Recap: Jake and Jo wake up in bed together and canoodle playfully, each gushing about how awesome in bed the other is. When the phone rings, Jake scrunches his face confusedly and says he never gets calls before 8am and lets the answering machine pick it up. The call is from his ex-squeeze Perry (last seen in the For Love or Money episode), asking him to call her back asap. Jo snappishly asks who the hell Perry is, and Jake breezily says she's just some drug-addled freakshow he used to get busy with. He assures Jo he has no intention of calling her back...and when she seems satisfied enough with that, he steers her back to bed for a morning romp. When Alison wanders into Lucy's office, Lucy stares at her incredulously and is all, "The fuck are you doing here?" Alison sheepishly tells her she's back in L.A. after it dawned on her what a dumb decision it was to move to Seattle after abruptly resigning from D&D. She says she's prepared to beg for her old job back...and Lucy shakes her head and sighs, "Oh Alison.." She tells her that the position is still available so she'll allow her to interview for it - but adds that she's turned over the hiring decision to someone else. Alison returns to her old cubicle, says hey to Amanda, and explains that she's here to hopefully get her old job back...and Amanda's like, "You have to be kidding" and gleefully informs Alison that she's the someone else who's been doing the interviewing. Alison tells her that things with Keith didn't work out and that she's back to roommating with Billy, then implores her to put all their past bitchiness behind them and revert to being friends-ish. Amanda's like 'sure, why not?' and says that until a hiring decision has been made, she'll do her best to convince Lucy to re-install her in a humiliating capacity, aka let her go back to her lowly job as receptionist and answer the phones. Jake and Jo are finishing up at Jake's Bikes for the day when Perry shows up and tells Jake she really really needs to talk to him alone. Jo glares at her suspiciously, then kisses Jake goodbye and smugly says she'll see him at Melrose Place later. Alison returns home to a living room filled with her newly arrived moving boxes and furniture. She tells Billy she got her receptionist job at D&D back, then complains that if she's going to successfully climb the corporate ladder, there's no way around having to shamelessly suck up to Amanda. Billy concurs, then tells her he's "enhanced" his resume with faux educational and employment credentials and listed her as a fake employment reference in the hope that something fruitful will come of that. Perry tells Jake she used to dabble in the unsafe habit of needle exchanging during her 'shooting up heroin' phase...then eventually decided to go to rehab and get herself clean. She was on track to stay on the straight and narrow when she suddenly got a strange flu-like illness, and was subsequently diagnosed with AIDS. Jake murmurs, "My God" ... and a few seconds later it dawns on him that her frightening condition might possibly affect him. Perry asks him if he's ever been tested for AIDS...and when he says he's never had a reason to, she solemnly replies, "You do now."
Jo drops by Jake's apartment to ask how his chat with Perry went, and he shiftily tells her that Perry has fallen on hard times and needs money. He then says he's off to bed now...and when Jo perks up and goes, "Great idea!", he retorts, "Not tonight." Jo scrunches her face confusedly and unhappily retreats back to her apartment. The next morning, Alison wanks Amanda by telling her how fond of and inspired by her greatness she is, and that she's looking forward to learning from her and being part of a successful team. Amanda looks amused by the heavy dose of brown-nosing and cheekily tells Alison she hopes she'll continue to be an inspiration to her, then reminds her to have enough coffee brewed for her morning meeting with a client. Billy arrives at Escapade Magazine clutching a bouquet of flowers. He tells the receptionist that they need to be hand delivered to Nancy Donner, the managing editor, 'cause it's a singing delivery...and the receptionist buys that nonsense and directs him to the appropriate office. As Nancy Donner finishes the phone call she's on, she squeals happily at the sight of the flowers, and Billy admits using them to sneak into her inner sanctum 'cause he's sooooo tired of enduring the traditional job-seeking process and was sooooo confident she'd be sold on the idea of hiring him after meeting him in person, reading samples of his writing, and perusing his fake resume. Nancy looks impressed by his bogus Columbia Journalism School degree and employment credentials, and says if his column samples aren't an illiterate disaster, she'll maybe consider calling his faux job reference. Jake summons Perry to a restaurant and accuses her of trying to pull a scam, then reminds her that it's been over a year since they last hooked up. Perry says she has no idea how long she's been HIV positive and points out that for all she knows he was the one who gave it to her. She tells him he could be at risk and urges him to get tested asap...and to also urge Jo to get herself tested. Alison tells Billy she got a call from Nancy Donner, then giggles about how she lied through her teeth about what an awesome employee he was while under her tutelage. She then whines about how shitty it is to be working at D&D in a demoted capacity, and blames this misfortune on Billy's hookup with Amanda. Billy curtly reminds her it was her stupid decision to quit her job [without the courtesy of giving at least two weeks notice to her employer, no less] and move to Seattle - only to slink back to L.A. two weeks later. Matt arrives at Shooters and asks Jake why he's so glum, and Jake blurts out, "Have you ever had an AIDS test?" then wonders aloud if it's truly necessary to be tested after possible exposure to the virus. Matt's like, "Uh, yes it is, idiot" to his second question, then reveals that he once had an AIDS test after sexing with a dude who got sick and eventually died of AIDS. Jake takes Jo on a motorcycle ride to a remote overlook to break the news that Perry has AIDS. Jo's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!" and asks him if he ever doinked Perry without protection...and Jake admits that he probably did, much like the foolish raw-dogging the two of them have engaged in on more than one occasion. Jo stares back at him in horror and says she now deeply regrets not wanting to spoil the mood with a pesky condom, and Jake says he'll never forgive himself if he unwittingly infected her with HIV. Lucy summons Amanda to her office and says she can no longer bear the sight of Alison "killing herself" answering phones at the reception desk, and adds that there's really no good reason to not give her her old job back. Amanda says there's a perfectly good reason, namely that they don't get along - and Lucy rolls her eyes and reminds her that this is a place of business, and that she's going to have to grow up and function as part of a team. She then summons Alison, who squeals excitedly when a visibly pissed off Amanda tells her she's been rehired to her old position - but warns her that this time they can't allow their [non-existent] friendship to get in the way of work.
Jake and Jo go to a medical clinic to get tested for AIDS, then lament the torture of having to wait 24 hours for the results. Jake tells Jo he's going to take his mind off the test by heading back to Jake's Bikes and working on motorcycles, and Jo says she's going to do her best to think of anything but the possibility that she may have contracted a deadly virus. Nancy Donner has somehow hired Billy to work at Escapade Magazine, and he arrives for his first day on the job as a fact checker. Nancy greets him, gives him a brief tour of the office, then hands him off to a journalist named Cameron to fact check a restaurant review. As Nancy ambles off, Cameron asks Billy where he went to school...and when Billy fibs about graduating from Columbia's School of Journalism, Cameron lights up and goes, "Hey me too!" LOL. He says it's odd that they never met, given what a relatively small program it is, then shakes off that seed of doubt and advises Billy to do his best to make a good first impression. Amanda chides Alison for the lazy, sloppy-ass job she did on her latest assignment and says it's not even worthy of showing to Lucy. Alison disagrees and says she wants Lucy to look at it and decide for herself - but Amanda bitchily refuses and snaps, "It's fine when I say it's fine!" She reminds Alison that she works for her...and if she can't get that straight, she'll be out of a job.
Jake is at his shop, repairing a motorcycle, when he has needless back-to-back flashbacks of doinking Perry, and then Jo. A few seconds later, Jo arrives at the shop and asks him how he's holding up under the stress, and he admits that he can't stop thinking about his impending test results. He suggests they close up the shop for the day and take a motorcycle ride...and in the next scene, the two are out in nature somewhere, roasting marshmallows over a campfire. The two contemplate the peaceful beauty of sitting under the stars and realize what a privilege it is to be young and healthy. Jo says she has a newly acquired clarity about her life and vows that if she's HIV positive she'll fight as hard as she can to stay alive. Jake says that he too has clarity, namely that he loves her...and she thanks him and returns his I love you. Jake returns to the clinic for his test results and is informed by the doctor that he tested positive. He pales, is all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!", and starts twitching - until he wakes up in a cold sweat inside a sleeping bag next to the doused campfire. He pokes Jo awake and suggests they pack up and go enjoy a hearty breakfast. Alison tells Amanda she has no interest in being her whipping post on account of any unresolved jealousy she may still have about Billy. Amanda's like, "Unresolved..?" and reminds her that she was there for Billy when his father died and hints that they've been seeing each other on the down low. Alison stares back at her in shocked bewilderment before hastily excusing herself. Jake and Jo return to the clinic (for real this time) and both get the good news that their blood tests came back negative for HIV. Phew! The doctor urges Jake to be more careful about where he dips his wick and to use a damn condom whenever he hits the sheets with the kind of women he's inclined to hit the sheets with.
Nancy Donner summons Billy to her office to congratulate him for the bang-up job he did on the restaurant review and give him his next assignment. She then tells him she was at the gym last night and was on the stairmaster next to a hottie who looked a lot like Billy, and coyly confides that she was tempted to make a move on him. Oh yeesh. She asks him if he thinks the guy would have found her attractive, and Billy shoots her a blank stare and mumbles that, yep, it's definitely possible that some gym guy he doesn't know would think she's pretty. Jake drops by Perry's apartment to tell her that both he and Jo tested negative for HIV, and apologize for the shitty way he treated her after she told him about her AIDS diagnosis. He offers to help out in whatever way she needs and adds that despite the two of them making a shitty couple, he's open to giving friendship a try. Perry nods at him tearfully and gives him a grateful hug. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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