Melrose Place - Season 3, Episode 17

The precise moment Peter decides that Amanda needs killing

"They Shoot Mothers, Don't They? (Parts 1 & 2)"
Original airdate: 1/16/1995

Episode summary: Peter prescribes Amanda THC pills as part of his scheme to oust her from D&D. Jo learns that the Carters hired Emily to kidnap her baby. Alison dumps Terry when she finds him in bed with a sports groupie. Sydney gets a new roommate who shows signs of being in a cult.

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Recap: Jo races over to Shooters to tell Jake that her baby was just abducted by the nanny, and that she really really wants to call the police - but can't 'cause of her involvement in the ill-thought-out Pretend the Baby Was Stillborn conspiracy so she wouldn't be forced to surrender him to the Carters. Jake chews on this latest development for a few seconds, then points out that it seems as though the nanny went out of her way to kidnap the baby in front of her, and Jo's like, "OMG!" and realizes that Emily didn't want just any baby...she wanted her baby. 

Jo makes a beeline over to the hospital to bark at Kimberly, "I know you have him, you crazy bitch" and hisses that she'll die before she allows her to steal her son again. Kimberly just chuckles breezily, then pulls Jo aside to privately express her amusement that her baby was kidnapped on her watch, and smugly reveal that she recently placed a call to the Carters to let them know their grandchild was still alive. She haughtily adds, "Frankly, I felt it was my civic duty", and an enraged Jo responds by giving her a well-deserved punch in the face.

Peter and Caitlin are going at it in the sack before Peter lets out an exhausted sigh and says he needs to get up and head over to the hospital before Michael shows up for his shift. Caitlin informs him that she's nearly finished with her faux study of D&D's inefficiencies, and Peter smiles approvingly and says their next step will be to nullify Amanda's contact so that she (Caitlin) can take over as the company's president...despite her having zero qualifications or the relevant experience necessary to be the top executive at a large Los Angeles advertising agency.

Amanda drops by Sydney's apartment to inform her that she recently met with the Rent Control Board to get official approval to increase the rent on Melrose Place's until-now undervalued apartments. She tells Sydney she's going to have to cough up an additional $200 a month...and when Sydney pales and says she can't afford such a hefty rent hike, Amanda's like, "Sucks to be you" and says she expects to receive the full amount by the end of the week, or get thirty days' notice that she's moving on to cheaper pastures.

"Your apartment is undervalued, so I'm raising the rent."

"But doesn't me living in it keep its value low?"

Later at D&D, Caitlin shows Amanda some info on the First Security Insurance Company and says that the rates are significantly lower than what D&D is paying now. Amanda looks intrigued by the prospect of saving money for the company and asks what the hitch is, so Caitlin says it's that all employees will be required to take a mandatory drug test. Amanda tells her she looooooves the idea of rooting out any substance abusers, given the large expense of Alison's recent stint at Twin Oaks, and Caitlin promises to make all the arrangements - but insists that Amanda be the one to make the announcement about the mandatory drug test. Amanda assures her she's A-OK with that, given that drug abuse would be grounds for firing anyway...and as she exits the office, Caitlin glares after her before calling Peter and telling  him, "It's your turn now, darling. Go to work."

Jane is at her design studio, imploring a vendor to give her an extension for the payment of her outstanding bills, when Sydney drops by to complain about Amanda's rent increase. When Jane commiserates about her own money problems, Sydney proposes they solve their collective financial issues by moving in together. Jane makes it clear that she's not at all into that idea, then suggests to Sydney she do something normal for once in her life and find a roommate to split costs.

Back at D&D, Amanda informs the staff that they're all about to be subjected to mandatory drug testing so that the company can switch over to a far cheaper insurance carrier. After she adjourns the meeting, Billy pulls Alison aside and dishes about how Peter and Caitlin are hitting the sheets together, and Alison's all, "Wha-a-a?" and advises Billy to stay out of it and not divulge the details to Amanda - just as Terry arrives to escort Alison to their next AA meeting. 

Over at the beach house, Michael tells Kimberly he's planning to ride the coattails of Peter's fraudulent scheme framework so that he too can break the law by getting kickbacks from medical suppliers. He adds that he has a golf date with Peter tomorrow, and is trying to finagle a way to become a partner in his exclusive Beverly Hills practice. Kimberly looks visibly turned on by his deviousness and purrs, "I love it when you exploit your resources, baby", and then the two start going at it. 

After enjoying a cozy dinner in, Peter tells Amanda she has the flu, as is evidenced by her swollen glands, then prescribes a round of antibiotics and says it's imperative she take every last pill...and somehow Amanda doesn't detect any red flags with that, despite it being fairly common knowledge that since the flu is a viral (and not a bacterial) infection, antibiotics are not an effective treatment.

Jake drops by Jo's apartment while she's packing a small suitcase to ready herself to hit the road in her search of the Carters so she can reclaim her [twice-kidnapped] baby. When Jake spots a gun among her things, he grabs it and warns against doing something stupid, to which she wails, "I can't just sit around and do nothing!" Jake suggests she leave the gun at home and instead take him with her, and she says she definitely likes the sound of that idea and gives him a grateful hug.

While golfing, Peter warns Michael that he won't allow himself to be strong-armed into becoming anyone's fraud mentor...and Michael smugly warns that if he refuses, he'll tank his career by tattling to the medical board about his illegal kickbacks. He adds that he expects to assist in all major cardiac surgeries and also be assigned his own major surgeries, then further suggests they start co-authoring articles for publication in medical journals. Peter says that they might be able to work something out, then tells Michael he wants him to take over the administrative duties of a new research project so that it remains active for the long term and available to earn kickbacks from...then winks and says that the mortgage on his new Aspen ski house is killin' him.

"I need you to take the lead on one of the many fake research projects I'm currently profiting from."

"That sounds like just the thing that will bring us closer together as bros."

Amanda arrives at the hospital to see Peter, and Kimberly tells her he's not around 'cause he took the day off to golf with Michael - but that he left her a prescription for her non-flu. Kimberly then says that since their men have suddenly become good friends, she and Peter should come to the beach house so they can all enjoy a double date dinner.

Amanda makes a beeline over to Matt's office to ask him to look into Peter's research project and determine if it's a legitimately funded venture...then backtracks to explain that she originally tapped Michael to do it, but doesn't trust his findings. Matt agrees that, yep, Michael is indeed as corrupt as they come, but then wonders aloud to Amanda why in blazes he should do her any favours...so she promises that in exchange for his services, she won't raise his Melrose Place rent.

Jake and Jo take a break from road tripping and stop in at a diner...and Jake scarfs down his meal and urges Jo to do the same - but she tells him she's not hungry. A few seconds later, he gets up to pay the bill, and when Jo glances across the diner, she spots Emily walking off with her baby. Jo gets up and races after her - but quickly realizes that the woman merely resembles Emily...and Jake sees what's happening and rushes over to give Jo a comforting canoodle and assure her that they'll find her tot soon.

Sydney is in an L.A. diner, posting a roommate wanted ad on the bulletin board before chatting it up with the friendly waitress (Rikki). When Rikki sees the ad, she asks what the apartment is like...and when Sydney tells her it's an affordable paradise on earth, Rikki says she just happens to be looking for a new home and would looooove to come by tomorrow and take a look.

Jo and Jake arrive at the Carter residence, but quickly realize that no one is home. As Jake tries to open one of the windows, a suspicious neighbor ambles over and demands to know whassup...then overshares that Ma and Pa Carter are vacationing at their lake cabin. He then orders them to get lost before he calls the police, and Jake hastily assures him they're leaving as he and Jo climb back into the car and hit the road. 
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Billy complains to Matt about how he hardly ever sees Alison anymore, so Matt explains that Alison is likely consumed with the alcoholic recovery process and is making not falling off the wagon her top priority. He urges Billy to be less whiny and more supportive, and suggests he attend one of Alison's AA meetings so he can learn more about how overcoming addiction works. Billy takes Matt's advice to heart and heads over to the AA meeting - just as Alison is sharing to the group about how super supportive and awesome her new squeeze Terry has been during her recovery. Billy reacts by looking visibly irked at getting no recognition for his efforts to help her get/stay on the wagon and contorts his face in miffed irritation.

That night at a roadside motel, Jo tells Jake she worries that this road trip/search for her son will be a fruitless endeavor - but Jake promises that they'll find him very soon, then leans in for a kiss...and soon the two are amorously going at it.

While checking out of the motel the next morning, Jake learns from the desk clerk that Clear Lake is a popular vacation spot for people who live around these parts. Jake mulls that over and asks to see the local phone book, and grins when he discovers a listing for Dennis Carter. He then rushes back to the motel room, wakes Jo, and gleefully informs her, "We're going fishing."

While lounging in bed one morning, Alison tells Terry she feels alienated from everyone in her past life, and Terry interprets this to mean that her former friends have changed their attitude about her now that she's serious about her sobriety, and decrees that if they don't "roll with it" they become dead weight. He suggests the two of them get out of town for awhile and invites her to accompany him to Miami to watch one of his football games...and Alison excitedly agrees to fly out after work and meet him at his hotel. 

Rikki drops by Melrose Place to check out Sydney's apartment, and Sydney tells her that her share would be $400, and that the building is clean, quiet, and centrally located. She warns that the tenants can be nosey and that the landlord is "a real witch" - but a unfazed Rikki says she has no problems dealing with difficult people. She asks if there are any cute guys on the premises, and Sydney tells her there are a couple [among some otherwise pretty slim pickins'] ... and Rikki beams, says she likes the apartment a lot, and remarks in her weird, automaton-type way, "I feel like I'm home already."

"This apartment complex has a small supply of fuckable studs, but a large supply of nosy bitches."

"Sounds like the kind of soapy drama I could definitely get on board with."

Matt drops by D&D to inform Amanda that Peter's grant project has been defunct for years, and that he has evidence Michael has just been installed as the contact person for a fraudulent new grant project. 

Amanda promptly storms over to the hospital to chide Michael for being "a selfish little worm" for lying to her about the legitimacy of Peter's grant project, and looking to get kickbacks of his own. She also warns that he's a fool for believing he can pull off something so brazenly fraudulent, not least 'cause he's an amateur when it comes to dealing with a seasoned bad guy like Peter. Michael assures her he can take of himself, then studies her flushed face for a few seconds before remarking on how unwell she looks, and condescendingly urges her to get some much needed rest. 

While en route to Clear Lake, Jake tells Jo he has no regrets about their romp last night, and that he once again feels close to her. Jo says that she too loved the sexing - but that the rescue and general welfare of her son remains her top priority.

A representative from First Security Insurance questions Amanda about her drug use, and she says the only thing she's currently taking is a round of antibiotics for her non-flu, and insists that she's not into any kind of recreational drugs. She tells him she wishes that his tests could detect alcohol abuse, then complains that D&D was stuck paying a huge rehab bill for a troubled alcoholic who recently sought out treatment. The rep tells her that in most companies, 2-5% of drug tests come back "not clean", and Amanda perks up at that and says she can't wait to see which employees are closet drug abusers. 

Jo and Jake are staking out the Carters' lake cabin when they spot a car pull up. They  covertly watch as the Carters exit the car with bags of groceries - but see no sign of Jo's baby. Jake wonders aloud if maybe the Carters didn't arrange for Emily to kidnap the tot - but Jo insists they did, and that she can feeeeeel it. 

Amanda is swallowing another round of "antibiotics" when Peter calls to say hey and once again ensure that she takes every last pill he prescribed. He tells her he's lounging in bed thinking about her...and when he hangs up, we see that Caitlin is laying beside him, and a few seconds later the two start going at it. 
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Rikki is moving her stuff into Sydney's apartment, with the help of three friends. Rikki introduces them (Trish, Anna, and Becky) to Sydney and tells her that not only does she have a new roommate, she has a whole new set of friends. She then spots Billy ambling around the courtyard and asks Sydney if she's ever had the pleasure of being boned by him, and Sydney makes a blech face at that prospect and says she's never once contemplated it, and Rikki gaily takes her by the hand and predicts that the two of them are going to get into a whole lotta fun trouble. 

Amanda arrives at her D&D office and is startled to see the First Security Insurance rep, Caitlin, and Peter waiting for her. The rep informs Amanda that her drug test was positive for THC, aka an active ingredient in marijuana...and as she stares back at him in stunned incredulity, Peter stonily reminds Amanda that her D&D contract includes a sternly worded "no drug use" clause, and that he has no choice but to terminate the contract. Amanda calls this allegation ridiculous as it dawns on her that this has all been a set up. She calls out Peter for prescribing pills with THC and calls his plot "a twisted game", and Caitlin declares her fired and orders her to turn in her pass card and keys. Peter robotically tells Amanda it's hard to lose her, but that there's not much he can do after she turned to drugs as a crutch. Amanda hotly insists that this game is not over, and seethes, "I'm going to hand you your jewels on a silver platter."

"The test results indicate that you're a hopeless pothead."

"I'm a what now?"

Alison arrives at Terry's Miami hotel room, and he gushes about how delighted he is that she's here and gives her a welcome kiss and canoodle.

Back at the Carter Cabin Stakeout, Jo and Jake witness a car pull up...and out comes Emily Baldwin carrying Jo's baby. The Carters open the front door and greet Emily...and Jake has to physically restrain Jo from leaping out of the car to reclaim her child. He points out that in order to resolve the custody issue in an above board manner, they're going to need to rat out the Carters by calling the police. To that end, he's going to run down the road to the nearest pay phone and make the call...and he sternly orders her to stay inside the car while he's gone.

Jo notices Pa Carter exit the cabin with a rifle and decides 'why not ignore Jake's sage advice about staying put 'til he comes back in a few minutes?' and quietly climbs out of the car and hides behind some nearby foliage. Ma Carter steps out onto porch, looks around as if she senses that someone is lurking nearby and yells, "Who's out there?!" Jo emerges from the foliage and marches towards her while bellowing, "You have my baby!" - just as Pa Carter appears behind her and cocks his rifle. Jo stares at him nervously - but then turns back around and sprints towards the cabin...and Pa Carter opens fire on her while Jake, who has since returned from the phone booth, yells "Noooooo!!" as the camera pans to Jo running in slo-mo before she's shot in the back and crashes to the ground. 

After the commercial break, a team of first responders are clustered around the crime scene. The paramedics wheel Jo away on a stretcher, while the sheriff arrests Pa Carter for attempted murder. Jake glares disdainfully at Ma Carter and snarlingly warns, "You'd better hope that Jo recovers."

Back at Melrose Place, Amanda tells Billy that she lost her job after being set up by Peter...then suddenly recalls that one of the pills he prescribed to her fell behind her dresser. Billy says that he too has some interesting dish and tells her that at the end of the previous episode he witnessed Peter and Caitlin going at it at her house. Amanda's all, "Sonofabitch!" and says it all makes sense now: Peter wanted her to violate her contract so he could oust her from the company and install his former lover. She then asks Billy to help her move the heavy dresser so she can slip behind it...and a few seconds later she triumphantly holds up the missing pill.

Rikki tells Sydney about her awe-inspiring friend Martin, a charismatic motivational speaker/guru who leads overpriced personal fulfillment seminars...and Sydney refrains from pointing out that he sounds like a common hustler and/or possible cult leader. 

In a hospital near Clear Lake, Jake assures Jo that she's going to be A-OK, then apologizes for leaving her alone during their cabin stakeout. He assures her that the baby is fine and under the care of a social worker...and that there's going to be a custody hearing in Los Angeles in a few days. When Jo wails, "I can't dooooo that again!", Jake says he's somehow sure that everything is going to work out well in the end, 'cause no judge in his right mind would ever award custody of a baby to a rifle-toting wackadoodle like Pa Carter. 

In Miami, Terry is in a very pissy mood after his team lost the football game. He snarlingly tells Alison he really really needs a drink from the hotel room's mini-bar, and she implores him to not throw away six weeks of sobriety for a lousy football game. He screams, "It's the playoffs!" (LOL) and chides her for not understanding the monumental importance of possibly not making it to the Super Bowl. Alison pleads with him to deal with his bad mood in a way that doesn't include alcohol, e.g. indulge in a romp, or go for a walk. Terry manages to calm himself down enough to take her advice, then bitchily orders her to get the booze out of the mini-bar asap...and says this as though it was somehow Alison's failing that the mini-bar in his hotel room was stocked wth booze.  

"I need a drink to badly cope with my dismal performance on the football field."

"Would a randy romp or a romantic walk on the beach help with that?"

Matt shows Amanda the results of his investigation and remarks that something is rotten in the state of the various research projects with which Peter has associated himself. He adds that the most incriminating documents are likely being stored on Peter's computer. 

Jo wakes up in her hospital bed to the sight of Ma Carter - ack! - looming over her with a menacing expression. She angrily insists to Jo that she hasn't won this fight, and that she and her trigger-happy husband will keep her tied up in court for years over the custody of a baby that is all they have left of their murdered son...and says this as though Reed didn't turn out to be a demented drug dealer who attempted to murder Jo. Jo bellows at her to get out of her room, and Ma Carter pronounces that she'd rather let God take her grandson than allow her (Jo) to be his mother. Yeesh.

Matt informs Amanda that the results are in: the pill she found behind the dresser is laced with THC...and, yes, it can be traced back to Peter after some extra fancy testing that's going to take around two weeks. When Amanda says she needs that proof now, Matt suggests she bluff to Peter that she's currently in possession of the proof. He then vows to keep digging into Peter's fraudulent activities, and Amanda grins and says she rather likes this devious side to his otherwise bland personality.

Alison arrives at D&D and notices that a group of her colleagues are milling around tearfully...and when she asks Billy whaddup with the general vibe of sadness, he tells her that Caitlin just fired a bunch of people. Alison grimaces and says she fully expects to be canned next - but Billy assures her it won't happen 'cause he asked Caitlin at dinner the other night to keep her on the payroll. A few seconds later, Alison receives a phone call from Terry, and Billy makes it clear how irked he is that she's spending D&D work time cooing at her quarterback boyfriend.

Back at the hospital, Amanda confronts Peter about the THC drugs he's been slipping her without her knowledge or consent...and further explains that she knows for a fact it's THC 'cause she had one of the capsules analyzed. She reminds him that the annual D&D board is convening in a couple of days...and demands that he make an appearance in order to publicly apologize to her, then toss Caitlin out of the company in favor of her being reinstalled as company president. Peter chuckles and breezily tells her she has no proof that he did anything wrong, and that he highly doubts anyone on the board is going to take seriously the ravings of a disgruntled pot head. As he excuses himself and saunters off down the hall, Amanda mockingly tells him he's been too good of a teacher...and bluffs that she has solid proof that can tie him to the prescription of the THC pills, along with all of the kickbacks he's been receiving. Peter pauses and stares worriedly into space for several seconds, then continues walking while Amanda stares after him with an expression of smug satisfaction. 

"I have proof that you drugged me with THC."

"You know I can just kill you, right?"

Peter tells Michael they have problems, namely that Amanda knows enough about their fake research projects to put an end to their illegal kickbacks. He adds that Amanda now knows her prescription pills were laced with THC, and that the only THC pills in this hospital are tied to the fake grant project he (Michael) is heading up. As Michael grumblingly complains about "how convenient" that is, Peter suggests they set up a midnight meeting with Amanda to pay her off as a means of shutting her up, and Michael detects no red flags with that plan and agrees to make the call.

Jo is back at home in the company of Jane and Jake as she begins to recuperate from her gunshot injury. When Jake ambles off to see if there's any news about Baby Austin, Jo laments being the world's worst mother and wails about how her life is soooo outa control - but Jane wankingly points out that she risked her life to save Austin, which actually makes her a great mother. Jo decrees that she only wants to do what's right for her child, and that she'll have the chance to express this fervent wish during tomorrow's court hearing. 

Sydney is chatting with Rikki when she runs into Jake in the Melrose Place courtyard. She asks him if he's OK and says she heard the tale about the Carters and bullets flying everywhere - but he just grunts that he can't talk about it right now and rushes off to his apartment. Rikki remarks on what a smoke-show Jake is and what a shame it is that he dumped her...then urges Sydney to come along to the next cult gathering so she can meet Martin, aka the man who showed her the pathway to making all of her dreams come true.

While dining at a fancy restaurant, Terry laments nearly falling off the wagon in Miami and apologizes to Alison for acting like such a crazed lunatic. He further acknowledges that he's going to need to find a better way to cope with losing football games and, to that end, is seeing a psychiatrist who specializes in counselling self-absorbed football players. Alison gushes about how proud she is of him, and he responds by presenting her with a large diamond ring. When she stares at it in stunned silence, he hastily says that if she isn't ready to tie the knot with someone she just met a few weeks ago (!), she should think of the bauble as a friendship ring and a token of how much she means to him. 

Michael calls Amanda and fibs that he just learned that Peter is out to destroy the both of them. He says he has irrefutable proof of his illegal activities, and that this proof can be found in Peter's office. Amanda perks up at that and agrees to meet up with him at the hospital at midnight.  

During a meeting at D&D, Billy notices Alison's large diamond ring and grumbles about how she's clearly substituting one addiction for another. Alison says she'd love it if could be happy for her, but he just shakes his head disdainfully and calls her "a classic co-dependent."

During the custody court hearing, the Carters argue that Jo doesn't deserve to be a mother...and then the lawyers argue back and forth about who is better suited to raise Baby Austin. Pa Carter snarlingly reminds everyone that Jo trespassed on his cabin property, to which Jo's lawyer points out she only did that 'cause he hired a fake nanny to kidnap her baby...and then Ma Carter wails about how Jo started this whole thing by leading them to believe he had been stillborn. A fed up Jo stands up and self-righteously bellows, "Just stop this madness!" and says she's at the point where she's willing to trust the judge to decree that Baby Austin be raised by neither she nor the Carters, and instead be placed with a loving adoptive family so that he no longer has to endure this "unholy war". She glares at Ma Carter and sanctimoniously says, "That's how much I love him. How much do you love him?" Ma Carter declares that she and her husband are taking their grandson home, but the judge is all, "The fuck you are", orders her to sit her ass back down, and chides her and her husband for being morally bankrupt. He says that since Pa Carter injured Jo when he shot her, the custody agreement that had been in place is hereby nullified...then turns to Jo and says he's definitely in favor of exploring a living arrangement that doesn't involve anyone in this courtroom. 

"You and your husband are a pair of morally bankrupt fucktwats."

"Fair point."

Sydney arrives at her first cult meeting, and Rikki happily greets her before Martin saunters over to say hey and introduce himself as Mr. Charisma. As Sydney stares at him in mesmerized fascination [despite him seeming less than mesmerizing], he urges her to sit in the front row...then begins his sermon to the cultists on how to not be treated like crap.

Over at the hospital, Amanda and Michael have broken into Peter's office and are about to search his computer when Peter bursts in and warns, "Stop where you are!" Amanda defiantly warns Peter that she's going to beat him at his own game - just as he pulls out a needle, then grabs Amanda and jabs her with it. As a horrified Michael's all WTF?, Peter eggs him on to diagnose Amanda's sudden abdominal pain as acute appendicitis as she begins screaming in pain and weakly collapsing. When a troubled looking Michael threatens to call the police, Peter derisively tells him not to be stupid, and that if he sticks with the program, the two of them will soon be co-running the hospital. He then motions at Amanda and points out, "You've lost patients before. One more's not going to make a difference." The two then begin wheeling her to the OR.

While looming over an unconscious Amanda on the operating table, Peter orders Michael to make the first incision...and when Michael hesitates, Peter says he's going to need to perform this ill-fated operation if he has any hope of joining his Beverly Hills practice [in addition to co-running the hospital, I assume]. Michael suddenly decides he doesn't give a rat's ass about that anymore and declares to the bewildered OR staff, "There's nothing wrong with this patient!" and yells that Peter is intent on killing her. Peter counters that Michael is the one who's unstable and declares that he'll make the first incision - but before he's able to cut into Amanda's abdomen, Michael lunges at him and tackles him to the ground.

Alison arrives at Terry's place carrying a bag of groceries...and when he doesn't respond to her 'hello, is anyone home?', she wanders over to the bedroom and finds a naked woman astride him in his bed. When Terry sees her standing in the doorway, staring at the two of them in shocked revulsion, he scrambles out of the bed and tries to breezily pass off the sexing she just witnessed as a meaningless encounter with "some no name bimbo who hit on me", then self-piteously adds that hitting the sheets with strangers remains part of his addiction issues. Alison shoots him a disgusted stink-eye, chides him for not taking responsibility for his brazen whoring, and gives him his "friendship ring" back.

Amanda wakes up in her hospital bed, determines that she's well enough to get up and check herself out, and finds her clothes in the closet. A few seconds later, Michael enters the room and asks her where she thinks she's going, and she tells him she needs to get to the D&D board meeting asap so that she can save her job. Michael informs her that he told the police everything and that Peter is likely going to prison for a very long time...then says she should thank him for saving her life 'cause he was a hero in the OR. Amanda just rolls her eyes and replies, "If you say so."

While cleaning tables at Shooters, Sydney tells Rikki she really dug Martin after listening to his bullcack the other night. Rikki says there's still time to sign up for Martin's get-rich-quick seminar, and Sydney agrees that it'd prolly be educational [highly doubtful], but that she doesn't have the $1200 to pay the exorbitant registration fee. Rikki claims she knows people who have earned 50K in the first six months following the seminar [highly doubtful] and offers to talk to Martin about giving her a break on the price. She solemnly adds, "We're here to help because we care."

Amanda and Michael crash the D&D board meeting, much to the surprise and annoyance of Caitlin. Amanda tells the board about how Peter drugged her with THC pills, an allegation that Michael fully corroborates. Amanda goes on to describe Peter's attack on her last night, and that as a result he'll likely be in prison for years. As Caitlin gasps in shock, Michael dishes to the board about how she was Peter's secretary/secret lover in Minneapolis, and somehow now fancies herself executive material. Caitlin denies her intimate ties to Peter, insists that Amanda is a disgruntled drug fiend, and that she could run D&D far better. Amanda chuckles about what a crock of shit that is, and says she has a proven track record of being one of the best account executives in the business. Caitlin snarlingly counters that she's a self-centred, backstabbing twisted tramp, but Amanda says the only thing she's guilty of is trusting Peter to be what he pretended to be. A fed up Caitlin bitchily rails to no one in particular about how sick and tired she is of people usurping her power, then cries, "I'm not having it! I will not have it!" and pounds her fists on the table. As the board members look visibly troubled by the unbecoming outburst, Amanda reminds them that they have the power to vote for who they want to run D&D. The Board Chair finally speaks up and says that since Peter has shown such an appalling lack of judgement in every conceivable way, he doesn't think a vote is going to be necessary. He turns to Caitlin and coldly says, "I think you need a vacation. Somewhere else" and says she has five minutes to pack up her stuff. An incensed Caitlin vows, "You'll all be sorry you ever messed with me", to which Amanda haughtily retorts, "I'm already sorry I ever met you." 

"You're a vindictive, two-faced hussy."

"You must be Pot. I'm Kettle."

Alison encounters Terry while she's heading back to D&D and firmly tells him she has nothing left to say to him. He insists that he's willing to put in the time it's going to take to win back her trust and get his act together, but she firmly tells him it's too late, and that she's finally seen him for the irredeemable jerkwad he truly is...as well as a self-absorbed muscle-head who's intent on falling off the wagon and bedding as many groupies as possible. Terry angrily reminds her that he's a famous football star and that she's the loser in the equation, but she just shakes her head and calls him pathetic.

Back at the courthouse, Jo has agreed to allow her baby to be adopted, and is given permission to spend a few minutes cuddling with the tot as part of a very loooooong, drawn-out goodbye. She tearfully vows to think about him every day, begs him not to hate her, and promises that he'll have a wonderful life with people who can give him all the things she's unable, unwilling, and incapable of providing. Baby Austin responds by letting out a long sigh of relief that this tedious custody storyline has finally reached its conclusion. Sorry, no - that was me.

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