The Hills - Season 5, Episode 11

Recap: Audrina, Stephanie, and Lo are dining out at Tart and discussing an upcoming party in West Hollywood. When the topic of Kristin Cavallari comes up, Lo confirms that she is indeed "a boy magnet", warns that's it is not fun being on her bad side, and shares that a few girls from her Laguna high school had issues with the drama-stirring she-devil. Audrina chimes in and says she heard that Kristin once slapped Lauren...but then hastily back pedals and says she's totes willing to give the slapper the benefit of the doubt. 

While en route to the West Hollywood party, Heidi tells Spencer what a relief it is to finally be able to throw a party that everyone can attend [aka no more Lauren tension]. When she remarks on the fact that Kristin is single, Spencer chucklingly predicts, "Justin-Bobby is going to get swooped!", and that Audrina is somehow going to have a huge problem with it [despite the fact that she's moved on with a new, real life beau]. Spencer calls Kristin "a playuh", and that the Hills gang is, in no way, prepared for all of the producer-instigated drama that lies ahead.

Over at Brody's condo, Brody is impatiently waiting for a bikini clad Jayde to select her party outfit. Jayde makes it clear that she is not thrilled to have to attend a party with a woman he once dated, and Brody just kind of shrugs and says that he and Kristin were a couple for less than a year. He insists that Kristin is a cool person - but then warns that despite her super coolness, she's definitely someone other women need to watch out for. Hence MTV hiring her as Lauren 2.0.

The MTV cameras are fixed on Kristin's shapely lower legs as she exits her Malibu house and climbs into her BMW convertible. She then hits the gas and is off to the West Hollywood party!

At The London (hotel), the party is about to get underway. Heidi and Spencer arrive and joyously greet the Hills gang...and soon Audrina, Lo, and Stephanie make their appearances, as does Justin, who's looking characteristically sloppy and is accompanied by some uncredited friend.

As Kristin struts her way into the hotel with two gal pals, she amusedly tells them it's soooo random that she hasn't seen any of these people in, like, forever. She then coos, "Hey everyone!" and makes a beeline over to Brody for a hello hug...and Stephanie takes that as a cue to remark to Lo that Jayde can't possibly be happy about Kristin being cast on The Hills. As Kristin coquettishly greets Justin, the camera pans over to Audrina, who's glaring over with a stink-eye and declaring to Stephanie that this flirty howdy just violated "girl code". 

Stephanie takes it upon herself to march over to Justin and ask him if he's even said hello to Audrina yet, and he mumblingly fibs that he did...then assures her that things between the two of them are cool, but that it's also time for viewers to get to move on from having to watch Audrina beg for romantic crumbs from such a pigpen. Kristin interjects to point out to Stephanie that Justin is a big boy and can handle himself at a Hills party, to which Stephanie argues that she neeeeeds to respect Audrina's fragile feelings. A few second later, Audrina rushes over and does her best to look perturbed as she asks if they're talking about her right now, and so Kristin chides Audrina et. al. for circling around her like piranhas the minute she arrived. As the gals start bickering back and forth - ho hum - Kristin bellows, "Is it going to be like this?! It's on, bitch!" She then lets out a guffaw and warns that they're messing with the wrong girl. Stephanie unhappily tells Lo and Audrina that Kristin is not good news for them, and Audrina silently concurs by staring unhappily into space. 

The next day, Stephanie meets up with Audrina so that the two can express their collective dismay at Kristin's aggressively sassy 'tude. Audrina points out that, with respect to a woman looking to man-steal Brody, Jayde should be way more worried about Kristin than about her. Stephanie then mentions that Brody and Taylor (whose cheeseball nickname "Sleazy T" is slowly being phased out by this time) are throwing Frankie a birthday party at a Mexican restaurant called Pinches Tacos...and, since the MTV camera crew will be on hand to film it, she correctly assumes that Kristin will be in attendance. The two then vow to not give Kristin the power to completely turn their lives upside down.

Heidi and Spencer are house hunting and have narrowed the short list to a charming bungalow. Heidi remarks on what a perfect traditional family home it is, then says she wants to get a look at the nursery. A less than thrilled looking Spencer makes a face and retorts, "Excuse me..?"

Kristin arrives at Pinches Tacos, and Brody coos his trademark on-camera greeting: "Ooooh, look who it is!" Kristin seats herself beside Justin...and the two establish that they're both very single, in case viewers haven't been beaten over the head enough about how the newest Hills storyline is the two of them [pretend] hooking up. Justin adds that, besides Audrina, he's been single for the last four years...and this weird admission prompts Kristin and Stacie (who, for whatever reason, is now part of the core Season 5 Hills group) to cacklingly and somewhat nonsensically describe Audrina as "a stage five clinger". Lo and Stephanie agree that Audrina would prolly have a heart attack if she were here to witness the mockery, and then the entire clan (minus Lo and Stephanie) heads over to a nearby sports bar to watch a Lakers game. 

Taylor asks Justin whassup with him and Kristin acting all flirty...and as Kristin pretends to be utterly fascinated by the televised Lakers game, Justin describes the new Hills female lead as "different weather". A few seconds later, Kristin seats herself next to the slovenly Justin and coquettishly asks him - in her annoying way of chuckling and enunciating words to make it sound as if everything in life is an ironic joke to her - if he'd be interested in taking her out sometime...on the back his motorcycle, perhaps? Justin looks open to the idea, then warns that Audrina has been on the back of his bike...and Kristin gigglingly retorts that she's no longer interested. Frankie asks the two if they're feeling "cosy enough", and Justin assures Kristin that he's pretty sure Audrina "shouldn't get mad" at the prospect of the two of them dating. 

Heidi and Spencer look at house #2: a modern party pad. An unimpressed Heidi makes a meh face and says she'd much prefer a cozy suburban home - but then admits that the outdoor deck is a very lovely feature. Spencer informs her that - surprise! - he put down a deposit on this party pad...and when Heidi chides him for not consulting her about such an important decision and having an 'it's my way or the highway' type attitude, Spencer mumbles, "It's my way or the lame way." 

Stephanie and Lo drop by Audrina's house to further discuss Kristin's socially combative Hills debut. Stephanie complains that Kristin didn't say a word to her during Frankie's lunch party, and Lo says she really doesn't get why Kristin feels emboldened to not be nice to them. A perturbed Audrina points out that people have "hearts and feelings" that shouldn't be messed with, and then Stephanie takes that as a cue to offer up a disturbing nugget: she's fairly certain that Kristin and Justin left together after watching the Lakers game. 

That evening, Kristin meets up with Justin at a restaurant. She tells him she thought twice about coming out, not least 'cause Audrina seems to still have feelings for him. Justin insists that he and Audrina were never really exclusive...and then the two exchange some feigned flirty banter about pretending to want to hook up.

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