The Hills - Season 4, Episode 3

"Nope, no chemistry here."

"Better Off As Friends"
Original airdate: 8/31/2008

Episode summary: Whitney travels to New York for work and meets a boring male model named Alex. Lauren decides that Doug isn't the one and gives him the heave-ho.

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Recap: At People's Revolution, Whitney tells Lauren that tomorrow she's jetting off to New York to meet with Kelly and has no idea how long she's going to be there...and Lauren advises her to pack a lot of black things to wear, given how rabid Kelly is about her underlings never being allowed to wear color. Whitney changes the subject to Doug and asks if there's anything juicy going on there, and Lauren makes it clear that there are definitely no juicy details to share. When Whitney remarks on how less than enthusiastic she seems about the coupling, Lauren makes a yeech face and says she distinctly remembers liking Doug a whole lot more when they were younger. She adds that the last guy she was romantically into was Brody [though not really], and Whitney urges her to give Doug the Dullard the heave-ho asap.

The next day at FIDM, Stephanie tells Lauren that Spencer threatened to disown her for inviting her (Lauren) and her pals to her birthday party. Lauren clucks sympathetically about how she's caught in the middle... and when Stephanie says she was worried that the party may have cost her their friendship, Lauren assures her that she's so impressed with the effort she's making to get along with everyone that she still wants them to hang together.

Whitney arrives at People's Revolution in New York and meets with a frazzled Kelly, who tells her she's desperately needed to help with styling at a casting...and further explains that the casting is filled to the gills with shirtless male models. When the two make their way upstairs, Whitney immediately gets busy pulling outfits for the men to wear as they strut their stuff in hopes of booking a fashion show job. Kelly motions at one of the [more vacant-eyed] models, Alex, who says he's from Fresno and attended USC. Whitney replies that she too went to USC...and the two chitchat while she takes his Polaroid. Kelly swiftly interjects to order Alex to join them in the hotel bar that evening - 8:45pm sharp! - for drinks. As Whitney visibly blushes at her boss's not so subtle attempt to set them up, Kelly sticks out her tongue while brusquely explaining, "This is called multi-tasking in the power bitch world."

"Clean up nice and report to the hotel bar at 8:45pm sharp."

"Yes ma'am."

Over drinks at Cut, Spencer complains to Heidi that they haven't had enough alone time lately, then cattily says he regrets not throwing Stephanie's birthday cake in Lauren's face...and Heidi half-heartedly tells him to stop, then urges him to make nice with his sister. Spencer refuses and snappishly eggs Heidi on to start hanging out with Stephanie and Lauren - but warns that if she goes that route, she won't be able to come home to him. With that said, he checks his watch and decrees, "Time to get in bed and cuddle, my dear", which...ew-yuck.

Lauren meets up with Brody at Sushi Roku, where she shows off the many friendship bracelets she's wearing, one of which she received from Stephanie. Brody makes a snorting noise at the mention of Stephanie's name and insists she has ulterior motives, warns that he knows things about the wack-a-doodle that would shock her, and is eagerly anticipating the day when he can say 'I told you so'. The conversation then drift to Doug...and when Lauren says she's planning on ending that sooner rather than later, Brody shrugs and agrees that he didn't see it going very far. Lauren says she doesn't want to settle and that her type is a guy she's already dated, to which Brody bellows, "Haha!" and nonsensically asks if she's suggesting they get naked. Lauren refrains from reminding him that she's never ever felt even the slightest wisp of romantic affection for him and grinningly mumbles, "I hate you right now" while Brody continues to cackle with delight.

Whitney meets up with Alex in the bar of the Soho Grand Hotel, then gets a call from Kelly, who tells her she and Alex are on their own for the evening. Alex looks visibly pleased by that development, and the two engage in some boring chit-chat about universities and life in New York before they decide to get up and take a walk around the neighborhood, mercifully off camera.

Lauren drops by Stephanie's apartment to share with a third person her lack of interest in continuing to date Doug, and Stephanie looks surprised and oddly intrigued by the revelation and is all, "Are you kidding? Shut up!" She then tells Lauren that since she has the apartment to herself again (now that Spencer has pretended to move out), she wants to host "some kickbacks here, high school style". She adds that she tries to ease her loneliness whenever she's home alone by talking to her pet, which is either a hamster or guinea pig - she's not sure which (?).

"My budding romance with Doug is kaputsville."

"I shall file that interesting tidbit away for a future episode."

At the end of the Soho stroll, Whitney tells Alex she has a strong connection to Los Angeles 'cause it's where her friends and family live - but Alex points out that she can make new friends, and that surely she'd looooove the diversity and fashion culture of the Big Apple. The two then return to the front of the Grand Soho and hug goodnight...and, nope, there's definitely no chemistry happening there. 

Back in L.A., Whitney tells Lauren about Kelly trying to set her up with Alex, remarking that the evening "wasn't awful" [ouch, Alex] and that they ended up wandering around Soho together. Lauren, meanwhile, admits that she's been avoiding Doug - but is determined to give him the dumperoo later today 'cause she has no intention of settling for a guy who isn't the one. 

Stephanie lets herself into Spencer's/Heidi's apartment bearing a gift...and Spencer looks pleased when he sees that the gift is a book on the secret history of the CIA. Stephanie asks him how Heidi's doing and says she'd like the three of them to hang out sometime - but Spencer makes it clear that if she insists on staying friends with Lauren, she's not welcome in their orbit. 

Lauren psychs herself up for Operation Kick Doug to the Curb as she pulls into his driveway. When he says he's been trying to reach her, she apologizes for seeming cold, then says this thing of theirs..."it's just not there". Doug looks surprised by the declaration, then defensively points out that he's only ever been respectful and nice to her...to the point that he's always treated her like a princess. Lauren replies, "You've been way too nice" ... and he just stares discombobulatedly into space, mumbling that this unforeseen breakup has hit him like a ton of bricks. 

"I've always regarded you as a princess."

"And I think of you as one of many frogs I'll have to kiss before finding my prince."

Doug tells Lauren she's different than any girl he's ever met, but agrees that it's A-OK with him if she thinks they're better off as friends...as long as he can still squeeze out some Hills airtime as a coveted posse member. As he walks her to the door, she apologizes again for so hastily squashing their bland coupling - but he assures her he's fine with it...and that, all in all, it was a pretty humane dumping. ​

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