Recap: The Hills gang boards Doug's private jet to fly to Las Vegas to celebrate Frankie's birthday. They toast the happy occasion with champagne and chat about how Audrina and Justin plan to meet them there...and that the two not accompanying them on this jet is a looooong story (which - spoiler - can also be shortened to a five second explanation about how Audrina was recently bitchy to Lauren at a nightclub). As that juicy tidbit hangs out there, Brody raises his glass for Stephanie, says he won't hold a grudge for her past misdeeds and makes a wisecrack about how having her on this trip is "almost as good as having Spencer here" ... and Stephanie reacts by scrunching her face in puzzlement while Doug winces. The gang arrives at the swanky Venetian hotel...and the gals head up to their suite and pontificate about who Lauren is most likely to make out with tonight (Lo guesses Brody, Stephanie guesses Doug). Lauren makes it clear that she's not interested in locking lips with either of the nitwits and dismissively reminds them, "Because I've kind of been there, done that." When Lo invokes the awkward exchange that occurred between Brody and Stephanie on the jet, Lauren agrees that it was inappropriate, while Stephanie says she's very upset that Brody told Lauren on the down-low not to trust her. Lauren just kind of shrugs and breezily says that all she can do is prove herself to be a trustworthy person...and Stephanie frowns at that unlikeliness of that outcome. Heidi returns home, where Spencer is playing one of his '80s style video games in lieu of working for a living (or even bothering to pretend to work for a living), and announces that her sister Holly is moving to Los Angeles. Spencer looks alarmed before growling, "No she's not..", so Heidi points out that he has no control over whether or not Holly decides to move to California, then breaks the unsurprising news that she told her sister she could move in with them. Spencer makes it clear how much he haaaates the idea 'cause of how terrible Holly's last visit was, then attempts to complain about how she brought tampons into his household - but Heidi refrains from going down that menstruation rabbit hole with him and insists that her sister is moving in with them and that's that. Spencer counters, "This is the quickest way to get me to move out" [and says this as though it's somehow a disincentive] and that he haaaates what Holly's presence is going to do to their relationship. He then resumes playing with his video game machine, while Heidi retreats to the bedroom. Back in Vegas, the gals join the guys in their luxury hotel suite. Brody asks Lauren whaddup with the latest tension that's been brewing between her and Audrina, so Lauren recounts the story of when she, Lo, and some other pals went to Goa (when the Hills cameras weren't rolling, incomprehensibly) and ran into Audrina and her pals. When Audrina didn't acknowledge their presence, Lauren says she waved her arms madly in an attempt to get Audrina's attention in order to say hey, and Audrina reacted with a curt wave. Ouch. When Lauren then asked if they could talk privately, Audrina declined by snootily replying, "I'm here with my friends." Ouch again. Brody shakes his head in disgust and suggests kicking her outa the house asap - but Lauren isn't sure if she wants to do something that would completely sever the friendship, mostly 'cause she hates the idea of losing yet another friend. An unsympathetic Brody barks, "Get her outa the house and be on with it!" After a fourteen hour drive from Colorado, Holly arrives at Casa Icktard, where Heidi hugs her hello and welcomes her to her new home. Spencer politely greets her, then reminds Heidi about their dinner plans...and Holly's all, "Wuh?", but then urges them to go out and assures them she'll be fine, alone in their place, after her long journey. Heidi emphasizes to her sister that she can stay as long as she wants, and Spencer reacts by shooting her the stink-eye before the two head off to dinner. While settling into their Vegas hotel suite, Audrina warns Justin that it's going to be a weird night. As he stares back at her with an expression of dazed disinterest, she gives him a recap of the Goa story - but in her version, she was merely trying to finish a conversation with her friend while Lauren kept annoyingly trying to interrupt. As Justin makes a half-hearted effort to wrap his brain around the state of this fractured friendship, Audrina acknowledges that her snappishness likely hurt Lauren's feelings, then suggests that just 'cause they've been growing apart it doesn't mean they can't be friends - but a skeptical Justin shakes his head and says he highly doubts that that's going to happen. Birthday dinner! The Hills gang toasts Frankie's twenty-seven years on the planet...and when Frankie asks why Audrina is MIA on his special day, Brody grumbles about how sick he is of talking about her. Stephanie chooses that moment to come right out and ask Brody why he told Lauren not to trust her, so he points out that Spencer (aka Lauren's archenemy) is her brother. Stephanie's all, "Well d'yuh" and says he refuses to speak to her because of her friendship with Lauren, then chides Brody for shit-talking her to Lauren. Brody clarifies that he warned Lauren about how trustworthy she is, on top of how fuckin' crazy she acts...and she shrieks, "What?!" and reminds him that her craziness was mostly due to her past drug use - but he digs in about her (past but also current) tendency to act like a "complete psycho". Doug interjects to ask Brody why in blazes he's opening this can of whoopass at Frankie's birthday dinner, and Brody somehow refrains from pointing at the MTV camera crew that's capturing all of this delightful trash-talking and mutters something unintelligible before glaring at Stephanie and bellowing, "It's like, leave." An incredulous Stephanie stares back at him as he explains that he cares about Lauren and has urged her to be wary of her nutty-cookoo-ness, which prompts Stephanie to tear up and require Lauren's assistance to escort her up to their suite. Once they're out of earshot, Doug looks dismayingly at Brody and asks, "Making girls cry now, dude?" and Brody grumbles about the "fun dinner" he just took an active part in ruining. Up in the hotel suite, Stephanie whimpers that she doesn't get why boys make girls cry, specifically Brody saying mean things to her. Lauren reminds her that she went down a bad path, but then applauds her for getting help and becoming all the stronger for it...then implores her to stop crying (so that she doesn't cry in solidarity and mess up her eye makeup). She proposes they rejoin the posse with the promise that if Brody reduces her to tears a second time, she'll leave with her and call it a night. Stephanie agrees, and the two totter towards the door in their black stilettos. After Audrina and Justin arrive at the LAX nightclub, Brody and Justin exchange their thoughts about the tension between Lauren and Audrina and agree that neither of them could give much of a shit. Audrina, meanwhile, tells Frankie that the tension with Lauren is getting so bad that she wants to hash things out with her - but not in a dark nightclub. A few seconds later, Lauren and Stephanie enter LAX...and Frankie tells Lauren he doesn't want anyone beefing on his birthday and hopes that she and Audrina will resolve their issues at a time and place that's nowhere near him. Across the club, Justin points out to Audrina that, since they've fulfilled their Hills filming obligations for the night, they're free to leave, and she agrees that all of this contrived tension is very draining. Justin then bids Frankie goodnight and apologetically says it's not a good night for the warring gals. The next morning, Spencer pulls up to the Bolthouse alley, phones Heidi in her pretend office and is all, "Yo yo, we have some things to discuss." Heidi dutifully says she'll be right down...and in the next scene she climbs into the passenger seat of his BMW and irritably asks what could possibly be so important that he felt the need to interrupt her while she's faux working. He whines about Holly being "basically pyjama-ed out" as she lazes around the apartment and accidentally erases his TiVo shows. Heidi stares back at him in utter incredulity and says, "You did not just call me down here because of the TiVo" ... and he's like, "Uh, did" and continues to complain that Holly and her tampons are getting way too cozy in their apartment. Heidi assures him that Holly's stay is temporary, makes him promise that he's not going to say anything nasty to her, then suggests he maybe consider getting outa the house more so that his life doesn't revolve so much around whatever programming got erased from the TiVo. Over in Vegas, Frankie drops by the gals' suite looking as stressed and bedraggled as he can muster. He solemnly breaks the news that he just got a text message from Brody, informing him that both he and Doug (who got a well deserved punch) are both in jail...and the gals are like, "Ooooh noooo!" as they stare back at him in stunned horror. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGESeason 1 Recapper: Isabel K. French
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