Dynasty - Season 8, Episode 5

"We'll figure out some icky way to plant my demon seed."

"The Surrogate Part 1"
Original airdate: 10/28/1987

Episode summary: Alexis is irked when Blake seeks to purchase prime timberland and turn it into a wildlife preserve (to boost his image for voters). Dana frets about her infertility. Steven takes ownership of a football team.

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Recap: Adam tells Dana she's definitely going to need to see other doctors to get a second opinion about her alleged infertility, 'cause he can't - nay, won't - accept that she's incapable of bearing his spawn. Dana reminds Adam that Dr. Davis is a leading fertility expert, and irritably insists that having a Carrington child means just as much or more to her than it does to him. Adam dials it back and says he doesn't want to fight, then hugs her and moans about how unfair it is that she may have a non-functioning womb.

Elsewhere in the mansion, Fallon informs Jeff that she has sent for the children after unilaterally deciding that since The Colbys (spinoff show) was a ratings bust, they should prolly move the entire family back to Denver asap. Jeff irritably tells her she should have run this decision by him first...and when she says she finds it hard to talk to him about anything these days, he bitchily retorts, "Like little men in spaceships?" He then shifts the topic and tells her that Blake has asked him to be his campaign manager...and bitterly adds that it's soooooo ironic he told Blake he needed to check with her before accepting. He snippily says he's decided he wants the job and snaps, "That should make you happy" and storms out of the room. Yeesh, Jeff. Un-twist your panties already.

Over at the Carlton Hotel, Sean is massaging Alexis while explaining that his fingers are so good at it 'cause he spent years training as a classical pianist. Alexis tries to suss out more about his past - but has no luck and complains that he's so secretive, especially when he disappears for hours at a time. Sean snarkishly assures her that where he goes and what he does when he's not at the Carlton has nothing to do with their toxic hookup. And on that note, he heads off to some undisclosed location, prompting Alexis to light up a cigarette and call Morgan Hess to look into what her weird new lover is up to when they're not in the sack together. 
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Over in the vestibule of Carrington manor, Fallon runs into Dex, who tells her he heard about her space alien interaction. She angrily asks him who divulged that secret 'cause she considers it a betrayal...and he declines to out Leslie as the source, then says he's heard of people encountering otherworldly beings and believes her story. He adds that if she ever wants to talk about it with him he won't make her feel foolish (unlike her shitty husband), and she gives him a grateful hug before heading out the door. 

Alexis drops by Adam's ColbyCo office to gift him a new sweater and ask if Dana's OK following her doctor's appointment. Adam breezily insists that she's fine, then changes the subject to their plans for a paper mill, involving 70K acres of land (owned by Arthur Whitcomb) that's suddenly been slated as a wildlife preserve. He grimly adds that Blake is behind this effort, no doubt to bolster his image for the gubernatorial race. Alexis sneeringly mutters, "We'll have to see about that" before flouncing off.

Over at the mansion, Blake tells Krystle that, according to land commissioners, there's no reason that Arthur Whitcomb's 70K acres can't be purchased and then set aside to bar any development. Alexis barges into the study and barks that she can think of many reasons and calls the idea preposterous, given that the land in question is valuable timberland. Blake points out that the land is also an important refuge for the wildlife in the state, and that he wants to give back to animal lovers now that he's running for governor. Krystle urges her to look beyond what benefits her financially, and Alexis warns Blake to leave that land alone, mocks Krystle for dutifully/mindlessly standing by her husband's side, and declares that she intends to get all the timber she wants.

"You never cared about timberland before now."

"That's 'cause I never had to suck up to voters before now."

Dana has secretly flown to Billings to meet up with Dr. Edwards. When she tells him she was hoping he knew of some new-fangled fertility procedure that might help her conceive, he says he doesn't...and highly doubts that that's really why she traveled all the way to Montana to see him. He assumes that she's still worried about the horrible (but yet unspoken) thing that happened to her, all those years ago. Dana tears up, says she still has nightmares about it, and credits him for saving her life. Dr. Edwards gushes about what a lovely young woman she's turned out to be, and points out that many couples adopt children. Dana wails that she wants Adam's child, not least 'cause of all the pressure she's feeling about being a Carrington trophy wife. She then tells Dr. Edwards that Adam has no idea she's here...and he assures her he won't break her confidence - but strongly urges her to come clean and tell Adam about the horrible thing she endured years ago that is somehow related to her present day infertility.

Steven takes Danny to the stadium to watch Blake's football team practice. Afterwards, by the locker room, they witness two of the players snarling at one another before engaging in a hostile shoving match. Steven hastily orders them to break it up, then orders the blonde one (Josh Harris) to report to his office in an hour. 

Morgan Hess is not-so-subtly spying on Sean in the lobby of the Carlton Hotel when he calls Alexis to give her a daily report. He tells her he managed to easily follow Sean around all day, but that the freak didn't really seem to do anything of notable interest. Suddenly, Sean appears beside him and forces an abrupt end to the call by roughly grabbing Morgan's hand...and on the other end of the line, a puzzled Alexis is all, "Hello? Hello?", then shrugs disinterestedly and hangs up. Lol.

Fallon accuses Jeff of telling Dex about her spaceship story, and he snappishly counters that he didn't tell Dex anything...and suggests that maybe Steven (in whom she also confided) was the one who blabbed about it to other people. He then grumbles about having to attend a fundraiser for Blake this evening and wishes she'd perform her wifely duty and accompany him to the event. He then drops his tie and bends over to pick it up the same time Fallon leans over to do the same - and the two bump their heads together, which prompts gales of spontaneous laughter from both of them. Jeff grinningly wonders aloud when they last laughed...or had sex, and she says it's definitely been a very looooooooog time. He then decides to stop being so bitchy-pissy about everything all the damn time and suggests they meet up at the Carlton Hotel after the fundraiser and enjoy a late supper, and Fallon happily tells him she's totes into that idea.

Steven asks Josh Harris whassup about his suspension (which apparently was brought about by his attitude problem), so Josh starts whining that he's super depressed about the football team being in last place because of the following..

• The coaches have checked out and no longer give a rat's ass about the team losing games
• The owner (Blake) has also checked out and seems solely focused on running for governor
• The star quarterback (the guy he was shoving around earlier) is more interested in chasing endorsements than he is winning games for the team

Josh goes on to claim that he's such an amaaaaaazing backup quarterback that if his suspension were to be lifted, it'd make all the difference to how the team performs. Steven chews on that for a few seconds, then dismisses him from the office pending further contemplation.

That evening, Jeff calls Fallon, who's been waiting for him at the Carlton Hotel, and tells her he's not going to be able to leave the fundraiser anytime soon 'cause he still has a lot of schmoozing to do with many rich, important donors. Fallon irritably snarks, "We all have our priorities" before abruptly hanging up, then tearily asks the waiter to arrange for the valet to bring her car around.

Alexis returns to her suite and is startled to find Sean waiting for her. He growlingly warns her that he doesn't like being followed, then says it wasn't at all difficult to get Morgan Hess to reveal the nature of his assignment. An unfazed Alexis says she merely wanted to know more about him 'cause, for whatever God-only-knows-why reason, she enjoys having him around so darn much that she'd like to offer him a highly paid job at ColbyCo without making even the slightest effort to first vet him. Sean tells her he'll let her know his answer after sleeping on it - alone - then exits the suite while Alexis stares after him in miffed fascination.

"You'd really give a psychotic nobody you barely know a job in your fancy company?"

"An absurdly highly paid one at that."

Sammy Jo enters Steven's bedroom, and is looking for Danny's football when Steven emerges from the shower with just a towel wrapped around his taut form. She looks visibly flustered by his near-nakedness and stammeringly apologizes for just barging in unannounced, and he amiably assures her it's A-OK.

Adam reprimands Dana for jetting off to Billings without telling him, and she meekly admits that, yeah, she should have called...then makes up a lame story about having to help out a friend in need. Adam sheepishly says he was actually worried that she had left him 'cause of the obnoxiously belligerent way he's been behaving about so desperately wanting a baby. Dana promises to never leave him, and he assures her he's very happy being married to her and will get in touch with other doctors about how they can go about starting a family. Dana forlornly asks, "Would you hold me?" and he gives her a from-behind hug and insists that there has to be a way for them to reproduce.

Over at ColbyCo, Alexis calls Bill in the Legal Affairs Department to order him to check on their option to purchase Arthur Whitcomb's timberland...and if it's viable, he should immediately snap it up. A few seconds later, Sean ambles in, smarmily says he missed hitting the sheets with her last night, and declares that he doesn't actually want a job at ColbyCo, remarking that she has no idea if he's even qualified to do anything. Yeah, a totally fair and valid point. Alexis wankingly tells him he's smart [that remains debatable], and that smartness is somehow the only qualification she's looking for whenever seeking to rashly hire an employee. She hands him a folder with her proposition outlined, and Sean looks it over and says that while he likes the job title and the generous salary, he has zero desire to work for her and would instead much rather work with her as a special consultant. A few seconds later, Adam enters the office to tell Alexis that he has some thoughts on the timberland issue...and looks pleased to meet the man who saved his mother's life - until he learns that Sean has just been hired as a highly paid consultant. Sean assures Adam that Alexis has filled him in on the timberland issue and orders him to hand over whatever research he's done. When Adam insists that he can take care of it, Sean points out his conflict of interest 'cause of Blake's involvement. Alexis concurs and tells Adam that it'd be a good idea to let Sean take charge of the timberland conundrum, and Adam looks visibly irked as he exits the office. Sean gleefully points out to Alexis that Adam clearly doesn't approve of him, and Alexis says all that matters is that she does, and officially welcomes him to ColbyCo.
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Dex arrives at the pipeline project worksite and finds Leslie in the trailer, hard at work. He hovers over her and coos about how much he missed her last night, says they make a good team, then leans in for a smooch. Alexis decides to drop by the trailer at that exact moment to give Dex some final Lex-Dex papers to sign [apparently so that she can buy up the timberland she wants]. When Dex gets irked about the never-ending legal process to end their now-defunct company, Alexis snarkingly tells him to just sign the damn papers 'cause she doesn't want to have to come all the way out here again. Leslie intervenes, promises Alexis that she'll get Dex to read and the sign the papers, after which she'll return them to ColbyCo personally. Alexis nods approvingly and privately tells Dex that that Leslie is one smart girl.

Steven tells Blake that it looks as though he's doing well in the polls...and that with Jeff managing the day-to-day operations of the campaign, it's sure to get even better. Blake says he'd loooooove for him to be more involved, but Steven says he has a better, completely unrelated-to-politics idea: hand over the ownership of his failing football team. Blake scrunches his face and complains about the franchise, the awful players, and mediocre ticket sales - but Steven says he's been watching the team play and is pretty sure he can turn it around by finding the right man for the job: himself!

Over at Delta Rho, a leotard clad Sammy Jo is performing a gratuitous aerobic workout when Krystle drops by to see if she'd like to go out for lunch. Sammy Jo continues to exercise as she replies that she's not in the mood for lunch...and when Krystle asks her how much longer she can live trying to sway her non-hetero ex-husband into performing some hetero-style hanky panky, she says she'll do whatever it takes to keep her family together. Krystle tut-tuts her for denying her own needs...and that Danny, the ranch, and her aerobics can't take the place of a loving relationship with a fully straight man. 

"I have no problem devoting my life to my son, aerobics, and feigning confusion about Steven's sexual identity."

"I'm pensively concerned about your life choices."

Back at Carrington manor, Blake tells Krystle about Steven's interest in taking over his failing football team, and that he's convinced himself he can turn the franchise around. Krystle says that, on the topic of Steven et. al., she's increasingly concerned about Sammy Jo focusing so hard on aerobics and keeping her family together...and Blake chides her for worrying so much, happily gushes that all of his kids seem happy in their lives right now, and [cluelessly] insists, "All is well with the world."

Adam grills Gerard about who Dana might be having dinner with, and Gerard tells him he has no idea - just as Dana enters the study. When Adam grumbles about her second abrupt disappearance this episode, she tells him she had an impromptu dinner with a woman who runs a reputable adoption agency. Adam retorts, "I don't want to adopt! I want a child who's my own flesh and blood!" A deflated Dana weakly points out that their adopted child would be as loved and nurtured as if she had personally birthed it...then reminds him that, not so long ago, he himself was adopted by Blake and Alexis [despite there being no concrete proof that he's not their biological son]. Adam ignores that comparison, pissily says he doesn't want to talk about this no 'mo, but concedes that it was good of her to try. After he storms out, Dana sadly mutters, "This is the only way."

"Blake and Alexis adopted you, didn't they?"

"Yes, and now they're saddled for life with one sick individual."

Steven summons Josh Harris to Delta Rho to inform him that he's officially back on the team as the #1 quarterback...and that he expects him to deliver winning performances. Josh snarkishly warns that this promotion better not have any gay strings attached, and Steven somehow refrains from pointing out how homophobically idiotic it is to insult the man who's handing him a giant check and assures him that he strictly wants him out on the football field, playing spectacularly...and if he can do that, it'll guarantee him a sizeable contract in the near future. A few seconds later, Sammy Jo arrives home and is introduced to Josh, who looks completely transfixed by her hotness and stares at her smittenly while Steven obliviously stares into space.

While laying in bed, Jeff apologizes to Fallon for missing their late supper the other night - but Fallon petulantly points out that he could simply have excused himself [though probably not]. He insists he's very sorry and leans in for a reconciliation smooch, but she pulls away from him and snappishly tells him to leave her alone.

A restless Dana gets out of bed, tiptoes down the hall and peeks into Kristina's bedroom, where Krystle is cuddling her daughter after she had a bad dream. Dana looks touched and wistful by the maternal display, then heads over to the study to watch some TV. She channel surfs until she stumbles upon a talk show featuring rich infertile women who turned to Emmet Hauser, an attorney who hooked them up with surrogate mothers willing to carry babies to term. Dana looks intrigued by the prospect, then rushes upstairs to her bedroom, hovers over Adam and kisses his lips before breathily promising, "You can have a baby, Adam. You can."

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