Recap: Prior to the opening credits, a somber warning is issued to parents that they may want to watch this episode with their children, 'cause 1) it's the one where Snake pops Natalie's cherry (off-camera), and 2) there's zero substantive guidance offered for young viewers even contemplating sex upon learning that this fully grown fictional woman decided to finally hit the sheets with the boyfriend she's been exclusively dating for an entire year. Tootie remarks that the house is unusually quiet today, and Beverly Ann points out that Sundays are supposed to be quiet, while Jo attributes the peaceful aura to Blair being out of town [on account of she didn't want anything to do with appearing in the episode that's structured entirely around Natalie's deflowering]. Natalie descends the staircase looking fabulous in a glittery black blazer, and she happily announces that tonight is the first year anniversary of the night she fell in love with Snake, and recalls that when it happened, they were having dinner at the Green River Inn while seated at a table near the fireplace. A few seconds later, Snake arrives to pick her up...and he's wearing work coveralls and pretending as though he has no clue that today's any kind of special day, despite Tootie's not-so-subtle prompting. He asks Natalie if she's ready to go, and she glumly says she's going to go upstairs to change into something less fancy - just as he strips off the coveralls and reveals the three-piece suit he's wearing underneath. Natalie squeals with joy as the now dapper looking Snake tells her that they'll be dining at the Green River Inn, and that he booked the table near the fireplace. Mmm hmm.. Hours later, Snake escorts Natalie home and smooches her several times before remarking how reluctant he is to end the evening, and the two agree that their one year love anniversary was very, very - like very - special. The two then smooch for a little while longer before Snake promises, "I'll call you tomorrow" and heads out. At around 5:00am, Natalie tiptoes into her attic bedroom and hovers over Tootie to see if she's awake...and eventually Tootie sleepily murmurs, "Are you going to wake me up or not?" Natalie giddily tells her that she and Snake stayed up late talking, then builds up to her 'I had sex!' announcement by reminding Tootie that she and Snake...
The next morning at breakfast, Jo grumblingly asks Natalie why she's so unusually chipper, and Natalie's in the middle of smilingly explaining her good mood when Pippa suddenly enters the room. She hastily zips it until Pippa leaves, but then has to zip it again when Andy and Beverly Ann amble into the kitchen, arguing about the appropriateness/inappropriateness of Andy wearing ripped jeans to school. After that issue is momentarily resolved, Natalie drops the bombshell to the Facts gang by disclosing, "Last night, Snake and I slept together." Jo is so utterly shocked at the [not all that shocking] news that she spills cereal all over the table, while a befuddled Beverly Ann slumps into the nearest kitchen chair and stares dumbly into space. Natalie asks her what she thinks about her metamorphosis into non-virginhood, and Beverly Ann says that while she totally gets that she's a twenty-one year old woman who's fully capable of making her own personal decisions, she hails from a time and place where a woman waited until marriage...then ruefully adds, "And sometimes even later than that." Natalie tells her that times have definitely changed, and Tootie's like, "Well, sort of", then sanctimoniously adds that she and Jeff are waiting until after their nuptials before hitting the sack together. Beverly Ann snidely tells Natalie she hopes they aren't going see any tiny little snakes slithering around the house anytime soon, and Natalie chucklingly assures her that they were responsible enough to use contraceptives, and reminds everyone again that she's simply a fully grown woman who decided to finally hit the sheets with the boyfriend she's been exclusively dating for an entire year...and, for whatever reason, deemed it necessary to issue a statement regarding the change to her 'sexually active?' status to her superfluous housemother and two roommates. Snake calls to tell Natalie that now that they've bam bammed in the ham, he's putting the relationship on ice so he can work through whatever emotional issues have suddenly arisen to plague him, and Natalie amiably replies, "Er, OK. I guess I'll hear from you when I hear from you." She then hangs up and tells the Facts gang that Snake won't be able to see her for a few days...and as everyone stares back at her with worriedly stony expressions, she breezily adds, "It's not like he's dumping me!", but they just stare back at her, their faces etched with doubt. As Natalie does her homework at the dining room table, Beverly Ann attempts to cheer her up with some homemade apple turnovers, but Natalie declines. When Tootie enters the room, Beverly Ann suggests they all go to the movies, and Natalie says she appreciates their efforts to cheer her up - but is totes OK with Snake needing a little time to himself following their maiden doink. When the phone rings a few seconds later, she rushes over to answer it and is visibly disappointed when the call is for Andy. She moans, "I never should have slept with him" - just as Pippa enters the room and is all, "Crikey!" before asking Natalie what the sex was like. Natalie says it's kind of a personal thing to want to talk about to a teenager, and then Beverly Ann steers Pippa into the kitchen to ask if her father ever gave her the 'birds and the bees' talk. Pippa assures her she knows all the basics and that Aussies are generally more easygoing about sex than Americans. She adds that while some of her friends back home have been getting it on with their boyfriends for quite some time now, she wants her first time to be with her true love. She asks Beverly Ann if she has her permission to have sex if she were to, say, meet her true love tomorrow, and an appalled Beverly Ann tells her she's only fifteen years old and therefore way too young for sex...and that her mother once advised her to never rush sex, marriage or soufflés, 'cause otherwise they fall flat. Natalie laments to Tootie that she's soooooo confuuuuuused about how one day she's riding the baloney pony of her beloved, and the next day he's seemingly gone from her life. She stares worriedly into space and asks, "Do you think I did it wrong?" and a clueless Tootie shrugs and reminds her friend that she has zero knowledge of how one distinguishes between adequately and inadequately performed sex, then gives her a comforting hug. Later, Natalie tells Jo she really blew it, and Jo tells her to stop blaming herself for bedding Snake 'cause, frankly, she's really starting to tire of all of her post-sex moping. [Sorry - that was me, projecting.] Natalie asks Jo if she thinks it was a mistake sleep with Snake...and when Jo says it only matters what she thinks, Natalie gets angry and accuses her of being "an emotional chicken" who just clucks out unhelpful platitudes. She anxiously tells Jo she neeeeeeeeeds her help and implores her to stop being so wishy-washy and just express her damn opinion already, so Jo's like, "OK, fine" and tells her needs to stop blaming herself for having sex, 'cause clearly what's really bothering her is the fact that Snake walked out on her. Natalie tears up and sadly asks why he did that, and Jo's like, "Dunno. Sex does weird things to people sometimes." She assures Natalie that she's a great person and will be fine with or without Snake in her life...and Natalie says that while she doesn't regret their romp, she'll surely be hurt if things don't work out. A few minutes later, Snake stops by so he could tell Natalie face-to-face what's been on his mind, then mumbles, "I don't know where to start." Natalie tells him she's not at all sorry about them doing the horizontal mambo - but that if he can't handle the intimacy, or he feels like she's crowding his space, he shouldn't beat around the bush as he gives her the dumperoo. Snake responds by declaring, "I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you", and Natalie reacts by staring back at him in stunned bewilderment. Snake tells Natalie he can't stand to be apart from her, and that he needed several days of me time in order to completely assure himself that that's how he really, truly, 100% feels after sausaging her. He then says he plans to give up his job as a trucker and look for something in Peekskill 'cause he figures they'll get married and have a life together. When Natalie remains mute on the subject, he asks, "That's where we're headed, isn't it?" and she's like, "Dunno" and tells him she doesn't know if she's even ready for that kind of commitment, and suggests they take things one step at a time. Snake looks part miffed, part relieved that he's not in a serious enough relationship to have to start using his real name...and when Natalie learns that his parents named him Norbert Jr., she does her best not to laugh and says they'll just keep that their little secret. Snake gushingly tells her she's something special, and she chuckles again at the dorkiness of his legal name and gives him a happy hug. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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Recap: Tootie and Natalie are in the kitchen, cooking up a storm for a double-date dinner to celebrate Jeff and Snake finally being in Peekskill the same weekend. Tootie dreamily says she looks forward to the four of them always hanging out together, and their future kids playing together...and Natalie's all 'whoa, Nellie' and says she can't guarantee that she and Snake are even going to get married, much less have kids together. Andy enters the kitchen and says he heard that Jeff has four tickets to the upcoming Springsteen concert and is somehow under the illusion that he's going to be invited to attend, and Tootie chuckles and says that she, Jeff, Natalie, and Snake are going to be using the tickets. Andy's like, "Er, OK" ... then says that in the likelihood that one of the four gets sick from their wretched cooking and needs a stomach pump, he'd like to be alerted when a concert ticket is suddenly freed up. Jo comes home in a terrible mood...and when a sympathetic Blair says in her little girl voice, "Come tell mommy where it hurts" (OMFG?), Jo tells her she paid a mechanic $200 to fix her motorcycle, but that it's still running lousy...and because she's acting uncharacteristically meek in this episode about how to react to someone who's screwing her over, she's at a total loss about what recourse to take. Blair suggests that at the very least she stop payment of her check, and Jo snappishly retorts that she already did that 'cause any idiot would know to do that in this type of sitch...but once Blair is safely out of earshot, Jo calls the bank to ask how one might go about stopping payment on a check. Snake arrives for the double-date dinner and warmly greets Tootie and Natalie...and a few seconds later, Jeff arrives with a bouquet of flowers, notices that Snake showed up flower-less, and decides to sanctimoniously pronounce, "That's what guys do when they come to dinner, right?" As Natalie gives Snake a reassuring hug, Tootie suggests they all sit down together and chat. Jeff remarks on the ratty old convertible he saw parked near the house and asks if it belongs to a new neighbor, and Snake's like, "Uh no, that's my car." [Strike two, Jeff.] Jeff changes the subject to a recent football game, and Snake shakes his head derisively and says that football is too violent a sport for his liking...and when Jeff insists football is a great game, Snake sneers, "You call a business where guys bash each other's heads in to make money for their millionaire bosses a game?" An anxious Tootie calls for Pippa to bring in the appetizers right now, and the superfluous Aussie rushes in to serve the foursome a plate of cheese puffs before curtseying (LOL) and exiting the room. Jeff asks Snake which school he went to, and Snake replies, "High...as in high school", and Jeff says that he attends Penn State before imperiously adding that college isn't for everyone...which sounded pretty darn condescending and uppity for a guy who didn't know how to read four seasons ago. Snake cattily counters says that he didn't feel the need to hide out in a college for four years before facing the real world...and DING! DING! DING!, I call the first round of this contrived verbal diarrhoea match for Snake. Andy enters the room to serve the couple glasses of cider and to inquire about an available Springsteen ticket. Jeff's like, "No can do" - just as Jo's mechanic (Ralph) drops by to complain about the stopped payment on her $200 check. Jo points out that he didn't provide the service he promised, and an exasperated Tootie asks them if they wouldn't mind haggling about this in the kitchen so that Jeff and Snake can continue passive-aggressively sniping at each other in peace. Natalie explains to everyone that Jo paid Ralph to fix her motorcycle, which he failed to adequately do...and Jeff shakes his head and says that mechanics are a bunch of thieves who rob people blind. Snake says he takes issue with that blanket accusation 'cause a lot of his friends are mechanics and he knows first-hand that they're mostly working stiffs who do a tough job. Jeff argues that mechanics always charge a fortune for doing nothing, and Snake points out that there are lazy jerks in all lines of work...then bitchily tells Jeff that he'd know that if he had ever actually been in the workforce. Ouch. But fair point. Jo tells Ralph she'll pay him if/when he fixes her motorcycle to her satisfaction...and Blair interjects herself into the conversation to inform Ralph about the legal implications of violating a two-party contract. Ralph insists that he fixed the bike to the best of his ability...and when Blair tells him that Jo can always take her money and bike to a different, better mechanic, he threatens to take Jo to court. After he storms out, Blair puts a protective arm around Jo (hmm mmm) as she tells her that this is precisely why she's studying to become a lawyer: to help the downtrodden, poor, and unfortunate. Jo responds by grumbling, "Stick a sock in it." While sniping about the merits of the college-educated versus the working class, Jeff haughtily asks Snake if he's ever read a book, then complains to Tootie that "the man's an intellectual munchkin". Snake, who's quickly tiring of the insults to his intelligence from a guy who didn't know how to read four seasons ago, says he's outa here and tells Natalie he'll see her tomorrow. Jeff tells Tootie that he too is in need of some cooling off after needlessly acting like a pompous arse towards Snake and is going to bail on dinner - but promises to pick her up tomorrow night for the Springsteen concert. Once he's out of earshot, Natalie tells Tootie she's surprised that the two men didn't immediately hit it off...and Tootie, who reminds her that she's about to marry Jeff [despite him being such a pompous arse], anxiously cries, "What are we going to dooooooo?!" The next evening, Natalie and Tootie are primping for the Springsteen concert and bickering about why each of their boyfriends isn't to blame for the bad blood between them. A few seconds later, Jeff arrives and tells Tootie he's putting last night behind him...and when Snake arrives, he growls, "Great, the weasel is here." Tootie says she's not into the idea of going to a concert with two warring men and tells Jeff she'd much prefer to go see the new movie Once Upon a Murderer. Natalie says, in that case, she and Snake will go see Springsteen without them - just as Andy and Pippa bound into the room and inquire about any available Springsteen tickets. Jeff hands them the tickets, much to Snake's annoyance 'cause he has zero interest in hanging with a couple of kids all evening, but then gets revenge against Jeff by revealing the shocking spoiler in Once Upon a Murderer. Haha! The next morning at breakfast, Tootie tells Jo to trust in the legal system to settle her conflict with Ralph before getting into another bickerfest with Natalie about the hatred brewing between their fellas...which she fails to acknowledge is mostly due to Jeff's instigation. Tootie decrees that, from now on, Jeff will pick her up for dates from their home, while she (Natalie) can meet up with Snake "at whatever restaurant will let him in". An incensed Natalie proposes the reverse...and when Jo yells at them to shut the fuck up about this already tiresome feud, Tootie meekly agrees that they will both meet their fellas at different restaurants. Beverly Ann wishes Jo well for her big day in court - just as Blair enters the kitchen with her briefcase. She suggests they do a dry run in order to rehearse the court proceedings, and Jo mumbles about how desperately she now wishes she hadn't gotten her into this. Blair gives her a pep talk about how she needs to stand up to Ralph, 'cause if she doesn't he'll just screw over other customers...then advises her to not blurt stuff out when they're in court like the way she keeps doing during this dry run rehearsal. A few seconds later, Ralph drops by and proposes they settle the matter out of court for $100, meaning that he'll fix her motorcycle for half his regular price. Jo snarls, "Forget it" and tells Blair that she's newly inspired to protect Ralph's future customers from his negligent service. When Jeff arrives to pick up Tootie for a date, Natalie pulls her aside and reminds her that they agreed to not meet their fellas at the house - just as Snake arrives to pick her up. The two women start sniping about how neither of them had any intention of keeping their word about getting picked up for dates away from the house...and eventually the couples head out separately. A few seconds later, Natalie returns for her coat at the same time Tootie returns for her purse. Natalie solemnly asks, "What are we doing?" and Tootie's like, "Dunno" and points out that they've never fought over the men in their lives before. They apologize and hug it out, then summon Jeff and Snake into the room to, for once and for all, resolve their differences. Tootie reminds them that she and Natalie are best friends...and that regardless of how much they dislike each other, they need to at least be civil. Jeff and Snake decide that they're capable of that and amiably shake on it. Jo returns home from her day at court and announces that she won her case and does not have to pay Ralph for services not rendered. Blair hands her an invoice detailing the costs of her legal advice ($500!) ... but when Jo snarls at her for not mentioning charging her until now, she hastily agrees to retroactively consider it pro bono work. Snake grumbles about how the blue collar guy got shafted yet again, and an exasperated Jeff rolls his eyes and mumbles, "Don't start." Yes, please don't. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Natalie returns home and worriedly wrings her hands about failing her Communications 102 class because 1) her upcoming assignment is to give a ten minute speech to her class about something exciting that recently happened to her, and 2) she has a deep-seated fear of public speaking. A few seconds later, Jo and Tootie return home from the shelter...and when Jo hears about Natalie's public speaking conundrum, she shrugs and is all 'I don't get what the big deal is' [nor do I, Jo...nor do I], while a more sympathetic Tootie offers to give Natalie some commonly used performance tips to help with the assignment. Blair returns home after a tiring day of shopping and learns that the ultra prestigious law firm Harrison & Joseph called for her, and she's all, "Hurray!" and explains that she applied there for an internship. Tootie says she recently heard in the press that Harrison & Joseph is defending Clark Darrin, aka the man accused of murdering his (famous fashion designer) wife, Karina. Apparently no body was ever found - but there's a mountain of circumstantial evidence against Clark. Blair mulls all that over for several seconds before deciding she's going to need to head back out to the mall to buy some new business attire for her job interview. Blair arrives at the law offices of Harrison & Joseph...and when she asks the secretary which of the two (or both!) are going to be interviewing her, the secretary dryly tells her that she'll be interviewing with a junior partner, given that both Harrison and Joseph are dead. A disappointed Blair grumbles, "A junior partner..?" just as the junior partner - Professor Katt from the Rumor Has It episode! - enters the room. Blair's all, "OMG!" then mutters, "Well, it's a small world, isn't it?" and slowly backs away from him. She says she hasn't seen him since her law school classmates falsely accused them of having a torrid affair, and he remarks on how uncomfortable she looks and asks if her unease is going to get in the way of her work at the firm. Blair assures him it won't and asks if his wife isn't going to mind them working together...and Katt wryly says she only minds when her alimony check is late, then confirms that, yep, they finally ended their shitty, trust-less marriage. He tells Blair that when he saw her resumé come across his desk, he recalled what an astute legal mind she demonstrated in class and figured she'd be perfect for making coffee and running the copy room. LOL. The secretary pokes her head into the room and informs Katt that Clark Darrin wants to see him and is waiting in the reception area, and Katt gives Blair a giant law book to reshelve before excusing himself to pull the files on the Darrin case. Clark Darrin bursts into the office amid the secretary's protests that Attorney Katt isn't quite ready for him yet. Clark brusquely asks Blair where Katt is...and she tells him he went to pull the files on the Darrin murder case and asks him if he's on that case as well. He ruefully replies, "I guess you could say that" and she chucklingly tells him he definitely has his work cut out for him 'cause no way in hell is Clark Darrin not guilty of murdering his wife, and cites as proof that Barkley (the Vice President of Karina's company) overheard Clark threatening to kill his wife the very night she disappeared. Clark growls, "And you believe that Barkley guy?", and Blair's like, "Well d'yuh" and dishes about how the couple was often seen fighting in public...and that since Clark doesn't have an alibi, she has no doubt "he's guilty, guilty, guilty". When Katt returns to the office with the files, Clark tells him that his blonde flunky has some pretty strong opinions about his guilt...and as Blair sheepishly realizes that she's just been flippantly speaking her mind directly to the client, Katt asks Clark to wait for him in the conference room, then shoots the stink-eye at Blair and tells her that from now on she's to keep her opinions to herself. She argues that it's pretty clear Clark Darrin is the killer, given that he had the means, motive, and opportunity, to which Katt retorts, "You've stated the prosecution's case very well, Unfortunately, we are the defence." And instead of just shutting it, Blair chucklingly acknowledges that, yeah, if she's going to be working here she's surely going to have to pretend that the firm's clients are always innocent, and Katt sternly tells her she has to actually believe it...then reminds her what it felt like when her law school classmates assumed that the two of them were bumping uglies. He reverently adds that the country's judicial system works so brilliantly because everyone is considered innocent until proven guilty. Natalie is practicing her public speaking skills in front of Tootie, Beverly Ann, and Pippa...and for some reason is too nervous to speak even in front of a tiny audience of her closest pals. Tootie shares a performance trick to appear less nervous: imagine the audience naked [I guess in lieu of just being well prepared and respecting the audience enough to want to engage them during an informal ten minute speech]. Natalie says she's willing to go down the nude route...then can't stop laughing at the pretend spectacle of her three naked friends. After the laugh track runs its course with that, Blair phones to inform the Facts gang that she's invited Clark Darrin to have dinner with them tonight, and they're all, "You did wha-a-a-at?!" and exchange worried glances about the prospect of dining with a killer. The Facts gang is nervously setting the table for dinner, putting out dull spoons as the sole form of cutlery...and a wigged out looking Beverly Ann proposes that, from now on, no one be allowed to invite a murderer over for dinner. A few seconds later, Blair arrives with Clark and introduces him to everyone, and he notices their nervousness and says he totally gets that him being at their house must be awkward...and Tootie breezily says that since her parents are both lawyers, she's totes used to meeting alleged criminals. Beverly Ann carries out a giant roasted turkey on a platter...and when Clark takes the large knife from her to carve the bird, everyone takes cover under the table and pretends as though they're all searching for a contact one of them just lost. Clark does his best to ignore their cartoonish jumpiness and changes the subject by asking everyone what they're studying. Tootie deadpans, "Karate", while Natalie gabbles about her Communications 102 class and calls it "a real killer" before being all, "Oops, I said killer in front of an actual killer!" Beverly Ann asks Clark about his hobbies, so he tells her he's into fishing and backpacking...and Pippa decides it's that this is perfect moment to just come right out and ask, "What is the sting for croaking someone in this country?" Clark decides that being accused of murder in Aussie-speak is the last straw and angrily tells Blair he thought she was inviting him somewhere he could enjoy a meal without everyone acting as though he's already convicted before his trial. After he storms out, a miffed Blair sarcastically tells the Facts gang she hopes they're happy about driving their dinner guest away, and a relieved Natalie's like, "I know I am!" and rushes across the room to deadbolt the door. LOL. Katt looks impressed when he finds Blair burning the midnight oil in his office, then tells her that Barkley is going to take the stand tomorrow and likely blow their fragile case out of the water. Blair says she may have found something interesting in the large stack of papers she's been poring over, namely that Karina's failing fashion design company took out a $2 million policy on her life. When Katt just kind of shrugs and says that since the company took out the policy no single person can benefit from her death, Blair insists that has to mean something. She agrees to take the pile of financial records home with her so that she can continue with her in-depth analysis and come up with a defence strategy that even the most seasoned Harrison & Joseph attorneys wouldn't have thought to cobble together. Jo finds Blair in the living room, doggedly working on the Darrin case, and remarks on how she's been spending all of her free time on Clark's legal defence. Blair tells Jo she's beginning to think that Clark didn't commit the murder, despite Katt assuming that the man is as good as convicted [I guess ignoring his own edict to fervently believe in every client's innocence]. A few seconds later, Natalie returns home and tells them that Tootie arranged for her to rehearse her Communications 102 speech to an empty Langley Stadium. Blair chews on that for a few seconds and asks the Facts gals if they wouldn't mind helping her with a courtroom rehearsal. She cross-examines Clark (Jo) about why he'd murder his wife for money if she didn't have any, and Jo scowlingly replies, "Dunno. Maybe I didn't like her face." Natalie, who had agreed to play Karina's lifeless corpse, says, "I don't want to be dead anymore", prompting Blair to wonder if Karina faked her own death in order to pocket the insurance money after her company gets liquidated. Blair looks intrigued with this theory and says it's all making sense now, then gets a glint in her eye as she wonders aloud what would happen if Karina were to show up in court to witness the proceedings. Hmm...a tidy acquittal perhaps? The next day in court, the prosecution is asking Barkley about Clark's history of violent outbursts...and when it's Katt's turn to cross-examine, an unrecognizable woman wearing a giant veiled hat enters the courtroom and takes a seat. Blair quickly fills Katt in on her plan, and he calls it "the sneakiest, most unprofessional, insane idea I have ever heard", then adds, "It better work." He resumes his questioning of Barkley, noting that Karina's body has never been recovered, which means it's quite possible she's still alive...and maybe even inside this very courtroom! He points out that the insurance company would be required to make the $2 million payout if Clark were convicted of his wife's murder, then accuses of Barkley of hatching a nefarious plot with Karina to pin her murder on her husband. Katt then strides over to where the veiled woman is sitting and demands to know if she was part of the charade...and a panicked looking Barkley blurts out, "It's a bluff, Karina! Don't say anything stupid!" ... then glances around as he sheepishly moans, "Like I just did." The dismayed judge orders the bailiff to take Barkley into custody pronto. Blair tells Clark that the veiled woman is actually her friend Tootie - just as Tootie rushes into the courtroom to apologize to Blair for her tardiness and explain that she and Natalie got held up at the college. A startled Blair's all, "Then whooooo is the woman behind the veil?" ... riveting the studio audience with that fleeting mystery until Beverly Ann dramatically reveals herself as Undead Karina and waxes on about how she's always wanted to be an actress. Tootie thanks her for covering for her - just as the judge dismisses all charges against Clark. As the spectators file out of the courtroom, Katt pulls Blair aside and gushes about what a great job she did on the case, and that she can count on two things:
Blair chuckles good-naturedly at her lowly intern status and wryly suggests to Katt that he could at least buy her a cup of coffee as a thank you, and he happily agrees to that fair price. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Beverly Ann returns home after a morning jog...followed by Natalie and Andy, who are both huffing and puffing. Beverly Ann finds Pippa sleeping on the couch under a pile of blankets...but has to put a pin in a much-needed discussion about how she and the rest of the Facts gang are going to have to put their heads together and figure out a better privacy arrangement for their superfluous Aussie houseguest. Jo, who's rocking a pretty wild mullet this episode, asks Blair if she wouldn't mind covering her Over Our Heads shift today...and Blair says she would, in fact, mind 'cause she has a full day of law school classes. Jo whines about how she's going to be too busy preparing for the reverse costume party she's attending with Rick tonight, plus her dad is coming to town for an impromptu visit and she has to arrange for a hotel reservation...though it remains unclear why either of those things preludes her from completing an afternoon shift at the store. When Jo tries to sweet talk Beverly Ann into taking her shift, Beverly Ann chides her for trying to fob her work off on others and haughtily declines 'cause she has a life...but after chewing on that pronouncement for few seconds realizes that, nope, she actually doesn't. She offers Jo an ultimatum: she'll take care of the arduous task of reserving a hotel room for Charlie (something, incidentally, he should probably be doing himself) if she works her Over Our Heads shift as originally scheduled. That evening, Jo enters the living room wearing a tuxedo...and a few seconds later, Rick arrives carrying a garment bag containing the ladies gown he plans to change into. After the two leave the room, Charlie arrives unexpectedly early for his father/daughter visit. Blair gives him a warm hello hug and fills him in on Jo's new beau, adding that he's a very nice lad and that Jo really seems to have a thing for him. Rick bounds downstairs in a sparkly blue, cleavage-bearing dress singing, "I feel pretty! Oh so pretty!" as Charlie's all 'the fuck?' and then is all 'what the fuckity fuck?' after Blair tells him that the singing cross-dresser is Jo's beau. When Rick learns that Charlie is Jo's dad, he decides 'why not keep pretending as though wearing women's clothing is a regular thing I do?' and further jokes that he would have gotten his hair done if he knew he was going to be meeting his girlfriend's pa. A few seconds later, Jo enters the room, is all, "Ack!" at the sight of Charlie's dismayed bewilderment, and hastily explains that she and Rick are attending a reverse costume party. She then tries to get them to form a bond by pointing out that they both have an interest in music: Rick plays piano, Charlie plays the saxophone. Rick perks up at that and suggests that they jam together some time - but Charlie snappishly retorts that he used to play saxophone before realizing that it was impossible to make a living at it, then rhetorically asks, "Who wants to play in smoky clubs?" When he asks Rick what he does, a sheepish looking Rick replies, "Play piano in smoky clubs" ... and Charlie looks visibly unimpressed as Jo hugs him goodbye before she and Rick head off to the reverse costume party. Natalie is manning the cash register in Over Our Heads - the first time we've seen the store set this season! - when Jo and Charlie arrive. Natalie passes along a message from Rick that he scored a gig playing piano at the Hudson Grill, and Charlie says he's game for having dinner there later. Beverly Ann enters the store and offers to bake a non-chocolate cake for Charlie...but after she rattles off some healthy but unappetizing sounding alternatives, Charlie says he'd definitely prefer a standard chocolate cake. After Jo and Charlie head off to the shelter, Natalie asks Beverly Ann if she could cover the rest of her shift so she can finish a paper, and Beverly Ann reluctantly agrees. Charlie blows out the candles of his chocolate birthday cake as the Facts gang (sans Tootie) applauds. Beverly Ann boasts that she cobbled the cake together using nothing but barley, water, carob, and tofu...then tastes it, realizes it's far too wretched for human consumption, and takes it back to the kitchen. After that, Rick hands Charlie a large wrapped gift while Jo smilingly says, "It's from us" ... and Charlie scrunches his face sourly as he opens the box and finds a used saxophone. He mutters, "You shouldn't have done this", reminds the two that he told them he doesn't play anymore, and chides them for wasting their money on something he's never going to use. He half-heartedly adds that he's sorry to be a downer and appreciates that it's the thought that counts...and a miffed looking Rick kisses Jo goodbye and abruptly storms off. Jo chides her dad for acting like such an ungrateful turd towards her new beau, and Charlie comes right out and says he can't staaaaaaand Rick and haaaaaates that he's a low earning piano player. Jo urges him to give Rick a chance and glumly says she hopes he had a nice birthday, the shitty gift notwithstanding, and Charlie snarlingly retorts, "You want me to have a happy birthday? Find another guy to go out with." Jo finds Pippa sleeping in her bed 'cause apparently she's not getting enough REM sleep on her makeshift couch bed. After grumbling about the bizarre sleeping arrangements [that could surely be remedied by adding a bed to the huge communal bedroom that currently only Jo and Blair are occupying], Jo asks Blair what she thinks of Rick, and Blair tells Jo that since she's a social worker and Rick's a nutcase, they're perfectly matched [despite continuing to have zero on-screen chemistry]. Natalie enters the room to borrow some highlighters and chimes in about how "very unique" Rick is ... and when Pippa wakes up and sleepily asks them what they're talking about, they tell her it's girl talk, order her to get her ass back downstairs to her couch bed, and assure her they'll fill her in on the girl talk in the morning. The next morning in Over Our Heads, Beverly Ann tells the gals that they're all doing a shittastic job of ordering inventory and keeping the store properly stocked with their bestselling Dollar Tree type crap...and adds that their business isn't showing a profit, no doubt because they're all so busy with their own lives. She proposes shuttering the store so that they can expand the residence and carve out some room for Pippa and Andy (who apparently sleeps in the basement next to the boiler...which seems kinda like child neglect, but OK). The gals say that they're open to making this change, but first need to discuss it with Tootie and Edna [who, by this point in her African adventure, I doubt could possibly give even the tiniest of rat's asses about what happens to Over Our Heads]. Rick arrives to escort Jo to a social work related seminar...but then proposes they ditch the seminar and blow the $150 he made at the Hudson Grill by going out and doing something fun. Jo irritably says she has to attend the seminar for work...and when he jokingly accuses her of being "the enemy of fun", Jo snaps back that, to the contrary, she's a grownup who has responsibilities she needs to live up to, then urges him to not blow all of his cash in case his next piano playing gig doesn't come along right away. Rick tells her her bitching sounds like her father's words, then self-piteously declares, "This is me. And I like me" and that she's only acting all disapprovingly towards his man-childish lackadaisical approach to life 'cause of her father's negative opinion of him. He then suggests they take a pause in hanging out until after Charlie leaves town. Andy is working on a blueprint for his/Pippa's new living area...and when it's clear that he's in favor of monopolizing most of the space, Beverly Ann tells him to get back to the drawing board and design more than a tiny closet-sized bedroom for Pippa. Jo is loafing on the couch when the door opens and a white 'I surrender' flag appears. Jo assumes it's Rick and is surprised when Charlie saunters in carrying a bouquet of flowers. He says he didn't want to leave town with things so sour between them, but continues to insist that Rick should not be her top choice of boyfriends. [Can't say I disagree with him there.] Jo's like, "Uh, isn't it up to me who I go out with?" to which Charlie says that as a father who worries about his daughter, he's very worried about her hooking up with such a loser. Jo sadly tells him that when Rick's not around, she doesn't laugh nearly as much, and Charlie makes a seriously? face and says, "Laughter doesn't pay the bills." Jo implores him to drop it, and Charlie's like 'fine' and abruptly says he's outa here. Jo hands him his saxophone and reminds him to take it home with him, and he gazes at it while staring dreamily into space and reminiscing about how much he loooooved to play saxophone when he was a young, confident looker and had Jo's mom cheering him on. His voice then takes on a bitter edge as he grumbles, "But I didn't make it", and Jo says it's finally dawned on her that this self loathing explains why he took such an instant dislike to Rick. Charlie's like, "Well d'yuh" and says he doesn't want her to tie herself down with a guy like him, aka a fifty-two year old [low earning ex-con] who has nothing to show for his life. When Jo shoots him a hurtful expression, he hastily assures her that she's not nothing 'cause she means everything to him, and she looks satisfied enough with that rapid back pedalling and tearfully coos, "I love you, dad." Rick drops by decked out in a formal suit and declares that he's going to get a 9-5 job involving a desk. Charlie chucklingly says, "Nice to see you" and urges him to take off the tie and loosen up. Jo apologizes to Rick for her bitchitude earlier, and Charlie explains to his daughter's beau that he reminds him a lot of himself when he was young, aimless, and underemployed. He then picks up the saxophone and starts playing...and Rick gets on the piano and jams while Jo joyously looks on. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Pippa asks Tootie for advice on which after school activities she should sign up for, and Tootie advises her to follow in her footsteps and join the drama league. When Pippa remarks on how much she likes to swim, Tootie points out that she can do both. Andy returns home from the store and shares with Beverly Ann that he bought shaving cream and a razor so that he can keep his [non-existent] five o'clock shadow under control, joking, "I let it go on as long as it could." Beverly Ann expresses concern that he's going to injure himself with the sharp razor, so she gives him a shaving demonstration using a spatula - just as Blair and Jo enter the room and make a crack about Beverly Ann demonstrating for Andy how to rid himself of his sparse facial hair. Andy grumbles about how tough it is being the only "man" in a house full of women 'cause he has no one he can talk to about guy stuff...and after he huffily races upstairs, Beverly Ann concedes that he does have a point. Jo chews on that for a few seconds, then offers to let Andy tag along with her to the shelter and look into whether or not Casey has any interest in palling around with the imp. Natalie asks Pippa which extracurricular activities she's planning on involving herself in this year, so Pippa tells her she's joining the drama league and swim club. Natalie barks, "Wrong" since there aren't any boys associated with either of those activities. She urges Pippa to join the school newspaper, The Eastland Bugle, 'cause it'll give her the opportunity to mingle with the fellas as she covers all of the sporting events hosted at Bates Military Academy...and also suggests she join the bowling team, 'cause why the hell wouldn't she want to go bowling on a regular basis? Jo and Andy arrive at the shelter, where Casey is grumbling about how Blair is two hours late for a budget meeting that she herself scheduled. Jo's like, "That's a bummer", then says, "We need to talk about Andy" - just as some guy named Rick appears out of nowhere to say hey and ask Casey if he wants to play some one-on-one. Casey says he's too busy for basketball at the moment, then re-directs his attention to Jo. A few seconds later, Blair arrives for the budget meeting and is greeted by Rick, who tells her that Casey and Jo are having a private conversation and can't be disturbed. Blair looks both amused and miffed at being ordered around by the peon and asks him who he is. He introduces himself as Rick Bonner, aka a guy who hangs out here, to which she retorts, "I'm Blair Warner, and I own here", then haughtily adds that she can disturb anyone she damn well pleases. Casey tells Jo he has zero time to hang out with Andy, and that the kid deserves someone who's more available. Jo glances across the room at Rick and wonders aloud if maybe he could serve as a big brother type, and Casey's like 'he seems to like kids, so why not?' Blair then interrupts their tête-à-tête so that she and Casey can head off to a lunch meeting and get down to the business of discussing the shelter's budget. Jo, meanwhile, asks Rick if he has time to shoot some pool with Andy, and Rick perks up and says he's very into that prospect. Pippa returns home from school and wanks Tootie about how much she's loving the drama league and swim club...then runs into Natalie and raves about how much she's enjoying writing for the school paper and being on the bowling team. Rick drops by the residence and asks Beverly Ann if Andy can come out and play, then explains that he's Andy's big brother pal from the community shelter...and when Jo ambles into the room, he tells her he'd like to invite Andy to go to a basketball game. A few seconds later, Andy enters with the room with tiny cut marks all over his face from his first attempt at shaving. He happily accepts Rick's invitation to attend a basketball game, then suggests they visit the Aquarium tomorrow. Beverly Ann tut tuts him and says she's sure that Rick probably has to work tomorrow, but he's like, "Uh, nope", then adds, "I used to work, but I thought it got in the way of my free time" ... and as he and Andy head out, Beverly Ann and Jo stare after them, their faces scrunched in mystified puzzlement. Casey escorts Blair home after their budget meeting, which somehow turned into a date at the movies...and they're about to lean in for a goodnight kiss (!) when Jo enters the room and stares at them in amusement, and refuses to excuse herself while Casey awkwardly bids Blair good night and ambles in the direction of the door. Beverly Ann rushes into the living room and says she heard the door open and hoped it was Andy, who's still out somewhere with Rick. Blair urges her not to worry 'cause she thinks that Rick is a good influence on the kid, not least 'cause he's been teaching him how to fix stuff and shave his hairless face without drawing blood. Rick returns Andy home...and when Andy spills that after the game Rick took him to a bar where the basketball players like to hang out afterwards, Beverly Ann's all, "Wuh?!", then is even more "Wuh?!" when Rick admits that after he had a few drinks he let Andy take the wheel during the ride home. LOL. After Beverly Ann sends Andy upstairs to his bedroom, she angrily tells Rick it's unacceptable for a grown man to let a tiny boy - who I doubt could even see over the dashboard - drive a car, and that she's rethinking letting her son hang out with someone who has no job and zero ambition. Rick retorts, "You gotta live for today. Tomorrow may never come" ... and when Beverly Ann says that that's a pretty dicked up personal philosophy, Rick solemnly reveals it isn't when a person has only two weeks to live. After the commercial break, Rick assures Beverly Ann that he's come to terms with his imminent demise, and will be fine during the time leading up to his final hours. Blair urges him not to give up hope, then delicately asks exactly what it is he's dying of. He shrugs and is like, "Dunno", then explains that, for various reasons, no male in his family has ever made it to his thirtieth birthday...and that since he's about to turn thirty, he can only assume he's about to drop dead. Beverly Ann clucks sympathetically at his plight, but makes it clear that she's not going to let him fuck up Andy's life. Rick accepts her decision and sheepishly tells her to pass along his goodbye to Andy, adding that he's a great kid. The next day at the shelter, Jo is chuckling about the notion of Casey and Blair hooking up...and when Casey demands to know what's funny about it, she replies, "Uh, everything." [But, mostly notably, the complete lack of on-screen chemistry between the two.] A few seconds later, Blair arrives and waves flirtily at Casey, prompting more chuckling from Jo. She then tells Casey about the male death curse in Rick's family, but that she doesn't put much stock in it - and Casey tells her she should put at least some stock in it, 'cause if Rick believes it, his untimely death could well be a self-fulfilling prophesy. Andy arrives at the shelter to say hey to Rick, and Jo suggests the two of them play some pool so that she can break the news that Rick is convinced he's about to kick the bucket. Andy looks crestfallen and says he's in denial that that's actually going to happen, and Jo assures him it won't and gives him a comforting hug. When Pippa returns home from school, Natalie asks her why she's not at bowling class, and Tootie's all, "Bowling? She's supposed to be at drama rehearsal!" As the two bicker about how the other bullied Pippa to engage in their favorite after-school activities, Pippa screeches, "Crikey!!" and tells the two she only pretended to be interested in their suggestions and largely ignored them when she decided that joining the Foreign Exchange Students Club was more to her liking. The two are like, "The Foreign Exchange Students Club..?" and shake their heads in miffed dismay [since how many foreign exchange kids could there possibly be at Eastland at any given time in order to form an entire club?]. That evening, Rick drops by to inform the Facts gang that since he's turning thirty tomorrow, he finds himself in need of warmth and support during his final hours on earth. Natalie asks him if he's really going to croak, and he tells her that, yeah, it's entirely likely between now and midnight. A saddened Andy implores him not to say such a thing, while Jo tells Rick he should at least have one last fun birthday before he's lowered six feet under. She then adds that, for the record, she finds this entire death curse to be idiotic...and Rick warns that if she isn't more careful with her words, after he's dead he's going to rise from the grave and haunt her. After a lively game of Pin the Tail on the Donkey, Rick says he's having fun and can't think of a better way to go gentle into that good night. When the Facts gang gets on the topic of how they'd spend their last hours..
Andy sullenly declares that from now on he's going to spend his life doing what he wants, which doesn't include studying for school or cleaning his room. As a startled Beverly Ann's all, "The fuck you say?", Rick expresses regret for giving him the message that everything in life is a waste of time. He now realizes what a jerk he's been to spend his entire life being an irresponsible man-child just 'cause he assumed he's going to die before the age of thirty, and regrets squandering a potentially successful career as a concert pianist. He urges Andy to "live like you're going to live, not die" - just as the Facts gals each try to get his attention to point out that it's after midnight, and that the death curse has been officially nullified. As Jo gives Rick a 'congratulations, you're still alive!' hug, Pippa carries over a birthday cake...and after he blows out the candles, he pretends to fall over and pass out. When everyone rushes over to him worriedly, he chortles and says he's just messing with them, adding, "You can't expect a guy to change overnight." Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie is rehearsing a soliloquy from The Merchant of Venice, while Natalie announces that she's about to mail her annual contribution for her retirement fund. Blair applauds her fiscal discipline and adds that it's really the best thing a poor person can do in order to not starve during retirement....and Beverly Ann's like, "Speaking of retirement.." and asks them if they ever wonder what they'll all be doing during their golden years. After chewing on that for a few seconds..
Tootie jokes, "Would it be a hoot if we all retired together, right here in the same house?", and Jo stares back at her with a look of horror and makes it clear that no way in hell is she going to stick around for the airing of the 50th season of The Facts of Life on account of a bunch of producers who have repeatedly demonstrated a bewildering stubbornness in not pulling the plug on a show that - IMHO - should have wrapped up at the end of Season 4. Beverly Ann says that stranger things have happened and that no one really knows what the future has in store for any of them...then picks up her needlepoint project as the camera pans in so that we can see that 'There's no place like home' is embroidered on it. Flash forward forty years.. Jo shuffles into the living room looking unspeakably grisly with a gnarly mop of matted grey hair and a permanent scowl etched across her face. Tootie, who looks pretty much the same as the forty year younger version of herself (save for a longer wig), sweeps in carrying a basket of flowers while reciting something Neil Simon wrote - in an obnoxiously theatrical manner while waving her arms around - then boasting about how the playwright has been begging her to star in his new play...which I can only deem doubtful, considering that forty years after 1988, the man would be 101 years old and unlikely to give the tiniest of rat's asses about snapping up Tootie for the lead role in anything. As Jo snappishly snarls something derogatory, Tootie accuses her of being a bitter old woman after getting dumped by her ex-husband Harold in favor of someone younger and less surly. Blair returns home, and we see that she's a heavier, white-wigged shell of her former self who has somehow developed a thick southern accent. She drawls, "I have had a most fraahht-ful mornin''" ... and after Jo quips, "Been looking in the mirror again?", Blair explains that when she encountered an attractive man at Tiffany's earlier, he didn't seem remotely interested in getting her number. Jo tells her she's going to have to accept the fact that she (along with the rest of the rapidly-aged Facts gang) are no longer young and beautiful - but Blair argues that not being alluring to men is a new thing for her, and that she may have to consider something drastic, e.g. undergoing the knife for a round of cosmetic surgery. When the doorbell rings, a badly enfeebled Beverly Ann shuffles into the room and insists on answering it...but when it takes too long for her to figure out that the ringing is coming from the doorbell and not the telephone, Tootie answers the door and lets in Natalie, who's carrying her typewriter and is wearing a flower patterned moo-moo dress over a scary amount of upper body padding, while her barely grey brown hair hangs down her back in a long French braid. She complains about what a fugly dump this place is, then asks for permission to move back in 'cause her son-in-law kicked her out of his house...and she's not getting any support from her spineless daughter, possibly because she named her Tootie. Original Tootie's like 'sure, why the hell not?' and points out that they have plenty of space. Over in the kitchen, Tootie is twirling around theatrically as she serves the Facts gang cheesecake. Jo gets Natalie caught up on her life and tells her her kids are doing fine, but that Harold recently ran off with a much younger tart named Bambi. Tootie waves her arms around theatrically as she jokingly (?) says she's very relieved that Jeff died before he could leave her for a younger woman, while Blair remarks on how her many divorces have been fairly amicable. Andy drops by to visit with Beverly Ann, and he's still a prepubescent boy - but moustached with a much thicker waist...and there's something about his tiny roundness wedged into a business suit that seems derivative of the Wizard of Oz's Mayor of Munchkin City. Natalie stares at him amusedly and asks him when he grew his moustache, and he retorts, "A year ago. When'd you grow yours?" A visibly miffed Natalie remarks to Jo how short the imp still is...and when Jo reminds her that he's now the Mayor of Munchkin City - I mean Peekskill - an unimpressed Natalie stubbornly grumbles, "He's still short." Andy tells Beverly Ann and the Facts gals that he figured they'd need help packing up the house before the big move...and when they all just stare back at him confusedly, he tells them they must be aware that the building they're currently living in is being torn down tomorrow. As the Facts gals are all, "Wha-a-a?!", Beverly Ann says she just remembered that she's been forgetting to share with them some life-altering news. After the commercial break, Andy says he assumed they all knew about the demolition, not least 'cause the city has been sending them letters warning that their house is going to be torn down in order to make room for a new high-rise cemetery. Andy says he's so jazzed about this construction project 'cause he figures that if voters see him in this kind of leadership role, he'll be a shoo-in when he runs for governor. He then says he's off to a city council meeting and informs them that the bulldozers will be at the house at 9am tomorrow morning. Jo urges Blair to use her wealth and connections to buy influence in order to save their home - but Blair (who's snacking incessantly on messy foods throughout this flash-forward) says she's completely tapped out from paying alimony to so many ex-husbands that she's had to file for bankruptcy...and that her sole income is from an orphan in Korea (?). The Facts gals cry, "We're doomed!" - just as Blair comes up with the brilliant idea of using her legal smarts to file various injunctions to "obstruct justice" and delay the imminent demolition. In the next scene, the Facts gang is packing up and grumbling about how Blair's efforts to delay the demolition have all come up short. Tootie, who's decked out in a leopard print get-up, theatrically moans about how unfair it is that they're getting evicted, then over-enunciatingly delivers a farewell speech from a play she was once cast in. When the doorbell rings, Jo (now donning a grey Vicki Lawrence/Mama's Family-esque wig) comes face-to-face with her philandering husband Harold and reacts by slamming the door on him - but Blair hastily lets him in and chides Jo for mistreating any man who's actually willing to spend a moment of his time in their presence. Harold tells Jo he made a terrible mistake when he stepped out on her for Bambi and now wants them to get back together. As Tootie and Blair urge Jo to consider a reconciliation, Harold gets down on his knees and begs Jo to come back to him 'cause he's old and very very lonely. Jo steers Harold into the kitchen, where she snarls at him to say his peace and get out. Harold sheepishly admits to being a rat, and explains that he took up with Bambi 'cause she made him feel young and sexy. Jo reminds him that he deeply hurt her when he rejected her purely 'cause of how grisly she's looking in her old age, and says he can't expect her to just forget about it. Harold urges her to consider getting back together with him, not least 'cause she has to move somewhere, given that the city is about to tear her house down...and when Jo asks him how he could possibly know that, he confesses that he was awarded the contract to demolish it in order to build the high-rise cemetery. Andy arrives to announce, "It's moving day!" and Harold gives Jo a nonsensical ultimatum: if she agrees to let him come crawling back to her, he'll build the cemetery high-rise around the house. He then warns that the consequence of refusing is that she and her friends will suddenly be homeless. Tootie and Natalie urge Jo to not capitulate to the jerk, while Blair offers to make the sacrifice of marrying Harold...despite him being pretty vocal about how disinterested he is in that icky prospect. When Jo refuses to budge, Harold cries, "Let the wrecking begin!" - just as Beverly Ann settles into her easy chair and picks up her 'There's no place like home' needlepoint while muttering that there's something related to the house that she's supposed to remember. A few seconds later, the bulldozer starts demolishing the property with them in it. Back to the present.. Tootie chuckles about the absurdly bleak future they just imagined for themselves, while Beverly Ann and Jo are in agreement that they shouldn't take any of their silly daydreaming too seriously. Blair phones the bank to get the balance of her account and looks relieved at the number, while Andy enters the room and announces that he's just been tapped to run for class president and thinks he might have a career in politics...and Beverly Ann admonishes him for wanting to become a corrupt governor who abandons his mother "to live in the storm drain". A few seconds later, the doorbell rings...and Jo answers the door and comes face-to-face with the same actor who played Harold in the flash-forward. He explains that he's late for a wedding, but is lost and could use some directions, and a wigged out Jo's all, "Ack!" before slamming the door in his face. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
Recap: Natalie is wrapping Christmas presents while Beverly Ann chats on the phone with her Appleton friend, Marjorie, who really really wants her to come to Appleton for the holidays. Blair bursts in and says she desperately needs to use the phone to call her stock broker, and in response Beverly Ann takes her sweet time wrapping up the call. Blair hastily dials her broker's number and is visibly miffed when she's told she just missed him, and then snappishly tells Beverly Ann that she missed the opportunity to make an absolute fortune by two minutes. Natalie swiftly changes the subject by asking Beverly Ann if she's going to Appleton for Christmas, and Beverly Ann says she'd much rather stay in Peekskill with them. Natalie tells her not to stay in town on her account 'cause she's going to be in Florida for the holidays, introducing Snake to her grandparents, and then Blair informs her that she and Tootie will also be away visiting their folks. Natalie announces that she's off to run errands or whatnot and isn't going to wear her coat 'cause the sleeve is badly ripped - but Beverly Ann says she noticed the rip and repaired it, and hastily pulls the coat out of the closet for her and insists that she wear it on this chilly December day. As Pippa gabbles excitedly about experiencing her first White Christmas in the States, Beverly Ann asks Andy if he'd be up for travelling to Appleton for the holidays. He makes a blech face at that prospect and reminds her that Jeremy's parents invited him to tag along with them on a ski trip to Vermont, and a visibly disappointed Beverly Ann chews on that for a few seconds before dejectedly muttering that they can discuss it later. Over in the kitchen, Tootie drops her makeup bag, spilling its contents all over the floor. She explains to Beverly Ann that she's especially nervous 'cause Jeff and his parents are going to be seeing her perform in a play later, and that whenever she's nervous she tends to drop things. Beverly Ann urges calm and finds her a Casper the Friendly Ghost lunchbox in which to transfer her makeup, explaining that the latch is very strong and will therefore prevent her from spilling her stuff everywhere. Beverly Ann asks Jo if she's going to be around for Christmas, but Jo says she's mostly going to be spending the holidays with her parents. Pippa inquires whether or not she should adopt a new punk style, and Beverly Ann's like 'not', then cautions Jo against riding her motorcycle to the shelter 'cause of all the icy patches on the roads. Jo assures her she'll be fine - but relents when Beverly Ann insists on giving her a ride. Jo and Beverly Ann arrive at the shelter, which - for some odd reason - is completely vacant. Beverly Ann offers to get everything ready for the orphans' upcoming Christmas party, but Jo tells her it's fully handled and that there's really nothing left for her to do. She then grabs the keys for the van and says she's off to pick up the orphans...and once she's safely out of earshot, Beverly grumbles, "I guess nobody needs me." A few seconds later, Santa Claus, who's in the process of trimming the shelter's Christmas tree, says, "I could use a hand" and asks her to pass him the silver star that's sitting atop the coffee table. As Beverly Ann passes it to him, he remarks on how glum she seems and encourages her to open up and tell him what she wants for Christmas this year. Beverly Ann glares at him suspiciously while snarling, "I suppose you'd like me to sit on your lap too", but Santa assures her that that's a no go 'cause Mrs. Claus gets irked whenever anyone over the age of twelve sits on his lap. He asks her again why she's so down in the dumps, so she says it's mostly 'cause she doesn't feel appreciated and kinda wishes she'd never come to Peekskill, since it doesn't seem as though it would have made the slightest bit of difference to anyone if she'd stayed in Appleton. Santa argues that it would have made a ginormous difference, then says, "Take a look.." With a wink of his eye (or a twist of his head), Santa transports Beverly Ann back to the residence, and she glances around the living room and notices with alarm that her piano isn't there, nor are the stockings she had just hung by the chimney with care. As she calls for the Facts gang to show themselves to ask them whassup, Santa reminds her that, in accordance with the It's a Wonderful Life themed rip-off that makes up much of this episode, she never came to Peekskill. As Beverly Ann digests the reality of the faux dimension she suddenly finds herself in, Blair gets a phone call to inform her that her stock purchase just closed. As she's all, "Hurray! I'm way richer now!", Beverly Ann bellows her name and is mystified when 1) Blair seems to have no idea who she is, and 2) Blair doesn't have the ability to see Santa and (understandably) thinks that this odd stranger who has suddenly appeared in her house is suffering from a mental disorder. Beverly Ann unhelpfully explains that she's talking to Santa Claus, which prompts Blair to pick up the phone to dial 911...so Beverly Ann hastily introduces herself as Edna Garrett's sister, and assumes that she must have mentioned her 'cause she knows a lot of stuff about her and the other three Facts gals. Blair says she vaguely recalls Edna talking about her sister - just as Tootie returns home a few seconds later. When she looks confused by the presence of Beverly Ann, Blair cautions, "Humor her. She knows things." Tootie complains that her makeup bag spilled open just as she was meeting Jeff's parents, and that her bottle of nail polish spilled all over Jeff's mother's new suede shoes. This resulted in everyone screaming at each other before Jeff decided to call off the engagement, to which Beverly asks, "Why didn't you use Casper the Friendly Ghost?" Santa reminds her again that since the premise of this episode is that she never came to Peekskill, she wouldn't have been around to give Tootie the more securely latched Casper lunchbox. Tootie declares that she's ready to start seeing other guys, and Beverly Ann asks Santa to transport her back to the shelter so that she can ask Jo to talk some sense into the nitwit. As soon as they're instantaneously zapped back to the shelter, Natalie rushes in to make a phone call to her editor to inform him that she just witnessed a burglary in a jewelry store. A few seconds later, two police officers enter the shelter and place Natalie arrest 'cause apparently she matches the description of one of the perps: a brown-haired woman wearing a green sweater. Beverly Ann hastily points out that Natalie's green sweater wouldn't have been visible to eyewitnesses 'cause she left home with her coat on, but Santa points out that since she wasn't around to mend the ripped sleeve, Natalie was mis-identified as a jewel thief. Santa returns Beverly Ann to the residence for a superfluous encounter with the generally superfluous Pippa, who's all punked out in a scarily voluminous yellow and pink mohawk 'do and tiger print jacket. An appalled Beverly Ann asks her if the Eastland admin lets her go to school like that...and when Pippa flippantly says she has no time for school, Beverly Ann reminds her that the only reason she was permitted to stay with them was for the purpose of getting a private education. Pippa's all 'whatevs' and says she's off to "veg out with some headbangers". An irked Blair tells Beverly Ann that even though she's Edna's sister, she can't just barge into her house any time she wants - but Beverly Ann tells her she's here on an urgent matter: Natalie has just been hauled off to jail for jewel thievery. Blair says that even though she's broke 'cause of the ill-fated stock purchase she made earlier, she'd be happy to write a check (which might bounce) in order to spring her friend from the clink. Beverly Ann applauds her selflessness, then summons Santa Claus to return her to the shelter...and when she abruptly vanishes, a befuddled Blair can't help wondering if she lost her money and her marbles all in the same day. Back at the shelter, the orphan children have assembled for their annual Christmas party. Beverly Ann spots Andy and asks him what in blazes he's doing here, and he stares back at her confusedly and tells her he was brought here with the rest of his fellow orphans. Beverly Ann chides Santa for this cruelty - just as Andy reveals that Jo never showed up at the orphanage to pick them up. Beverly Ann says that that can't be 'cause she saw her leave with the van keys...but then Santa points out that the van keys are still hanging on their regular hook 'cause in this It's a Wonderful Life dimension, Jo never actually arrived at the shelter. Tootie bursts into the shelter decked out in black and tells Andy she just saw the accident site where Jo skidded off the road while riding her motorcycle and perished at the scene. As a wigged out Beverly Ann processes that tragic news, Santa points out to her that everyone's life is is terrible as a result of her never having come to Peekskill. Beverly Ann sobs as she pleads with him to turn everything back to the way it was, 'cause she now sees what a monumental difference her presence has made in the lives of the Facts gang. Back to reality.. Jo arrives at the shelter with the orphans, and Beverly Ann gives her a long hug and says that her palpable look of relief is a looooong story she uncharacteristically doesn't feel like sharing at the moment. A few seconds later, Natalie, Andy, Tootie, and Pippa arrive, and Beverly Ann is thrilled to see them all and confirms that everything in their lives is back to their default settings:
Blair arrives at the shelter wheeling in a wagon filled with Christmas gifts for everyone...and I'll take that to assume she narrowly avoided a financial calamity when Beverly Ann's incessant phone yapping prevented her from getting through to her stockbroker in time. Natalie credits Beverly Ann for always doing nice things for them...and as Beverly Ann tearfully thanks her for the kind words, Andy tells her he's totes up for going to Appleton to celebrate their first Christmas together. Cue the orphans, who begin singing Silent Night...and the Facts gang joins in while smilingly holding hands. Beverly Ann asks Jo what happened to the Santa Claus she hired to help out at the shelter, and Jo scrunches her face perplexedly and says she didn't hire any Santa...and Beverly Ann chews on that as she finds a red Santa glove tucked between the couch cushions and stares dreamily into space with a knowing 'Atta boy, Clarence' type wink. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Monica Warner (Blair's mom) thanks Blair for agreeing to take care of little Bailey while she hobnobs with the glitterati at the Governor's Lunch. She shows Blair the clown costume she got for Bailey to wear at the cartoon matinee this afternoon, hands her all of her 'in case of emergency' phone numbers, then heads out. Beverly Ann informs everyone that Oliver's niece just came down with the measles...and that since Pippa and Andy took her to the zoo yesterday, they're going to need to steer clear of Bailey to avoid exposing her to the potentially deadly disease. [Incidentally, I wonder if Oliver has any inkling about his girlfriend's short-lived May-December flirtation with Larry during the previous episode.] Tootie comes downstairs while Natalie is agonizing over what kind of story to churn out for The Peekskill Register...and Tootie's like, "Good luck with that" and says she's about to head over to the jeweller's with Jeff to pick out her engagement ring. A few seconds later, Blair brings Bailey downstairs so that everyone can ooh and aah at the cute tot now decked out in her clown costume and bright pink wig...and Tootie offers to finish off the look by painting red circles on her nose and cheeks. While she's doing that, Blair complains to Natalie about how hard it is to keep a small child amused for an extended period of time, and Natalie floats the idea of writing a story about women who should never be mothers. LOL. Tootie finishes applying face paint to Bailey and says she's off to meet Jeff now...and Blair, who looks to be scraping the barrel of entertainment ideas for her little sister, sits her on her lap so that the two can stare at her day planner and recite numbers. While looking over the day planner, Blair suddenly realizes that she forgot all about a special tea that a local law firm is hosting for freshman students right now and moans, "If only I could find someone to take care of Bailey." As Jo stares back at her mutely, she adds that the tea could be a springboard for an internship/career somewhere far far away...and Jo faux perks up at that prospect and agrees to babysit Bailey, who seems unfazed at being abruptly passed off to be in the custody of "Aunt Jo". Blair instructs Jo to take Bailey to the cartoon matinee at the downtown theater this afternoon, then rushes off to attend the freshman tea...and Jo, who - much like Blair - doesn't seem to have many good ideas to entertain a small tot, tries to get Bailey interested in the notion of a popsicle. Over in the kitchen, Beverly Ann is racking her brain trying to remember the name of her doctor in Appleton who could confirm whether or not she had the measles, while Jo searches the refrigerator for a popsicle for Bailey. She explains to Beverly Ann that Blair just dumped the kid on her with no advance warning and that she needs to find something to entertain her, so Beverly Ann remarks on how kids are always more interested in non-toys to amuse themselves and suggests she give the kid a toaster to play with. Jo decides that a better idea would be to give Bailey some pots and pans to bang on...though it soon proves to be far too disruptive to Natalie, who's still struggling to figure out what in blazes she should write about for the paper. Andy returns home and excitedly greets Bailey - just as Jo gets a call about a bomb threat to the shelter. She announces that she has to leave right away to sort out the emergency [despite it sounding more like something Casey and/or the Bomb Squad should be dealing with] ... and Natalie perks up and says she could cover the impending catastrophe for The Peekskill Register. Jo suddenly remembers that she agreed to take care of Bailey, but worms out of the responsibility by asking Andy to take over for her [I guess despite his recent measles exposure], which she explains mostly entails taking the kid to the cartoon matinee in about an hour. Beverly Ann gets on the horn with her ex-husband and is relieved to finally learn that, yes, she has had the measles. A few seconds later, Tootie returns home wearing a diamond engagement ring on her finger - but Beverly Ann either doesn't care or pretends to not notice Tootie overtly flashing her new bling. After that, Andy returns home with a child he assumes is Bailey - but when Beverly Ann removes the pink clown wig, she's startled by the sight of a brown-haired Hispanic girl who stammers qué? and cómo? when Beverly Ann asks her her name...then decides that the next logical step would be to comb through the phone book for all the Cómos in a nonsensical effort to locate Qué Cómo's parents. Tootie asks Andy how he could be so fuckwittedly stupid to bring home the wrong kid from the movies - just as Blair returns home from the freshman tea, sees the little brown-haired girl, and assumes she must be a friend Bailey made at the cartoon matinee. Andy mutters, "Not exactly" and prattles about how Jo had an emergency at the shelter and put him in charge of Bailey, which resulted in him losing track of her and unwittingly bringing home the wrong child. A panicked Blair demands, "Where is my sister?!" before suggesting that Andy retrace his steps...and he deduces that he must have lost track of her after she used the ladies room. Blair solemnly nods and says, "And that's where you picked up Qué Cómo" ... and Andy explains that, in his defence, all the kids attending the cartoon matinee were implausibly wearing the exact same clown costume, pink wig, and red face paint. Blair decides that it's prolly time to stop fucking around with assigning a nickname to an Hispanic kid on the basis of her inability to speak English and pick up the damn phone to call 911. Jo and Natalie enter the shelter after the police have confirmed that the bomb threat was just a prank caller. Natalie says she's bummed that there's no crisis to write about for the paper, then calls her editor to report that no one was injured as a result of the fake bomb threat. A few seconds later, an Hispanic woman bursts into the shelter, along with a small child wearing a clown costume, and natters in Spanish that her daughter is missing...and that this child is not her daughter. A perplexed Natalie tells Jo that, regrettably, she didn't manage to pick up any kind of conversational Spanish during her time waiting tables at Señor Sombrero's...and then she and Jo just stare back at the woman quizzically when neither is able to make heads or tails of what her problem could possibly be. Jo suggests to Natalie that they take the woman and the kid to the nearest police station...and when Jo picks up the little girl and offers to get her some ice cream, she chirps, "Sure, Aunt Jo." Jo's all, "Wuh?" when she realizes that the imp in the clown costume is Bailey, then says she's going to call home pronto, 'cause she can only assume that everyone is currently frantic about Bailey being "missing". Blair is on the phone with the someone at the local police station, urging whoever she's talking to to dispatch every available officer to search for her missing sister. After that, the Facts gang (save for Pippa) heads out to 1) the police station (to turn over the superfluous Qué Cómo), and 2) the movie theater (to see if there's any sign of Bailey). A little while later, Monica Warner returns to the residence to pick up Bailey...and when she doesn't see her or Blair anywhere, she asks Pippa whassup about no one being around. Pippa plays dumb in a lame attempt to stall for time...and is about to break the news that her toddler has gone missing when Jo and Natalie return home with Bailey. Monica thanks them for taking such good care of her daughter, to which Bailey retorts, "They losted me" while contorting her face in a nettled pout. Jo and Nat chuckle nervously, then admit that they ran across Bailey at the shelter purely by accident and assume that Blair will be able to offer some kind of explanation. Jo then offers to take Bailey upstairs to get her changed out of her clown costume. Blair returns home looking despondently sheepish, then breaks the news to her mother that Bailey has gone missing. She explains that she abandoned her sister to attend a special tea for law school freshman...and only now realizes that nothing could have been more important than taking care of the tot. She tearfully apologizes to her mother while leaning into her for a hug. Jo and Natalie bring Bailey downstairs...and when Bailey chirps, "Hi Blair", Blair's all, "Wuh?" and, after the initial relief of knowing her sister is safe, gets a tad miffed that everyone but her knew that Bailey was already home. Monica chucklingly tells Blair that she contemplated giving her the good news, but was enjoying seeing her being so tearfully honest with herself. Tootie expresses her joy and relief at seeing Bailey safely home again and somehow in the process flashes her new engagement ring, which everyone finally notices and starts cooing over. As that's happening, Andy and Beverly Ann return home with a small child decked out in a clown costume and pink wig and gaily announce, "We found Bailey!" LOL. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Tootie and Natalie are gathering up a bunch of stuff they no longer use in order to donate to the needy - just as Blair enters the room and orders them to clear out all their junk 'cause she has a study partner coming over. She then places a vase filled with pretty flowers atop the coffee table and spritzes her favorite perfume around the room...and when Natalie laughingly asks Blair if her study partner happens to be a guy, Blair primly says he's a third year honors student at Langley Law School and that their study date is not going to entail any hanky panky. Blair lays out some snacks and turns on the stereo just before her study date, a mature looking guy named Larry Preston, arrives. He greets Blair in no-nonsensense manner, then shuts off the stereo before making it clear that he expects them to get right down to the business of studying. He moves the flower vase out of the way to make room for his textbook, and Blair pretends as though she somehow didn't think to bring her books to their study session and says she'll just share his by flirtily staring over his shoulder. A few seconds later, Beverly Ann stumbles into the room, then is all, "Oops!" 'cause she didn't realize that Blair was in the middle of a study date. After being introduced to Larry, Beverly Ann explains that she's looking for the Yellow Pages 'cause she wants to buy a pair of boxing gloves...and as Blair gently tut tuts her for continuing to interrupt the study session, Larry looks intrigued by Beverly Ann's interest in boxing gloves and asks her what's prompting this purchase. She explains that her son Andy has run into his first schoolyard bully, a thug-child named Spider, and needs to be able to defend himself. Larry asks if her husband is going to teach the imp how to box, and she tells him she only has an ex-husband...and that he's such a milquetoast that even she's capable of beating him up. LOL. A growingly irritated Blair picks up the textbook as a not-so-subtle hint for Beverly Ann to shut it and skedaddle - but then Larry starts prattling about how he used to be into boxing several years ago until he ultimately concluded that the sport wasn't for him. As Beverly Ann beams in besotted fascination, a weirded out Blair abruptly excuses herself to go see how Jo is doing (after she apparently threw out her back helping Natalie and Tootie haul around their old junk). Natalie and Tootie are fussing over Jo when Blair enters the communal bedroom to ask a completely disinterested Jo to weigh in on the possible reasons her study date could be ignoring her. Blair then gazes at herself in the mirror to confirm that she still considers herself to be the vision of perfection...and after thinking more about the situation, somehow comes to the deluded conclusion that Larry is trying to win her heart by hiding how crazy he is about her and paying as little attention to her exquisiteness as possible. [Sounds about as reasonable as any Facts subplot, so sure.] Larry and Beverly Ann are still chortling about boxing when Blair sashays back into the living room. Beverly Ann announces that she's off to the kitchen to prepare some Chinese food using a wok, and Larry perks up at that and says he knows a lot about stir frying via a wok and would be more than delighted to give her some tips. Blair, who's still convinced that Larry is masterfully concealing his deep attraction to her, invites him to stay for dinner, and he happily accepts. As Beverly Ann scampers off to the kitchen, Larry gushes, "What a delightful woman!" - just as Andy enters the room clutching a weed wacker, and explains that he needs it as a defence against his nemesis, Spider. Blair interjects to ask Larry if he'd like to go for a walk, and Larry says he would - but only if Andy tags along and they all go to a sporting goods store to buy the lad a pair of boxing gloves. After dinner, Larry gives Andy tips on how to use his new boxing gloves, then voluntarily tortures himself further when he asks Beverly Ann if she wouldn't mind showing him her Winnebago Memories photo album. As Blair sits between the two at the kitchen table looking visibly bored, Larry gushes to Beverly Ann about how impressed and amazed he is that she drove across the country by herself and took such stunning photos, and she blushingly quips, "It's nothing a woman of tremendous courage and vision couldn't do." LOL. Blair offers to show Larry some professional shots she commissioned during a recent trip to Europe, but he responds by checking his watch and telling her he needs to rush home right now to finish a paper that's due in the morning. He then turns his attention back to Beverly Ann and tells her that helping her prepare dinner was the most fun he's ever had with a wok, and she agrees and giggles about how charmed she was by his "priceless" stories. Blair offers to walk Larry to his car, but he's like, "No thanks" and beats a hasty retreat. After a perplexed Blair retreats upstairs, Larry returns to fetch a book he forgot in the living room. He thanks Beverly Ann again for a wonderful evening and smittenly adds that he hopes they can do it again sometime...and when she replies, "That'd be nice", he pulls her towards him and plants a giant smooch on her lips. She stares back at him in astonishment before leaning in to kiss him back - just as Blair emerges on the landing of the staircase and stares down at the puckered up pair in utter incredulity. Later that night, Blair wakes up Jo to tell her she's considering cosmetic surgery 'cause she simply can't wrap her brain around how a youngish man like Larry could possibly prefer a grizzled geriatric over her. Jo shrugs and points out that it was just a kiss, then makes it clear that she has no interest in further discussing her "plight" and shuts off the light. The next morning, Beverly Ann gushes to the Facts gals (sans Jo) about what a beautiful day it is, and that she's never felt so young, yet so old at the same time. She blushingly shares that she and Larry smooched last night...and that despite their vast age difference, there was lots of chemistry there [though none that I was able to detect]. When no one thinks to inquire what in blazes happened to her beau Oliver who she was dating as recently as the previous episode, Natalie applauds her May-December action and points out that a lot of past-their-prime men date much younger women. Blair counter-quips that Beverly Ann shouldn't take Larry across any state lines, then denies that her overt bitterness is any kind of sign that she's jealous of Larry's interest in the old gal. A startled Beverly Ann hastily tells Blair that she'd back off Larry in an instant if she thought she had any interest in dating him - but Blair denies being attracted to Larry before snidely pronouncing, "You and Larry look ridiculous together" and adds that when people see them together they're no doubt thinking he's out with his mother. As Natalie and Tootie stare over at Blair in appalled disgust, Larry telephones to ask Beverly Ann if she wants to get together later - but she brusquely tells him she has plans, then hangs up and high-tails it out of the room. Later, the Facts gals invite Beverly Ann to join their gin rummy game - but she declines, mumbles that she doesn't feel much like a winner, and dejectedly shuffles out of the room. Jo says it's a damn shame that things didn't work out with Larry, and Blair correctly guesses that everyone is blaming her for humiliating Beverly Ann when she inferred what an embarrassing spectacle it'd be if she were to start publicly dating the much younger man. She insists that she was merely being honest and straightforward...then pauses and admits that she was also being insensitive, hurtful, and selfish. When Beverly Ann reenters the room a few seconds later, Blair apologizes for her catty comments regarding her hook-up with Larry and urges her to give him a call. Beverly Ann says she's actually kinda reluctant to do that 'cause she's a bit skeered about what people are going to think, and Tootie's like, "Who cares?" and reminds her that she's always telling them that they can't live their lives to please other people. Beverly Ann's like, "But this is different 'cause it's me" and isn't sure she wants to start up anything serious with a man who's clearly young enough to be her son...but when Tootie coos about how much she'd enjoy a romantic, candlelit dinner with a handsome fella who's obviously head-over-heels for her, Beverly Ann defiantly picks up the phone and dials Larry's number. Beverly Ann and Larry return from a fun evening at the carnival, and Blair gaily asks them how their date went - just as Andy enters the room pressing an ice pack on his eye after getting punched in the face. He happily reports that when Spider pushed him, he pushed back using Larry's boxing techniques - but then Spider's brother entered the mix and decked him. Blair takes him to the kitchen to re-ice his black eye...and as Beverly Ann worriedly wrings her hands about Andy's bully conundrum, Larry offers to talk to Spider, adding that it's a father's job to do that sort of thing and that it could be good practice for when he gets married and has kids. He asks Beverly Ann if she ever thinks about remarriage, but she just shrugs disinterestedly and mumbles, "Not so much." A baffled Larry says he always thinks about the potential of marriage whenever he starts seeing someone 'cause he considers himself "too old to date just for the heck of it". When Beverly Ann wistfully retorts, "Yes, I guess you are", Larry's all, "Uh oh.." and says he hates reaching the point in a [short-lived sit-com] relationship when he strongly senses that one of them is going to end the evening with 'it's getting late' before the inevitable dumping ensues. He weakly says he's not going to assume that they're about to break up, then gives her a cheek kiss and promises to call. Beverly Ann murmurs, "OK" ... and after he exits the house, she sadly declares, "But it is getting late." Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! Recap: Beverly Ann returns home after seeing Pippa off on a class trip to Washington, while Natalie carries over a giant map she's using to track Snake's cross-country trip. She says he promised to be back in Peekskill in time to take her to the Winter Carnival - just as Andy enters the room to report that the midwest just got hit by a blizzard. Natalie worriedly says she wishes Snake had listened to her about taking a more southern route, and Blair wonders aloud if this potential delay is just another excuse for her to put off introducing them to Snake 'cause she's ashamed of the Facts gang meeting him...or, as Jo points, out, vice versa. Andy changes the subject to how desperately he wants to attend Langley's annual "party 'til you drop" carnival and begs Beverly Ann to let him go - but she reminds him that the party is for, uh, college students and that he's still a tiny boy who should probably be focusing a lot more of his attention on middle school type stuff. She then shares that she and her beau Oliver are chaperoning a pyjama party at the Alpha Fraternity House, 'cause last time the kids were left to their own devices they got very outa control. Tootie returns home with a sweet new friend named Matt, a definite Jeff upgrade who was nice enough to offer her a ride home. He asks her if she's free to attend the Winter Carnival with him, but she tells him she already has a date...and when he's like, "What about next weekend?", she firmly tells him she's seeing someone. Matt just kind of shrugs amiably and heads off on his merry way. Once he's safely out of earshot, Blair chides Tootie for not giving Matt a glimmer of hope by stringing him along, but Tootie reminds her that Jeff is going to be in town this weekend. An unfazed Blair points out that she and Jeff never agreed to date exclusively, adding, "You can't put all your dating eggs in one basket." She urges Tootie to take a page out of her book and reveals that she has three potential dates lined up for Winter Carnival and will decide at the last minute which man goes best with her outfit - but Tootie says that she doesn't feel comfortable being non-platonic with more than one guy at time. Also, she's somehow decided that Jeff is so important to her that she doesn't even want to think about dating other guys, however much of an improvement they're likely to be over this formerly-illiterate-turned-budding-marine-biologist [who I've always found to be more on the dickwaddish side of the dickwad spectrum]. Natalie leaves a message for Snake to reroute to a part of the country that's not currently experiencing blizzard conditions...along with a motherly reminder to wear a scarf. After eavesdropping on the call, Andy offers to step in as her date for the Winter Carnival, but Natalie insists that Snake is definitely, absolutely, 100% going to make it home in time to take her. Tootie gets off the phone with Jeff and rails to the rest of the Facts gals about how he just cancelled their Winter Carnival date so that he can attend a reception for a famous marine biologist. Egads! Jo invites her to hang at the community shelter with her and Casey, while Andy offers to be her date for the Winter Carnival - but Tootie glumly says she has zero desire to attend the carnival without Jeff. Blair tut tuts what she describes as "the wrong attitude" and urges Tootie to have fun with a guy who's not Jeff (e.g. Matt)...and as Tootie chews on that prospect, Blair tells her she can either choose:
Andy asks Blair if she'd like to attend the Winter Carnival with a real man (meaning him, LOL), and Blair manages to keep a straight face as she instantly shuts down that non-starter. When Jo and Casey enter the kitchen a few seconds later, Blair informs Casey that she's been going over the books for the community shelter and can only describe its financial condition as blech. Casey shrugs haplessly and says that one of the major drawbacks of running a nonprofit is the no profit part...and when Blair remarks on the growing number of needy people who continue to require basic services, Casey jokes that they keep getting thrown out of their upscale tennis clubs. Blair chides him for not doing a better job of sticking to the budget, but Casey points out that a major expense this month was repairing the furnace (which unexpectedly broke down) and says it wasn't exactly an option to not pay it and let people freeze to death. He dismissively adds, "Don't talk to me about budgets" and Blair chews on that before telling him she has an idea: solicit donations from Langley alumni at the big Winter Carnival dinner tomorrow night. Casey makes a yeech face and makes it clear how unappealing he finds the idea of mingling with a bunch of rich people all night - but Blair insists he attend and explains that donors are going to want to meet the person running the shelter. Casey hems and haws before reluctantly agreeing to spearhead the impromptu fundraising initiative. Natalie is on the phone with someone at a truck stop, ranting about how the roads in the midwest aren't being snowplowed fast enough after the blizzard. Tootie and Blair are all gussied up for the Winter Carnival, and Tootie continues to fret about how nervous and guilty she's feeling about stepping out on Jeff - just as Jeff - ack! - unexpectedly drops by and announces, "Surprise! I made it to Peekskill after all!" He tells Tootie he reasoned that he'll have plenty of other opportunities to meet famous marine biologists [seems somewhat debatable, but OK] and figured it was far more important to escort her to the Winter Carnival. He then notices that she's wearing a silky blue ensemble and asks her why she's so dressed up, so Blair swiftly interjects to fib that she assured Tootie he'd surprise her by showing up at the last minute and did such a good job convincing her of it that she got all dressed up in anticipation. Jeff seems to buy that nonsensical explanation as the doorbell rings a few seconds later...and when Matt enters the room, Blair exclaims, "Goooood! Both of our dates are here!" and ambles over to Matt and clutches his arm as she introduces him to everyone. Matt and Tootie play along and pretend that they're meeting for the first time - just as Casey arrives in a tux and tells Blair he's ready to escort her to the rich people party. A confused Jeff asks, "She's dating two guys?" and Jo gets in on the action and chucklingly says that Casey's such a kidder and pretends that he's her date for the evening. After everyone vacates the room, Jeff tells Tootie he wasn't born yesterday and that it's obvious Matt was really her date...and when Tootie admits that, yep, he indeed was, Jeff growls, "How could you do this to me?" Tootie sourly reminds him that he was the one who cancelled on her, to which he snarks, "And you didn't think I'd catch you...oh when the cat's away the mice will play." Tootie snappishly points out, "The cat's never here!" and points out that he's always cancelling plans with her. Jeff counters by reminding her that she once cancelled on him 'cause she got a part in a play, and credits himself for not being even a tiny bit dickish about it...and Tootie's like, "Whatever" and insists that her date with Matt was just a friendly, casual thing before sassily adding, "Maybe next time you won't cancel." Jeff angrily declares that there's not going to be a next time, then bitchily storms out of the house. Natalie complains to Beverly Ann, who ends up using all of the bread and meat in front of her to make sandwiches for each of the Facts gals, that it ain't easy waiting around for her trucker boyfriend to return home, adding that a rock slide in Utica means that Snake won't be able to make it to Peekskill until Sunday. A few seconds later, a bummed looking Tootie enters the room and rhetorically moans about what she's going to do without a prickly little bitch like Jeff in her life. Blair, meanwhile, breezes into the kitchen and happily reports that the community shelter received a lot of donations last night, applauding Casey for being so surprisingly charming to the rich folk. She then notices Tootie's sourpussy aura and apologizes for egging her on to go out with Matt only to have it blow up in her face, but Tootie says she's taking full responsibility for being the one who ultimately made the decision to two-time Jeff. When the gals suddenly hear a loud honking noise outside, an elated Natalie cries, "Snake!", while the rest of the Facts gang gabbles about how excited they are to finally meet Natalie's reptile-monikered beau. They rush into the living room and encounter a giant bearded man they assume is Snake and are all, "Uh, nice to meet you..?" - just as Natalie and a much nicer looking guy enter the room together and explain that the bearded giant is Snake's trucking buddy. Snake correctly guesses the Facts gals' names, based on everything Natalie has told him, and Beverly Ann blushingly tells Natalie that this hottie is definitely a keeper. As the gang disperses, Natalie gives Snake a 'welcome home' smooch while Tootie hangs back and wistfully ogles their PDA. Beverly Ann invites Andy to join her and Oliver at the Alpha House pyjama party...and when he doesn't look at all into it, she adds that Oliver's cute, fourteen-year old niece Laurie is going to be there, and he's all, "Yippee!" before racing upstairs to pack up his sleepwear. Natalie invites Tootie to join her and Snake at a concert, but she mopishly declines and wishes them a fun evening. A few seconds later, Matt drops by wearing pyjamas and hastily explains that he's on his way to the Alpha House PJ party, but first wanted to make sure that everything was OK in her world. He invites her to join the party, but she says she's not up to it...then invites him to join her for a cup of cocoa before he leaves, and Matt's like, "Sure!" and skips off to the kitchen to pour them a couple of hot cups. While that's happening, Jeff unexpectedly drops by for the second time this episode to tell Tootie that something between them has gone horribly amiss. She stares back at him, visibly unimpressed by the pronouncement, and says, "It took you all day to come up with that?", then rails about how tired she is of always being at the low end of his priority list. She suggests they call off their relationship and go back to being platonic friends...and when he grumbles that he doesn't want that, a frustrated Tootie shrieks, "Then what do you want?!" and he shrieks back, "I want you to marry me!" As he stares in dazed befuddlement at what he just blurted out, a stunned Tootie mumbles, "Really? Marry you?" and Jeff's like, "Uh, yeah..?" and jokingly says that if she agrees to marry him, she's not allowed to see other guys. Tootie laughingly says he drives a hard bargain, then formally accepts what looked to me like a proposal under duress. A pyjama clad Matt enters the living room carrying two cups of cocoa - but when he sees Jeff, he makes a sudden U-turn before tip-toeing back into the kitchen. Tootie assures Jeff she can totally explain the presence of Matt in her house wearing pyjamas, and Jeff uncharacteristically takes it in stride by smilingly replying, "I didn't see a thing" before happily embracing and smooching his new fiancée. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"! |
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