Melrose Place - Season 1, Episode 18

"I'll give you this innocent shoulder rub...and we'll see where it leads."

"A Melrose Place Christmas"
Original airdate: 12/16/1992

Episode summary: Alison returns home after her surgery and is cared for by Billy. Jake and Jo spend Christmas Day together and find new meaning in the holiday. Michael is bummed when a young gunshot victim admitted to the ER dies.

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Recap: Jo tags along with Jake when he goes Christmas tree shopping, chiding him for wasting his money on something he's just going to throw out in a couple of weeks. Jake explains that he's had nothing but horrible Christmases his entire life and is done being cynical about it...and by done being cynical, he means he's going to buy the biggest tree in the lot that has no chance of comfortably fitting inside his little apartment. 

Alison is checked into her hospital bed, nattering to Billy about how worried she is regarding her future ability to have children. Billy says they'll cross that bridge...then blushingly chuckles and corrects himself by saying, "You'll cross that bridge" - just as Michael enters the room. He confirms that her surgery is all set for 8am the following morning, wishes her good luck, and adds that Jane won't be in this episode 'cause she's spending Christmas with her parents in Chicago...but that she sends her best wishes. 

Rhonda is leading a cardio-funk workout with Terrence in the class, gawking appreciatively at her taut, leotard-clad body. During a short break in the cardio, he tells her he has an emergency meeting with a client and can't make dinner tonight...and she scrunches her face in disappointment and says this means she won't be able to see him until after the holidays. He gives her a sly grin and suggests she ditch her plans to visit her parents and instead spend Christmas skiing with him in Aspen...then produces two plane tickets. Rhonda's all, "Wha-a-a?!" and says she has no ski clothes nor any idea how to ski - but he just shrugs and urges her to tell her parents she's spending the holidays with a nice rich guy who seems really into her. Rhonda mulls that over and promises to have an answer for him tomorrow.

The next morning, Alison is given anesthesia, and then her two hour surgery gets underway. 

Later, the Melrose Place gang gathers in the hospital waiting room for word on Alison...and when Billy can stand the uncertainty no more, he stomps over to the nurse's station to demand an update on his roommate. After the nurse tells him to go pee up a rope 'cause he's not a blood relative, he runs into Michael, who tells him that the surgery went great, Alison still has her ability to have children, and that he can visit her for a few minutes. 

Billy hovers Alison as she smiles up at him groggily...and when he tells her she'll be able to one day have kids, she gives him a teary smile. The surgeon drops by to inform her that she can go home tomorrow if she takes it easy and has someone to take care of her...and Billy's like, "On it!" and promises to wait on her hand and foot.

"Yay! I can have kids after all!"

"Excellent. I'm hoping for two boys and a girl."

The next day, Billy escorts Alison back to their apartment, where Christmas lights and decorations are strewn everywhere...and he explains that the stuff belongs to his parents, who don't need it this year 'cause they're spending the holidays out of town. He orders her to relax on the couch and make herself useful by testing the various strings of Christmas lights, then heads out to get groceries. Jo drops by with a stack of magazines for Alison to read while she's recuperating and remarks on how nice Billy is being...and Alison grimaces and says he's being too nice, and that she's quasi creeped out by how suddenly fixated on her he is.

Matt drops by Rhonda's apartment, where she's trying on the various ski outfits Terrence bought for her. She tells Matt she decided to go to Aspen...and that while her parents were disappointed she's bailing on them for Christmas, they're thrilled she finally hooked up with a nice rich man who's soon going to rescue her from this shitty apartment complex. Matt says he's spending Christmas at the halfway house - meaning not his parents' place 'cause of how unsupportive they were when he was suing his boss. He then starts grumbling about how everything always has to be on their terms...blah blah, I don't care.

Michael and Kimberly race over to the ER to tend to a young boy who has suffered a gunshot wound. The mom clutches Michael's hand and begs him to pleeeeeease save her son.

Jake and Jo finish decorating mega-tree...and Jo takes a deep breath and says she loooooves the smell of Christmas. She shows him the angel topper she bought for the tree, then climbs the ladder to mount it on the highest branch she can reach...and as she makes her way back down, Jake presses himself against her and gives her a smooch. She mutters, "Don't.." and shoves him away, remarking that Christmas always makes people do things they later regret. A few seconds later, Billy drops by for some advice on what to give Alison for Christmas, then shows them the pretty necklace he bought for her. Jo studies it, learns it's 24 carat gold, then tells Billy it's definitely crossing the line between romance and friendship. Billy shrugs and says that while he's greatly enjoying being Alison's post-surgery caretaker, he's not yet ready to publicly admit having any romantic feelings for her.

A tearful Alison tells Billy she's going through post-op depression, then says she feels bad that she can't repay his kindness with a Christmas gift 'cause she's so broke. When Billy assures her she doesn't have to buy him anything, she suggests they make a pact to not exchange gifts. Oops.

When the young gunshot victim succumbs to his injuries, Michael rails about the injustice to his superior (Dr. Levin), who tells him to shut his dumb pie-hole and go break the news to the boy's family. Michael dutifully ambles over to the boy's distraught parents and does a truly horrible job of blurting out that their son expired on the operating table.

Michael tells Dr. Levin that the breaking of the bad news went as well as could be expected of a nitwit intern such as himself, and Dr. Levin grimly says that Christmas can bring out the worst in people...so he should expect to see a whole lot more carnage before the day is over. He's not much of a cheery optimist, that Dr. Levin.

"Seeing that young boy die was the saddest moment of my life."

"Then brace yourself, 'cause this day is about to get a whole lot more tragic and bloody. Also, Merry Christmas."

Christmas morning! Billy brings Alison a stack of holidays movies to watch, then says he's off to earn some cash making airport runs with his cab.

Kimberly tells Michael there's a Christmas party in the hospital's lobby...and when he glumly declines, she gives him a from behind massage to help take "the weight of the world" off of his shoulders. He laments about how Christmas is officially senseless to him after witnessing a child die...and tells her that when he was a kid he was so naively gullible he never believed that anything bad could happen to anyone on Christmas. Kimberly refrains from rolling her eyes at the rube and urges him to focus his energy on the kids he can save - just as his beeper goes off, signalling another emergency.

Matt is at Alison's apartment, staring at a monstrously large raw turkey he's about to pass along to Alison to be stuffed and then somehow squeezed into her tiny oven.

Jake lures Jo to his apartment with the promise of egg nog and Elvis music...and she mulls that over and decides 'why the hell not?'

A heavily pregnant woman (in labor) arrives at the ER, and Michael and Kimberly privately remark on how neither of them has ever delivered a baby before. Michael says that since they're the only doctors currently available, they have no choice but to somehow stumble their way through the birthing process and hope it all turns out OK.

Over egg nog, Jo natters at Jake about how Christmas has no meaning for her, then tells him how much she hated spending the holidays with her shitty husband and his shitty family. Jake urges her to take a page out of his book and find new meaning to the holiday, and points out that not everything has to be so complicated. He then dances with her and leads her over to the couch, where they start smooching intensely. Jo pauses their make out session to hint that while he may get lucky soon, for now she wants to limit their action to above-the-neck smooching.

Matt takes a break from cooking at Alison's to fetch a whisk from his apartment - and runs into his father in the courtyard. Papa Fielding apologizes for not being more understanding [er...downright dickish] about his halfway house lawsuit, and assures him he's always on his side. He tells Matt he's proud of him and loves him...and Matt agrees to put this negative subplot behind them. Papa Fielding invites him to spend what's left of Christmas Day at their family home - and Matt says he'll stop by after he's done cooking dinner for his Melrose Place co-dwellers.

"I take back the snarky thing I said to you about 'choosing the gay lifestyle'."

"I accept your surprising apology."

Michael delivers a newborn that's ginormous even by unrealistic TV show newborn standards, then gushes to Kimberly about the "force of life" in the delivery room and how the tot's birth was "a perfect moment". He invites her to join him for the Melrose Place feast at Alison's place, and she scrunches her face disinterestedly before reluctantly agreeing.

When Billy returns home after his cab shift, Alison pulls him aside and apologizes for being such a bitch to him this episode (?? not sure when that happened), then thanks him for everything he's done for her during the last two episodes. She explains that needing him scared her...and that they've transitioned so quickly from being roommates to BFFs. Billy says he too is surprised by how much he relished being her caretaker in her time of need, then presents her with a gift. She opens the box and finds the pretty necklace he bought for her, coos about how beautiful it is, then gives him a thank you hug and cheek kiss.

"Having you as my caretaker took kind of a scary turn."

"Not surprising. My previous female roommates all said the very same thing."

Jo and Jake drop by the apartment just as Matt announces that the turkey is fully cooked and ready to carve. Michael arrives with Kimberly, introduces her to the Melrose Place gang, and happily gabbles about how they just experienced the miracle of life by successfully delivering a ginormous baby. Billy urges everyone to go out into the courtyard so they can witness the lighting of the Melrose Place balcony...and when he plugs the lights in, everyone ooohs and awws at the sparkly prettiness. Jo makes a toast about having real friends...and the camera pans over the glazed over expressions of the cast as she natters about her rebirth in discovering the true meaning of Christmas. When everyone rushes back to the apartment to dive into the food, Alison gives Billy a canoodly squeeze and wishes him a Merry Christmas.

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