Recap: When the doorbell rings in the middle of the night, the entire Facts gang sleepily trudges downstairs to see who in blazes could be at the door at this hour. When the doorbell continues to ring, Jo snaps, "Who is it?!" and a female voice on the other side of the door chirps, "Frannie!" ... and as Jo wonders aloud, "Who the hell is Frannie?", Beverly Ann invites the young Aussie gal - Frannie Newcomb - inside. Frannie greets them with a "G'day mates" and explains that she's looking for Mrs. Garrett, and Natalie informs her that their former house mother "is not with us anymore". A shocked Frannie assumes this means she's cactus, but is quickly assured that the old gal is alive and well and enjoying the sunset of her life cohabitating with her boyfriend in Africa. Frannie explains that Mrs. Garrett had signed up as a host for Eastland's student exchange program, and that that - ta da! - explains why she's here. Frannie's cab driver Max rings the doorbell to irritably remind her that she hasn't yet paid her fair: a $179 roundtrip drive from the airport. Beverly Ann offers to write him a check, and Frannie assures her she'll repay her, then asks, "Where am I going to drop my swag?" The Facts gals stare confusedly into space, but then correctly translate that to mean 'where am I going to be living?' Beverly Ann offers her the use of the couch and ushers her upstairs to get some blankets...and Jo shakes her head disapprovingly, 'cause she thinks it's fairly odd that a foreign girl with a weird story gets to just spend the night under their roof, almost no questions asked. The next morning at breakfast, Jo continues to express her skepticism about Frannie, and Beverly Ann says that even though she has no memory of it, it's entirely possible that Edna may have mentioned signing up to host an exchange student before high-tailing it to Africa. When Frannie returns after taking a walk around the neighborhood, Tootie offers to drive her to Eastland to register and show her around - but Frannie hastily declines and says that she prefers to travel on foot so that she can do some spunk spotting...which she explains to the confused Facts gals means sizing up the good looking boys. She then puts an arm around a smitten looking Andy, and chirps, "Like Andy!", then heads upstairs to change. Blair waxes on about how proud she is that they've opened their home to a perky Aussie, while Jo points out that they don't actually know anything about her, and suggests it's entirely possible that she's a runaway. She adds that she's even skeptical of the authenticity of Frannie's Australian accent and insists that there's something not quite right about her sudden arrival in Peekskill. Frannie is in the living room, on the phone with someone in the Eastland admin office and telling them that she won't be able to attend school for a few days on account of she has a "crook throat" due to the sudden change in climate...and needlessly coughs for dramatic effect. She then hangs up the phone and smiles devilishly to herself before skipping out the door. Later, Tootie asks Frannie how her first day at Eastland went, and Frannie fibs that the teachers are great and that the cafeteria food is very tasty. Tootie jokes that she can't possibly be talking about Eastland, given how ghastly both the teachers and the food are...and for a moment Frannie looks alarmed that the jig might be up - but is then relieved that whatever secret she's keeping from everyone is still safe. While clutching a book about Australia, Jo asks Frannie if she can settle a bet about who discovered Australia. Frannie rattles off a detailed response about the founding of Australia before rattling off the names of Australian states in alphabetical order. Jo stares sheepishly into space before conceding to Blair that she may have been wrong about the interloper. Frannie finds Andy hanging in the kitchen and asks him if he wants to wag it...and when she explains that the expression means 'skip school to spend the day in New York', Andy says he definitely likes the sound of that idea. Beverly Ann finds Edna's paperwork regarding hosting an exchange student, and Jo admits again that she was wrong to suspect Frannie of any wrongdoing. Tootie remarks on how warm and friendly the Aussie seems, and Beverly Ann agrees that she's great fun to have around [which...meh]. In the next scene, a man strongly resembling Crocodile Dundee with a heavy Australian accent to match drops by looking for Pippa McKenna, then introduces himself as Kevin (Pippa's father) ... and correctly guesses that they know her as Frannie Newcomb. As Beverly Ann and the Facts gals exchange confused glances, Kevin explains that Pippa is in America under false pretences - essentially a runaway - and a smugly vindicated Jo says, "Who would have guessed?" Kevin says that when he dropped by Pippa's school, he was dismayed that "she done a dingo act on me" ... and further explains that Frannie Newcomb is Pippa's best friend who had originally applied to be an Eastland exchange student - but Pippa took her place 'cause of the strong yen she's always had to see America. He complains that his wild child of a daughter is always pulling stunts like this - just as Beverly Ann gets a call from Andy's school to inform her that Andy's sister phoned earlier to excuse his absence due to a "crook throat". Everyone's all, "Mmm hmm.." as they correctly assume that Pippa is behind him playing hooky. As Beverly Ann wrings her hands worriedly, the Facts gals work the phones to see if any of Andy's friends know of his whereabouts. Kevin breezily assumes that he and Pippa are most likely fine and manages to dissuade Beverly Ann from calling the police. A police officer arrives at the residence with Andy and Pippa in tow. He explains to Beverly Ann that the two were pick-pocketed, and that he was so concerned about a couple of cash-less kids aimlessly wandering the mean streets that he decided to safely return them home. After he leaves, Andy jokingly tells everyone that they weren't actually pick-pocketed, but ended up cash-less 'cause they frivolously spent all their money...and because they wanted a free ride home, they told the cop a sob story. Jo calls Pippa out for passing herself off as Frannie Newcomb...and Pippa fake sheepishly admits that, regrettably, she deceived them for the sake of her dear old dad, who's currently on his deathbed with a rare strain of the drongos. She adds that his dying wish is for his daughter to travel to America, then return home and tell him all about her adventures. Kevin, who - somehow unbeknownst to Pippa is standing a few feet away eavesdropping on her nonsense - wanders over to her to say, "Why not tell me about it now?" Pippa's all, "Ack!", then pretends she's witnessing a miracle at the sight of her father alive and well, while Kevin explains to the Facts gang that drongo is Aussie slang for nincompoop. Womp womp! Kevin orders his daughter to accompany him to his hotel for the night, then fly back to Australia in the morning...and Pippy dutifully gathers her stuff while grumpishly telling the Facts gang it's been nice knowing them. The doorbell rings in the middle of the night...and the Facts gang sleepily staggers downstairs to answer the door in a moment they can only describe as déjà Pippa. She apologizes for mucking everything up, and whines about how lonely she gets on account of her mineralogist dad traveling to the Outback so frequently. A few seconds later, Kevin drops by to apologize on his daughter's behalf for disturbing them a second time in the middle of the night, and to announce that they're off to the airport now. Beverly Ann interjects to tell him that she more fully grasps why Pippa sneaked to America: she's missing a sense of what it's like to be part of a real family. Pippa concurs and tells her father it's sooooo nice to have others around, so Beverly Ann invites her to live with them...and Andy smiles approvingly and says that he only became part of a family once he was adopted by Beverly Ann and became an honorary Facts gal. Tootie implores Kevin to please please please let Pippa stay and assures him that they have plenty of space, and Beverly Ann tells a wild tale about how she she dialled up Edna in Africa and confirmed that, yep, she did in fact sign up to host an exchange student...and claims that Edna had beseeched her sister to take good care of Pippa. Kevin mulls all that over, then decides 'ah, what the hell?' and gives his permission for Pippa to stay in America and be a superfluous cast member on the tail end of a show the producers hope to turn into an Eastland-centric spin-off (though: not). Pippa smiles gratefully at the Facts gang while saying, "Thanks a lot, fellas. Looks like I found a new family." Once Kevin and Pippa are safely out of earshot, Beverly Ann admits that she didn't actually talk to Edna about any of this...and everyone chuckles at that white lie while heading upstairs to bed. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: As Tootie, Natalie, and Blair eat breakfast, Jo announces that she's off to White Plains for a job interview. Blair grimaces before advising that she not ride her motorcycle 'cause of how disheveled she's sure to look once she arrives...and when Jo asks Blair if she can drive her luxury car, she's like, "Er no" and suggests she take a cab. Natalie takes pity on Jo and offers her the use of her beater, and Jo gratefully takes her up on it. While en route to White Plains, Natalie's beater breaks down, stranding Jo - by scripted coincidence - in front of the Hudson Valley Community Shelter. She enters the building wanting to use the pay phone to call the job interviewer, but it's in use by a guy (Casey) who's demanding to speak to the mayor. When Jo asks him to wrap it up 'cause she desperately needs to make a call, he snarlingly tells her that as the person in charge of this shelter he has thirty-six people to feed and clothe...and therefore assumes that his phone call is way more important than her phone call. Jo returns home and tells the other Facts gals she didn't get the job 'cause she arrived too late for the interview after Natalie's car conked out on her. When Natalie makes a startled wuh? face, Jo tells her that Blair is going to drive her to where the car broke down with her tools and promises to get it back up and running asap. Beverly Ann enters the room clutching a disturbing note she found while rifling through Andy's underwear drawer. It's a steamy letter from the imp's new squeeze, Debbie, who refers to him as Andy cakes...and it's also an invitation to come over on Friday night, aka when her parents won't be home. Beverly Ann says she's inclined to forbid him from leaving the house in the foreseeable future - but the gals point out that she can't really do that without admitting that she was snooping in his underwear drawer. Jo returns to the shelter, along with Blair, who's covered in grease after helping fix Natalie's car. Seems entirely out of character for her to have done that, but OK. Blair glances around the shelter with an ew expression while asking, "What is this place?", to which Jo replies, "Think of it as a country club for the poor." After Blair heads off to the bathroom to wash up, Jo runs into a preteen boy/shelter regular named Todd who begs Jo to not tattle to Casey that he hasn't yet gotten around to cleaning the filthy bathroom...then grumbles about how Casey's a meanie who's forcing him to wash his car. A few seconds later, Casey appears and snarlingly reminds Todd that he expects his car to be washed today...and after Todd dashes out, Jo chides Casey for being unnecessarily rough on a kid who clearly needs his help and compassion. Casey explains that the reason he's being such a dickwad towards Todd is 'cause Todd and his friends had a dirt fight near his car, and that it's the third time this has happened...and when a sheepish Jo's all, "Oops, I didn't know", Casey sanctimoniously tells her there's a lot that goes on in this shelter that she has zero knowledge of. An icked out Blair emerges from the bathroom and tells Jo she wants to vacate this dump immediately. Jo tells her she has some unfinished business to resolve and says to go on home without her...and Blair gives her a grateful cheek kiss (hmm mmm) before beating a hasty retreat. Jo apologizes to Casey for jumping to the wrong conclusion - but adds, in her defence, that he cost her a job when he refused to let her use the pay phone yesterday. Casey expresses some regret 'bout that, then says that if she's looking for job, she need look no further than this community shelter. Jo gently tells him that this run-down shit-hole isn't exactly what she had in mind ['cause, um, didn't she major in something resembling computer science at Langley?], so Casey snappishly rails about how she's no doubt looking for something upscale that doesn't require her to get her hands dirty. Jo snappishly rejoins, "I'm in!" just to prove that she's nowhere near above getting her hands dirty, so Casey's like, "You're hired!", then hands her a clipboard and sends Todd her way when he suddenly bursts in to complain that 1) some idiot just tipped over the dumpster, and 2) girls are throwing water balloons at him. As Andy natters on the phone with Debbie, Beverly Ann continues to wring her hands about the steamy love note she found in his underwear drawer. Jo, meanwhile, cheerily joins the Facts gals for breakfast and waxes on about how happy she is to have found such a great job...then asks if any of them can spare $10 'cause she hasn't yet received her pay check and promised Todd that she'd take him to a museum. Tootie and Natalie tell her they have no cash to spare...and when Jo and Blair get into a back-and-forth about whether or not it's a cop-out for rich people to do little more than throw cash at charities, Blair points out that without rich people (such as herself) who write big checks to nonprofit organizations, lowly grunts (such as Jo) wouldn't be help the homeless or hapless. She then hands Jo a $10 bill. Andy asks for permission to sleep over at Jeremy's house tonight, and Beverly Ann tentatively says it's fine with her - but only if she verifies with Jeremy's mom that it's OK. When Andy insists that it's definitely OK with her, Beverly Ann asks if, by chance, he's planning to see Debbie tonight...and when Andy doesn't respond, she lets it slip how disturbing she finds it that his hot-to-trot girlfriend refers to him as Andy cakes. Andy stares at her in shocked bewilderment as it sinks in that she must have read Debbie's love note, then snarkishly says he can't trust her anymore before huffily exiting the room. Back at the Hudson Valley Community Shelter, Jo banters with a shelter resident named Jackie before giving her her personal phone number in case she ever needs any help when she's out on the streets. Once Jackie is out of earshot, Casey warns Jo that giving out her phone number to shelter residents isn't such a good idea 'cause it might interfere with her "me time" on the weekends. Jo changes the subject to her pay check...and instead of answering, Casey remarks on how much she seems to enjoy this job. Jo presses him again about getting paid for services rendered and tells him she desperately needs the cash, so he's forced to sheepishly admit that he can't actually afford to pay her, explaining, "It's hand-to-mouth around here" ... and that sometimes he's able to hustle people into donating, but that this has been a particularly lousy week. An unamused Jo tells him he should have been straight with her about the shelter's dire financial situation 'cause, like most people, she has to actually work for a living...and Casey agrees, but says that that type of honesty makes it nearly impossible to attract quality employees. As a dismayed Jo heads towards the exit, Casey bitterly challenges her to get a cushy job so she can soon forget that she did anything that matters...and in response she tells Todd that they're off to the museum now, then shoots Casey the stink-eye when she adds that her promises mean something. Tootie tells Andy that Beverly Ann is very upset that he's refusing to speak to her, and in response Andy mutters, "She should be" and grumbles about her being a snooping busybody. Tootie points out that she's actually acting more like a mother, and that he should be thanking his lucky stars he has someone who cares about him, even if she does read aloud his love notes to the entire Facts cast. A red-faced Andy's all, "Say wha-a-a-at?", but Tootie irritably tells him to grow up before stomping upstairs. A few seconds later, Beverly Ann enters the room to tell Andy that she's allowing him to spend the night with Jeremy after all and apologizes for doubting him - but explains that it's largely 'cause she's so new at this 'being a mother' thing. Andy stares sheepishly into space for a few seconds before confessing that Jeremy is away for the weekend visiting his grandparents and that he was secretly planning on spending the night at Debbie's. Beverly Ann's all, "Say wha-a-at?" and promptly grounds him for the rest of eternity, but then decides it's probably an ideal opportunity for her to give him the "birds and the bees" talk. Jo returns home and tells Blair that she can't pay her back the $10 she loaned her this morning 'cause she didn't get her pay check on account of the shelter is broke and will likely shut down unless they get an immediate infusion of $1500 to keep the lights on. Blair reminds Jo about how she mocked her earlier for being a rich person who "cops out" when all she does is write big checks for charities...and Jo is forced to back pedal her snarkitude as she wistfully remarks on all the people who rely on the shelter, then asks Blair to pretty please write a check so that it can stay open...and Blair says she'd be happy to do so. Jo returns to the shelter to deliver the check to Casey, who happily informs her that he's going to be able to make payroll for the foreseeable future 'cause a big foundation just awarded the shelter with a ginormous donation. Jo asks, "Who is this Santa Claus?" [gee, I wonder] - just as Blair appears at the landing of the staircase overlooking the office and quips, "Ho ho ho!" before telling Casey that she'd like to install some fancy window treatments. As a perplexed Jo is all, "Wha-a-at is going onnnnn?", Blair explains that buying up commercial real estate in depressed areas is actually a sound investment for the Warner Foundation, then devilishly adds, "And how could I pass up the chance to be your boss?" Hmm mmm.. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Beverly Ann is working on the latest instalment of the PTA newsletter with her friend and fellow PTA member, Christopher Morgan. Jo and Blair return home from the movies with Andy, who dreamily shares that he has no idea what the movie was about 'cause he spent the entire evening ogling his crush, Patty Maxwell, who was sitting a few rows down. Beverly Ann introduces Christopher to the Facts gals, and Natalie excitedly bleats that she knows exactly who he is: the editor of The Peekskill Register. Tootie interjects herself to point out that Natalie is a fantastic writer...and when Natalie weakly tut tuts her pushiness, Christopher says that sometime's a writer's gotta stick her neck out. Natalie accepts his challenge as she brazenly asks, "Can I have a job?", and he's like, "Er, no", but is willing to offer her a freelance assignment: an in-depth article about how women fare in Langley College's ROTC program. He explains that he needs a first hand account of what the female cadets endure during the boot camp phase...and when an alarmed Natalie says that that's a pretty huge commitment for the sake of one story, he assures her that trainees are permitted to drop out of ROTC anytime within the first year. Natalie mulls that over and gives him an ultimatum: she'll go undercover at something she's likely to have zero skill at if he gives her a full time job afterwards, and Christopher decides that that's an offer he can't refuse. Natalie is at her first day of ROTC training, decked out in fatigues as she introduces herself to a fellow cadet named Jody Fletcher. Sergeant Evans enters the room (channelling his inner Emil "Officer and a Gentleman" Foley as he barks at them to line up). He warns about all the pain and sacrifice it's going to take for each of them to make it through the program, and that they should consider this college gymnasium to be a military base. He then begins roll call, and Natalie commits the grave and avoidable error when she yells back "Here!" instead of "Here, Sergeant!" as she was just instructed. Sergeant Evans later catches her taking notes...and instead of regarding that as any kind of red flag, he growlingly vows to make her life miserable. Natalie has changed into sweats and is swinging on a rope while grumbling to Jody about how much she haaaates ROTC training...while Jody, who comes from a family with a strong tradition of military service, says she looooves it. She asks Natalie why she joined the ROTC if she dislikes the training so much, and Natalie jokes about how it's a great place to meet guys - just as Sergeant Evans appears and snarls at the women to talk less and move their butts more. Back at the residence, Andy reports that he saw Patty Maxwell earlier...but despite psyching himself up to talk to her, he became too overwhelmed by her beauty to actually say anything to her. Blair clucks sympathetically and says she understands only too well how intimidated men can be by the beauty of women such as herself, then suggests he eliminate the stress of an in-person interaction by telephoning Patty. Christopher drops by to deliver the newly printed PTA newsletters to Beverly Ann, and Natalie takes the opportunity to cheerily inform him that she finished her article on the ROTC and hands him a copy. Christopher reads it in eager fascination...but when he gets to the part where Sergeant Evans is about to be replaced by a female instructor, he tells Natalie that her assignment isn't over on account of he's deeply intrigued to learn how ROTC life changes when a woman takes the reins. Natalie looks less than thrilled at having her assignment extended and grimaces at the prospect of having to continue with boot camp. Sergeant McNamara, the new tough-as-nails ROTC instructor, who behaves a lot meaner than her predecessor, bellows, "I am more man than any woman you're ever going to meet!" LOL. She orders Natalie to straighten her shoulders, then asks the class if they know why they're here. Natalie jokes to Jody, "Just our luck" ... and the sergeant overhears her and says that the consequence of Natalie's big mouth is the entire class having to run for five miles in full gear. As everyone groans, she refers to herself as "a jump master" and says she also plans to train everyone on how to successfully parachute out of a plane...and Natalie's all, "Wuh?" and looks alarmed by the direction in which this boot camp is headed. Andy asks Jo for some feedback as he makes a rehearsal phone call to Patty - but he can only bring himself to do the part where he asks her mom or dad if he can speak to her. Natalie, meanwhile, calls Christopher to complain about how the new ROTC instructor is expecting her to parachute out of plane, adding that she'd rather not risk life and limb for the sake of a local newspaper article. Christopher insists that he needs her to do it and tells her to think of hurtling through the air as an experience she can look back upon with fondness. Assuming she survives, of course. Tootie and Beverly Ann express concern that the parachute jump might end up with her splatting to her death, while Blair suggests she ask someone else about the experience and then use that person's account to write her article. An appalled Tootie insists that Natalie would never stoop so low 'cause she's too ethical, and Natalie half-heartedly agrees as Jo makes a whistling sound of Natalie's impending crash to the earth. Back at ROTC training, the class is practicing for the parachute jump by leaping off a platform and rolling over. Natalie peppers Jody with questions about her ROTC experience thus far, then stupidly confides that she's not actually planning to complete the parachuting exercise 'cause she's secretly writing a story on the ROTC for The Peekskill Register. Jody screeches, "You're a spy!", then angrily calls her out on using her to get quotes for her story. Natalie tries to explain that she's a budding writer who's merely trying to get her foot in the door - but an enraged Jody says that not only is she sorry she trusted her, but is sorry she even met her. Ouch. Natalie returns home and commiserates to Beverly Ann and the Facts gals about how she blew it with her only ROTC friend. Andy, meanwhile, tells everyone that he's too skeered to telephone Patty Maxwell...prompting Beverly Ann to share that she used to be afraid of everything, hates the idea of him feeling like that, and points out that usually when one faces one's fears, the fears are so much worse than anything that actually happens. Andy mulls that over for a few seconds before picking up the phone, dialling Patty, and suggesting they study together for their algebra test...and is thrilled and relieved when she says yes. Natalie then says she's soooo inspired by the imp's display of courage that she's decided to parachute out of a plane after all. The next day, the ROTC cadets are in the plane, ready to leap. Jody tells Natalie she's too terrified of parachuting to be mad at her anymore, then says she doesn't think she can do it. She adds that it's frowned upon in her family to ever admit any kind of weakness, so Natalie reminds her that she's fully trained and qualified to make the jump, and urges her to just do it for herself. After the rest of the cadets take the plunge, one by one, Jody stares fearfully out the door and at the ground below...but when Sergeant McNamara encourages her to go for it with Natalie's assurance that's going to be just fine, she bravely hurls herself out of the plane. Natalie, who's the final cadet to jump, natters to Sergeant McNamara about how she's having second thoughts...and McNamara's like, "Oh yeah?" and promptly shoves her out the door. LOL. As the camera pans to footage of cadets in mid-jump, we hear Natalie narrate, "I did it! I did it!" before adding, "And this is without a doubt the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life." LOL. Godspeed, Natalie. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Jo is looking through an old family photo album and telling Beverly Ann that she'll be absent for much of this episode 'cause she has a family reunion in the Bronx to attend. A few seconds later, Blair enters the room and requests an opinion on how much more intellectual she looks with reading glasses on...and Beverly Ann says that the glasses definitely make her look scholarly and sophisticated, though not terribly sexy. Blair chews on that for a few seconds and takes the glasses off and citing as an excuse that she wouldn't want her bespectacled face to intimidate her classmates. When Jo makes an as if type crack, Blair haughtily insists that she's fully capable of holding her own in law school...and Jo agrees that even though she's up against some of the brightest students in the country, she's surely going to do just fine. Natalie complains to Tootie about how, as a freshman, she isn't allowed to take the classes she really really wants to take, and Tootie just shrugs and is all, "That's just the way it is", then explains that freshman have to take a series of required courses before they can jump into the more interesting stuff. She then smugly informs Natalie that freshman aren't allowed to park on campus [which seems like a bizarre policy], and Natalie reacts by meekly agreeing to catch a ride with her. Over at the law school, two catty gals are cackling about their instructor, aka a man-slut who's cultivated a reputation as a brazen womanizer and "believes in the hands on approach to teaching". A few seconds later, Blair arrives and chides a man (she assumes is a classmate) for not exercising a "ladies first" policy when he tries to wedge himself through the door at the same time as her...before she sheepishly realizes that he's the course instructor. Professor Katt strides to the front of the classroom and welcomes his students to Contract Law, then sternly warns them that they're going to have to work extremely hard if they expect to pass his class. The two catty gals cackle about "what it takes" to do well while under his tutelage...and when Blair asks them to shut it, Professor Katt pauses his lecture to ask her whaddup with her talking - an exercise in selective hearing since he's pretending as though he didn't catch the catty gals' crack about his legendary grab-handsiness - and Blair gets all red-faced and tells him he's doing a great job, and to please continue on with his lecture. Professor Katt asks one of the students to review the points of a case he had assigned them to read...and during the course of the subsequent discussion, Blair puts her glasses on to look extra smart as she takes issue with one of her classmate's points. Professor Katt wanks her about making a good argument - even though, ultimately, seven out of two Supreme Court justices disagreed with it. As the class wraps up, the cattier gal wonders aloud to her other catty pal why Blair is trying so hard, given that "her daddy already bought her an A" ... and Blair ignores the trash-talking and makes a beeline over to Professor Katt so that she can continue arguing her point. He brusquely tells her that class is over...but when she looks visibly crestfallen, he agrees to further discuss the case during his late night office hours. He tells her to drop by his office at 9pm, and she decides that nothing bad could come of meeting with him so late in the evening and happily chirps, "See you then!" Tootie and Natalie return home, where Beverly Ann is happily responding to a PTA questionnaire from Andy's school. A few seconds later, Blair enters the residence and mentions that she's meeting with Professor Katt later to discuss a case...and Tootie grimaces disapprovingly and informs her that word on the street is that Professor Katt is a shameless cooze hound who cheats on his wife every chance he gets. Blair insists that while she can only assume Professor Katt finds her attractive, she's pretty sure he's the kind of guy who can exercise the self control that's needed to resist making a pass at her. Blair arrives at Professor Katt's office and makes it a point to sit as far away from him as possible...but during the course of their discussion, she ends up on the couch beside him, joyfully bantering about the case. As the two share a chuckle, Katts's wife Rebecca enters the office unannounced and is all, "A-ha!" at the sight of them seated next to each other [fully clothed while discussing the law]. Blair assures her that nothing resembling hanky panky was occurring just now, and Professor Katt implores his wife to put a pin in her irrational accusation until they get home. Rebecca ignores that and wails about what a two-timer he is before snarling at him to get a hotel room for the night...and Blair wisely beats a hasty retreat, but in the process clumsily spills the contents of her bag onto the hallway floor. The two catty women from the law class, who just happen to be standing outside of Professor Katt's office at that late hour, chuckle at the spectacle they're about to mis-characterize and spread across campus. The next day, Tootie, Natalie, and Beverly Ann are discussing the wild rumors they've been hearing about Blair's/Professor Katt's hookup, which include 1) naked sightings of the two, and 2) Blair now has his bun in her oven. Blair insists that no one was naked (or therefore pregnant), and that nothing actually happened...and says she's confident that everything will revert back to normal once the full truth is revealed. Blair returns to her law class...and when it's obvious that everyone had just been tittering about her getting it on with Professor Katt, she sarcastically says, "Don't stop talking on my account" and insists that absolutely nothing happened between her and the professor. A few seconds later, Professor Dean Stanton enters the classroom and informs the class that he'll be their instructor for the day 'cause Professor Katt is taking a personal day. As everyone shoots the stink-eye at Blair, Professor Stanton lifts the overhead screen, unwittingly revealing what someone wrote underneath it on the chalkboard in very neat caps: WARNER PICKS UP STRAY KATT. Blair gets visibly upset at the mildly accusatory pun and abruptly exits the classroom. Later at the residence, Blair is working the phones with the admissions offices of various law schools, inquiring about transferring out of Langley - but has zero luck finding an available spot. Beverly Ann overhears her on the phone and urges her to not drop out of law school. Blair commiserates to Beverly Ann, Natalie, and Tootie that she's quitting law school 'cause she can't handle being the target of ridicule. Natalie and Tootie strongly advise against dropping out, not least 'cause she didn't actually do anything wrong...and Beverly Ann says if she were in her situation, she wouldn't let others' opinions keep her from doing something she really wants to do. Blair mulls that over, but then says she simply can't face returning to class. Jo returns home from her family reunion - at the same time Rebecca Katt drops by clutching a large plastic bag. When Blair enters the room and asks Rebecca what in blazes she's doing here, Rebecca rips open the plastic bag, spilling a pile of her husband's clothing onto the living room floor. She angrily tells Blair that since she's her husband's new squeeze, she can do his laundry and take care of him from now on, snidely adding, "He likes his coffee strong and his women weak." Blair gathers up the clothing and says she's making a big mistake based on unsubstantiated rumors and makes it clear that she doesn't even want her idiot husband - but Rebecca doesn't buy that and concedes to Blair that she's younger and prettier than most of the skanks her shitbag husband has hooked up with, to which Blair blushingly thanks her. LOL. A dismayed Jo interjects and assures Rebecca that, sure, Blair can be a shallow, self-centered, vain dingbat - but that since she's so straight-laced about premarital sex in the most uptight of ways, it's wholly unlikely that she'd ever hit the sheets with a married professor. Rebecca's all 'whatever' and warns Blair, "One day he's going to do the same thing to you" before she huffily exits the house. A mystified Jo asks what in the actual fuck that was all about, so Blair tells her that salacious - but false - rumors about her and Professor Katt have been circulating all over campus ever since his wife walked in on them having a lively discussion in his office. When she adds that she's planning on dropping out of law school as a result of all the contrived hoopla, Jo urges her not to, then asks her if she has anything to hide...and Blair finally lets that question fully sink in before smilingly replying, "Welcome home, Jo." The next day at Langley Law School, Professor Katt tells his Contract Law class that dealing with the rampant rumour-mongering for the last two days has been the shits and so disruptive to the educational process and his marriage that he's ready to call it a day and resign altogether. [Seems a rather drastic move for a non-hookup, but OK.] Blair enters the classroom at that moment, calls his decision terrible, then glares at her classmates as she points out that, as budding lawyers, they really should be more adept at separating fact from fiction. True enough. As the class looks suitably chastened by their boorish behavior being called out, Professor Katt gushingly tells Blair that she definitely has a bright future as a lawyer - but still insists on leaving Langley College. Blair's like, "Well I'm not" and defiantly takes her seat while Professor Katt slinks out of the classroom. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: As a horrified Jo stares at Richard Moll's flooded living room, Blair attempts to mop up the water, while Beverly Ann wipes down a precious art piece hanging on the wall and ends up ruining it. Tootie and Natalie blame each other for not turning off the hot tub valve - until Jo snarls at them to shut it and reminds them that she's the one who's going to have to explain to the freakishly tall and sturdily built actor that his swanky home got destroyed under her watch. Jo receives a delivery of roses from Paul, who emphasizes in the note how much he really really wants the two of them to move in together. Tootie urges her to be happy about Paul's urgency about their cohabitation - but Jo's just kind of like, "Meh" and changes the subject back to the house damage and says that she should probably call Richard Moll to break the bad news to him. Blair suggests she put a pin in that until after they look into whether or not they can hire a contractor to magically repair everything without Richard Moll being the wiser, then adds that she's willing to put $15,000 of her own money towards the project. Later, a contractor arrives at the house to look over the damage and write up an estimate, which ends up being over $123,000. The Facts gals gasp in shock, and Beverly Ann admonishes him for trying to swindle them. The contractor shrugs and says they're welcome to get a second opinion...and when Tootie asks him if it'd be within the realm of possibility for them to do the repair work themselves, he says it's highly doubtful. Jo comes to the painful conclusion that there's no way around having to tell Richard Moll that his house has been almost completely destroyed. Tootie and Natalie bicker about who gets to take responsibility for not turning off the hot water valve, while Blair argues that she's largely to blame 'cause she invited the rest of the Facts gang to stay at the house without first clearing it with Jo...and Beverly Ann says that even though she feels she did absolutely nothing wrong, she'd be happy to pretend to be willing to take the blame. Jo thanks them for their willingness to put themselves in Richard Moll's crosshairs, but says that as the officially hired house sitter, she needs to face the music [along with the engineering genius who decided it was a good idea to install a hot tub on the second floor of the house]. A few seconds later, Paul arrives...and Jo introduces him to everyone before they hastily disperse to give the couple their privacy. Jo thanks him for the lovely roses...and he scrutinizes her cast, notices that it's gotten wet, and insists on scooping her into his arms and heading over to the nearest hospital so that she can get a new one. Blair, Natalie, and Tootie are lounging on the balcony, sunning themselves and worrying about how Richard Moll is going to react when he learns that his house has been destroyed - just as - ack! - Richard Moll walks through his front door and is all the fuck? when he sees his water-damaged living room. The three Facts gals, along with Beverly Ann, hear the front door open and close and assume that it's Jo returning...so are startled by the sight of Richard Moll staring around the room in horrified incredulity. Beverly Ann gushes to "Bull" about what a big fan of his she is and compliments his lovely home...despite it not being so lovely at the moment. LOL. Richard Moll asks them who the hell they are and what in blazes they're doing in his house, so Tootie explains that they're friends of Jo, and that they accidentally left the hot tub water valve on, which eventually resulted in the collapse of his living room ceiling. Blair twirls her hair and says in her best little girl voice, "We girls made a silly little mistake" to which Richard Moll reacts by ordering them to immediately vacate. When they whine that they have nowhere to go, he picks up the phone and requests a police squad car to transport them to the local jail. In the next scene, Beverly Ann, Blair, Tootie, and Natalie are languishing in a jail cell, and Blair complains about how miffed she is that the Warner name seems to carry zero clout with Malibu law enforcement. Jo returns to the house with Paul, surprised to find a strange woman milling around. Paul's like, "Hey Cindy!" and introduces her to Jo...and Cindy explains that she's the insurance adjuster who was summoned by Richard Moll to assess the flood damage. Jo pales and is all, "Ooooh noooo" - just as Cindy excuses herself to check out what's left of the second floor. Paul explains to Jo that Cindy is one of the many women he used to simultaneously date last summer...and before she can digest that nugget, Blair calls from jail to inform Jo that she and the rest of the Facts gang have been arrested, and that she needs to come to the police station pronto to sort out the various trespassing/vandalism crimes they've been charged with. Paul informs Jo that Cindy just discovered that the overflow drain on the hot tub was faulty...then cacklingly says he'll faux agree to romance her if she agrees to omit (in her report) the part where Jo let her friends use the hot tub. An appalled Jo says she's bugged that he's so OK with being deceitful, and that she'd rather not get off the hook for the house damage on the basis of a lie. A few seconds later, Cindy re-enters the living room and snippily tells Paul she won't be keeping their date 'cause she overheard what he just said to Jo (given that the no ceiling living room situation doesn't offer much of a sound barrier) and doesn't take kindly to being lied to. After she huffs off, Jo tells Paul that he's too much of a shady douchebag for her to even contemplate moving in with...and that not only is she turning down his invitation to cohabitate, she's giving him the heave-ho altogether. Jo arrives at the police station and tells the sheriff he can release her friends on the grounds that she invited them to the house they're accused of breaking into. A few seconds later, an angry looking Richard Moll enters the station, and Jo cowers as she apologizes for destroying his house and offers to pay whatever his insurance won't cover. Richard Moll growls, "That seems fair - but I'm not a fair person" and demands that she become his indentured servant for the next decade. When Jo tells him there's not much more she can say except 'oops', he retorts, "Be my love slave" (%$#!??) then breaks into a smile and says he's just kidding. He tells her that since his insurance is going to cover everything (except for, oddly, about $500), he stopped being mad a long time ago. Jo eagerly offers to pay him the $500 to settle the matter...and the two exit the station together, pretending to abandon the rest of the Facts gang to languish in their cell indefinitely. LOL. Back in Peekskill, Beverly Ann heads off to the bus depot to pick up Andy from summer camp, while Natalie and Tootie glumly invoke Jo's absence. Blair admits that she misses her non-hetero crush, but then asks, "Did you really think the four of us would always be living together forever and ever?" and Natalie and Tootie [along with the Facts writers and producers from wherever they're watching] shoot her a funny look before blurting out, "Yes!" Blair points out that Jo making the decision to remain in California marks the beginning of the end of their bizarre living arrangement [which, since Season 2, seemed to have no end in sight], and adds that at some point one or more of them is going to want to get married and start a family. She says they simply have to make the best of Jo no longer being their housemate - just as Jo hobbles into the room and casually says, "Hey." When the three stare at Jo in astonishment, she tells them that she decided to move back home after all...not least 'cause Malibu is overrun with pretty blonde women, and she simply couldn't bear to live in a place where so many people remind her of Blair. Um, ok..? Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: The ninth - and final (yippee ki yay!!) - season of Facts of Life opens with Tootie nattering on the phone to her boyfriend Jeff, promising to not kiss the leading man in the stage production she's currently starring in, despite the fact that she's playing Juliet in Romeo and Juliet...and Blair rifling through the closet for Jo's old catcher's mitt, which Andy decides he wants to take along to summer camp. Blair admits to Natalie that she really really misses Jo (but doesn't want to be quoted), while Beverly Ann gives Andy a stack of stamped, self-addressed postcards to take along to camp so that he can stay in touch. After Tootie ends her conversation with Jeff, Jo calls (from a local Malibu police station) ... and after listening to Tootie blather on about how she and Jeff are officially on again and Natalie gabble about how excited she is to have registered at Langley College, she snarls at them to put Blair on the phone. She tells Blair she has an emergency situation on her hands and desperately needs her to mail a few hundred bucks, and Blair says she'd be happy to help her out of whatever pickle she's in. Jo thanks her and gives her the police station's address in Malibu, without letting on that it's the address of a police station in Malibu. Jo tells the sheriff that she was mugged on the beach, and that the scoundrel somehow took off on a paraglider with everything she owns...then explains that her foot is in a cast after she broke it while filming the made-for-TV movie Strange Voices during her summer hiatus from Facts of Life. She adds that prior to her mugging she lost her fancy tech job, then naturally her apartment, and since then couldn't think of anything better to do than ride aimlessly riding around SoCal on her motorcycle. She asks the sheriff if she can spend the night in a jail cell...and after deciding he'd rather not go through the trouble of arresting her for sleeping on the beach (her stated Plan B), he tells her she's welcome to bunk at the station. The next morning, Jo is happily occupying a jail cell when Richard Moll enters the station to inform the sheriff that he's going to be out of town for the next few weeks and is hoping that the cops can keep an eye on his place...I guess whenever they're not busy doing actual police work. An eavesdropping Jo perks up at that request and calls over Richard Moll to point out what a startling coincidence it is that he's looking for a house sitter at the exact same time she's available and could really use a temporary home. Richard Moll gives her a seriously? look and says he generally prefers his house sitters to not be criminals, so she explains that was actually the victim of a crime and had no better option but to sleep in a jail cell. She then backs off and dejectedly says she realizes what a stupid idea it is, and he's like, "Uh, yeah. I thought so too." Richard Moll asks the sheriff on the down low if the jailbird was telling the truth just now, and the sheriff says she was, and that - despite knowing her for only a day - he can totally vouch for her. Richard Moll wanders back over to the jail cell and asks Jo what her name is, so she introduces herself and wanks him about what a huuuuuge fan of Night Court she is...and he happily rejoins, "You're hired!" and hands her the keys to his house and tells her that he left a list of instructions for his house care atop the kitchen counter. Blair arrives at the police station, her face scrunched confusedly as she explains to the sheriff that her friend gave her this address for a money order...and he correctly guesses that this friend must be Jo, then motions towards the jail cell. Blair chucklingly says, "I knew it" and tells Jo that regardless of what crimes she's committed she'd prefer that her name be left out of it. As the sheriff unlocks the cell, Jo explains that she wasn't actually arrested, and how she figured a night in the clink was better than roaming the mean streets. She sheepishly adds that earlier in the summer she lost her job and her apartment, and Blair half-heartedly says that these types of life failures are nothing to be ashamed of, and urges her to cope with the humiliation she must be experiencing right now by returning with her to Peekskill. Jo stubbornly refuses and smugly informs her that she has plans to return to her luxury beach house, and a skeptical Blair reacts to that nonsensical pronouncement by chucklingly retorting, "I have to see this." Blair is impressed with the beach house Jo implausibly claims is her current residence and asks how in blazes she's able to afford such a swanky pad, then notices the instructions Richard Moll left on the counter and asks whassup with that. Jo tells her she wrote that up for her housekeeper, and a shocked Blair coos about how awesome it is that she's so quickly compromised all of her strongly-held principles. She then looks around for a bathroom and disappears down a hallway, only to re-emerge a few seconds later with a jock strap in her hands. When she assumes that Jo is shacking up with a guy, Jo pretends that, yep, that definitely explains why there's a jock strap just randomly laying around. Blair calls Tootie to report to her and the rest of the Facts gang that Jo is living with a man...and a few seconds later, a guy named Paul drops by and tells Jo that he's been scouring SoCal for her. She apologizes for not calling in awhile, and the two are hugging when Blair enters the room and assumes that Paul is her boyfriend. Jo introduces her to Paul and pretends that, yep, he's her live-in boyfriend...and a confused Paul makes a wuh? face while also playing along...and Jo steers him to the balcony as she promises to privately fill him in on this deliberate misunderstanding. Out on the balcony, Paul recaps everything that happened during the show's off-camera summer hiatus:
Paul tells Jo that when he finally realized how much he missed her, he stopped seeing the various other women he was dating...then suggests that they move in together for real. After the commercial break, Paul insists that they could make cohabitation work - but Jo argues that everything is moving too fast for her and points out that they really don't know each other very well. Paul urges her to at least consider the possibility...then says he's off 'cause he needs to get stuff done, but will stop by the house again later. Late that night, Jo and Blair are alarmed when they hear scuttling noises at the front door - before they realize it's Tootie, Natalie, and Beverly Ann who heard what a fab house Jo is living in and decided 'let's all drop in unannounced and have ourselves an impromptu California vacation'. As they explore the house and shriek excitedly after discovering the hot tub on the second floor, Jo snarls that they can't be here, then confesses that the house belongs to Richard Moll and that he hired her to house sit while he's out of town for a few weeks. After that, she sits everyone down to explain in full the details of her misfortunes of the previous summer. Natalie and Tootie tell Jo that they're pretty much OK with her living in sin with Paul, while Blair warns that cohabitating with a man isn't the same as living with the rest of the Facts gals and a superfluous house mother. Jo dryly replies, "That's one point in his favor", then reverses her edict for them to leave and grants everyone permission to stay in Richard Moll's house, provided they're ultra careful about not damaging anything. Beverly Ann pulls out a map of Los Angeles and makes a sightseeing list. Jo says that she'd prefer to stay at the house 'cause she doesn't want it to sit empty...but when Beverly Ann points out that Richard Moll can't possibly expect her to be home 24/7, she agrees to join them. After a day of shopping, rollerskating, and otherwise frolicking around the touristy parts of Los Angeles and a nearby beach, they return to Richard Moll's house and are all 'the fuck?' when they see that the living room is completely flooded. As a mystified Jo investigates the cause of the flooding, she determines that the second floor hot tub is leaking - just as the entire living room ceiling collapses. Oops. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie is packed and ready to ship off to her summer stock gig. She haughtily tells Natalie she'll be far too busy to keep in touch with her during the summer 'cause she'll be spending every waking moment working behind the scenes of the production and "learning from the best". Plus, she's reuniting with her ex-boyfriend Jeff, who - now that he's learned how to read - received a grant to study marine biology all summer. She then gets extremely emotional as she bids the Facts gals adieu, and waxes on about how lucky she is to have so many besties...and once she's out of earshot, Natalie woots happily about having her own bedroom for the next three months. LOL. Beverly Ann tells Blair she's soooo lucky to be spending her summer in Europe, but Blair just kind of shrugs and says it's "the same old thing" every time she summers across the pond, and that right now she's far more interested in learning how she did on the LSAT. Andy, meanwhile, seems less than thrilled about his/Beverly Ann's Winnebago journey to explore flowers and leaves, a sentiment that Beverly Ann somehow seems completely oblivious to. Jo, who's about to head out to a job interview, enters the room decked out in a quasi-dressy top and skirt, but also grungy looking sneakers and socks. A horrified Blair urges her to put on some decent footwear and hands her $50 to buy a pair of pumps, and Jo perks up at the freebie and readily accepts the cash. After Blair leaves the room, a chuckling Jo tells Beverly Ann she actually put a pair of pumps in her briefcase to change into just before the interview. Andy enters the store with his friend Jeremy, who lets it slip to Beverly Ann that Andy is not at all looking forward to their Winnebago vacation. Andy sheepishly explains to Beverly Ann that Jeremy invited him to stay with his family at their lake house this summer, and Beverly Ann says tells him she's A-OK with postponing their 'flowers and leaves trip' to the fall. Later, when Jo returns home from her interview, Blair excitedly asks to see the shoes she bought...then is all 'the hell?' when she realizes that Jo had actually brought along her own pumps to wear during the interview. She irritably tells Jo she wants her money back, but Jo's like, "No can do" 'cause she used the $50 to buy herself a new pair of sneakers - but promises to pay her back as soon as she gets her first pay check. She then tells Blair that the interview went great, that she's optimistic about the job, and that the guy (Eric) who's in charge of the division seems like a very nice person. Blair grins knowingly and says she's impressed with Jo using her "mediocre feminine wiles" to get the job, but Jo insists that the interview was "all business". Natalie returns home and announces that she abruptly quit her taco restaurant job 'cause her boss wouldn't let her reduce her hours so that she could attend summer school...then explains that she enrolled in a creative writing course at Langley College. A few seconds later, Jo gets a call from Eric to offer her the job she just interviewed for - which, incidentally, is a developer position to create computer programs for elementary schools. Days later, Jo returns home from work, gathers the mail, and bellows to Blair that her LSAT score has arrived. When Blair can't bring herself to open the envelop, Jo tears it open and tells her she got a 42. Blair's face falls as she explains that 42 is the minimum score she needs to qualify for law school admittance...and moans about how ordinary she suddenly feels, waaah. Jo's boss Eric drops by to tell her that he quit his job today 'cause 1) he thinks his boss is "a pea brain", and 2) he intends to start his own company. He tells Jo he'd looooove to poach her 'cause he really respects her talent, then drops the bomb that his new company would be based in Los Angeles. Jo responds by staring back at him mutely. Jo tells Blair about the job opportunity in Los Angeles, and Blair urges her to spread her wings and go to L.A. Jo glumly says it's not so simple for her to make such a big life decision, so Blair describes the kind of tie-breaking process she generally uses when having to make an important choice..
A few seconds later, Natalie bursts into the room (not wearing blue) ... and when Blair asks her if she's wearing blue underwear, Natalie exasperatedly tells her to just flip a coin like a normal person. LOL. She then tells Jo and Blair that she's miffed at her professor for giving her a C- on her creative writing assignment, which she criticized as being wordy. She wonders aloud if maybe she made a mistake quitting Señor Sombrero's, but then decides to do a rewrite before doing anything rash. Jeremy shows Andy how to bait a hook, then tells him that when they're up at the lake house this summer, they'll be forced to go on lots of 5:00am hikes, will be using an outhouse 'cause there's no indoor plumbing, and that they have to keep a close eye out for the many snakes that inhabit the area. A wigged out Andy's all, "Wha-a-a-a?" and later tells Beverly Ann that he's seriously rethinking the lake house trip - but he doesn't want Jeremy to think he's a wimp for not wanting to hike at dawn, poop in an outhouse, and avoid stepping on snakes. Beverly Ann suggests they take their Winnebago trip as planned, but maybe stop by the lake house for a couple of days before continuing along their merry way. Sounds like a fantastic compromise. The next day at breakfast, Natalie tells Jo and Beverly Ann that she just did a rewrite, thinks it's genius, and credits her professor's comments for the dramatic improvement in the quality of her piece. She then announces that she's decided to enrol at Langley full time this fall...and everyone's all, "Hurray!" Eric drops by again to ask Jo to please please please take the job at his new company in Los Angeles, but Jo firmly says she can't leave her friends and family, who are in Peekskill (or at least Peekskill-adjacent). Eric turns his hands upside-down and uses his fingers to make it look like he has glasses on and says he's seriously begging her - but after chuckling at his clownish inanity, Jo firmly says she simply can't/won't move across the country. She assures him he'll do great with his new venture, and he shuffles dejectedly towards the door. Blair gets a letter from Langley Law School, informing her that she's been officially accepted. As everyone cheers this improbable outcome, given that she started studying for the LSAT the day before the test, Blair rushes upstairs to call her parents with the good news...and Jo reacts to this latest development by staring despondently into space. Jo enters the communal bedroom just as Blair finishes the phone call with her parents and bitterly mutters, "Whoopee, you're going to law school." Blair asks her if she made a decision about the L.A. job yet, and Jo glumly says she's decided to stay put in Peekskill so that the show's formula of the four of them living together ad infinitum with a housemother could extend into yet another superfluous season...and is now pissed off about making the personal sacrifice. She angrily recaps..
Jo and Eric are ready to ride their motorcycles across the country...and after pretending to give Blair, Natalie, and Beverly Ann a casual 'see ya!', she returns for a tender group hug, during which everyone tearfully wishes her a safe trip. Before the end credits roll, the words 'to be continued..' flash across the screen (%$#@!!), so brace yourselves for the final season! Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Jo is sitting in front of her typewriter, agonizing over the speech she's been asked to deliver to her fellow Langley graduates on graduation day, while Blair expresses her unhappiness about Porsche no longer making red cars...then decides that instead of a new car, her graduation present from her father should be a diamond tiara. Beverly Ann forbids Andy to wear his snug-fitting suit for the Langley graduation ceremony 'cause he's outgrown it, and he decides 'why the hell not let my new ma buy me a new outfit if she wants?' Tootie enters the room and asks Jo what sort of monologue she should do for her all important summer stock audition - just as Natalie appears and offers to write something customized, remarking that it's best to just be herself while performing. Which seems like a strange bit of advice for an aspiring actress. After Tootie and Natalie scamper upstairs to flesh something out, Jo contemplates the prospect of just being oneself, and gets newly inspired with the graduation speech she's writing. Blair is on the phone in the communal bedroom, ordering a diamond tiara from her favorite jeweller, and asking him to attach a Congratulations for graduating from college, princess! note she imagines that her father would write. Tootie enters the room and asks Blair if she wouldn't mind listening to her monologue performance - but when Natalie appears out of nowhere and realizes that Tootie made unauthorized changes to her writing, the two bicker about the writing/acting creative processes and then storm out of the room. Jo bursts into the communal bedroom to rail about how she has no desire to deliver the kind of garbage speech the college administration expects of her...and that when she cobbled together a bitchy rant about Langley's ineptitude as an institution of higher learning, they unsurprisingly threatened to cancel her from the programme. Blair winces at Jo's cluelessly self-centered fuckwittedness and reminds her that graduation is generally a happy occasion during which the audience expects to hear uplifting platitudes about the bright future ahead for graduates, not a grim rehash of all that's wrong with the college they just spent four years at, paying big bucks for the privilege of earning a degree - but Jo grumpishly refuses to not use the opportunity to air every bitchy grievance she's been harbouring against Langley since her freshman year. Beverly Ann is altering Andy's new pants when Jo's parents arrive and gushingly hug her hello. Her mom tells her they have a special present for her - just as an older man walks through the door and hands Jo a bouquet of flowers. Jo's like, "Aw, how sweet" and offers to tip him, and the man responds by holding out his arms and cooing, "My little wnuczka!" As Jo scrunches her face confusedly, Charlie explains that this man is her grandfather who flew all the way from Poland to witness her graduation ceremony. Jo lights up as she hugs Gramps...but then quickly deflates when Gramps clarifies that he didn't travel all the from Poland just to see her graduate, but rather to hear her give her fancy college speech. Jo gives Gramps a tour of Over Our Heads, and he's like, "Oooh, a junk store!" [which...yep] and then gushes to Blair about how excited he is to hear Jo's big speech tomorrow. Blair pulls Jo aside to ask whassup with her not telling her grandfather that her speech has been nixed, and Jo haplessly says she's half-heartedly trying to summon the courage to break the old man's spirit. Jo's mom enters the store to gush once again about how deeply proud she is of Jo, and to inform Blair that she has a phone call. Jo attempts to tell Gramps about the fallout over Bitchy Speech-gate - but Blair interrupts by telling Gramps that Beverly Ann has a piece of pie with his name on it in the living room. Once he's out of hearing range, Blair breaks the news to Jo that the dean just called to ask her to step in and deliver a light-hearted graduation speech. Blair's bickering parents arrive, but stop bickering long enough to gushily congratulate their daughter for being chosen as the senior class graduation speech-giver. Blair sheepishly explains that she was the number 2 choice when they needed a quick replacement for Jo, and Pa Warner says it might be awkward, but points out that someone has to give the speech, so it might as well be her. Andy scampers downstairs wearing his well-tailored new suit, which he has accessorized with a pair of dirty sneakers. Tootie, meanwhile, announces that she has her summer stock audition in New York to get to...and Natalie apologizes for their argument earlier and wishes her the best of luck. Charlie is playing the piano when Blair returns home with her dad...and Charlie gushes at Pa Warner about how their daughters are both graduating college, and how much he's looking forward to the caps, gowns, and graduation speech. Pa Warner agrees, then says he was kinda worried about the Polniaczek clan being upset that Blair was tapped to replace Jo as speech-giver. A shocked Charlie's all, "Wha-a-a?" and then confronts Jo to ask whaddup with her not informing any of them about this latest development. Jo explains that the graduation committee rejected her bitchy speech - just as Gramps enters the room. She then comes clean to him about her speech being nixed from the graduation programme because of her dicked up belief system that she should have full license to express every grumpy thought every moment she has them, and sheepishly hopes he's not too disappointed about traveling all the way from Poland just to watch her get her diploma and then sit down. Gramps applauds her courage in refusing to change her rant-laden speech to one that'd be more appropriate for the occasion and venue, and assures her that if Grams were still alive she would have been proud. Gramps credits Charlie for raising such an amaaaaazing woman, and natters on and on about how people need to have values - just as Blair sweeps down the staircase wearing her new diamond tiara. LOL. Gramps waxes on and on about Jo's courage in squandering the opportunity to deliver a graduation speech, and then spits (like, literally) at whoever was asked to be her replacement and refers to that person as "a spineless coward". Blair self-identifies as that spineless coward, and a red-faced Gramps mutters, "Uh boy.." In the communal bedroom, Jo and Blair are putting on their graduation gowns, joyously reminiscing about their arguments, laughter, and non-hetero crushing over the last six years of this wretched TV series. Graduation ceremony. The dean introduces Blair as the senior class speaker...and as she starts delivering her opening remarks, Tootie rushes in and excitedly announces in hushed tones to everyone that she made it into summer stock. Hurray! Blair credits her friend Jo for refusing to give a speech she doesn't believe in, then dramatically produces Jo's crumpled up notes, and starts reading from them...which includes what a tough world it is, and how Langley College does fuck all to prepare its students for the harsh realities they're destined to face in the real world. The dean's all, "The fuck?!", cuts her mic, and rushes over to ask what in blazes she thinks she's doing...so Blair smugly reminds him that she's delivering a speech in an auditorium that the Warner family paid for in a building that was heavily subsidized by the Warner family, to an audience that includes her father, Dave Warner. The dean's like, "Point taken" and meekly sits back down as Blair continues to read from Jo's bitchy notes that endlessly rail about the general fucktitude of all the bozos in charge of Langley. In her closing statement, she credits Jo for the courage to say what didn't necessarily need to be said on this particular occasion, and Gramps leaps up from his chair and bellows, "My granddaughter!" as everyone mindlessly applauds. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie and Natalie announce to everyone (sans Blair) that they found a great spa location for a fun weekend getaway...and Jo checks out the brochure and grumbles about having zero desire to sit in mud. Beverly Ann explains that the mud is used to excise the toxins from the body - but Jo insists that she's still not interested and highly doubts that Blair would be either. She then predicts that Blair will pretend to be interested in going to the spa - before she comes up with an outlandish excuse to get out of it. A few seconds later, Blair enters the room, and the other Facts gals tell her about their weekend spa plans. Blair looks over the brochure, makes inscrutable clucking noises, but then says she can't go 'cause she'll be taking a law school admissions test on Saturday. Jo chuckles and says that this is exactly the kind of outlandish excuse she was expecting from her, but Blair insists that she really, truly, actually is planning to go to law school and didn't want to say anything before now 'cause she was afraid they'd all laugh at her for planning to work for a living. The others are all, "Wuh?" and tell her they're proud of her ambition, and Blair blushingly says she wants to make her rich family proud when she becomes the first Warner woman to earn a law degree. Blair is in the communal bedroom, selecting an outfit in advance of a visit from Langley's Law School Dean of Admissions...'cause, sure, it's realistic that a dean would personally come to a student's house to discuss their application. Jo hands her a gift in celebration of her career decision...and when Blair unwraps it and sees that it's an LSAT study guide, she gushes about what a lovely thought it is. And that if she were planning on actually preparing for the exam, she'd totally use it. Jo stares at her incredulously and goes, "You're not studying?!", and Blair breezily says she has all the natural ability necessary to bluff her way into law school...and if that somehow proves inadequate, her rich family has the cash to buy her a spot. She nonsensically adds that it'd be unfair to all the people aspiring to attend law school if someone as privileged and rich such as herself studied and bought her way in, and Jo scrunches her face in bewilderment at that unfollowable logic and says she never quite thought about a law school entrance exam in that way. Beverly Ann tells Andy to get packed for the spa weekend - just as Blair comes downstairs in a sharp looking blazer and skirt ensemble for her interview with the dean. She then litters the room with newspaper articles featuring her family's philanthropic gifts to Langley College, which...subtle, Blair. When the dean arrives, Blair gushes about how much she's been looking forward to their chat, and motions at all of the Warner family-centric newspaper articles that have been carefully strewn about the room. The dean wryly makes it clear how little a rat's ass he give 'bout any of that and reviews her law school application, noting that her grades are satisfactory, she has a full resume of extracurricular activities, and impressive recommendations from a senator and governor. As Blair blushes immodestly, the dean adds that they're just waiting on her LSAT score, which needs to be at least 42 (on a scale of 48). Blair's smug smile quickly fades as she offers him coffee, tea, funding for a new library - and he sternly warns that he doesn't take kindly to bribes, and makes clear that a student's financial status is never a consideration for admission into law school, and that a lot of students have a deep desire to attend Langley Law School who have her grades and great LSAT scores. He adds that it's fairly standard for people to study for the test at least three months in advance...and after he leaves and is out of hearing range, Blair slumps against the door and makes a tortured oooooooh noise. Blair is on the phone, desperately searching for a crash LSAT course she can take...and Tootie overhears her conversation and makes a beeline over to the communal bedroom to report to Jo that Blair desperately needs their help. Jo magnanimously tells Tootie to enjoy her spa weekend and promises to help Blair study for the LSAT...and when Tootie exits the room, Jo grins evilly into space. Jo tells Blair that she's going to return to LSAT book she tried to gift her, and Blair's all, "Ack!" and offers to return it for her...and the two grab the book from each other until Blair finally admits that she needs it to prepare for the entrance exam after all. She then self-piteously laments the burden of having to study alone, and Jo offers to give her a hand with that. Jo begins the study session by reading various riddle-type questions from the LSAT book, and Blair just stares confusedly into space and doesn't make any attempt to apply her non-existent logic skills and respond. Later, an exhausted Blair is laying face down on her bed while Jo continues to read questions from the study guide. Blair decides that she's had enough, no longer wants to attend law school, and is going to go to sleep now. Jo just shrugs and goes downstairs to watch TV. Blair follows Jo downstairs, is all 'the fuck?', and tells her that this is the part where she's supposed to give her a pep talk. Jo rolls her eyes and offers up a few platitudes about not giving up on your dreams no matter what, and Blair scrunches her face in dissatisfaction and chides her for the weak effort. An irritated Jo then blurts out that she's a shallow, lazy nitwit who's never had to struggle for anything in her entire life...and Blair's like, "That's more like it!" - LOL - and adds that when the dean told her that her family's wealth didn't mean anything to him, it made her want to get into law school without her daddy's cash. She then blurts out the correct answer to one of the LSAT riddle-type questions Jo asked her earlier, and Jo looks impressed and decides that she's game to continue on with the all-night study session. The next morning, Blair returns home after taking the LSAT, and sneaks into the living room, where Jo is fast asleep on the sofa chair. Blair slips onto the couch and is pretending to be asleep when Jo wakes up, sees Blair, and panics when she assumes that she overslept and missed the LSAT - until she notices that Blair is wearing different clothes from the night before. Blair chuckles and assures her she got up in time and that the test went fairly well - but that if her score isn't high enough to get her into law school, she'll just take it again. And maybe actually study properly. Jo smiles approvingly and says, "Sounds like a plan", and asks for a heartfelt thank you for staying up all night, studying - but an exhausted Blair just closes her eyes and mumbles something incoherent as Jo tenderly covers her with a blanket. Mmm hmm.. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Andy excitedly bursts into the living room to tell Beverly Ann that his favorite heavy metal band, The Walking Dead, is going to be in New York next week and he really really wants to go. Beverly Ann says, "Sure" and that she'll happily get them a couple of tickets, and Andy makes a face and says he'd much prefer to go without her, given that none of his friends are going to be supervised at the concert by their moms. A few seconds later, Tootie and Natalie enter the room...and when Andy tries to get them to help make the case as to why he should be able to see The Walking Dead without adult supervision, Tootie contorts her face in disgust and says that at a recent concert, the lead singer took off his pants and ate them, while Natalie recalls that another band member recently set fire to a bunch of shit. Jo gabbles excitedly about her dad coming to Peekskill for a visit this episode, and Blair says she's really looking forward to seeing "the sweet guy". Beverly Ann asks what he's like, and Jo kind of shrugs and says he's just a regular guy...and that she's mostly looking forward to meeting his new gal, Marlene. A few seconds later, Charlie arrives, warmly greets all the Facts gals, and is introduced for the first time to Beverly Ann. Jo asks about Marlene's whereabouts, and he breezily says she couldn't make it, then heads over to the nearest bathroom to wash up. Once he's out of earshot, Blair clucks sympathetically and says it's written all over Charlie's face that he's just been dumped, and Jo's all, "Wuh? Nah.." Blair urges her to be a comfort to her fragile pa, but Jo insists that her dad is resilient, if indeed he has just been dumped, and is going to be just fine. When Charlie re-enters the room, Blair tells him, "Be strong" and heads off to the store...and when a tentative Jo asks him how everything in his life is going, he correctly assumes that she figured out the truth about Marlene giving him the heave-ho. Jo says that instead of staying in a motel by himself all weekend, he's welcome to bunk in their living room, and he's like, "Great!" and rushes out to the car to get his suitcase. Later in the communal bedroom, Blair tells Jo that Charlie is clearly depressed about the dumping, and that the best way to get over a broken relationship is to start a new one. When she offers to set him up with someone, Jo emphatically barks, "No!" and hastily exits the room. Blair then picks up the phone and calls her friend Cynthia and invites both her and her mom to a museum outing. Andy snarks at Natalie and Tootie for kiboshing his chance to attend The Walking Dead concert and tries to guilt them into getting Beverly Ann to change her mind - but the most they're willing to do is advise him to be thoughtful, do stuff around the house, and kiss up to his adoptive ma at every opportunity. Andy mulls that over and decides 'yep, I can do that'. Beverly Ann returns home with a bag of groceries, and Andy rushes over to her, takes the bag and offers to put the items away. When Charlie witnesses the good deed and asks her if he's always this helpful, she explains that the kid is only sucking up to her so that she'll let him go to a concert. Charlie advises her to give in and passes along the sage advice: "sometimes you have to let go to hold kids closer". Cynthia and her mom (Maggie) arrive, and Blair promptly introduces the two to Charlie as Jo stares daggers at her. Blair then announces that she, Cynthia, and Maggie are off to the museum and invites Charlie along, and he says he's game...then wryly agrees with Maggie that this definitely feels like a non-subtle set-up. Blair excitedly assures Jo that Charlie and Maggie are perfect for each other, then happily dashes off. Later, Blair tells Jo that the museum outing worked out great, and that Charlie had an awesome time with Maggie and her daughter. A few seconds later, Charlie returns home looking visibly perky and gaily tells Jo he had a super fun time. He then starts putting on a tie and announces that he's off to a French restaurant for a romantic evening...and when Blair smugly tells Jo, "I told you so", Jo is forced to admit that she did a good thing by setting Charlie up with her friend's mom. That evening, the doorbell rings, and it's Cynthia (!) who steps inside to see what's keeping her date. Charlie grimaces and reminds her that he told her to wait in the car...and she reacts by looking completely TV trope-ishly oblivious of the awkwardness of being stared at in speechless horror by Jo and Blair. When she and Charlie head off on their date, a sheepish looking Blair nervously giggles before she and Jo race up the stairs. A startled Blair tells Jo that she definitely didn't see this coming - just as Tootie and Natalie enter the bedroom to ask whassup. Jo snarlingly informs them that stupid Blair stuck her nose where it didn't belong, and as a result her dad is dating someone thirty years his junior. Natalie breezily says it's only one date, while Tootie points out that every marriage starts with one date. Jo's all, "Ack!" and shakes her head while lamenting the embarrassment of having to watch her middle-aged, divorced dad hitting the town with an extremely young woman. Later, Jo is reclining on the couch, pretending to read a magazine, when Charlie returns home from his date. He asks Jo whaddup with her strange behavior and urges her to come right out and tell him what's on her mind...so she's like, "Uh, OK" and tells him how much she haaaaates him dating Cynthia, and that he looks like a ridiculous old fool, hooking up with a woman who's literally young enough to be his daughter. Charlie angrily snaps, "How dare you talk to me like that!" and says that Cynthia makes him feel special, and that he hoped his own daughter would be happy for him. Jo falls silent and hangs her head shamefully and promises to try, and he thanks her and gives her a fatherly cheek kiss. Andy is wearing headphones that are blasting the weird punk/heavy metal drudgery of The Walking Dead into his ears when Beverly Ann wanders over and asks him if she can have a quick listen...but after a few seconds of the noise, she contorts her face in horror and hastily gives him the headphones back. She tells him she's decided to allow him to attend the concert, regardless of how grisly the band seems, and Andy happily hugs her and scampers off to give his friends the good news. Charlie arrives home with Cynthia after a tennis match and tells Jo and his new girlfriend to get to know each other for a minutes while he goes upstairs to change. Cynthia smugly tells Jo that she and "Chuck" are going into New York City tonight - but adds that, as far as she's concerned, they're only casually dating. Jo looks alarmed and says it's clear that her dad is serious about their budding romance, but Cynthia just shrugs and says she can't be responsible for how the old goat feels, and that since she's only twenty-three, she has plans to hook up with a lot of different guys for the foreseeable future. As Jo mulls over that troubling over-share, Charlie re-enters the room, and he and his gal pal leave. Beverly Ann tells Jo that she let Andy go to The Walking Dead concert...but arranged for Tootie, Natalie, and Blair to go incognito and keep an eye on him. Later, Andy returns home with his hair gelled and dyed with multiple colors and a tiny skeleton hanging off one ear. He raves about what a great time he had at the concert - just as a shell-shocked Tootie, Natalie, and Blair return home and stiffly say that "the movie" they went to see was extremely loud and psychologically disturbing. Andy chuckles and tells Beverly Ann it doesn't look like they enjoyed The Walking Dead's performance much...and when she stares back at him in shocked sheepishness, he makes it clear that he doesn't mind having been secretly chaperoned by three Facts gals. Charlie returns home from his date and informs Jo that he finally came to his senses and broke things off with Cynthia, and now knows that if he wants to hang with someone thirty years younger, he can spend time with his actual daughter. He adds that he came to the realization that he'd much prefer to date "an old broad" who's at more of a similar stage of life as he is, and Jo chuckles and assures him that he's still the hippest guy in town...and when he mutters something incoherent about Cynthia and a skeleton earring, the episode comes to an odd, abrupt end. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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