Melrose Place - Season 2, Episode 8

"Sorry I can't make lunch. I have a hastily scheduled nooner I need to get to."

"No Bed of Roses"
Original airdate: 10/27/1993

Episode summary: Jake hooks up with Amanda, then accepts a job working in her father's garage. Alison is miffed when Steve McMillan asks Jo out. Michael tries to end his grisly affair with Sydney.

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Recap: Billy is nattering at Alison about a weekend trip to Santa Barbara they had planned to take, but she puts the kibosh on that and says she has to work all weekend to keep her high profile client happy. A vexed Billy's like, "Ooooh no. Not again!" and points out that she's entitled to a life outside of D&D. He poutishly says he thought they might celebrate his recent magazine article getting a three page color spread, and Alison exclaims about how wonderful that is, but that she still has to work all weekend. She then heads for the door and says she doubts she'll be home for dinner, but hopefully will be able to celebrate with him tomorrow night.

Papa Woodward is showing Amanda the vintage car he just bought - a '65 Avanti - when Jake happens to ambles by. Amanda introduces him to her dad, and then Jake announces he's off to a job interview. 

Over at D&D, Alison, Amanda, and Steve McMillan are brainstorming various advertising ideas. Alison suggests using Steve to give "a human face" to his computers - but Amanda rejects the idea out of hand and snappishly says they need to move onto some fresher thinking. Steve argues that he actually looooves Alison's ideas and would like to explore them further, and a befuddled Amanda's like, "Whatevs. You two work it out. I've got other shit to do" and beats a hasty retreat. Steve contorts his face in a bewildered fuuuuuuuuuck expression and remarks on how competitive Amanda seems, and Alison quietly dishes, "You don't know the half of it." Steve grins and proposes she tell him all about it over dinner, and she non-commitally mutters, "Uh...yeah.."

At the hospital, Kimberly tells Michael she can't eat another meal in the hospital cafeteria and would like to go out for lunch later, but he declines and says that during lunch he has to rush over to Melrose Place to pick up some important papers he left behind. When she glares at him disapprovingly, he reminds her that he's doing this to cut off all old connections from the past, and promises to make it up to her tonight. 

Michael arrives at Melrose Place and tiptoes up to Sydney's apartment. He gives her a smooch, then starts getting undressed...and Sydney giddily explains that her place is such a mess 'cause she hasn't yet had a chance to unpack all of her boxes, then incomprehensibly starts babbling about Puddles, aka the stuffed dog she's had since childhood and dragged along with her every time she's moved. A naked Michael's like, "I couldn't give the tiniest rat's ass about your stuffed toys" and gives her a tonguey smooch...and when she asks him if he remembered to bring along some protection so they can enjoy responsible icky sex, he mutters, "Uh huh" before the two start going at it. 

"Would you like to hear more about Puddles?"

"By all means. I'll stand here naked while we have an in-depth discussion about the stuffed dog you've had since childhood."

Robert tells Jane he really really wants her to meet his friends, then informs her that one couple he hangs with has suggested going sailing this weekend and making the trip a foursome. Jane says she's not quite sure they're ready to spend an entire weekend together...but when he argues that she's in desperate need of some fun, she quickly thinks it over and is all 'ah, what the hell?'

Jake tells Amanda that he sailed through his job interview, was offered the job, and promptly accepted it. He admits that it pays crap, but that he took it 'cause he's just grateful to be employed so he can finally repay Jo the 15K he owes her. Amanda scrunches her face disapprovingly and says her dad is starting up a business in a swanky new garage and can pay him top dollar as head mechanic...and Jake says he's not sure that that's such a great idea, but agrees to at least call Papa Woodward. He then changes the subject and asks whassup with their budding romance, and she tells him she likes to take things slow...and he pretends he likes doing that too, then deflatedly heads back down to his place. Once he's fully out of earshot, Amanda calls her father and tells him she'd like to discuss a business proposition.

Jane is all packed for the sailing trip - but when Robert arrives to pick her up, she tells him she just can't bring herself to go away with him. An irked Robert says he wishes she'd told him prior to now, and she irritably suggests they "cool it" with their relationship 'cause she could really use a break. Ouch.

Jane laments to Alison about going off the deep end when she cancelled her plans to go sailing with Robert et. al. ... and explains that one minute she wants to be close to a guy, the next she prefers to live like a hermit. Alison assures her it's perfectly normal for her emotions to be out of whack so soon after a divorce, then suggests she go out with a fresh new guy who's not connected to her messy split from Michael. She adds that she has the perfect candidate - Russell, a hopelessly dorkish new account executive at D&D - and offers to set her up...and Jane mulls that over and decides 'what could possibly go wrong with that?'

Papa Woodward shows Jake the space he just leased for his new garage and says he needs a head mechanic who can supervise other mechanics and handle deliveries, etc. Jake says he's pretty sure he can manage that, so then Papa Woodward changes the subject and asks Jake if he's dating Amanda. Jake evasively says they're merely friends and that he thinks Amanda is great, and Papa Woodward sternly says she's the best thing in his life and that her happiness is the most important thing to him. He offers Jake a 15K advance atop a generous salary as his new head mechanic, and Jake reacts by getting all prickly-bitchy before growling, "I'm not looking for charity!" and storming off in a huff. 

"I'd like to offer you a cash advance along with a ridiculously high salary."

"Sorry, but I only work for meagre wages."

At D&D, Steve McMillan looks over a bunch of test photographs and tells Alison he likes Jo's work the best, then schmaltzily compliments Alison's pretty smile and says he'd looooove for them to get together outside of work. Alison declines and reminds him that she has a boyfriend, and Steve sheepishly admits to being pretty clumsy around women, then suggests calling up Jo to arrange a test shoot.

Sydney drops by Jane's apartment and offers to help with her design sketching, but an irritated Jane's like, "Get lost, I don't have time to be your babysitter." Sydney angrily snaps back that she isn't a kid, needlessly shares that she's currently seeing a hot guy who knows what she needs, and storms back up to her apartment.

Alison returns home late that evening and tells an irked Billy she got so consumed with her D&D work that she totally forgot about their plans to go out to dinner. Billy rolls his eyes and says he no longer wants to hear about anything D&D-related 'cause he's starting to suspect that she's attracted to Steve McMillan...then says she's going to have to put more quality time and effort into their relationship. Alison says it's ridiculous to suggest that she likes Steve and reminds Billy that he's merely her client, then wearily says she's much too tired to argue about this anymore.

Amanda drops by Jake's apartment to snarl about how ungrateful, insecure, and stubborn he is for turning down her father's job offer - and Jake denies her scathing critique of him and calls her out on enjoying intimidating people. Amanda's all, "Oh yeah? Well you're a moody rebel" ... and he responds by pulling her towards him, and smooching her all Neanderthal-like before ripping her blouse open in the heat of passion. Amanda counters by ripping off his t-shirt...and then Jake picks her up and slings her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes before depositing her atop the couch and mounting her.  

The following morning, during a post-coitus canoodle, Jake asks Amanda what it means now that they've slept together. She's like, "I dunno" and says she has no interest in getting too seriously too quickly, and he's like, "Yeah, me neither" and tells her he's up for reconsidering her father's job offer.

Over at the hospital, Kimberly remarks to Michael how happy he seems [now that he's doinking Sydney on the side], and Michael decides 'why not call Sydney from the doctors' lounge with Kimberly sitting here listening?' and pretends he's making another lunchtime appointment to deal with his important papers.

Photo shoot! Alison dishes to Jo what Steve is like beneath his computer-nerd exterior and admits that she finds him attractive - but is super committed to her relationship with Billy. As Jo starts photographing Steve, it becomes obvious that he's far too self-conscious with Alison watching, so Jo orders her to step out and then barks at Steve to loosen up.

Michael and Sydney get dressed post-doink - ew - and when Michael glances out the front window, he spots Jane swimming laps in the courtyard pool. He asks Sydney if she's still dating her lawyer, then mutters how much it pisses him off to see his ex-wife happy.

Jake returns to Papa Woodward's garage to sheepishly apologize for acting like such a rude dickwad the other day, and agrees to take the job and accept the 15K cash advance.

Jane is out with Russell, the account executive who Alison set her up with...and yeesh, he is one unappealing turd. He stupidly tells Jane he's been "kissing up" to Alison lately 'cause she has a fancy new client and is Amanda's "right hand girl" ... then asks Jane if Alison's "white bread, farm girl thing" is an act. Jane tells him that while Alison clearly sucks ass at match-making, she's genuinely a very nice person - just as Robert happens to enter the restaurant. When he glances around and spots her looking distressed, she mouths 'help me'. Robert chuckles to himself, then wanders over and fake admonishes Jane for going out on the town and leaving her mom to raise her large brood of kids for her. Russell gasps in horror at the mention of children and beats a hasty retreat, and Jane giggles amusedly and asks Robert if he wouldn't mind taking her home.

"I'm amazed that Alison thought I was suitable dating material."

"Consider us both amazed."

Jake drops by Jo's apartment to give her the 15K he owes. She tells him she doesn't want it and would prefer that he use the money to invest in another bike shop - but he insists he doesn't want to be in debt any longer, then forcibly hands it to her and bellows, "I don't want your money!" before fleeing.

Jane tells Robert she's definitely not ready for the blind dating scene, and he says he decided to not go sailing without her. She thanks him for his lack of jealousy when he "caught her" on a date with Russell, then invites him to dinner and a movie tomorrow night. He eagerly accepts and leans in for a goodbye smooch.

Michael finds Kimberly sleeping in the on call room at the hospital. He stares at her for several seconds and mutters, "I'm sorry" ... and when she wakes up and is all, "Wuh?", he pretends that what he's sorry for is getting all caught up with his divorce stuff lately, and says he hopes that his anger towards Jane hasn't harmed their relationship. Kimberly assures him it hasn't, and the two exchange I love yous.

Jake and Amanda return to Melrose Place after going out for a hearty breakfast - and the two run into Jo, who glares at them and snarls, "Now I get it" and accuses Jake of wanting to wipe the slate clean and start fresh with a new woman. Well duh. As Jake tries to half-heartedly deny any slate cleaning, Jo bitchily informs Amanda that Jake is awesome in bed, but has limited conversation skills...and Amanda refrains from looking fake shocked [at that tidbit that anyone who's known Jake for at least ten minutes could have safely assumed] before Jake snaps, "Are you done?" Jo says she's completely done with him, then storms up to her apartment to privately stew. A few seconds later, Steve McMillan calls to ask her out, and she starts laughing like a hyena before explaining that she's not laughing at him - but rather at the way her life is turning out, and that she'd loooooove to go out with him.

"Jake is super hot in bed, but not so adept at conversation-making."

"That is one deeply shocking revelation."

Alison tells Billy she'd like to make up for all the long nights at the office by spending the day together in Malibu - just as Jo calls to excitedly report that Steve McMillan asked her out. Alison exclaims, "That's terrific!" ... but when Billy remarks on what a cute couple he thinks Jo and Steve will make, Alison stares into space looking visibly miffed.

Michael meets up with Sydney at Shooters to tell her that while it's been great doinking her for a short time, he needs to break it off so he can focus exclusively on his hookup with Kimberly. He makes it clear that he doesn't anyone to know about their icky affair, and also doesn't want her dropping by the beach house anymore. He flatly states, "It's over", to which Sydney retorts, "No way!", insists that they belong together, then gets up and vows to make his life very uncomfortable if he tries to cut her loose. She then flounces out of the bar, leaving Michael staring after her concernedly.

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