Recap: Billy declares to Alison that he and Amanda are officially dating, and that he hopes it won't affect their status as platonic roommates. Alison snarkishly thanks him for the update, then makes it clear how deeply irked she is that he's stubbornly insistent on continuing to date her D&D superior.
Jake brings Jo breakfast in bed, kisses her awake, and gushes about how happy he is to have everything he's ever wanted in life: a solid relationship, a good job, and a kick-ass motorcycle.
At D&D, Amanda asks Alison if she's OK with the whole Dating Billy Situation, and Alison curtly says she's fine with it as long as she never ever has to talk about it. Amanda wonders aloud if she's so vexed about them dating 'cause she wants to be more than just friends with Billy, then shoots her an angry stink-eye before flouncing back to her cubicle.
Over a dinner of takeout pizza, Jake tells Jo his boss can't afford to pay him right now...and acts oddly zen about the sudden lack of income. A few seconds later, Jo gets a call from the lawyer of her soon-to-be ex-husband, offering her a settlement of 50K for the convenience of a quick divorce. Jo rails at him for wanting to silence her by buying her off...blah blah...and when Jake's like, "Fuuuuuuuck yeah! Take the money!", she haughtily snaps, "My pride can't be bought!"
Alison tells Billy she's suddenly A-OK with him dating Amanda, and confesses to being so annoyed about it 'cause she's insanely jealous of her smart, beautiful, talented co-worker. She says she can't help wonder if she's been so upset 'cause she secretly has feelings for him, and Billy's all, "Wha-a-a-a-a?!" and agrees that they need to have a serious one-on-one tomorrow night to officially sort out whatever feelings they may secretly be harboring for one another.
Billy takes Amanda ice skating, and she giggles about how much fun she's having and that she's starting to fall for him...'cause, yeah, it's really plausible that a blonde hottie of Heather Locklear's magnitude would so easily fall for a disheveled bonehead like Billy.
Billy drops by Jake's apartment for a one-on-one. He tells Jake that his ice skating date with Amanda went well, but that he refrained from hitting the sheets with her 'cause he feels too guilty about Alison. Jake stares back at him blankly and says the notion of not boning someone as hot as Amanda whenever the opportunity presents itself doesn't compute with him, then urges him to clear things up with Alison asap so he can get it on with his sexy new girlfriend.
Alison receives a flower delivery at D&D by an anonymous admirer with a note asking her to meet up at Shooters tonight. She smugly tells Amanda she's pretty sure they're from Billy 'cause of their plans to sort out whatever feelings they may have for each other...and Amanda stares unhappily at the pretty bouquet.
Rusty informs Jake that he's foreclosing on the bike shop and has no choice but to lay everyone off. He sheepishly admits to being really shitty at running a business and wishes Jake well in his quest for minimum wage employment.
Over dinner at a restaurant, Jo asks Jake whassup with him acting all mopey and distracted. He tells her he thinks she's crazy for turning down her ex's offer of 50K and that only a rich person who's never had to worry about money would turn it down...then explains that he just got laid off from a job he really really liked. When the bill comes, Jo pays with her credit card - and to her bemusement and Jake's amusement, the waitress tells her her card's been declined.
Alison is sitting at a table at Shooters, waiting for Billy to show up, when Keith Grey sneaks up behind her, puts a hand over her eyes and goes, "Guess who?" She's all, "Ack! What are you doing here?", says she's going to pretend this didn't just happen, and rushes toward the exit. Keith chases after her and moans that he's still in love with her - and she reminds him how little respect he had for her when he didn't tell her he was married when they first hooked up. He nods sheepishly, but then says it's no longer an issue 'cause he's divorced now...and adds that he really really misses her. He asks her if she's stopped loving him, and she admits that she hasn't and urgently presses herself against him.
Keith walks Alison to her door and says he'd like to start seeing her again. She agrees, but insists they start back at square one...and Keith says he's good with that and gives her an intense goodnight smooch. When she enters her apartment, a miffed Billy snarks at her for forgetting about the meaningful conversation they were supposed to have tonight...and that Amanda bitched at him for sending her (Alison) a bouquet of flowers. Alison admits she made a mistake 'bout that 'cause she now knows that it was Keith who sent her the flowers...and that she met up with him tonight, learned he's officially divorced, and has agreed to jump back into a relationship with him. She begs Billy to not be mad, and he assures her he doesn't give a rat's ass about whatever she's doing with Keith 'cause of how into Amanda he is.
Jake rails to Jo about how shittily Rusty ran his bike shop and thinks he could run a business far better than that halfwit. The next morning he puts on a fancy denim shirt and tie before heading over to the bank to apply for a business loan. Jo wanks him about how gorgeous he looks and that he'll surely get the loan based on how super awesome he is. LOL.
The unsympathetic banker tells Jake he has no collateral, zero credit history, and zilch in the track record department in terms of running any kind of business...and unless he can come up with 25% of the purchase price of the bike shop, he's dreaming if he thinks the bank would be willing to lend him a penny. Jake stares moodily into space before dejectedly exiting the bank.
At D&D, Alison invites Amanda (as Billy's plus one) to have dinner with her and Keith. Amanda accepts and says she'll call up Billy and let him know the specifics about the double date.
Jo brings beer and a big bag of Mexican takeout to Jake's apartment to celebrate her decision to accept her soon-to-be ex-husband's offer of 50K...then explains that the only reason she accepted the money was to use it as a down payment for his bike shop. Jake scrunches his face angrily and pissily says he won't accept it 'cause he hates the idea of the woman he's boning feeling sorry for him. Jo gets exasperated by his fragile male ego and huffily leaves, and an enraged Jake tosses the beer and Mexican takeout into the garbage can, which I thought was a shameful waste of food by someone who can ill afford to throw away a perfectly good takeout dinner.
During the double date dinner, Keith rails about popular culture and how advertising is a soulless industry. An irked Amanda calls him out on his obnoxiously sanctimonious pronouncements...and after a few minutes of some tedious back-and-forth bitchery, Amanda asks Billy to take her home. Once they're safely out of earshot, Keith apologizes to Alison for his pomposity and says he feels like he ruined the evening [you did, idiot], but Alison just chuckles and says it's sooooo obvious that Amanda was deliberately baiting him. He leans in for a kiss, but she rebuffs him and says she wants to take things a lot slower this time so she doesn't get all swept away again...and he assures her he's more than A-OK with that.
Amanda thanks Billy for getting her out of the wretched double date, then invites him to her place for coffee and booty.
Jake apologizes to Jo for his rudeness the other night, then babbles about how he's still traumatized by the way his idiot father was so perpetually angry that he refused to ever accept or give anything to anyone. He asks Jo if the offer to accept her 50K still stands...and when she says it does, he tells her he'll consider it an investment and will have official documents drawn up to that effect. Jo squeals happily, and the two climb atop his motorcycle to race over to the bike shop to toast (with champagne!) the imminent opening of their new partnership, Jake's Bikes.
Amanda changes into a slinky negligee, leads Billy over to her bed, and sexily mounts him. She jokingly asks him if he has to call Alison to tell her he won't be coming home tonight, and he just stares back at her blankly and mumbles, "Alison who..?" as the two go at it with increased intensity.
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Television of Yore
Snide recaps of television's most entertaining classics