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Melrose Place - Season 1, Episode 16

12/1/2019

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"I am a young Grasshopper, but I will learn."
"The Whole Truth"
Original airdate: 11/18/1992

Episode summary: Jo partially opens up to Jake about her mysterious past. Matt reaches a settlement with the halfway house. Jane gets a new job working for a bitchy fashion designer.

Recap: Billy tells Alison he's off to Shooters to see if there are any eligible women he could hit on...and when Alison's not looking, he covertly grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses, then heads up to Jo's apartment. When Jo answers the door, she makes an eww face, tells him his stenchy aftershave is stinking up her foyer, and that she's not remotely interested in drinking wine with a vapid boneheaded loser. Haha! 

In the next scene, Billy and Jake are drinking at Shooters while Billy recounts Jo's brutal retort to his wine offering...and Jake laughs - but also concurs that Billy's aftershave is indeed stenchy.

Jane and Michael are in bed canoodling when Jane's boss calls to inform her that she just sold her boutique, which essentially means that Jane is suddenly out of a job. 

The next morning, a miserable looking Billy shuffles into the kitchen and tells Alison he has a toothache. She says he should get that taken care of asap and offers to set up an appointment with her dentist.

Jo is in the courtyard, photographing Jake's motorcycle, when he ambles over and jokes about charging her $2 a shot. When she says she needs some interesting shots for her portfolio, he tells her what she really needs is to experience the full awesomeness of his bike by going for a sexy ride with him...and she grins back at him and decides 'sure, why the hell not?'

Jake allows Jo, who's apparently an experienced motorcyclist, to drive...and when the two take a break in a remote area, Jake says he likes to come here whenever he needs to vacantly stare into space and moodily brood about his pretty white people problems. Jo's like, "That's nice" and tells him she needs to get downtown for a job interview, pronto.  
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"This is where I like to stare into space and contemplate the pointlessness of my life."

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"Good for you. I need to leave immediately."

Matt is consulting with his lawyer Sarah, who informs him that the halfway house administrators refuse to admit he was fired after he accidentally outed himself within earshot of his boss. Matt grimaces and says he assumed they'd do the right thing after he filed a lawsuit against them...then moans about how much he misses working with the L.A. troubled street urchins. Sarah tells him that the administrators made an offer 'cause it's obvious they want to settle out of court, but advises him to reject it so there's even more pressure on them to meet their demands. Matt agrees that that's probably the right thing to do.

Jane is packing up her personal items at the now defunct boutique when she encounters the space's new tenant: Kay Beacon, aka Fashion Designer Extraordinaire. When Kay's like, "Who are you, and what are you doing in my new space?", Jane explains that she was employed at this boutique and just came by to collect her things. She holds up her sketch book and says she's an aspiring designer who's also the creative mind behind all the dresses she wears...so Kay looks over the shapeless long frock she currently has on and chuckles about how it embodies several of her old design ideas. LOL. An insulted looking Jane insists that, nope, she designed the fugly thing herself, then quickly heads for the door. She abruptly stops when Kay asks her if she thinks she could do better with newer, fresher ideas under her supervision...and as Jane stares back at her with an expression of hopeful bewilderment, Kay invites her to stop by her studio the following morning to see about interviewing for the job.
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Jake drives Jo to where she has her job interview, and she thanks him for the lift and says she'll take a cab home.

Jo enters a nearby pawn shop and hands the clerk a bracelet that she claims is worth 12K. The clerk studies it and says he's willing to give her 7K - but only if she can show him some photo ID. Jo chuckles nervously and pretends to have left her wallet in the car, then gives up when the clerk refuses to do business without her ID. She exits the store and is miffed to find Jake parked across the street, waiting for her. She admonishes him for spying on her and bitchily says she'll find her own way home.

Jane and Michael crack open a bottle of champagne to toast Jane's new job as Kay Beacon's junior design flunky.

Over a casual looking pizza dinner, Jo tells Alison her job hunt has been "a washout", then wistfully shares that her beloved mother taught her everything she knows about photography.  

Michael tells Jo that, since she went and got her door locks changed without prior approval, she's going to need to provide him with a duplicate key so he can access her apartment in the event of an emergency. Jo snarks that she has no intention of giving him a key...but when he counter-snarks that it's the landlord's policy, she promises to turn it over soon. 

Over at the design studio, Kay admonishes Jane for not catching a sewing error on one of the shirts she's inspecting, then reminds her that nothing can leave this studio if it's less than perfect. Kay then throws her a bone by saying if she pays close attention to her brilliance and is willing to work her butt off in this studio, she might one day emerge a halfway decent designer.

During his shift at Bikini Burger, Matt runs into Pete Stoller, a young adult who spent his formative years living in the halfway house. Pete says he misses the halfway house and asks how everything is going over there, and Matt says, "Fine" and pretends he's only waiting tables at Bikini Burger to make some spare cash.

Jo tells Jake she needs him to sell a bracelet for her at the pawn shop 'cause she doesn't have the required ID, and Jake's like 'sure, why the hell not?'

The pawn shop clerk tells Jake he'll pay him 7K for the bracelet - but then notices the name Beth inscribed on the inside of it and assumes that the piece is stolen. He barks, "No deal!", so Jake lumbers back outside and tells Jo he was unable to sell it 'cause of the personalized inscription. He asks who Beth is, and Jo gets weirdly evasive and rails about how sick and tired she is of "you people and your questions". Jake gets fed up with her bitchitude while trying to do her a damn favor and squeals off on his motorcycle.

At Shooters, Jake recounts for Billy what happened at the pawn shop and adds that he doesn't trust Jo...and Billy urges him to keep his distance from the hostile weirdo. Billy then chuckles about Jo getting under his skin, and Jake protests way too much about how she is most certainly not under his skin.

Jane complains to Michael that Kay repeatedly humiliates her at work, and that she can't tell if she likes or hates her. Michael sighs and says he's tired of talking about her cunty boss all night, then gives her a shoulder rub to get her to relax. When they get into some intense smooching action, Jane's like, "Put a pin in that!" and dashes over to the bathroom to get birth control. An annoyed Michael asks her why she's no longer into the idea of making a baby - and she tells him not only is she not into the idea right now, she has serious doubts about wanting to produce a child any time soon. Michael's all, "Nooooo...I only wanna have sex if there's a chance of procreation" - 'cause, yeah, that's a plausible reaction by a twenty something hospital intern living in a shitty apartment complex - then poutishly says he's no longer in the mood to doink and is off to retire for the night to his side of the bed. 
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"I don't want our romantic evening to result in a screaming baby nine months from now."

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"As implausible as this sounds coming from me: If we're not going to have sex for procreation purposes, I'm not interested."

Two cops show up at Jake's apartment to inform him that Jo was caught driving his motorcycle...and since he just admitted to loaning it to her, he's getting ticketed on account of she's not actually licensed to be driving a motorcycle. Um, I'm no traffic enforcement expert, but wouldn't Jo be the one getting the ticket? Or at least one of two people getting a ticket? After the cops leave, Jake glares at Jo and is all, "The fuck..?", so she explains that she took his bike without asking 'cause she needed to go for a ride to clear her muddled head, assures him that the bracelet really does belong to her, and that she'll pay half the ticket...even though, considering she took his bike without asking, she should be offering to pay the full ticket. Jake continues to look annoyed and says she owes him big...and by big he demands that she take him out to dinner this evening.

Sarah summons Matt to her office to inform him that the halfway house administrators upped their offer to 10K and warily agreed to rehire him. When Matt woots happily, Sarah advises him to turn the offer down so they can go to trial and try to squeeze 100K out of his oppressors. Matt tells her about his run-in with Pete Stoller yesterday, which made him realize how much he misses working at the halfway house. He firmly tells her he's agreeing to the 10K settlement 'cause mostly he just wants to reclaim his old job. 

When Alison arrives home, she finds Billy laying on the couch with a spacey look on his dumb face. He tells her he went to the dentist to resolve his toothache and is now on pain medication. When he starts ordering her around and asking her to fetch various things for him to make his couch time more comfortable, she wryly tells him he may want to recuperate at his parents' house.

Jake and Jo arrive at a gritty looking biker's hangout for dinner, and she explains that it's a happening place with lots of interesting people she can photograph. Just as they start getting canoodly, a guy named Gerry comes over and chirps, "Hey, Beth! What are you doing in L.A?" Jo pretends to not know him...and when he insists she does know him, Jake gets all in his face, and the two end up in a superfluous fist fight. Jo's like, "Ack!" and flees the scene.

Billy is moaning, "Alison.." as he dreams about the two of them canoodling on the couch with Alison clad in a skimpy nightie. Alison pokes him awake, smiles knowingly, and asks him whassup with him moaning her name just now...and he scrunches his face all discombobulated-like and says he just had a really disturbing dream. 
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"Sounded like you were having a wet dream, starring me."

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"Yep, there's definitely some stiffening in my nether regions."

When Jake comes knocking on Jo's door to ask her whassup with her fleeing from the restaurant parking lot, she says she can't stand being around physical fighting. Jake accepts that explanation and asks her again who Beth is, and she gets all bitchy-defensive again, barks about how her life is waaay too complicated, then slams the door in his face.

Billy staggers into the kitchen and tells Alison about the dream he's now pretending he had: that they were chastely sitting on the couch when dinosaurs suddenly entered the apartment and attacked them. Alison says she's not buying that load of bullcack, haughtily declares that she's never dreamed about him, then heads off to work.

Rhonda is happy for Matt regarding the 10K settlement and getting his old job back. She urges him to put the money into mutual funds (excellent advice), but Matt says instead of that he's going to start a legal aid fund for people exactly like him who find themselves in exactly the same situation he did: victims of sexual orientation discrimination.

Over at the studio, Kay asks Jane what she thinks of her latest design creations, so Jane suggests that perhaps the jacket buttons could be bigger. Kay snorts derisively and snarks that heavier buttons will cause sagging, then bitchily asks if she skipped the lesson on buttons at the Institut de Chic. Jane gets fed up enough to loudly snap that she has no desire to be a successful designer if it means becoming an ego-maniacal bitch like her...and Kay rushes her over to the privacy of her office and concedes that, yep, she can definitely be a cunty boss - but that she also thinks that she (Jane) has a lot of potential and would prefer she not quit. A few seconds later, Michael drops by to surprise Jane with a picnic basket lunch...and Kay gives Michael an approving once over and applauds Jane for so cunningly landing herself a handsome rich doctor. For the moment, anyway.
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"I haven't decided if you're a total dimwit, or a dimwit with designer potential."

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"I'd think that'd be obvious by now."

Jane and Michael head up to the roof to enjoy their picnic lunch in private. He tells her she deserves a shot at a great career, then asks what this means for their future family planning. She says she'd like to delay having a baby until she knows where this designer job is headed, then asks him if that's OK...and he says he loves her too much to say no. For the moment, anyway.

Jake drops by Jo's apartment to assure her she doesn't have to run from him...and that he cares about her, not her stupid secrets. When Jo sheepishly asks him why on earth her abrasive behavior hasn't prompted him to permanently avoid her, he says it's obvious she's desperate to have someone in her life who cares about her, and that he really really wants her to trust him. Jo decides 'sure, why the hell not?' and gives him a brief bio: in college she met a rich guy named Charles Reynolds, married him, and quickly realized she hated his elite social circle so much that she abandoned him without so much as leaving a goodbye note. Sounds like there's a UGE chunk missing from that lackluster backstory, but OK. She reveals that Jo-Beth is her real name...and that her mother, who killed herself many years ago, was the only person who ever called her Jo. After her wretched marriage, she decided that Jo is who she really is, and wants it to be her identity now. Jake's like, "Whatever, sounds good to me" and leans in and kisses her cheek...and soon the two are smooching intensely.
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    MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE


    Season 1
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    Season 2



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