Recap: Kelly meets up with Matt at the Peach Pit, and the two discuss how he just spent the last week or so getting Lauren situated in the institution. Matt then wanks Kelly about how great she was with Lauren and that she acted like a true friend when she risked arrest by smuggling clozapine into the U.S. Kelly blushingly says that any friend would have done that, and Matt blushingly gushes that she's modest, funny, and that he thinks about her all the time [now that his sick wife is safely tucked away in a mental hospital]. He tells Kelly he simply can't get his brain around what an amaaaaaazing person she is, and Kelly insists she's no saint. Of course she's not. That title belongs to St. Donna Martin, the most sweetly doe-eyed angelic lass whose delicate feet ever walked on God's green earth.
At another table, Gina faces off with Felice over the "criminal mismanagement" of her trust fund - a term she says her lawyer has used in reference to her case. Felice looks put out by the accusation, so Gina snappishly reminds her that she was the trustee, so there really isn't anyone else to blame...except perhaps her sloppy turd of a mother who was ultimately responsible for the looting of her trust fund. Felice weakly explains that Bobbi asked for the money to be withdrawn for various expenses, and Gina points out that stuff like a bathroom remodel and new appliances aren't legitimate expenses and should never have been approved. Felice haughtily replies that she had no idea what the money was being appropriated for, and Gina's like, "Exactly! You didn't care enough to ask", which is kind of a fair point. Gina becomes so exasperated by the fruitless conversation that she exits the diner and squeals off in her car...and Donna goes rushing after her, but isn't able to catch her. Noah appears out of nowhere, and Donna whimpers to him about her family problems and how much she hates being caught in the middle. He caresses her ginormous face and gives her a comforting smooch...and while he's doing that, David pulls up in his jeep and shoots them both the stink-eye. Donna sighs and tells Noah she should prolly go see whassup with David - but when she pops into the DJ booth, David snarls at her for canoodling with Noah in the parking lot, barks, "Live with your choice!" and tells her to go pee up a rope.
Dylan is out jet skiing when another jet skier (who's guzzling beer) suddenly appears, cuts him off, and causes him to wipe out. When Dylan comes up for air, he grumbles, "What's your problem?" and the guy laughingly retorts, "No problem" then challenges Dylan to a race to the pier. We get several minutes of superfluous footage of the two racing alongside each other on their jet skis - and the guy cuts Dylan off again, causing him to fly in the air and land face down into the water. When the camera pans in close, we see that Dylan is floating about lifelessly, perilously close to drowning. Oh no!
After the commercial break, the mysterious jet skier has pulled Dylan to shore and is administering mouth-to-mouth...and as soon as Dylan regains consciousness, he sprints away, accidentally leaving behind one clue: a hospital bracelet.
Now Wear This. Kelly asks Donna if she and Noah are back together, and Donna reminds her that they were never officially broken up...and she's now going to have to figure out what the heck to do about David. Gina enters the store and announces to Donna that she's not going to sue Felice for 60K...and when Donna's all, "Phew! What a relief!", Gina says she's suing her for $1.1 million 'cause of all her pain and suffering. LOL. Donna is aghast and reminds her that she'd be suing family, and Gina snarls that her "family" did fuck all to look out for her best interests. After Donna storms off, Kelly tells Gina she's being very insensitive, and Gina laughs bitterly about how rich that is, coming from someone who's "not even letting Lauren's side of the bed get cold". She then tells Kelly she was worried when she and Dylan went off to Mexico together, but is somewhat relieved to see that she's clearly still pursuing Matt. Kelly keeps mum about her horizontal Mexican mambo with Dylan and refrains from setting her straight about that flawed assumption.
Courthouse. Matt is defending his latest client: a student named Linda who was approached by drug dealers while studying in the Beverly Hills Public Library and somehow got charged with a drug offence. Matt tries to reason with the Deputy DA, a guy named Jay, about how Linda is obviously being railroaded because she's African-American. Jay shuts him down and says if she pleads guilty, she probably won't get any jail time...and when Matt relays this advice to Linda and her mom, the two adamantly refuse to enter a guilty plea.
Casa David. Dylan greets Gina with a big smooch and tells her that a stranger saved his life today after he wiped out on his jet ski. He babbles about wanting to find the guy so he can issue him a proper thank you...and it remains unclear why he's not at least a little ticked off at the guy for causing the accident in the first place.
The Beverly Beat. Steve tells Janet he paid a hooker for the little black book she lifted from her madam...and as he glances through it, he marvels about how it's a veritable Who's Who of Hollywood Movie Stars. Janet reminds him that publishing anything from the book could result in a bunch of movie stars filing lawsuits, which could bankrupt the Beat. What a damn shame that would be.
Dylan is trying to track down Patrick Farrell - the name written on the hospital bracelet - but when he phones the hospital, he learns that a person by that name died last December. Kelly drops by and moans about how guilty she feels about Lauren leaving, and for cheating on Matt in Mexico. Dylan, on the other hand, isn't bothered in the least by the fact that he cheated on Gina, then reminds Kelly that they have a history of cheating on people, e.g. Brenda and Brandon. He smugly says he's pretty sure she'll want to be with again someday...and Kelly stares into space contemplatively as she mulls over that disturbing prospect.
After Dark. Donna drops by the DJ booth and tells David she doesn't want their recent flirtiness to ruin their friendship, and he agrees. When he whines about how lonely he is, she advises him to bare his lonely soul to his female listeners and see if anything useful comes of that. David perks up at the inane idea, then goes on the air and lays out a challenge for all the single ladies: prove to him that there's a woman out there for him. And by prove, he invites them to call, write, or send photos. Some of the women partying at the After Dark edge toward the DJ booth, looking intrigued by David's desperate plea, then giggle coquettishly in his direction and nod approvingly. LOL.
Hospital. Dylan meets with the doctor who treated Patrick Farrell, and she tells him that Patrick was a seven year old boy - but that he had an older brother named Tim who sat vigil by his bed. The two then look over at a bunch of sad looking child patients hanging out in a run-down playground, and the doctor grumbles about the lack of funds to provide them with a decent place to play...and I foresee a brand spanking new playground getting built before the end of the episode.
Matt drops by the boutique to ask Kelly if their conversation yesterday was as awkward for her as he assumed it was, and she assures him that they have lots of time to develop a relationship, and that he shouldn't feel pressured to rush into anything. He offers to take her and Dylan out to dinner tomorrow night to say thank you for the last episode's mission of mercy, and won't take Kelly's "Nah, not interested" reply for an answer. Steve and Janet stop by to ask Matt to weigh in on the little black book Steve just acquired from the hooker, and he tells them they can't be sued for libel if what they write is true, but that it's very important to independently corroborate everything they publish. He then browses through the book, looks mildly intrigued by something he comes across, then says he's going to need to borrow the book to do some additional research.
Beach house. Much to Donna's dismay, Gina continues to insist on suing Felice. Donna tells her that what she's doing is wrong, and that her mom did the best she could as trustee. Gina argues that she used to have a secure future, but that it's been shot to shit because of Felice's negligence. Donna proposes that they go out to dinner with their moms to again try to work this out...but Gina just grumbles at her for her unwillingness to stand up for her.
Matt tells Jay that a certain Deputy DA is listed inside the little black book of a Hollywood madam, and makes it clear that he's shamelessly using that information as leverage to get him to drop the charges against Linda. Jay admonishes him for attempting to blackmail a Deputy DA, then storms off.
After Dark. David is going through the giant stack of mail he's gotten from his most doting female listeners. A Venezuelan woman calls his radio show and orders him to stop sifting through all the photos and letters, 'cause she's throwing her hat in the ring...and David looks intrigued by the sassy caller and asks her to stay on the line so they can continue their conversation in private. Unfortunately, when he puts her on hold, he accidentally hangs up on her. Or she purposely hangs up on him. Not sure which.
Restaurant. Felice, Donna, Bobbi, and Gina once again discuss the lawsuit. Felice makes it known that she can afford pricey representation, then tells Gina that her lawyer has told her the case doesn't stand a chance in court. Bobbi starts rummaging through her purse for her pack of cigarettes, and everyone simultaneously tells her she's not allowed to smoke inside the restaurant. She rolls her eyes, then grabs her purse and lumbers toward the exit. Felice stares after her sister with undisguised disdain and remarks on the lack of self control she's demonstrated her entire life.
Dylan tracks Tim down at his residence, but Tim isn't very receptive to the unexpected pop-in. Dylan expresses his condolences for the loss of his brother, and an anguished Tim says that the accident that killed Patrick was his fault: the poor lad was killed by an airbag while sitting on Tim's lap when they were struck by another car. Tim reveals to Dylan that he had planned to kill himself the day he was jet skiing...and Dylan points out that if he had really wanted to die, he would have gotten back into the water. Tim wryly retorts, "The night is still young."
Steve and Janet are tailing a celebrity who's listed in the little black book and keeps a hotel suite booked in his name. They watch from across the street as he kisses his kids goodbye, then gets into his car and drives off. Steve suddenly decides it's more than likely that the guy stays in a hotel 'cause he and his wife are separated and haven't yet told the kids. This scenario hits home for Steve, and he stares sadly into space as he recalls the divorce announcement of his parents.
After Dark. David gabbles to Noah about the sassy Venezuelan gal he talked to on the phone...and while he's doing that, the blonde young woman who's part of the After Dark clean-up crew (and is currently mopping the floor) makes an extra special effort to eavesdrop on what he's saying. Gee, I wonder what that could possibly mean.
Restaurant. Matt profusely thanks Dylan and Kelly for everything they did to get Lauren's meds, even though it was all for nothing 'cause she didn't end up taking them. With that settled, Dylan starts babbling about Tim Farrell, a guy who saved his life but wants to end his own.
The Peach Pit. Donna asks Felice why they never visited her side of the family, and Felice tells her that she and boorish Bobbi have nothing in common and snidely refers to Gina as "a taker". Donna says she knows how devious and cunty Gina can be...but points out that she (she meaning Felice) did kind of screw the pooch by allowing such a large amount of her trust to be withdrawn for frivolous purposes. She chides her for neglecting her responsibility as trustee and advises her to just give Gina the 60K and wrap up this increasingly tedious storyline.
Casa David. Gina drops by to hang with Dylan, and he starts rambling about how numb he's been feeling inside lately, and that he couldn't give a rat's ass about anything or anyone. [Well...except for Kelly, and his late wife of five minutes.] Gina gives him a sad nod and bitterly states, "Present company excluded, right?" and Dylan says they both know this is nothing more than a meaningless hook-up...and not something he's particularly proud of. Gina says she's not particularly proud of herself for knowing all this and continuing to stick around, then gets up and stalks out.
Jay tells Matt he's dropping the charges against Linda 'cause if it gets around that he doinks prostitutes, it could be detrimental to his law career. He chides Matt for holding this over him, which is both illegal and unethical. Kelly lurks by the door of Matt's office and overhears that last part...and Matt explains to her that he did something kinda shady in order to save his client - but fortunately, Kelly is far less judgey of his career-related decisions these days and doesn't seem remotely upset. A few minutes later, Lauren's best friend from New York (Anna) appears to hand deliver a manilla envelop...and when Matt opens it, he's stunned to learn that Lauren has filed for divorce.
The Beverly Beat. Steve has decided to shred the contents of the little black book. He tells Janet that when his parents announced their divorce, he later realized that his dad had been living apart from his mom for a very long time...they just put off telling him. He sadly says that the little black book has unwittingly opened up old wounds.
Beach house. Felice admits to Gina, Bobbi, and Donna that she made a mistake allowing Bobbi to loot Gina's trust fund...and that she and Papa Martin have agreed to pony up 60K in exchange for Gina dropping the lawsuit. Bobbi advises her daughter to hold out for more money, but Donna interjects and implores Gina to accept the offer, and that convincing Felice to pay up was her way of sticking up for her. Felice apologizes to Gina for not being available when she most needed her, and Bobbi blurts out how sorry she is for openly calling her terrible names in front of Gina, such as stuck up bitch. Felice is all, "Wha-a?" as the other three chuckle at the hilarity of describing one's own sister with an expletive.
Hospital. Dylan has purchased playground equipment for the hospital grounds, and the doctor he spoke to earlier in the episode thanks him for his generosity. Tim Farrell arrives at the hospital after being summoned there by Dylan...and Dylan shows him the equipment and decrees that they will spend the day putting it together so that the sick kids have a decent place to play on hospital grounds. Tim looks perked up by the task at hand, and rolls up his sleeves and gets to work. Suicidal tendencies averted.
Linda gives Matt a happy hug and thanks him for getting the bogus charges against her dropped. Matt later tells Kelly he feels bad about blackmailing the Deputy DA, but Kelly waves a hand dismissively and says he deserves the best in life, and that Lauren wanted him to have the kind of life he couldn't have if he were burdened with her pesky schizophrenia.
Gina and Bobbi are out at a swanky restaurant to celebrate Gina's windfall. Gina hands her mom a first class plane ticket, and then a second envelop with her cut of what they "scammed from Felice". As the two cackle at their collective resourcefulness, I remain confused about what "scam" actually occurred here. Wasn't Felice merely replacing the money that Bobbi looted from her own daughter? And why is Gina cackling with the thief as if she's a co-conspirator, and then giving her a cut of the dough??
After Dark. David goes on the air to publicly thank all of the women who answered his desperate plea for a girlfriend...but then grumbles about how he's just decided to throw in the towel on finding love and will leave it all up to fate. Suddenly, a pretty blonde girl stands in front of the DJ booth and stares at him...and David quickly exits the booth to see whassup with this attractive stranger. When she speaks in her Venezuelan accented voice, he correctly assumes it's the girl he spoke to earlier. She introduces herself as Claudia, the nondescript janitor who mops up the After Dark after hours.
Kelly runs into Matt outside the club, just as she's about to leave. He tells her he decided at the last minute he was ready to go out clubbing with her, then gabbles about how Lauren was a big part of his life - but suddenly that chapter of his life is over and he has a new main squeeze. Kelly looks thrilled that they're officially a couple, and the two embrace as the scene fades to black.
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4/24/2019 08:28:00 pm
Funny how Kelly was up on her high horse, blaming Gina for Dylan’s drug problem and overall self-destructive behavior, but then casually stops by for some beers two episodes later.
4/4/2022 07:29:59 pm
Right???!!! No one’s calling him out on his drinking now and even joining him.
7/2/2019 02:33:47 pm
I came here to read your take on the Gina and Bobbi scam. I'm still confused. Did Mommy just pretend to buy those things and all the money is actually all there, but hidden somewhere? I doubt it. They made Bobbi out to be a sloth who takes her daughters money to buy shag carpet. So why would Gina give her anything, she just got repaid???
7/15/2019 10:17:40 am
Did the writers also forget about Dylan's alcoholism?
7/15/2019 10:33:12 am
OMG! Lauren's friend is Kyle Richards ( from real housewives of BH)!
10/16/2019 08:03:25 pm
I always recalled this era of the show as being sub-par, but holeeeee shit it is way worse than I remembered.
2/6/2020 09:24:03 pm
I've been confused about the casual alcohol use on this show myself. For all of the "lessons learned" about using substances (Dylan, Brandon, David, Kelly, Donna, Noah, Dylan again), these are some of the drinkin'-est people I've ever seen.
9/1/2020 12:10:05 pm
I hate seeing Kelly swoon over Matt. She's like, "Did I cheat on Matt?" BEOTCHHH, he was literally boinking his WIFE! How can you cheat on someone who's married?!? This season SUCKS! Why is Matt still here? I was mildly relieved when I though he was leaving. Nope... still here, being a horrible attorney.
12/16/2020 07:15:56 pm
Bobbi and Gina scammed Felice by acting as if the money was gone. In reality, it was only moved. They were lying.
6/13/2021 12:46:01 pm
My best guess as to the Gina/Bobbi “scheme” was Gina knew all along the money was being spent frivolously and gave her mom permission to buy the cars and new bathrooms or whatever. Then when the bank teller “informed” her of her actual balance, she acted all appalled to con Donna’s parents. That’s a complete guess though because the whole episode was awful…
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