Recap: The Melrose Place apartment dwellers are having a dance party in the courtyard, and Billy gets thrown in the pool as everyone congratulates him on his new gig as a freebie newspaper columnist. Jake asks what he plans on writing about, and Billy says himself, and that he hopes to experience some interesting adventures soon so he actually has something to write about...and for that dumb answer, he's shoved into the pool again. Michael arrives home from the hospital and gushes about the successful surgery he just assisted with, and the Melrose Place gang responds by throwing him into the pool. So much madcap fun! The next morning, Michael natters at Jane about how much he wants to go camping in Yosemite...while Jane's in the bathroom, staring at a positive pregnancy test with a stricken look on her face. Alison drops by the boutique where Jane works to shop for new clothes, and asks Jane why she seems so morose lately. Jane glumly confides that she's pregnant, then needlessly explains that she's in this predicament 'cause of the night she and Michael got carried away and started raw dogging it in the sack. She implores Alison to keep mum about her news until she gets a chance to break it to Michael.
Billy is tapping away at his computer, unable to write about anything interesting. He crumples up one piece of paper after another and tosses the wads across the room in frustration...and it remains unclear why he's printing out all of his rough drafts instead of just hitting delete on the computer. Alison arrives home from work and finds Billy cleaning out the fridge, aka procrastinating from his writing assignment. He whines about how everything he writes is boring and stupid [not least 'cause of how boring and stupid Billy himself is] and complains about the lack of adventures he's had throughout his safe, mundane life. He ponders the notion of developing a drinking problem in order to become more interesting, then forcibly steers Alison towards the door and tells her they're going to Shooters. Jane and Michael are out at a fancy Mexican restaurant. While swaying on the dance floor, Jane asks Michael what he thinks about them having a baby, and he's all, "What the fuck for?" and reminds her that they're currently broke and live in a shitehole apartment complex with a bunch of aimless yahoos. He says he'd prefer to procreate until after he becomes a full-on doctor, five years from now. Billy is drinking shots and rambling nonsense to Alison. She assures him he doesn't have to become a drunkard in order to be a writer and points out that Emily Dickinson was a total recluse. A few seconds later, Jake and Matt saunter in and join them at the bar. Billy laments how everyone except him is having fun life adventures, including a stranger sitting at the end of bar who's wearing a neck brace. When the guy tells him he got the injury from bungee jumping, and that it was well worth it 'cause of how keeeeeewl bungee jumping is, Billy decides that this will need to be his first fun life adventure. He implores Jake and Matt to bungee with him, and they decide that since the writers gave them nothing better to do this episode, why the hell not? Over dinner, Michael tells Jane he wants to wait to have kids until they've both developed their careers more, then reminds her that she once aspired to be a clothing designer. Jane stares despondently into space and agrees that now's not the time to have kids. Michael perks up and suggests they get a dog - but Jane quickly nixes that idea, then excuses herself to go to the ladies room and sob into the toilet.
The next morning, Alison runs into Jane and asks her how Michael took the baby news, and Jane sheepishly says she chickened out so that she can spend more time wistfully deciding how to deal with the sitch alone...before sorting through the drama of the inevitable miscommunication mishap when Michael accidentally hears the news from someone else. Michael and Jake are ambling down the street together, and Michael is grumbling to Jake about how annoying Jane is, bugging him to have kids. He says that all the guys in his intern program who have kids also have shitty marriages...and he's determined to remain committed to Jane [until such time as he starts extra-maritally doinking fellow doctor Kimberly Shaw]. Billy pulls up in his cab to say hey and invite Michael to come along on the bungee jumping adventure, but Michael declines and says he's too busy at the hospital. Rhonda is cooking a healthy fish dinner and lectures junk food addict Sandy about the benefits of a healthy diet. Jane drops by to get feedback on two Mancini originals [aka, shapeless looking sack dresses] she finally got around to finishing. Rhonda and Sandy gamely agree to try on the frump-wear...then do their best to not laugh out loud at the unspeakable fugliness of what they just put on. When Jane looks suitably mortified about her terrible clothing design skills, Rhonda asks her if she'd like to stay for dinner and holds up the fish...and Jane mutters, "Oh God.." and runs to the bathroom to throw up. Sandy asks her if she's, by any chance, pregnant, and Jane admits she is - but implores them to keep quiet about it until she can bring herself to tell Michael. Billy has a dream that he's a small boy standing on a high diving board while his parents egg him on to jump. He takes a leap...then shrieks and wakes up in a cold sweat. Alison bounds over to see whassup, then says he's probably so angst-ridden 'cause of his impending bungee jump. She asks him what he has to prove, so he tells her he's lived his life "too safe" and wants to starting taking risks. Alison looks unimpressed and warns him to not be reckless and stupid. The next morning, Matt, Jake, and Billy excitedly head off to Bungee Jump Bridge. Jane tells Alison she's decided to not have the baby, nor does she plan on telling Michael 'cause she doesn't want him feeling pressured to raise a baby he doesn't truly want. She says she made an appointment at the abortion clinic and asks Alison if she would please come with her...and Alison agrees, but advises her to include Michael in these baby/not baby decisions. Sandy and Rhonda are gabbling excitedly about Jane's bun in the oven when they run into a grim-faced Alison and Jane, who inform them that they're off to the abortion clinic. LOL. That scene probably shouldn't have made me involuntarily laugh. At the clinic, the doctor confirms that Jane is six weeks pregnant and implores her to talk to her husband before going ahead with something she might regret. Jane breezily tells her it's fine and stupidly adds, "Every marriage has its secrets" ... and the doctor stares back at her with a mixture of bewilderment and incredulity. Jake and Matt have leaped off of Bungee Jump bridge and wax on and on about how super awesome the experience was. Billy looks freaked out when the bungee experts start strapping him in...and when he has a flashback of his high-diving dream, he decides he can't go through with this bungee jumping adventure after all. Alison and Sandy are in the waiting room of the clinic, waiting for Jane to wrap up her appointment. Sandy confides to Alison that she once had an abortion when she was sixteen, then tells her the sordid story about how she entered a beauty pageant, got boned by the son of one of the judges in the hopes that she'd score well, then realized how stupid it was to not consider using birth control when she had to drive for hours to get to the nearest abortion clinic trailer. She contorts her face into a tortured expression and says, "It was a haaaad thang, but I know I chose raaaht" and tells Alison she's the first L.A. friend she's needlessly burdened with this horrible story.
Rhonda drops off some healthy food for Michael and asks him how Jane's doing after aborting their spawn, and Michael scrunches his face confusedly and is all, "Wuh? Spawn aborting?" Rhonda quickly realizes he clearly has no idea what she's talking about, chirps, "Never mind!" and beats a hasty retreat. LOL. Jake and Matt make their triumphant return to Melrose Place after the bungee jump, while Billy slinks behind them, shamefaced. He defends his cowardice by stating that he has "a yen for self preservation", then self-importantly announces that he has a column to write. When Jane arrives home, Michael asks her what-the-fuck-issup with her telling a peripheral castmate like Rhonda about her pregnancy/abortion while not bothering to clue him in. Jane weakly insists she tried to tell him, but decided it was a bad idea after he came right out and said he didn't want a baby right now. Michael admonishes her for making the choice to abort their spawn while keeping him totally in the dark, and Jane informs him that she didn't actually go through with it 'cause she suddenly realized she does want a baby. Michael gets exasperated and says she can't keep giant secrets like this in a marriage, and is irked that everyone in Melrose Place already knows about this. He then storms out of the apartment, continues his tirade in the courtyard so that everyone can listen in on their very personal bidness, and stomps off in the direction of Shooters. The Melrose Place menfolk chase after Michael, concur that women can't be trusted, and decide to continue this discussion over beers. Rhonda apologizes to Jane for opening her big fat mouth, but Jane says it's not her fault 'cause she should have told Michael about this earlier. Well duh, but Rhonda should still have kept her big fat mouth shut. Jane moans about how afraid she is that Michael will consider this a betrayal and write her off. At Shooters, Michael rails about how bizarre life is now that he and Jane are suddenly expecting a baby. The other guys are like, "Wuh? Baby?" and raise their beer bottles in a toast, then urge him to go home and smooth things over with his pixie-hairdoed wife. Michael finds Jane laying in bed, staring sadly into space. He sits next to her and assures her that since the baby's on its way he really does want the little gaffer...and she apologizes for keeping the news from him, then says it all just came as a shock to her. She asks him what will become of the plans they made, and Michael says, "Plans are made to be broken." Jane grins and gushes about what a great dad he's going to be. Billy reads aloud his column to Alison: a giant yawn about what a wuss he was to not go through with the bungee jump. Alison nods approvingly and says she looooves his first installment, then asks what he plans to write about next. Billy says he'll think about that over the course of the next week...then starts tapping away on his keyboard, writing about a young friend who's surviving the hardships of meeting fatherhood for the first time. Yawn. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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