Recap: Billy tells Alison he's thinking about applying for a job as a department store Santa 'cause 1) it's the only job he can find, and 2) he could put his journalistic "skills" to good use by writing about the experience. Alison looks visibly distracted and mumbles something about her mind being on a work-related problem, then heads out with a troubled expression on her face. Michael has been assigned to attend a family practice seminar in San Francisco, so he and Jane decide to use it as an opportunity to enjoy a romantic getaway. As they pack, Michael wonders aloud if this seminar is his boss's way of getting him out of the surgical rotation - but Jane argues that it's probably a reward for all of his hard work, then shoves him atop the bed and insists on a quickie before heading off to the airport. Jake asks Billy if he can spot him $20 'cause he's having lunch with an ex-girlfriend and doesn't want her to see what a broke loser he turned out to be. As Billy hands over the cash, Jake grins and calls his ex "the one who got away". Alison is at Dr. Miller's office, being told that she has an enlargement of her uterus, and that further tests will need to be run to fully learn whassup. Matt and Rhonda are at an outdoor food market, loading up on groceries for the halfway house urchins. When Matt notices that they're short one tray of strawberries, Rhonda heads back to the fruit tent and grabs the last strawberry tray - but is snarked at by a guy who insists it's his. Rhonda sassily informs him they're for the halfway house - just as Matt runs over to tell her he miscounted the berries and that this tray isn't theirs after all. Rhonda's like, "Whatever. The guy was still rude" and stomps off ... and Mr. Rude chases after her to apologize, introduce himself as Terrence Haggard, and stare at her all smitten-like as he asks her out. Rhonda continues to glare at him as he applauds her assertive, smart-alecky 'tude...and after glaring at him for a few more seconds, she shoots him a toothy grin and agrees to a date. Dr. Miller tells Alison she's going to need to test her blood and do a sonogram...and when Alison looks alarmed and asks what in blazes is wrong with her, Dr. Miller's like, "Dunno" and says she'll likely have to produce a health insurance number to processes all of these tests. Alison looks alarmed and cries, "But I have no health insurance!" and Dr. Miller gives her a 'sucks to be you' look and refrains from asking what in the hell kind of shit company D&D is to not even offer basic health insurance to its employees??
Jake is lunching with his gorgeous brunette ex-girlfriend Colleen, gabbing nostalgically about old times. She tells him she's been married to a great guy named Robert for the past three years...and that, oh yeah, he (Jake) got her pregnant four and a half years ago, which means he has a bio son named David he never knew existed until right this second. As Jake's all, "Wha-a-a-a?!", Colleen says she'd really appreciate it if he would sign legal papers that absolve him of all parental rights so that Robert can formally adopt David...and Jake stares at her all discombobulated-like and snaps, "No!", says he's refusing to abandon his child, and storms out of the restaurant. Later at Shooters, Jake commiserates to Jo about his newly discovered son, and that he'd like to bring the lad home with him so he knows his bio dad didn't reject him...the way he was rejected/neglected by his own shitty mom and dad. Jo scrunches her face disapprovingly and points out that forcing David to live with him in his decrepit shithole of an apartment might not be the best thing for a tiny boy, and that it'd be cruel to needlessly "blow up his family". Jake gets angry, says he's going to go brood about this by himself now, and bitchily stomps across the bar. Alison gets a follow-up phone call from Dr. Miller and assures her she'll find a solution to her insurance problem...then quickly hangs up when Billy arrives home and snaps at him for drinking the last soda. Terrence takes Rhonda to a fancy restaurant...and she starts bitching and moaning about being seated near the kitchen - until it becomes clear that Terrence is the restaurant's owner. Jake clutches a stuffed bear as he ambles around the hotel where Colleen and her family are staying while in L.A. He finds the three frolicking in the hotel pool...and when Colleen spots him, she storms over and demands to know what the hell he thinks he's doing, coming here unannounced. He tells her he came to see David, but she barks, "Save it!" and says that next time he wants to talk, he needs to call her ahead of time and not pull "this macho crap". As she stomps back to the pool, David stares over at Jake with a mixture of puzzlement and curiosity etched across his little face.
Terrence invites Rhonda to picnic with him on Catalina Island - but she has to decline 'cause she has lots of errands to run and then a cardio funk class to preside over. He offers to chauffeur her around on her errands, and she checks out his fancy Mercedes convertible and decides 'hell yeah'. Billy puts on a Santa suit and gives Alison an animated ho ho ho! - but she just slumps over to the couch and bursts into tears. He finally gets a clue that something is seriously wrong and asks whassup, so she tells him she just learned she has a rapidly growing fibroid tumor in her uterus which could derail her chances of having children...and that her doctor recommends an operation, pronto, but she has no health insurance to cover the cost. Billy too refrains from asking WTF is up with D&D not providing its employees with basic coverage and suggests she call her parents and ask for a loan - but she says it's not a good idea 'cause her dad's currently out of work. Billy weakly promises her it'll somehow all turn out OK, and she snifflingly nods and gives him a grateful hug. Jo ambles over to Jake's apartment with a loaf of bread and bottle of wine to apologize for being so judgey at Shooters. He invites her in and starts nattering about how Colleen lied to him...and that he's determined to hire a lawyer and get joint custody of David. He says he's pretty sure he could be a good dad...his daily struggle eking out a pitiful, near-poverty level existence in a shitty rental notwithstanding. Jo gently suggests that he may want to think about what joint custody would be like for David, and Jake instantly gets all defensive and pissily growls, "You don't understand meeeeeeeeee!" before storming over to the kitchen. Billy accompanies Alison to a local hospital to inquire about how one might get surgery with no insurance and zero money. The snippy bureaucrat tells her it's against hospital policy to admit anyone without insurance or enough cash to prepay for the operation - which, in her case, would come to 15K. Alison meekly says she doesn't have that kind of dough and asks if he could put her on some kind of repayment plan, but he haughtily replies that that too is against hospital policy.
Billy and Alison hit every other hospital in L.A. and get the same unhelpful answer. Alison wonders aloud if it's really that bad to not have a rapidly growing fibroid tumor removed from one's uterus, and says there's always a chance the thing could disappear on its own. Billy reminds her that the doctor highly recommended she have it taken out asap, then offers to borrow money from his parents. Alison declines the offer, says this is her problem to solve, but thanks him for his support. Jane, Michael, and Matt are decorating the Melrose Place courtyard with Christmas decorations when Billy and Alison return home. When asked where they've been all day, Billy grumbles about doctors and insurance, then shoots a bewildered Michael an accusatory stink-eye. Rhonda and Terrence emerge from Rhonda's apartment, decked out in formal wear for a night out at the symphony. After Rhonda introduces her new boyfriend to her fellow apartment dwellers, Michael pulls Alison aside and asks her whassup with Billy's bitchitude just now. She invites him into her apartment to explain her current health insurance conundrum, and Michael scrunches his face in deep contemplation and promises to use all of his [non-existent] clout as a first year intern to help her out. Colleen tracks down Jack at the garage he works at and apologizes for what's become a [predictably] messy situation. She implores him to sign over full custody of David to her so he can continue his life in his loving home with her and Robert...and assures Jake that her son is well aware that he has a bio dad out there somewhere. Jake mulls that over, but decides he still really wants a son in his life and says he's pissed off that he's been kept in the dark about David all these years. He then jests about how he always seems to be pissed off about something or other - bwahaha!! right?? - and promises to call her tomorrow. The next morning, Jake calls Colleen at her hotel and says he's willing to work something out with her, but only if he can spend a bit of time with David. The following afternoon, Jake meets up with Colleen and David at a fancy outdoor restaurant. When David calls him out on arguing with his mom yesterday, Jake says it was just a minor disagreement...and then the two have some kind of back and forth about Batman and Superman. Jake looks amused when he notices that David likes to dip his french fries in mayonnaise (just like he does!) ... and is touched when the lad says he has no idea where he got the desire to do that, 'cause neither his mom or dad (dad meaning Robert) likes mayo on their fries. Jake shoots him a wistful smile, then tells Colleen he's ready to sign those papers now.
Michael stops by D&D to inform Alison that he can get her admitted to the hospital he works at as a teaching patient...and that she'll have to submit to interns' superfluous tests, but won't be charged for the surgery. Alison's like, "Hurray!", but then worriedly asks him if she'll be OK after the surgery...and Michael breezily replies, "Yeah, whatever. I'll assume you'll be in good hands." LOL. While exiting the restaurant, Colleen thanks Jake for signing the papers and calls him "a good guy". David looks awed by Jake's motorcycle and asks if he can sit on it - and when Jake lifts him into the air, the two stare into each other's eyes and grin: a moment Jo captures on film from her hiding spot several feet away. Jake is chowing down on pizza when Jo drops by his apartment to deliver the developed father and son photo. Jake stares at it mutely for several seconds...then thanks her, says he looooves it, and asks how on earth she was able to snap this moment in time. She self identifies as a shameless snoop and confesses to following him to the restaurant...and Jake just chuckles and says he owes her big time. He then puts the photo on his fridge, studies it closely, and mumbles, "You're gonna be OK, kid." Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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