Recap: Dawson is watching the Jen scenes of his swamp creature movie and dreamily tells Joey how gorgeous and perfect his new girlfriend is...but Joey makes a blech face and says she doesn't think Jen is all that, and that she can predict her boring future just by looking at her well tended exterior: after attending a small liberal arts college in New England, she'll marry a rich bond trader and squeeze out three kids. Dawson jokingly calls her Nostradamus and says he'd prefer to let Jen surprise him, then changes the subject to his parents' twentieth anniversary and asks her if she has any gift ideas. Joey is about to make a suggestion - just as Tamara suddenly appears in the movie footage, orgasmically writhing against an unseen male. Dawson's all, "Wha-at is this? I didn't shoot this!", and the two scratch their heads as to who the Capeside High English teacher could possibly be getting boned by.
The next day at the Ice House restaurant, Dawson and Joey tell Pacey and Jen about the Tamara sex footage that Dawson unwittingly caught on camera after he left it rolling, and an alarmed looking Pacey scrunches his face concernedly. He asks if the guy was visible in the footage, but Dawson says the camera didn't capture his face...and Pacey says that he very urgently needs to get a look at the sex video asap.
Dawson and Jen walk home, hand in hand. When they arrive in front of her house, he leans in to kiss her - but she stops him when she spots Grams nosily peeking out the front window and tells him he's going to have to repress his desire for a later time. A few seconds later, she decides 'ah screw it' and defiantly smooches him in front of an appalled Grams.
Grams asks Jen if she does "these things" to upset her, then reminds her that her parents shipped her to Capeside with a one way ticket 'cause of her unacceptably slutty behavior in New York. Jen rolls her eyes and says she's tired of them having the same conversation over and over, points out that she and Dawson were merely kissing, then pours herself a glass of milk before exiting the room.
Dawson enters his bedroom and finds a frantic Pacey rifling through his boxes of videotapes. He cries, "Stop! You're messing up my dailies!" - LOL - and Pacey tells him he neeeeeeeds to have the Tamara sex tape right now. Dawson tells him to chillax, retrieves the tape from a box near the door, and hands it to him. Pacey clutches it and starts nattering about what a loser he knows everyone at school thinks he is before declaring, "I got the girl this time." Dawson's all, "Huh? What girl?", and Pacey continues with his nonsensical nattering before confessing that he's the unseen man in the Tamara sex tape. He adds that he doesn't want the secret getting out - 'cause not only would it be mortifying for his first sexual encounter to be on full display for all to see, it could be career-ending for Tamara, who would have to admit that she threw all good taste and common sense to the wind when she decided it was a good idea to start screwing a fifteen year old dork boy. Pacey asks Dawson if it looked like he was cutting it performance-wise, and Dawson says it looked like he was doing just fine, and promises to keep the disturbing secret under his hat.
Dawson takes Joey along for a shopping trip in downtown Capeside to help him pick something out for his parents' anniversary gift. He tells her he's a bit jealous of the way the two are always making out and dry humping in the living room, and Joey changes the subject to Jen and snidely says she figured that "blondie" would have been putting out by now...even though she knows full well that had Dawson had lost his sainted, Donna Martin level virginity, it would have been the popped cherry heard all over Capeside. Dawson glances around the store and notices his mother helping Bob try on sports jackets in the shop next door. He ambles over to say hey and fails to notice how startled Shaggy D.A. looks at the sight of him and a scowling Joey - but pretends that 'nope, nothing's amiss here' and introduces the two to Bob. After some pleasant chit-chat, Shaggy D.A. and Bob rush back to the news studio, and a clueless Dawson tells Joey that the guy [who's balling his mom] seems like a really nice person.
Jen tells Grams she's going out with Dawson tonight, and Grams makes an ew face and says he probably only wants one thing from her, as is evidenced by the scandalousness of Joey climbing up the ladder and into his bedroom every night. Jen breezily says that the two are just friends and that somehow she's starting to develop real feelings for Dawson.
Pacey sees Tamara sitting at an outdoor cafe and scampers across the street to join her. When she tells him she's currently trying to decide which book to select as assigned reading for her next English class, Pacey suggests something with a lot of sex...then rails about the suckiness of sex in literature and insists that it is possible for two people to sleep together and for things to work out fine. Tamara mulls that over and asks him if it really is possible [including when it's a felony], and he answers by placing his hand over hers...but after a few seconds, she pulls her hand away before any icked out passersby happen to notice.
Dawson shows Jen some of the scenes of his swamp creature movie, which is still in progress, and she wanks him about awesomely it's coming along. He tells her that tomorrow he has plans to do some sound editing at the news station where his mom works and invites her along...then remarks that, in the old days, movie censors used to make actors keep one foot on the floor during amorous scenes. He gives her a kiss that quickly gets intense, and she gently shoves him away and tells him they have plenty of time to allow their kissing to become progressively naughty.
At the news station studio the next day, Dawson is getting help in the control room from one of the video editors as Jen dubs over her screams for one of the swamp creature scenes. When Jen looks all screeched out, Dawson suggests they take a break...and the two head over to the hall to get a [product placed] Diet Pepsi out of the vending machine. By scripted coincidence, Bob and Shaggy D.A. appear in the nearby hall and obliviously enjoy an intense smooch - which incidentally seems like a pretty indiscreet thing to be doing at the workplace - and Dawson's eyes widen in horror at the disturbing spectacle while Jen stands behind him and cringes.
Jen accompanies a wigged out Dawson to a nearby park, where he seats himself on a bench and stares despondently into space. Jen does her best to comfort him and says that whenever he's ready to bare his soul about the grossness of witnessing his mother's extramarital smooching of Bob, she's here for him - but he doesn't respond and just continues to mutely stare.
As anyone could predict, Dawson makes a beeline over to Joey's place to dish about his mom's infidelity. When she admits that, yep, she found out what was going on two episodes ago and figured that eventually he'd twig onto it too, he gets angry at her for keeping the bombshell to herself. He accuses her of "disengaging the friendship", and bitterly snarks, "Bye! See ya later! Have a nice life!" while bitchily storming off.
Downtown, Pacey sees Tamara at the outdoor cafe enjoying the company of the Mel Silver twin, and scrunches his face disapprovingly.
Dawson runs into his mom when she arrives home from work. She asks whassup with his sour expression, but he refuses to say and goes next door to talk to Jen. When Grams answers the door, Dawson acknowledges that it's obvious she dislikes him, then assures her that he's not a sex-crazed teen who's trying to corrupt her granddaughter, but rather an undefiled yokel who's in desperate need of a friendly ear.
Dawson and Jen wander around in nature while he unburdens his feelings about the unholy thing that's going on between his mom and Bob. Jen admits that she felt hurt when he immediately rushed over to Joey's place to pour his heart out, then says that secrets destroy relationship and that she no longer wants any secrets between them. To that end, she 'fesses up about the real reason her parents dumped her in Capeside: her slutty track record in New York. A shocked Dawson's all, "Wha-a-a-a? You're not a virgin??!", and Jen confirms that, nope, she's pretty much the opposite of a virgin...and Dawson pretends that he's not totally freaked out by the admission and can barely bring himself to hold her hand.
The next day at Capeside High, Pacey walks past Tamara's classroom and looks dismayed when he sees her flirtily bantering with the Mel Silver twin. Jen, meanwhile, runs into Dawson in the hall and suggests they catch a movie later - but he declines and pretends to be waaaay too busy with homework, and brusquely promises to call her later.
Pacey returns to Tamara's classroom when she's alone and admonishes her flirtiness with the Mel Silver twin. He challenges her to be honest with him if she's sleeping with both of them 'cause of the rampant scourge of AIDS and STDs, then demands to know who she likes better: him or Mel Silver. Tamara rolls her eyes and says, "You know, you're very disarming when you start sounding your age" - a remark that might prompt a wiser grown woman who, for God knows why reason, bedded a fifteen year old boy to face palm herself hard and wonder what in the fuckety fuck she's doing, bedding a fifteen year old boy. She assures Pacey that she's not Mel Silver's type...and by type she means female. Pacey gleefully blurts out, "He's gay?!" and she shushes him and makes him promise to keep that tidbit on the down low, as well as the May-December abomination they currently find themselves caught up in.
Jen asks Dawson if he's truly OK with her earlier confession, and he pretends he's totes fine with it. A skeptical Jen calls him out on the not-so-subtle way he's been avoiding her at school and asks him to be honest with her if he's repulsed by her slutty past, and instead of giving her a straight answer, he huffily storms off.
Dawson complains to Pacey that he can't help being judgey about Jen's sleazy past, and Pacey encourages him to instead think of it as an in to finally gettin' some. When Dawson sanctimoniously says that he much prefers romance to sex, Pacey tells him that the Dream Jen he's put on a pedestal doesn't actually exist, and that he should take the stick out of his butt and embrace his girlfriend's sexual looseness. Dawson says he can't do that and grumbles about all the undesired "plot twists" of his life, which include his parents' soon-to-be fractured twenty year marriage.
Mitch is getting dressed up for his anniversary dinner when Dawson enters the room and solemnly says he needs to speak to him - but Mitch does that annoying TV tropey thing where he pretends to not notice the troubled expression on Dawson's face and chatters incessantly about the awesomeness of being married to his true love for the last twenty years. Before Dawson has a chance to blow the whistle on his unfaithful mom, she breezes into the room looking all gussied up, and the happy couple heads out for their celebratory dinner.
Jen stops by the Ice House after hours to ask Joey for advice on Dawson's puritanical hangups about dating a non-virgin. Joey tells her that Dawson's sex life is non-existent, and that he's only capable of seeing anything sex-related as black and white 'cause anything else confuses his pea-sized brain. When Jen asks her if she's trying to scare her off Dawson, Joey assures her she's not, but then points out that most good men were probably sexless dorks as teenagers...and blushingly adds that if she were the one dating Dawson, she'd patiently wait for however long it took his penis to come around.
Pacey is over at Tamara's place, sitting on her bed reading a magazine while she grades papers. He asks her approximately how old she is and how many men she's doinked, and she's like, "Thirty-five-ish. And around three." She says there was one high school boy she hooked up with, and a couple of fully grown men...then blushingly adds that by high school boy, she wasn't referring to her high school. Pacey responds with a happy grin, while I looked for the nearest trash can to retch into.
Jen laments to her comatose grandfather that Dawson has clearly written her off as a slut, but also acknowledges that it probably wasn't the smartest decision to hit the sack with so many different boys at such a young age.
Dawson is moping at the ruins (aka the location of his last film shoot with Jen) staring contemplatively at the harbor. Joey ambles over to report that Jen stopped by the Ice House to get some insight into his judgey 'tude about her sex-filled past - but Dawson immediately shuts her down and says he doesn't want to talk about Jen with her. He questions whether they're even friends anymore 'cause they don't get along the way they used to, and Joey counters that lately he's been getting mad at her too easily...and when he responds that she's too critical of him, the two pause for a moment and chuckle at the prickly back-and-forth. He mutters some nonsense about how they were probably married for fifty years in an alternate universe, causing Joey to ponder who he took home after their wedding: her or his girlfriend. She then breezily says she was probably busy flirting with the rich guy sitting at the bar, which Dawson interprets as a fictional situation she'd need him to bail her out of. Joey asks Dawson whether or not they saved each other that night...and just as my brain started tuning out the metaphorical nonsense that is this mind-numbing dialogue, Joey says, "All this subtext is making me tired." She tells him she's sure she had a great time at their fictional, 'alternate universe' wedding, and wanders off as Dawson continues to stare at the water.
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