face, they're interrupted by Michael and his date (Sydney). Kimberly warns Sydney that dating a classless brute like Michael could be hazardous to her health, and Michael quickly tires of the tedious back and forth and says he's off to make small talk with people who can further his medical career. Kimberly, meanwhile, excuses herself and heads over to the ladies room.  

"I didn't know the party hosts were allowing demented criminals to attend."

"I was about to remark on that very thing while gesturing at you specifically."

Demon is staring at Kimberly from the ladies room mirror and chiding her for letting everyone - Peter included - walk all over her. Kimberly defends Peter and insists on continuing their budding romance, and Demon says 'fine', but then asks what she plans on doing with the others. At that moment, Sydney is about to enter the ladies room - but stops short when she overhears Kimberly telling Demon that she'll kill Michael, along with the Melrose Place residents she most despises...and Sydney backs away from the door, looking thoroughly weirded out.

Wedding day! Billy canoodles Brooke in bed and assures her he has no doubts about marrying a woman he barely knows, and that he wants to grow [slightly] old[er] with her. Brooke gushes about the wonderful life they're going to have, and then the two indulge in a lengthy smoochfest.

Michael tells the medical board panel that his previous testimony about Peter Burns should be considered hogwash, and that performing emergency surgery on Amanda had been necessary. Amanda, meanwhile, testifies that Peter stabbed her with a needle with the intention of needlessly cutting her open...and that if they don't revoke Peter's medical license, she plans to sue each of them for reckless endangerment. With that said, she brusquely announces she has a wedding to get to (LOL) and exits the conference room. She runs into Kimberly, who's canoodling with Peter, and admonishes her for her horrible taste in men...and when Kimberly is called as a character witness, Peter looks helplessly intrigued by the sight of Amanda as she awaits the next available elevator.

At the wedding, Amanda sees that Jane's plus one is Richard Hart, so she tells Jane she kinda admires her ruthlessness in uncharacteristically bulldozing her way into the Mackenzie Hart studio. Elsewhere on the estate, Pa Armstrong warns Billy that Brooke is a spoiled brat who's used to getting what she wants, and therefore he expects her new husband to make her extra happy...and that if he does anything to cause her a nanosecond of discomfort, he'll promptly take away all the perks of marrying into the Armstrong family. Billy puff up his little chest and counter-warns Pa Armstrong that if he does anything to ruin his marriage, "You'll have me to deal with" ... and Pa manages to keep a straight face when he expresses surprise at his new son-in-law's backbone and likes that he's not reacting to his threats like a frightened boy-child.

"If you mess with my marriage, I'll contort my normally blank expression into one of deep annoyance."

"I admire your grit."

Paul drops by Matt's office to tell him he bought groceries for tonight's dinner - but has to work later than planned. He suggests that Matt come by and start cooking...then hands him the keys to the house and assures him that the alarm system won't be set and that he should just make himself at home. [Noooooo, Matt!! Don't do it!]

Peter returns home with Kimberly in tow, and says he hopes the medical board will rule in his favor. Kimberly suggests they bump uglies to pass the time - just as one of the board members telephones to inform Peter that, yep, he gets to keep his medical license. Kimberly gushingly congratulates him and pulls him atop her so they can start going at it - but he suddenly looks not into the prospect of boning her anymore, and tells her he has a ton of work to do before he can get reinstated at the hospital. Ouch. Kimberly looks visibly disappointed as she shuffles over to the door and exits the house...then becomes visibly enraged when she overhears (through an open window) Peter leave an 'I miss you despite having tried to kill you' phone message for Amanda. While all that's happening, Sydney is spying on Kimberly from inside her car across the street...and then Demon appears in the reflection of Peter's living room window, telling Kimberly that since every cast mate on Melrose Place is against her, "it's time". Kimberly must agree, 'cause she promptly climbs into her car and squeals off (and is followed by an increasingly concerned Sydney).

Alison arrives at LAX and jumps into a cab and gives the driver the address of Casa Armstrong.

As soon as Matt lets himself into Paul's house, the security alarm starts blaring. He tries to call Paul, but can't reach him...and a few seconds later, he notices Carol's lifeless body in a nearby bedroom. He stares at the grisly crime scene (blood + the candle stick that was clearly used as the murder weapon) before bolting to the front door - just as police officers burst in and immediately place him under arrest.

Back at Melrose Place, Jess tells Jo he's extremely serious about wanting to marry her and presents her with a ring (without the usual little velvet box). Jo scrunches her face into a seriously? expression and asks him if he purchased the thing legitimately...then says that, sure, the sex is electric [er, OK] - but they should prolly get to know each other better before they even consider getting married. Jess reacts by shooting her the stink-eye and then gives her a brutal looking face smack that knocks her to the floor, and then tries to force the ring onto her finger. Jo yells at him to get out and throws a lamp at him, then locks herself in the bathroom - but Jess breaks the door down and beats her as he barks, "You belong to me, and the rest of the world's going to know it!" He then exits the bathroom, where Jo is laying unconscious on the floor, and snappishly tells her to clean up this mess.

Back at Wedding Central, Billy is about to say "I do" when Alison appears, shrieks, "Billy! Don't!", and frantically explains that Brooke orchestrated her relocation to Hong Kong and falsely led him to believe that she (Alison) didn't love him anymore. Billy just kind of shrugs and says he's determined to get married regardless, and that if she can't respect his decision, she needs to leave. Alison stares at him incredulously for several seconds, then spacily wanders off. 

"Do you take this woman, who you've barely known for a month, as your lawfully wedded wife?"

"The correct answer is: 'I don't.'"

Jane rushes after Alison and offers to give her a ride home, but Alison snarlingly calls her a traitor before stalking off alone...and suffers the indignity of having to listen to the applause of the wedding guests when Billy and Brooke are officially declared husband and wife. 

Brooke tells her pa to do everything within his power to ensure that Alison stays far away from where she and Billy are honeymooning (Hawaii) ... and a few seconds later, the newlyweds climb into a limo while the guests wave goodbye. 

Billy tells Brooke that, oops, he accidentally left their Hawaii plane tickets in his apartment...so Brooke directs the limo driver to make a stop at Melrose Place, then engages in an endless smoochfest with her dimwitted new husband.

Kimberly enters the Melrose Place courtyard carrying gasoline cans, while Sydney is in pursuit and spying on her from several feet away. When Kimberly slips into the laundry room, Sydney follows her and is all 'ack!' when she sees that, along with the gasoline cans, Kimberly also has a stash of dynamite sticks. Sydney foolishly descends the staircase [instead of simply rushing to the nearest phone to alert the bomb squad], where she's quickly confronted by Kimberly...and when Sydney threatens to call the police and then tries to make a break for it, Kimberly grabs her and knocks her unconscious.

Peter receives a delivery, seemingly from Amanda: a bottle of champagne and a note inviting him to meet her at Melrose Place at 6pm. 

Over at the police precinct, Matt is explaining to the detectives that he was at Paul's house to innocently cook him dinner...and when the security alarm went off, he tried to call Paul when he happened to spot Carol's bloodied corpse on the bedroom floor. The detectives inform him that both Carol and Paul have filed harassment complaints against him and advise him to get a lawyer asap - just as Paul appears in the doorway of the interrogation room and cries, "You murdered my wife, you disgusting pervert!" and tells the cops he had warned Carol that Matt was dangerous. Matt finally gets a clue what's really going on here and stares in dazed horror at Paul while murmuring, "You set me up." That he did, Matt. That he did.

Kimberly has tied and gagged Sydney, and is humming to herself as she carries in more flammables and glances over at a homemade bomb. She openly tells Sydney how the carnage will unfold via the four firebombs that have been strategically placed throughout the Melrose Place complex:

• The first one will blow up the laundry room
• The second was planted underneath Alison's apartment, but only 'cause she lives next door to Matt (who she hates with the intensity of a thousand suns)
• Either I missed it, or she skipped the details about the third firebomb
• The fourth and biggest firebomb is reserved for Amanda for the crime of catching the roving eye of her philandering clown of a husband

Kimberly gleefully tells Sydney that with one push of the detonator button all of Melrose Place will be toast...then orders her to talk to Michael on the phone and urge him to come over, pronto. She warns Sydney that if she refuses or tips Michael off that he's going to be walking into a bomb situation, she'll take a blow torch to her face. A terrified Sydney complies and tells Michael to get over to Melrose Place asap, fibbing that Kimberly wants to confess to him personally for being the one who stalked Amanda and set him up for the assault in the beach house. She urges him to come quickly, adding that they'll be waiting for him in the laundry room.

"Would you like to know, in very granular detail, where every bomb has been planted and my specific reasoning for planting them in their chosen spots?"

"Um, sure..?"

Peter arrives at Melrose Place, clutching his bottle of champagne, and quickly runs into Amanda and Jake. When Amanda's all, "The fuck are you doing here?", he stares at her in puzzlement and says he received a note from her, asking him to drop by at 6pm. Amanda denies sending him any note - just as a severely injured Jo crawls out of her apartment and cries for help. Jake races up the stairs, becomes red with fury when he learns that she was beaten by Jess, and runs off to confront his douchebag of a yokelly brother. Amanda calls 911, then helps Peter carry Jo inside her apartment so that he can properly attend to her.

Alison, meanwhile, is holed up in her apartment (which it looks like she kept despite moving to Hong Kong) with a bottle of vodka. When she looks out the window and spots Billy and Brooke walking hand-in-hand across the courtyard, she reacts by guzzling the vodka.

Jake storms over to the construction site, climbs to the upper level where Jess is working, and gives his brother a well-deserved punch in the face. Jess snarls that the beating he gave his fiancée is none of his bidness, then comes right out and admits that, yep, he was behind the Shooters robbery that was supposed to result in his demise. He grumbles that he now has to finish the job himself, and an enraged Jake lunges at him...sending both men flying off the building with an unknown fate, 'cause the camera pans away. 

Back at Melrose Place, Michael finds Sydney tied and gagged in the laundry room...and as he's pulling off her restraints, Kimberly hits him on the head from behind. He turns around and wrestles her to the ground and successfully knocks her out, and Sydney warns him that they have to skedaddle asap 'cause there are bombs planted everywhere. The two race out of the laundry room and start knocking on doors, frantically warning everyone about impending doom - but are met with skepticism (by Jane), as well as outright indifference (by Alison, who drunkenly yells at them to leave her alone). Mackenzie Hart suddenly arrives, sees Richard canoodling Jane, and yells, "Whore!" - LOL - and Michael warns that there's no time - no time! - to slut-shame Jane 'cause a series of bombs are about to go off. Billy rushes upstairs to his apartment to fetch Brooke - just as Kimberly emerges from the laundry to gleefully inform everyone, "It's not what it looks like", then pushes the button on the detonator and grinningly adds, "It's worse." 

And this is where the writers decided to abruptly end the Season 3 finale.

​Thoughts? Questions?

​Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!

---