Recap: Alison, Billy, and Jane are out for a morning jog...and after they race each other back to Melrose Place, Billy heads straight to his apartment to take a shower while Alison and Jane run into Jo, who warmly greets Jane while giving Alison the stink-eye. When Jane's all, "Whassup with Jo's snootitude?", Alison explains that Jo is miffed 'cause Steve has a crush on her, then dishes about the beach kiss they shared at the end of the previous episode. She adds that while she feels guilty about quasi-cheating on Billy, she feels drawn to Steve and doesn't know what to do. An unimpressed Jane gets on her judgey high horse and snarls at her for poaching off of other women's relationships the way Kimberly did with Michael, thereby destroying her marriage, then warns that Billy isn't going to trust her if she continues her deceitful flirtation with Steve.
Over at the hospital, Michael corners Kimberly and laments never appreciating her when they were together, then declares his love for her. He promises to do everything possible to win her back and moans that she's everyyyyyything to him. She makes it clear she wants to be colleagues and nothing more...and when Michael says he doesn't buy that, she's like, "I really don't give a rat's ass."
Sydney is setting up for the lunch rush at Shooters, grumbling at her co-worker Ellen about how everyone in L.A. is only out for themselves. Ellen chuckles that she's far too young to be so cynical, then invites her out tonight to a Hollywood A-list party to enjoy a night of star-gazing fun.
That evening, Sydney knocks on Jane's door to say hey, gush about the fancy Hollywood party she was invited to, and ask if she could borrow one of Jane's designer duds. Jane stares back at her in utter incredulity, says she amazes her in the cuntiest way possible, and that she'd sooner hurl herself off a cliff before she'd ever lend her anything to wear. A distraught Sydney asks her if she's going to hold her one mistake over her forever, and Jane reminds her that sleeping with one's sister's husband is more than just a mistake, barks, "Leave me alone!", and slams the door in her face.
After a long shift at the hospital, Kimberly climbs into her car and is startled to find Michael sacked out in the passenger seat. When she orders him to get out of her car, he admits to being a liar who doesn't deserve her...though perhaps he may, given his willingness to change. He starts fake blubbering about how he loves her sooooo much and then went and ruined everything by doinking Sydney...and as he blows his nose, Kimberly rolls her eyes and asks him why he's faking a nervous breakdown in her car. Michael chuckles and tells her it's part of his strategy to wear her down, says he can't live without her, and will love her forever, regardless of whether or not she takes him back. Kimberly mulls that over, says she'll consider going out to dinner with him, but that he needs to get out of her car so she can go home and get some much needed rest. Michael grins stupidly and victoriously shrieks, "Yessssss!"
Sydney and Ellen arrive at the swanky Hollywood house party...and several feet away the two are ogled by two Days of Our Lives soap stars: Kristian Alfonso and the rugged tough guy who played Patch. Ellen steers Sydney towards them, and Sydney prattles on and on about how star-struck she is, being in such close proximity to Patch, aka a famous moviemaker. Kristian Alfonso pulls her aside, urges her to chillax, and invites her to go inside the house and get some food. Sydney apologizes if she comes off like a fish-out-of-water type dork while in the company of the Hollywood elite and hopes she hasn't embarrassed her, and Kristian Alfonso grins and says, "No, you're perfect" and saunters off, leaving a happy Sydney beaming after her.
Jo arrives at D&D to drop off the latest MicroComp campaign photos and glower at Alison some more as she finishes up a call with Steve. Alison tells Jo that Steve sends his best, and that they're both sorry things didn't work out between them. As Jo glares at her in brazen disgust, Alison chalks up the ill-fated love triangle to a misunderstanding, and insists that Steve is an awesome, sensitive man who never meant to hurt anyone. An incredulous Jo shakes her head and dismayingly says, "You should hear yourself", then admonishes Alison for being less concerned about Billy than she is her "sensitive friend Steve".
Kristian Alfonso drops by Shooters to tells Sydney that Patch liked the cut of her jib and wants to take her out to some happening clubs tonight. Sydney looks as if she's about to burst with an uncontainable amount of joy and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?!! With meeeeeeee?! Reeeeeeeeeally?!", and Ellen wryly offers to dilute Sydney's over-excitement by coming along and making it a double date. They all arrange to meet up later...and once Kristian Alfonso is out of earshot, Sydney grins ear-to-ear while shrieking, "This is too cool to be true!!" It probably is, Sydney. It probably is.
Billy returns home and finds a romantic, candle-lit dinner waiting for him, courtesy of Alison. When he's all, "Whassup with all this?", she tells him it's her way of thanking him for neglecting him while she's been so busy working on Steve's campaign, then leans in for a smooch.
Michael and Kimberly are out to dinner...and a drunken Michael is nattering on and on about something or other [I was too lazy to hit rewind], then presents her with a small jewelry box. Kimberly opens it, stares at the diamond ring inside, and snaps, "What is this?" Michael proposes marriage and says he loves her and is serious about their future...and Kimberly mutters, "Damn you..", tells him that his guilty conscience has made him crazy, and that she's leaving now and will meet him in the car. Michael stays behind to pay the check, guzzle the rest of what's in the wine bottle, then stumbles out to the parking lot.
Kimberly, who's somehow A-OK with a visibly drunk Michael getting behind the wheel, apologizes for reacting so bitchily to his marriage proposal. While driving, Michael fiddles with the ring box, swerves to avoid hitting a parked car, and forcibly puts the ring on her finger. Kimberly admires it, agrees to marry the dolt...and then the two start needlessly kissing while the unmanned car is hurtling down a curvy road at a high rate of speed. Kimberly finally screams at him to keep his eyes on the fucking road - just before Michael loses control of the car, which smashes past a guardrail and tumbles over a cliff. The car eventually lands upside down as a heap of twisted metal that doesn't look remotely survivable.
After the commercial break, first responders are on the scene, using the jaws of life to extract the two from the overturned car. Michael moans that he can't move, then looks over at Kimberly, who's unconscious and bloody. The paramedics eventually rush them both to the hospital, where they're attended to by Katya. She gives Kimberly a once over...and when she can't get a pulse she bellows, "Code blue!" at no one in particular before wheeling her off to the nearest trauma room.
Sydney and Ellen are all dolled up and ready to party with Patch et. al. when they run into an ashen looking Matt, who informs Sydney that Michael and Kimberly were just in a very serious car accident. Sydney's all, "Nooooo!!" and says she'd better tell Jane...and as Ellen rolls her eyes and says they really should get going now, Sydney explains, "My brother-in-law's been hurt!" and rushes over to Jane's apartment to break the bad news. Jane says that while she feels terrible about the accident, she's going to limit her concern to a phone call to the hospital tomorrow morning...and an aghast Sydney accuses her of being "a horrible, unfeeling bitch" for not immediately racing across town to sit vigil at her cheating ex's bedside.
Katya tells Michael he has a serious back injury that might require some vertebrae fusing, and he says he doesn't care 'bout that 'cause he's more concerned with how Kimberly is doing. Katya puts her most serious face on and tells him that Kimberly's innards are badly messed up and that she has a serious head injury.
Matt is in the hospital's waiting room, updating Billy and Alison about the status of Michael and Kimberly when Sydney bursts in and yells at Matt for driving to the hospital without her. She then bellows, "Michael!!" and bursts into the staff only area to see for herself how her ex-lover is doing. When Michael notices her hovering over him, he seethes about how the accident is all her fault, that he puts 100% of the blame for his infidelity on her, then hisses, "Stay away from me." After Matt steers Sydney back to the waiting room, Michael overhears a police office tell Katya that he suspects alcohol was the cause of the accident, and is going to need the results of Michael's bloodwork.
Matt brings Sydney coffee and gently advises her to throw in the towel on trying to be friends with Michael and instead work on repairing her relationship with Jane. Sydney shoots him the stink-eye, then tells him he's a sweet guy - but that he needs to butt out 'cause he has no idea about the kind of icky specialness that exists between her and Michael.
At Shooters, Ellen tells Sydney that Kristian Alfonso and Patch were super pissed that she bailed on them last night, then asks how her brother-in-law is doing. Sydney says he's in pretty rough shape and might be paralyzed...then dishes about how he's not only her brother-in-law, but also her boyfriend. Kinda. She adds that [she's deluded herself into thinking] they have an understanding, and that right now they have to "play it cool" despite her sister and everyone they know being fully aware of their unholy coupling. Ellen looks impressed by the load of bullcack and applauds her for being way more slutty than she comes off, and offers to set up an evening of [prostitutey] fun with Kristian Alfonso and Patch.
Michael snarks at Katya for her lack of medical experience and insists that he'll be back on his feet soon. Katya argues that there are no guarantees when it comes to a spinal injury...and when he barks back that he's sure his paralysis is temporary, she's like, "Fine, whatever" and exits the room - just as Matt drops by to deliver the neurology textbooks Michael had requested. Michael asks him how Kimberly is doing...and is despondent when Matt informs him that right now she looks a lot like roadkill and hasn't yet regained consciousness. Michael tells him he heard a cop telling Katya he wanted the results of his bloodwork and worries that the authorities are going to "pin" a DUI on him. Matt asks him if he'd been drinking, and Michael says he may have sipped a glass (or two...or five) of wine - but that since the legal limit is so low nowadays, he's sure to exceed it and face an attempted manslaughter charge. He asks Matt if he wouldn't mind logging into the hospital's computer system and altering his blood alcohol level, and Matt's all, "Uh, yes - 'cause it's nuts, illegal, and completely unethical." Michael whines that he could end up in prison for one lousy drunken joyride that may have paralyzed him and grievously injured Kimberly, and reminds Matt that he got him his fancy hospital job. When Matt just stares back at him mutely, he self-piteously says he might have known he couldn't count on him for a favor and growls, "Get out" ... and a conflicted looking Matt slinks out of the room.
The next day, Jane drops by Michael's hospital room for an awkward visit. He tells her he can't feel much below the equator, requests her help in sipping from a cup of water, then asks if they can be friends. Jane's like, "Nah, I'm good" and says she's off to resume her life now...and on her way out, she slips into Kimberly's room and stares at her comatose body that's being kept alive by a ventilator. Jane steps closer and notices the giant diamond ring on her finger, then scrunches her face disapprovingly and hastily exits the room.
Billy arrives at D&D to pick up Alison at the end of her workday. She rushes off to finish up something or other...and while Billy is sitting at her desk, she gets an email from Steve that Billy can't help himself from opening. It's a quick note to express how much he misses her, and that he wishes he were there with her...and Billy stares at the screen with a look of troubled muteness etched across his doltish face before hitting the delete button.
Patch brings Sydney to his fabulous Hollywood house...and as soon as they get inside, he tells her to take her clothes off and get comfortable while he fetches them something to drink. Sydney just kind of chuckles at that cheeky command and murmurs, "Yeah right" and makes herself comfortable on the couch. When Patch re-enters the room and sees that she's not naked, he orders her to take her damn clothes off...then smacks his forehead and says he forgot that Kristian Alfonso's girls always insist on getting the money upfront. A bemused Sydney grins back at him - until he pulls out a big wad of cash, drops it on the table in front of her, and tells her to start with the blouse so he "can see that nice young stuff in there". Sydney finally gets a clue that the creep has somehow leaped to the conclusion that she's a hooker, shoots him a look of disgust, then gets up and makes a break for the door. An angry Patch yells, "Get back here, you little bitch!" and orders her to service him, but Sydney flies out the door and runs off in a panic.
Matt sits at a computer and clandestinely accesses Michael's lab results and alters the blood alcohol level that the lab had recorded from .15 to .06. He then hits the save button before staring concernedly into space.
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11/10/2021 08:51:59 am
Sydney's friend is played by a before-they-were-famous Gina Gershon, and I love that she was somehow ALREADY typecast as "predatory sex worker" even before Showgirls.
11/10/2021 10:48:32 am
This is one of the best seasons of the show (3 is great too)….the inconsistency tho….Papa Woodward calls Amanda Mandy as well and it never upsets her lol.
11/17/2021 02:37:32 pm
This is the period where the series starts falling at continuity so hard, all of it is always a fevered dream - nothing, not a single thing, stays the same for more than 1 episode - everything is always turning into something different every episode.
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