Recap: Joey can't bring herself to give Pacey an on screen kiss while acting out a scene in Dawson's swamp creature movie, and an irked Dawson yells, "Cut!" ... and then later that evening in his bedroom tells Joey that sooner or later she's going to have to break down and kiss the dolt. Joey grumbles that she finds Pacey unkissworthy, then asks Dawson if he's kissed Jen yet...and he says he hasn't, but that it might take awhile given that she's [currently pretending to be] a virgin. As he puts the finishing touches on the fake Joey head he plans to use for the movie's decapitation scene, he suggests she get through the love scene by imagining that she's kissing someone who is kissworthy...and Joey lays back on his bed and quietly fantasizes about that list of one.
The next morning, Dawson drops by the classroom of the Mel Silver twin to ask if he could spend his fifth period study hall sitting in on his film class. Mel sighs heavily before agreeing, but makes it clear that he'll be expected to sit at the back, keep his trap shut, and refrain from participation of any kind.
Tamara enters her classroom and looks disconcerted to find Pacey sitting at her desk. She breezily tells him he should run along to whatever class he's supposed to be in right now - but he insists that they need to talk right now, namely about last night's smooch. Tamara scrunches her face in faux confusion and says she has no idea what he's talking about, so he smugly reminds her, "Your tongue was in my mouth" ... and Tamara smiles weakly at her students to assure them that 'nope, nothing's amiss here' while looking suitably stricken by the sexual ickiness that continues to brew between her and the Dumb and Dumber hairdo-ed fifteen year old.
During lunch, Dawson tells Joey and Pacey that they're going to need to film all weekend 'cause his swamp creature movie is running behind schedule. He tells Joey she can't continually refuse to kiss Pacey...but when she and Pacey both make blech faces, Dawson looks as if a light bulb suddenly turned on in his brain and decides he's going to do an impromptu rewrite and replace Joey with Jen as Pacey's on screen love interest, and decapitate Joey's character much earlier in the movie. Joey's like, "Whatever" and says she's fine with any solution that entails her not having to kiss Pacey.
Tamara is nervously babbling at her English class about Wuthering Heights, in particular what a shitty couple Heathcliff and Catherine made. She further opines that the two were horribly mismatched and didn't belong together, and that Emily Brontë should have saved her ink. As the students stare at each other in bewilderment at the literary tirade that is clearly directed solely at Pacey, Pacey reacts by staring despondently into space.
During film class, a pre-Felicity Scott Foley is giving the class an update about Capeside's entry for the junior level competition of the Boston Film Festival: a football themed film called Helmets of Glory, which was inspired by his experience as a Capeside High football player. Dawson grimaces in horror at the film's synopsis, then later tells Joey how dismayed he is that Capeside High is submitting a sports themed movie to a film festival that a boneheaded jock like Scott Foley wrote, directed, and starred in...and says this as if he himself is not in the process of filming an amateurishly cheesy horror flick about a murderous swamp creature that decapitates a fake Joey head. Joey clucks sympathetically - just as Dawson glances down the hall and notices Scott Foley approach Jen. He politely introduces himself and offers to show her around so she can get to know the townsfolk better, and Jen thanks him for the kind offer and says she may take him up on that once she's more settled in. She then breezes past Dawson and Joey, prompting Joey to scrunch her face in disapproval and declare to Dawson that slutty New York girls like Jen tend to move very fast when it comes to guys.
Dawson asks his dad if he's seen his camcorder, and Mitch says it's in the master bedroom...but that he may want to take the tape out so he doesn't accidentally watch his and Shaggy D.A.'s most recently filmed sexcapade and get that disturbing visual tattooed on his brain. Dawson's all, "Ew..", then asks his dad if he could give him some pointers on his kissing technique...and when Mitch starts cooing about the very first kiss he ever planted on Shaggy D.A., Dawson's all, "Ew.." and implores him to not get too graphic.
Joey is climbing the ladder that leads directly to Dawson's bedroom, instead of entering the Leery house through the front door like a normal person might.
As Joey eavesdrops from the second floor, Mitch gabbles at Dawson about the first kiss he ever gave Shaggy D.A., and said it happened shortly after they each put on a thick layer of chap stick 'cause both of their lips were super dry. He emphasizes that romance was the most important component of the kiss, then suggests that Dawson practice his technique on the fake Joey head he's holding. He manages to keep a straight face while instructing his rube son: "Moisten your lips, keep your bottom lip relaxed, let it dance with hers" ... and Dawson shuts his eyes and smooches the fake Joey head's lips, while Joey gets in on that action by closing her eyes and imagining that Dawson is kissing her actual lips. After a quick smooch, Mitch is all, "Atta boy!", and Dawson beams happily, implores his dad to never mention that this happened, and happily scampers off.
Joey notices a phone cord leading to a linen closet...where Shaggy D.A. can be heard chatting and giggling with Bob. A few seconds later, Shaggy D.A. exits the closet and is startled when she finds Joey standing in the hall, staring at her all judgey-like...then looks aghast when Joey stonily says, "I know."
Dawson shoots his movie's long awaited decapitation scene, which entails Joey ambling down the boat dock, looking for "Steven". She finds a bloodied shirt and is promptly attacked by the swamp creature. She strikes it with a canoe paddle before running off, then crouches behind a canoe while holding up the fake Joey head so that the swamp creature can "decapitate" her with a paddle. The cartoonish gore that ensues is exactly what one would expect of a horror flick death scene borne of the mind of Dawson, who giddily says he's delighted by how the scene turned out and is ready to move on with other scenes.
Jen follows Joey into Casa Leery to help her clean up all the fake blood that got splattered all over her clothes. Joey takes off her shirt and wraps herself in a towel, and Jen sneaks a peek and remarks on what a nice rack she has, then hastily assures her that it's purely a hetereo type observation. Joey whines that she's too tall and gangly, but Jen says she'd give anything to be similarly statuesque 'cause of how much she hates her stumpy, duck-like appearance. She then shrugs and says it's totes normal for teenage girls to hate the way they look...which I'm sure is true, but also kind of dicked up of the writers to continue perpetuating this brand of self-hatred. Joey looks surprised by Jen's low self-esteem and assures her that she doesn't resemble a duck, and Jen cheerily says she's going to make it very hard not to like her.
Dawson gets annoyed at Pacey for getting too into the kissing scene with Jen. He yells, "Cut!" and floats the idea of eliminating the kissing scene altogether, then declares filming a wrap for the day. He tells Jen he rented a bunch of John Travolta movies and invites her to join him, but she declines and says she accepted Scott Foley's invitation to accompany him to the school dance. She says it's not a date date - but then back pedals and admits that it's most probably a real date - and urges Dawson to come along, but he sulkily says he'd rather stay in and watch Travolta.
Dawson rails at Joey about what a lightweight Scott Foley is and how irked he is at Jen for being so casual about going to a dance with another guy. He imagines her and Scott Foley bantering flirtily and kissing while at the dance, and Joey rolls her eyes and chides him for being so dramatic. Dawson takes that as a cue to ratchet up the drama and declares that he should be the one kissing Jen...and to that end will storm over to the school gym and claim his prize. He invites Joey along, and she says that while his sudden reversal is pathetic, she's up to witnessing a good, old-fashioned self-inflicted public humiliation. She heads downstairs and eavesdrops as Shaggy D.A. tells Mitch that she might be working later than usual tonight...and as Shaggy D.A. passes Joey in the hall, Joey starts nattering about her sainted mother whose father created "everlasting damage" when he so callously cheated on her. Shaggy D.A. sheepishly asks if Dawson knows, and Dawson suddenly bounds down the stairs and goes, "Know what?" Joey quickly replies, "Know how to dance" and explains that she just told Shaggy D.A. they're off to the school dance...and a blissfully oblivious Dawson kisses his mom goodbye and heads out with Joey.
Jen is at the dance, decked out in a tiny black skirt and the kind of chunky sandals that were all the rage in the '90s. She banters with Scott Foley, who warns her that he's a rhythmically challenged dancer...and, yep, as soon as he and Jen hit the dance floor, we see that he definitely wasn't kidding 'bout that.
Pacey arrives at the dance and makes a beeline over to where Tamara's standing. She asks him how it's going, and instead of just saying, "Fine, thanks", he replies in the bloviatey type way the Dawson's Creek writers liked to generate what they imagined passed as reasonable sounding dialogue: "Confused, perplexed, bewildered, mystified: a thesaurus of emotion." Tamara's like, "Er, OK..?" and says that as a chaperone, she should probably go make the rounds now. Pacey asks her if she'd dance with him if things were different, and she replies in her usual mixed message kind of way by smilingly telling him she's walking away now.
Dawson scowls at the sight of Jen and Scott Foley jigging together on the dance floor, and Joey gleefully remarks on what a cute couple they make. She asks Dawson what his plan is now that he's here, and he admits to having no plan, then steers her onto the dance floor - just as the DJ plays a slow song. The two stare awkwardly at each other before they begin slow dancing...and a few seconds later, Jen and Scott Foley sidle next to them and make polite conversation about Dawson being in Scott's film class. Dawson says he dabbles in film making before abruptly saying, "I'll see ya" and steers Joey away. Later, when a fast song comes on, Dawson spots Jen exiting the gym and rushes after her. She looks pleasantly surprised to see him and says she's been looking everywhere for him [?? even though she was just talking to him on the dance floor] 'cause she wanted to ask him to dance, and he's like, "What about Scott Foley?" and sulkily points out that her date might get upset if she dances with another guy. Jen rolls her eyes, mutters, "Forget I asked", and heads into the ladies room.
Dawson sits at a table and stares sullenly at Jen and Scott Foley as they continue cutting a rug. When a bored Joey asks him if they can leave now, he ignores that plea and insists that he has a primal connection with Jen. He strides onto the dance floor, taps Scott Foley on the shoulder, and says he'd like to cut in...then corrects himself by saying he's ready to take over now. He thanks Scott Foley for showing Jen a great time thus far, then declares, "I'm here now in sound mind and body. I can take it from here." Jen and Scott Foley scrunch their faces confusedly and ask what in blazes he's nonsensically prattling about, so Dawson explains to Scott Foley that he and Jen have something going on...and that despite the something being raw and undefined, he feels it's time to clarify the situation. He asks Scott Foley to step aside so he can have a moment with the object of his desire...and Scott Foley looks over at an equally-as-puzzled Jen, calls the bizarreness of this interaction "too weird" - LOL - and snarks at the dork to get lost. Dawson refuses and gets all in his face, and Jen gets irritated at being thrust in the middle of such a stupid spectacle and snaps, "I'll make it easy for both of you!" and storms out of the gym.
Dawson ambles down the street with Joey and Pacey and complains about this evening being the single most horrific night of his life. He blames Joey and Pacey for allowing him to behave like such a deluded, love-sick moron, and they point out that nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to make a total horse's ass out of himself in front of a gymful of dancegoers.
Shaggy D.A. returns home from work, and she and Mitch reminisce about their first kiss. When she pretends to not remember that it involved chap stick, Mitch acts all appalled that she has no recollection of their first intimate encounter...then cackles with relief after Shaggy D.A. covertly applies a thick layer of chap stick and plops herself into his lap to give him a long smooch.
Pacey has a second in as many episodes run-in on the boat dock with Tamara, who apologizes for kissing him the other night. She calls it the most absurd thing she's ever done, and admits that she's self aware enough to realize that her teen flirting/kissing proclivities could well be punishable in a court of law. She hopes that her apology will be enough to keep from scarring him too badly, but Pacey says that he too bears responsibility - 'cause even though he's only fifteen years old, he willingly kissed her back and has zero regrets about it. Tamara firmly says it can never happen again...and by never happen again, she means she's definitely up for another round of pedo-on-boy action when Pacey pulls her toward him for a second smooch. Blech, writers. Blech.
Dawson moans, "It's oooooover with Jen", to which Joey wryly points out that it never really began. A few seconds later, Dawson spots Jen standing milling around the boardwalk and silently debates what he should do. He tells Joey he's going to bring a conclusion to the evening's humiliation by risking a second humiliating encounter, and Joey half-heartedly wishes him luck in getting his kiss.
Jen tells Dawson she's still sooooo angry at him and asks what he wants from her. He says he wants to know what's going on between them, apologizes for his embarrassingly idiotic behavior - but that in his defense he was worried he was becoming "the friend" she'd want to tell her boy adventures to, when what he really craves is to be the boy adventure. She asks if he can't be both, and he's like, "Er...no" 'cause the prospect is too complex for his fifteen year old brain. Jen mulls that over and says she'd be interested in having a boy adventure with him and asks what she has to do next, and Dawson perks up and suggests they kiss. Jen makes an ew face and natters about how she used to move really fast when she was in New York...whereas in Capeside she can finally walk "at a steady pace", but is soooo worried that if their lips touch "my knees will buckle and I'll stumble" and isn't sure she can handle it. LOL. Sounds like someone is trying to give polite, yet incoherent cover for how icked out she is by the thought of kissing Dawson. As his face contorts into a crestfallen expression, she throws him a bone by asking him if he'd like to dance with her here and now, and he happily agrees...while Joey stands several feet away and stares over at them wistfully.
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