Recap: Jo is in the process of (unsuccessfully) interviewing for a nanny when Jake drops by her apartment. She grumbles that so far none of the applicants has been up to her lofty standards...and when Jake offers to watch the baby, she chuckles before hastily pointing out that she needs someone who's available full time. A few seconds later, they hear a woman's voice in the courtyard calling for Jo...and when they step outside to stare down at the courtyard, they're startled by the sight of a young woman wearing a Mary Poppins-esque black coat and clutching a matching umbrella. She introduces herself as Emily Baldwin, says she heard about the opening for a baby nanny, and makes her way upstairs. Emily gives Jo an oral history of her nannying experience...and when Jo's baby wakes up and starts crying, she walks over, picks him up, and gives him a reassuring cuddle. Jo looks impressed by how quickly the tot stops crying, then idiotically decides that since Emily's references sound sooooo great she's going to hire this complete stranger on the spot. She tells Emily that she's having some unspecified "family problems" at the moment, which means it's imperative that she and her baby stay well below the radar. Emily assures her she's A-OK with that, then offers to make her some breakfast. Amanda arrives at D&D and is irked when she sees a woman sitting at her desk, using her phone and computer. When Amanda barks at her to get the hell out before she calls security, the woman explains that she's an efficiency expert who was just hired by Peter, then hands her the phone and tells her she can take it up with him directly. Peter confirms that, yep, he did in fact hire Caitlin Mills to run roughshod over D&D and root out any employees who might be cheating the company and/or slacking off. Amanda looks visibly annoyed by not getting a heads up about this as while Caitlin just stares back at her in smug amusement.
Over at Twin Oaks, Alison and Terry are all packed up and ready to return to their normal lives. The two say goodbye to each other, agree that they couldn't have survived rehab without one another's support, then lean to engage in an amorous smoochfest. When the two exit the rehab center, they find Billy waiting out front. Alison introduces him to Terry...and after Terry saunters off to climb into a waiting cab, Billy tells Alison he recognizes the dude as a famous quarterback. Amanda storms over to the hospital to give Peter the what for for hiring an efficiency expert without consulting her, so he explains that he did it 1) to protect his investment, and 2) to make her life easier. He then pivots to tonight's dinner and creepily instructs her to wear her skimpy black dress so that he can show her off as the delectable eye candy he thinks of her as - just as Michael bursts into the office to complain about being banned from the OR for two surgeries. He whines that it sends the message to his colleagues that he's a screwup, and Peter's like, "You are a screwup" and snappishly orders him to get the hell out of his office. After Michael dutifully storms out, Peter shakes his head at Amanda and laments letting her talk him into rehiring that dipshit...and when she wryly reminds him, "Back then you couldn't say no to me" , he pompously retorts, "I can now." Ouch. The Melrose Place clan throws a Welcome home, Alison! party in the courtyard to coincide with her return from Twin Oaks. They pour glasses of sparkling cider and toast to her general wellbeing - just as Sydney puts in an unexpected appearance and jokingly remarks on how she won't expect to see Alison at Shooters anymore, har har. After that joke lands like a lead balloon, Alison thanks everyone for the lovely party, then says she's tired and just wants to turn in...but once she's inside her apartment, she stares wistfully out the window as the clan tosses aside the sparkling cider in favor of beer. At a restaurant across town, Amanda sassily asks Dr. Roth (a doctor at Dunne Caldwell and Peter's benefactor) about the general usefulness of an efficiency expert, and as Peter chides her for snidely bringing that up, Dr. Roth tells her that he's been an efficiency expert at Dunne Caldwell for the past eighteen years. He then references some research project that Peter is currently [pretending to be] involved with...just before Amanda notices him covertly slip Peter an envelop as he smarmily compliments his taste in women. Emily watches Jo as she sings to her baby and gushes about how she's a natural mother...and Jo's like, "Right?" and says there's nothing she wouldn't do for her child. Emily offers to make her a cup of hot cocoa, then makes a beeline over to the phone, makes a call, and tells whoever's on the other end, "I'm in." While lounging in bed the next morning, Peter tells Amanda she was amaaaaazing in the sack last night. He reiterates that Caitlin's presence at D&D is truly to make her life easier and that she was intended as "a gift" - but Amanda points out that Caitlin's superfluous efficiency-ing just diminishes her power. Peter breezily urges patience 'cause it's only a temporary situation...and after he gets up and ambles off to the bathroom, Amanda rifles through his pockets in search for the envelop he received from Dr. Roth the night before. She quickly finds it, sees that it contains a 25K check from Dunne Caldwell, then slips it back into his pocket and climbs back into bed. When Peter emerges from the bathroom, Amanda asks him about the research project that Dr. Roth had mentioned last night, so Peter tells her it's focused around a heart drug (Cardipril), which is designed to improve circulation. He explains that he sends $10 million worth of hospital supply contacts to Dunne Caldwell, and in exchange he gets some much-deserved kickbacks...and it remains unclear why he's telling Amanda about his illicit moneymaking scheme on the eve of dumping her. While photographing the baby, Jo breaks the news to Jake that she's moving back to New York 'cause it's a good place to be anonymous, adding that she's thinking of naming the tot Austin. When Emily arrives at the apartment, she gets wildly wigged out and flails about in a panic when Jo tries to snap her picture...and instead of seeing that as a worrisome red flag, Jo agrees to hand over the camera so that Emily can take a group shot of her, Jake, and the baby.
Alison arrives at D&D and checks in with Amanda, who snarlingly chides her for not coming in extra early on her first day back after rehab. She warns that the company has become a war zone 'cause of the new efficiency expert...and when Alison says she's totally ready to dive back into her job, Amanda's like, "Good 'cause I have zero desire for any handholding" and hands her a tall stack of folders. She says she wants them to reconvene at 7pm to discuss her progress...then rolls her eyes when Alison asks if she can change the time to 6pm, 'cause she has an AA meeting at 7pm she doesn't want to miss. Alison runs into Billy, who invites her to have dinner with him after her AA meeting. He suggests they order in, and she agrees that that's a totes awesome idea. Caitlin enters Amanda's office without knocking...and after she gets snarled at by Amanda, she says she merely stopped by to commend her for her terrific staff [that she's about to mass fire], and that she was somehow particularly impressed with Billy. Amanda growls about how Alison needs to be fired asap - an odd change of heart from her contriteness towards Alison just one episode ago - 'cause she's an alcoholic, and everyone at D&D has waaaay too much work to do without having to worry about an account executive falling of the wagon. Caitlin shoots her the stink-eye as she reveals, "I'm an alcoholic. Seven years sober" ... and Amanda hastily pulls her foot out of her mouth and apologizes, then nonsensically insists that the Alison-Alcoholic Situation is somehow very different. After the AA meeting, Alison meets up with Terry, who invites her to his place for a movie and some takeout, and she says she'd looooove to do that [despite having made dinner plans with Billy]. Amanda asks Michael if he knows the status of a research project Peter is heading up, and gives him all the deets about the heart drug, along with his current association with Dunne Caldwell. When Michael asks her why she wants to know 'bout that, she declines to elaborate and just reminds him that he owes her big for convincing Peter to give him his job back. Alison calls Billy to cancel their dinner 'cause she's suddenly pretending she has too much work to do...and as soon as she hangs up, Terry brings over popcorn, sodas, and asks her what kind of movie she wants to watch. As Alison mulls that over, Terry leans in and initiates an amorous smoochfest. The next morning, Amanda runs into Billy in the Melrose Place courtyard and grumbles about how Caitlin Mills is making her life at D&D hell - but that she seems to have taken a liking to him. She instructs Billy to invite Caitlin to dinner and charm her into revealing what she's really doing at D&D...and when Billy looks aghast at that prospect and points out that that's above and beyond his job description, Amanda says that if he wants to be considered a team player, he's going to have to do work-related stuff like this on his own time. While basking in some post-coital afterglow the next morning, Terry coos at Alison that he has real feelings towards her - but that at the moment he has to get up and go to football practice. He suggests they hook up later and invites her to a TV station tonight to watch him give a scheduled interview, and she promises to be there. Michael sneaks into the hospital's medical research records room and finds the file on Peter's heart drug project. When he learns that the project's funding was discontinued two years ago, he murmurs, "You sneaky little bastard", then calls the accounting department at Dunne Caldwell to inquire about Peter's latest grant payment for the Cardipril research study. The person on the other end confirms that Peter received a check earlier this week, and Michael grins and triumphantly snarls, "Gotcha!" At D&D, Billy asks Alison how her evening went, and she breezily tells him she finished her work and fell asleep without bothering to make dinner. Billy asks her if she wants to have lunch with him today, but she just kinda shrugs and suggests they play it by ear. Over at the hospital, Michael confronts Peter about his discontinued research project that is somehow generating revenue from Dunne Caldwell. Peter plays dumb and weakly chides Michael for strong-arming him - but Michael responds by threatening to tattle about his illegal kickbacks to the board, then announces that he's re-assigning himself to the surgeries he was earlier banned from performing.
After Terry's live TV interview, he's surrounded by a gaggle of cute groupies who try to slip him their phone numbers. Eventually he finds a bewildered Alison looking on, and happily tells her he made a dinner reservation for the two of them. While having dinner across town, Caitlin tells Billy she knows full well that Amanda put him up to this, then comes out right and announces that she's planning to fire everyone on his team at D&D - but will keep him on 'cause he's young, smart, and writes good copy...'cause, yeah, that seems like a totally reasonable judgement call. She then tells him she wants confidential performance reports on every employee by tomorrow at midday, and makes it clear that she considers the task a loyalty test...and when she asks him if there's anyone's job he'd like to save, he just guzzles his wine before staring back at her mutely. Jo tells Emily she's letting her go 'cause she has to leave town pronto, and Emily sadly wishes her and the baby all the best, then offers to drive the two of them to the airport. Jo takes her up on the offer and gives her a thank you hug...and Emily then wanders into the other room, picks up the baby, and promises, "Your new mummy is going to give you a real name." Alison drops by Jane's design studio to gush about Terry and how much he helped her through the rehab process, and calls their budding romance "so honest, no pressure, no expectations". Jane urges her to be careful, not least 'cause Terry is a celebrity - but then acknowledges that she's the last person who should be dispensing dating advice, which...um, d'yuh.
In the hospital's staff lounge, Michael boasts to Kimberly that he aspires to become Peter's chief surgical assistant, then will become partner at the hospital [? I didn't know hospitals had partners] and earn all the money they could ever need. When Kimberly wryly points out that Peter hates him with the intensity of a thousand suns, Michael explains that he recently acquired dirt on Peter that will help propel his career. Kimberly looks momentarily intrigued by that as she heads out...and once she's safely out of earshot, Michael calls Amanda at D&D and fibs that Peter's research project looks to be legit, and that Peter will eventually become a famous doctor if he continues doing important research projects. Amanda reacts by staring, befuddled, into space. Over at D&D, Billy reminds Amanda that Caitlin requested every employee's performance reports...and says this as Amanda is busily shredding the reviews that contain negative comments about her less-than-stellar leadership. Peter is over at Caitlin's place, stripped to the waist as he toasts her delightful vindictiveness. Caitlin chucklingly applauds him for telling everyone at D&D that she's an efficiency expert, and Peter wanks her about what a great snoop she is, then declares that he ended [though, more accurately, plans to end] his relationship with Amanda, now that she (Caitlin) is back in his life. After an amorous smoochfest, Peter tells Caitlin that his short-range plan includes: Amanda being fired from D&D, Michael being fired from the hospital. He then coos at Caitlin about how much he looooooves her being in L.A., and the two start going at it again. Billy arrives at Caitlin's house to deliver the staff performance reports...but when no one answers the door, he peeks through the living room window and is shocked by the spectacle of Caitlin and Peter dry humping on the couch. Jo is putting her bags in the trunk of her car when Emily emerges from the apartment, with the baby in his stroller. Jo transfers her son into the car seat and buckles him in - just as Emily gets into the driver's seat, tells the tot, "Say goodbye to mommy" and hits the gas. A horrified Jo is all, "Nooooooo!!" as she runs after the car in a vain attempt to save her child from being brazenly kidnapped. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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