Melrose Place - Season 3, Episode 15

Soak it up, Kimberly

"Holiday on Ice"
Original airdate: 12/19/1994

Episode summary: Amanda is visited by Bruce's ghost in a series of Scrooge-inspired horror dreams. Peter orders Michael to return Jo's stolen baby asap. Jeffrey breaks up with Matt.

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Recap: Matt tracks Michael down in a hospital corridor and confronts him about ignoring his many pages, and Michael just kind of rolls his eyes and says he's fully aware that blood tests have confirmed that Jo is the bio mom of the baby he and Kimberly are somehow still pretending is theirs. Matt says he's been digging around the hospital database and knows that the identity of Jo's baby was switched with Linda Cortez's stillborn baby, then points out that eventually he and Kimberly are going to have to face reality and give the baby up. Michael snarkishly warns that if that happens, the tot will no doubt be placed in foster care while Jo faces criminal charges and gets sentenced to prison...and as he huffs off down the hall, Matt stares after him worriedly.

Amanda storms into Peter's office and rails at him for the threats he made during the previous episode, and also for the dickish way he accused her of sleeping her way into her current job. Amanda still looks perturbed and says that, with the help of her attorney, she's planning to file a complaint against him...and he calls that ludicrous and points out that he gave her the D&D job she's always craved. Amanda insists that she doesn't owe him anything...and vows that if he harasses her again, she'll bring forth a lawsuit that'll make his head spin. Peter reacts by looking visibly turned on by her sass and purrs that she's the sexiest, strongest, most determined woman he's ever met...but when he grabs her and forcibly kisses her, she abruptly shuts him down and declares the game over, snarling, "If you cross me again, I'll see you in court." 

Amanda arrives at D&D, sees that the staff is enjoying a Christmas potluck, and orders Billy to break up the festivities 'cause she's feeling particularly Grinchy at the moment. Billy reminds her she's scheduled to drop by Twin Oaks for a planned visit to check in on Alison...and she grumbles about how much she doesn't want to do that, then enters her office and finds Bruce Teller's grieving sister (Donna) waiting for her. Donna pleads with Amanda for any kind of monetary relief she could offer Bruce's (mostly grown) sons, who were left with nothing when Bruce thought it was reasonable to fucking hang himself after losing his D&D job, and therefore have no way of affording their expensive college tuition. Amanda haughtily retorts that since Bruce was known to extract sizeable amounts of D&D's profits from time to time and also took out loans he never repaid, there's nothing she's willing to do for his now penniless sons. Donna chews on that diatribe for a few seconds and replies, "I guess our problems aren't your problems anymore, are they?", then curtly wishes Amanda a Merry Christmas before she dejectedly exits the office. 

"How much cash would you be willing to give to Bruce's impoverished sons?"

"Let's see...how 'bout zilch?"

Michael brings home a Christmas tree, and Kimberly coos about how utterly delighted she is that they, along with their stolen baby, get to be together to celebrate the holidays. Michael hangs the first ornament, then asks Kimberly if she isn't going overboard with her whole, overly exuberant 'I'm a new mom' schtick and warns about getting too attached to the baby - but Kimberly disagrees and is somehow under the odd delusion that Jo wouldn't want to risk her baby's happiness in order to indulge her own selfishness...and says this as though removing the baby from this madness could ever be considered any kind of risk. 

Amanda drops by Twin Oaks to snarl at Alison about how she shouldn't plan for a long-term career at D&D, then laments her inability to fire her while she's seeking treatment for binge-drinking. As she storms off, Terry, who's been eavesdropping on the conversation, ambles over to Alison and is all, "Holy crap, I thought you were making up all that shit about Amanda", then reminds her that it's time for them to report to kitchen duty.

Matt and Jeffrey deliver donated goods to a community hospital specializing in AIDS hospice care. Jeffrey is visibly unsettled by the sight of the diseased men - but later insists to Matt that he feels no impending doom about his HIV status, 'cause he's fairly confident he's not going to end up wasting away in any AIDS ward.

Jane summons Sydney to her apartment and puts her on the phone with their father, who tearfully pleads with her to come home for the holidays. Sydney mulls it over for a few seconds...then decides 'sure, why the hell not?' 

Amanda, who has gotten the flu, is in bed during a dream-sequence thunderstorm. She's startled when the door swings open and Bruce's ghost saunters in, then asks her why she didn't give his sister any money for his sons. When Amanda (rightly) points out that he should have made provisions for his children by including them in his will, he points out that D&D can well afford to throw some cash their way, then calls out her betrayal in conspiring with Peter to push him out of D&D. Amanda says she's pretty sure this is a nightmare, so Bruce sits next to her and shows her the rope burn on his neck and invites her to feel it so she can face up to what she's done to him - just as she wakes up and looks haunted by the troubling nightmare.

Peter drops by Amanda's apartment to announce that their plane to Lake Tahoe leaves in a hour - but Amanda says she's too sick to go, plus she has zero interest in vacationing anywhere with him. He apologizes for his horrible behavior of late and explains that he felt compelled to act like a possessive monster 'cause he felt her pulling away from him and was afraid of losing her. He then gives her a Christmas present/peace offering in the form of a bulky fur coat...then gives her a from-behind canoodle, urges her to get some rest, and promises to take her to Lake Tahoe when she's feeling better. 

Peter is ambling through the Melrose Place courtyard when he runs into Matt, who ushers him up to Jo's apartment, where she spills the beans on the ill-fated 'Pretend My Baby Was Stillborn' plot. She beseechingly tells Peter that she simply wants Kimberly to give her her baby back. 

Billy stops in at Twin Oaks to visit Alison and bring along a Christmas gift: her own music box to remind her of home. Alison gushes about how much she loooooves it, and that sobriety has prompted her to feel soooooo bad about all the pain her drinking has caused him this season. When she says she has no idea why he stayed in their relationship for so long, he says it's 'cause he loved her so much...and she reciprocates his I love you and leans in for a hug - just as Terry wanders over, looks less then thrilled by the sight of their warm embrace, and moodily wanders off. 

"For Christmas I'm giving you a music box that I found in your bedroom."

"Aww...that's the most thoughtful non-gift anyone's ever given me."

Amanda falls asleep and once again dreams about Bruce's ghost, who grumbles about the fur coat Peter gave her earlier - but then instructs her to put the thing on while they take a little trip. They enter a living room, where a young girl is sitting beside a Christmas tree, clutching her doll. Amanda is startled to realize that the child is her...and a few seconds later, she and Bruce watch as Palmer Woodward enters the house with his skanklet du jour and tells her he's off on a trip. Young Amanda whines that she wants to spend the holidays with him - but he breezily tells her that in exchange for his shitty parenting, he bought her lots of presents to enjoy...and urges her to be a good girl for the nanny. Amanda coos at her young self not to cry, then leans down to hug her(self) before she abruptly wakes up from the dream and throws the covers over her head.

Peter summons Michael to his office to sternly inform him that he just got an earful from Jo about Kimberly's malevolent plot to steal her baby. When Michael feebly offers to somehow explain this nuttery, Peter sternly tells him to shut it, warns that his/Kimberly's actions could jeopardize the hospital, then orders, "If that baby isn't yours, give him back. Now."

Back at the beach house, Kimberly grumbles to Michael about being suddenly paged to work a double shift at the hospital, and Michael cuddles the baby and points out that since their pretend son is just an infant, he won't actually notice whether or not she's there on Christmas Eve. She coos goodbye to the baby, kisses Michael, and reluctantly heads off to work.

Matt opens the Christmas gifts Jeffrey gave him (a wok and bread maker), along with a third, much more extravagant gift: a seven-day first-class cruise to the Bahamas. Matt looks aghast at how expensive the tickets must have been, and remarks on how it seems as though he's running away from his problems. Jeffrey argues that he deserves a break after blindly following orders in the Navy for so many years, and doesn't feel any regret about blowing his entire savings on a cruise...not least 'cause he's a walking fatality and really just wants to live for the moment. He snarks, "If you don't get that, we don't belong together." Yawn.

Bruce's ghost visits Amanda a third time, tells her, "Tonight is special", and escorts her to a cemetery. When Amanda admires the beautiful casket that's about to be lowered into its grave, he informs her that this is her funeral...and explains that there are no flowers or mourners 'cause 1) Peter (her husband) is off somewhere with his mistress, and 2) no one else who knows her liked her enough to want to pay their respects. Amanda sadly murmurs, "Someone must love me", and Bruce says the good news is that she still has time to turn things around, e.g. not be so cunty to her D&D underlings and/or people in general...and, more importantly, steel-toe Peter's ass to the curb before he completely destroys her life. 

"Why are there no mourners at my funeral?"

"We couldn't actually find anyone who reacted to your death by wanting to mourn."

Amanda wakes up, then gets out of bed to gaze out the window and contemplate maybe becoming a nicer person. Michael, meanwhile, drops by Jo's place to return her stolen baby, sourly saying, "Merry Christmas. You got what you wanted. Stay the hell out of our lives" ... and says this as though Jo was, in any way, ever interested in being in his/Kimberly's life beyond her desperate pleas to get her baby back. She stares down at her gurgling son with overwhelmed incredulity and gives him a happy cuddle.

Amanda drops in on Donna Teller clutching a gift basket, apologizes for her earlier bitchitude, and hands her a check that will more than cover Bruce's sons' tuition costs. She urges Donna to let the boys think that Bruce was the one who made the financial arrangements...and the two warmly wish each other a Merry Christmas.

The next morning, Jo calls Jake to come see her newly recovered baby, then cautions him to keep quiet about it, 'cause she doesn't want anyone to know that she sneakily regained custody of him.

Amanda drops by Twin Oaks to apologize to Alison for her cunty 'tude during her last visit, sheepishly explains that she's been blaming her (Alison) for her own problems, and assures her that her job at D&D is safe. She then wistfully says she wishes there was a rehabilitation program that could help get to the root of her personal demons...and after the two women chew on that revealing tidbit for a few seconds, they warmly wish each other a Merry Christmas.

Jeffrey stops in at the hospital to tell Matt he's taking a pause on their dull-as-fuck relationship 'cause 1) he sucks at commitment, 2) he strongly feels that since he's HIV positive, he has no business even being in a relationship, and 3) he's pretty sure that the Melrose Place writers have completely run out of steam in wanting to invest any more of their time and energy to this lacklustre subplot. Jeffrey then says he has a first-class cruise to enjoy, wishes Matt a nice holiday, and heads out...leaving Matt staring sadly into space for what seems like a really loooong time. 

"I'm breaking up with you."

"The most I'm able to do in response is muster this mournful look."

Kimberly returns to the beach house after working the double shift and asks Michael where the baby is, so he breaks the news that Jo blabbed to Peter about her plot to kidnap the tot...and Peter reacted by getting super pissed off 'cause the hospital could face a ginormous lawsuit, and subsequently threatened to fire them both if the baby wasn't promptly returned to his bio mom. Kimberly reacts by wailing uncontrollably and cries, "How could you doooooo this to me?!", then runs outside and races straight into the ocean (!). For whatever reason, Michael runs after her and drags her back to shore as she angrily flails her arms in protest. 

Back at Twin Oaks, Terry asks Alison if she's re-hooking up with Billy...and when she's like, "Dunno", he points out that that relationship has already failed once. He makes the case that, unlike Billy, he totally gets her pain, and confesses to having fallen in love with her. He grinningly adds that since they're currently standing under a mistletoe they're obligated to start smooching...and he leans in and plants a big kiss on her lips, which she seems totes into.

A despondent looking Kimberly calls Ma Carter to inform her that her grandson wasn't actually stillborn, and that he's alive and well and hiding out in Jo's apartment...and a stunned Ma Carter's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!"

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