Recap: During class at FIDM, Stephanie tells Lauren she's having a birthday party at Boulevard 3, and Lauren says she'd looooove to come and bring her current beau (a baseball player named Doug). Stephanie says she's not sure if Spencer and Heidi plan to attend 'cause she hasn't talked to them in weeks, and adds that she really just wants to have a fun night - but that it's hard when her brother and his ball chain are around with all the drama that follows them. Lauren makes a yeech face as she hastens to point out, "I don't know if it follows as much as they chase it." While dining at the Creperie, Doug compliments Lauren on her pretty white dress, then asks her how things are going with Audrina and Lo...and she tells him that the two had a chat, but that the situation is still a disaster. Doug remarks on how hectic her life seems and suggests they go out somewhere - but she declines and tells him she has to go to work. When he tries to egg her on to blow off work in favor of the two of them doing something fun, she looks irked before smilingly replying, "My work is fun." She invites him to be her plus one at Stephanie's birthday party...and further explains that Stephanie has a jerk of a brother, but hopefully he won't make an appearance [and says this as though the Hills producers would really squander the opportunity to film her and Spencer in a room together and capture the inevitable hostile awkwardness in all of its drama-fuelled glory]. Over at Epic Records, Audrina tells Chiara she's planning on going to Stephanie's birthday party, as are Lauren and Lo. She says that Lo came to her place during the previous episode to apologize for blowing off much of her barbecue party - but then bitchily explained that she did so 'cause her weird tattooed friends were rude to her. Chiara is appalled by the non-apology/insult to Audrina's friends, then assures Audrina she's firmly on her side, and jokingly calls the conflict "the dark hairs versus the light hairs". At People's Revolution, Whitney tells Lauren that Kelly and the other bosses are all descending upon L.A. this episode to check on how things are going...and that she's kinda nervous 'cause she's been invited to attend their dinner meeting. Lauren changes the subject to Stephanie's birthday party...and when Whitney asks her if Spencer and Heidi are planning on showing up, Lauren tells her that Stephanie has assured her they're definitely not coming. (So yes.) While dining at Don Antonio's, Spencer gets a text from Stephanie, asking if he and Heidi are planning to attend her party. Spencer grumbles to Heidi that he has zero interest in doing that 'cause "she's best friends with the girl I despise more than anything on the earth". Heidi dutifully concurs and says they've been nothing but nice to Stephanie, who suddenly decided she wants to hang with Lauren, and dismayingly calls the friendship "so disrespectful". With that said, Heidi reminds Spencer that Stephanie is his sister, and that for the sake of the Pratt clan [as well on the orders of the Hills producers], they should at least make an appearance and be cordial, then faux decrees that it'll be the last time they ever see Stephanie. Spencer agrees that the birthday party will be "the last hurrah" after which he won't speak to his sister ever again. Lauren and Lo are in the bathroom, primping for Stephanie's party and discussing whether or not they think Heidi and Spencer will be there. Lauren says she's fairly confident that the two aren't coming, and Lo winces and says she hopes not 'cause she'd actually be nervous if they were to show up. A few seconds later, Audrina appears in the doorway and says she'll definitely be at the party and will meet them there later...and judging from all the put off looks and vacant stares that ensue, there's still a lot of tension brewing between her and Lo. Over at the People's Revolution business dinner, Kelly updates her staff on all the cool things that are going on and tells Whitney she's going to want her to take on a larger role [spoiler: in the aftermath of Jessica's firing]. When Jessica chimes in to natter about the way she communicates directly with stylists, Kelly brusquely shuts her down and says she doesn't want her doing that kind o' shit no 'mo, then barks, "I'm just going to say what want, it's my company." She motions at Jessica and mocks, "You: pretty pretty, happy happy" and criticizes the way she pitches stories (?) and chides her for her lack of common sense. As a stunned Whitney gasps, Kelly goes on to say that she wants the company to grow...and if that happens, everyone will move up - and if they don't grow, people are going to get cut. In response to the nonsensical tongue lashing, the frightened looking employees seated around the table collectively nod in mute angst. While en route to Boulevard 3, Lauren texts Stephanie to tell her that she and Lo are on their way...then informs Lo that Doug will be arriving with Brody and Frankie. She adds that she hopes Audrina also stops in, and (rhetorically?) asks Lo, "Can't we all just get along?" ... to which Lo snootily retorts, "Well, the ones who matter are getting along." Meow. Lauren and Lo arrive at the club and hug Stephanie hello...and a few seconds later, Audrina arrives, followed by Frankie, Brody and Doug. Lo stares over at Audrina with a weirdly demonic look on her face, compliments her appearance, then smarmily says, "I'm glad we talked." Audrina responds by staring back at her with a 'the fuck was that?' expression...which was also my reaction to Lo's idea of a friendly conversation. Spencer and Heidi make a grand entrance carrying balloons, 'causing audible gasps among the guests who somehow weren't expecting them to put in an appearance. Brody immediately gets peeved by the contrived drama, says he wants to leave asap, and summons Frankie to beat a hasty retreat. Doug says he'll stay with Lauren until she's ready to flee...and all the while Stephanie is shaking her head in faux shocked dismay. Spencer growls, "Can you get these obnoxious chicks away?", prompting Lo to urge Lauren to throw in the towel on the party and leave. Lauren chews on that for a few seconds, then wishes Stephanie a really good birthday and gives her a hug goodbye...and as the posse makes a beeline for the nearest exit, Stephanie tells Heidi and Spencer she's sooooo surprised to see them here. Spencer gleefully cackles, "I think we surprised somebody else even more!" before the camera pans over to Lauren, Lo, et. al. glumly exiting the club. The next day, Spencer drops by Stephanie's apartment to admonish her for "jumping ship to the bad guys". When Stephanie points out that she likes to be friends with every Hills cast mate, Spencer nonsensically retorts that there are two ships, one of which she jumped, and that she was "caught out" while trying to be peacemaker among the factions, which apparently is tantamount to "telling Iran and Israel to get along". Stephanie calls him rash (for never listening and jumping to conclusions), while she tries to be rational (for wanting to be on good terms with everyone). Spencer acknowledges that the two of them haven't always gotten along, but then concedes that since they're siblings he can't "make you un-my-sister", which apparently is something he would have loved to have done in the not-so-distant past. Stephanie calls that [bizarrely put together string of words] hurtful - but Spencer digs in and makes it clear that he doesn't want to see or talk to her her if she insists on hanging with Lauren and her A-list clique. Over at People's Revolution, Kelly summons Whitney to her office and brusquely informs her that she fired Jessica, wants her to take on Jessica's role, and be totes OK with suddenly living a bi-coastal life. She explains that the new job will mostly consist of attending business meetings and bringing the voice/vision from New York to the L.A. office...and that she's going to have to do a better job of delegating stuff. Whitney earnestly says she's working on that - but just generally looks frightened by the promotion. At FIDM, Stephanie arrives for class, seats herself beside Lauren, and apologizes for all the drama that ensued when Spencer and Heidi showed up at her party. She insists it was a total surprise and that she doesn't want Lauren to think she betrayed her trust. Lauren responds by coolly reminding her it's no secret that her friends have been cautioning her about their unlikely friendship...and after what happened at Boulevard 3, "you just kind of sent them back on that rampage". Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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THE HILLS HOMEPAGESeason 1 Recapper: Isabel K. French
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