The Hills - Season 5, Episode 8

Recap: Heidi informs Spencer that her bio dad (Bill) will be making a guest appearance on this episode, and that he's an alpha male cowboy who might actually show up with his gun. She warns, "You've never met a dad like my dad" and tells Spencer to really let that sink in...and then saunters into the next room while Spencer stares worriedly into space.

Audrina and Chiara arrive onto the set of the White Tie Affair music video. Audrina tells Chiara that Stephanie and the band's guitarist (Sean) really hit it off, and so she plans to stop by later. The two then greet the band and exchange pleasantries before they begin filming the music video. A few seconds later, Stephanie arrives and gushes about how excited she is to be on the set.

Spencer and Heidi meet up with Bill and his wife (Terri) at a place called Shutters on the Beach in Santa Monica. Heidi remarks on how Spencer is the first boyfriend she's had the courage to introduce to her dad...and after an awkward silence, Spencer recounts a story Holly told him: when she was eight years old, she had an eight year old boyfriend whose esophagus Bill threatened to rip out if he ever did anything to hurt his little girl. Sounds extreme, but OK. As everyone chuckles nervously, Heidi brings up the subject of her/Spencer's faux elopement to Mexico. Spencer jokes that they prolly shouldn't have downed so much tequila during that vacay, to which Bill growls, "You know, I did bring my shotgun." Spencer says he fervently hopes he doesn't develop the desire to shoot him, not least 'cause he's not exactly Darlene's favorite person on account of the many fights he instigates in bars...and, incredibly, Bill applauds him for using violence as a means of looking out for his family, and suggests they head over to a gun range sometime soon to practice their shooting skills.

While dining out at STK, Lauren tells Brody that Kelly Cutrone has instructed her to fire Stephanie from her internship at People's Revolution 'cause of a recent fuckup. Brody shrugs disinterestedly, says he's not at all surprised, and casually warns that it might possibly ruin their friendship.

Audrina and Stephanie meet up with Sean and Chris from White Tie Affair at a place called Bigfoot Lodge. When Audrina and Chris wander off in search of drinks, Sean gabbles to Stephanie about how hard it is to be out on the road, given that he has "something pretty solid back home" in the form of a live-in girlfriend. A shocked Stephanie's all, "Wha-a-a-a?", chides him for being too much of a flirt, then tells Audrina (once she returns to the table) that they need to leave immediately.

While ambling along the Santa Monica beach, Bill asks Spencer exactly what his intentions are with Heidi. Spencer says he wants them to live happily ever after, and that he considers Heidi to be the world's most special person. Bill warns that he's verrrrrry protective of Heidi and continues half-heartedly making Spencer think he could gun him down at any moment by remarking, "That's why God invented Colt .45s." He then assures Spencer that Darlene will eventually come around, and Spencer earnestly says he already knows the repercussions of hurting Heidi and really really wants to marry her. Bill promises to refrain from killing him if he treats his daughter well, pointing out that he'd be the big loser if he were to ever lose Heidi. Spencer concurs, "That's a very true statement", while Bill reminds him yet again that he's in possession of a very large gun.

When Stephanie arrives at People's Revolution, Lauren tells her that Kelly knows how badly she screwed the pooch when she failed to properly pack the bags for the Davis Factor photoshoot last episode...then gently breaks the news of her firing by pretending that Kelly is "concerned" that she doesn't have enough time to properly train her. Stephanie [does her best to pretend that her internship at People's Revolution hasn't been part of a staged role financed by MTV and] tears up, then asks if she should leave right now. Lauren points out that she prolly doesn't want to spend the day sitting at her desk and faux crying in front of everyone and mumbles, "It's just the, uh, situation right now." Stephanie puts on her best sad face as she gets up, hugs Lauren goodbye, and tearfully exits. 

Stephanie promptly meets up with Heidi to glumly share the news..

• Of her firing at People's Revolution
• Of her disappointment that Sean (from White Tie Affair) has a live-in girlfriend

At the latter thing, Heidi moans, "Noooo! Noooo!" and says that she, conversely, has had a great week. She recaps that Bill is in town and that, to everyone's great surprise, he gets along famously with Spencer. Stephanie just kind of shrugs disinterestedly and mopishly wonders aloud what her People's Revolution firing is going to mean for her friendship with Lauren.

Lauren meets up with Lo for a coffee and tells her about having to fire Stephanie, adding that she cried when she received the news. Lo points out that Stephanie had put her in a very tough position, and that she merely did what she had to do to fulfill this MTV-fuelled, fabricated subplot.

Spencer takes Heidi aboard the ferris wheel at the Santa Monica pier...and when they reach the top, he tells her that he formally asked Bill for her hand in marriage. Heidi gasps in faux surprise and says a lot of steps have to be taken before she's willing to say I do, namely:

• Apologize to Darlene for routinely behaving like such a cockwomble ever since Season 3
• Talk to Lauren and "figure something out there"

Heidi makes it clear that she wants a gargantuan princess wedding with all the trimmings, and Spencer assures her he totally gets that, loves her more than anything in this world, and is totes ready to make peace with both Darlene and Lauren. He then says the only thing missing from his proposal is a legitimate ring, then produces a velvet box with a massive sparkling diamond. Heidi squeals happily, says she'd be more than happy to proceed with their nuptials while wearing this ring, and gushes about how its expensiveness makes up for a lot. She reminds him that it's going to be 'til death do them part', not 'til divorce do them part', and Spencer cackles that he has no idea what the word divorce even means. Heidi then leans in for a careful kiss as not to smudge her very shiny lip gloss.

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