The Hills - Season 4, Episode 11

Lauren remains incredulous about the inexplicable hold Justin continues to have over Audrina

"You'll Never Have This"
Original airdate: 10/19/2008

Episode summary: While in Cabo to celebrate Brody's birthday, tension brews between Audrina and Justin over her budding romance with Corey. Stephanie introduces her new boyfriend to Spencer and Heidi.

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Recap: The Hills posse is aboard a private plane, en route to Cabo San Lucas to celebrate Brody's birthday. Frankie asks Audrina whassup with her and Justin (who's sitting on the other end of the plane), so she tells him they're not together 'cause she's newly re-miffed about him dating other girls...and also explains that she didn't bring Corey along 'cause he's on tour [BMXing, I assume]. Lauren chimes in and says they're doing their best to look forward to this Mexican vacay, then wryly chuckles about how Audrina brought her emotional baggage aboard the plane. Meow...and haha!  

After landing in Mexico, the posse arrives at The Villa, aka the luxurious house they'll be staying in for the remainder of this episode. Audrina tells Lauren that no way in hell is she sharing a room with Justin, then bitterly mutters, "I'm sure he'll have a girl in here tonight." Lauren, who could probably not give a rat's ass one way or another, says that she'll be occupying one of the downstairs bedrooms.  

Lauren and Audrina change into their swimsuits and frolic in the ocean, while the menfolk chillax in the swimming pool and discuss the impossible-to-not-notice rift [that for some reason developed off-camera] between Justin and Audrina. When Frankie brings up Corey being Audrina's new fella, Justin reacts by grumbling about how she's always giving him shit for hooking up with random girls instead of wanting to be exclusive with her...and Brody's all, "Yeah!", while Doug creepishly pronounces, "All girls are shady."

Back in Los Angeles, Heidi and Stephanie are shopping for cosmetics when Stephanie breaks the exciting news that she has a boyfriend, then glumly shares that the rest of the Hills posse is in Cabo for Brody's birthday. Heidi asks her why she didn't go, so she cites her problems with Brody and Doug, along with the fact that she and Lauren aren't as tight as they used to be. Heidi chews on that satisfyingly fascinating tidbit for a few seconds, then suggests to Stephanie that she and Cameron have a double date dinner with her and Spencer. Stephanie looks less than enthused by that prospect and says she's skeered at the 100% chance that Spencer is going to blurt out something inappropriate that insults Cameron. Heidi breezily retorts that it doesn't matter who gets along with who, but rather what combination of people at a restaurant might generate the most explosive interactions while the MTV camera crew films this reality TV show. 

Back in Cabo, the posse is eating a scrumptious looking dinner when a sour-faced Justin asks Audrina about the white flower scrunchie thing in her hair. She smugly tells him that Corey gave it to her...so then Justin stares at her curiously and comments about how she rolled her suitcase out of the bedroom he assumed they'd be sharing. She replies that she figured he'd want his own room, then snarkishly reminds him that he's the one who doesn't want to be exclusive. Justin groans, "Ooooh, dude" [$#@& it grates on my last nerve whenever he calls her dude], so she asks, "What am I to think?" - I guess about him tagging along to Cabo with the posse. He mumblingly explains that the producers locked in his filming schedule before "all of this stuff went down" ... and when she unconvincingly tells him she's totes cool with the situation, he mouths to Doug 'I'm free! Hall pass!', even though he doesn't seem to comprehend that carrying on about a "hall pass" would only make sense if he were in a committed relationship with Audrina.

"I will continue to act like a buffoonish child."

"And I will somehow continue to find your buffoonery intoxicating."

Frankie raises a glass and toasts Brody, aka 'the best friend a person can have'. Doug then reveals that he has a special surprise involving "bringing the party here", and a suspicious looking Lauren asks, "Did you invite sleazies?" Doug gives the signal, and a few seconds later the menfolk are treated to a parade of beautiful, handpicked-by-MTV young women. Lauren dryly tells Brody he has pretty good odds tonight, and he responds with a light chuckle [despite how creepy as fuck I found this scene to watch, more than fifteen years later].

While enjoying the evening by the ocean, Lauren confirms for Audrina that it's impossible to not notice the tension between her and Justin, then urges her - for the love of all that is holy - to completely let go of Justin and make it clear to the idiot slob that she's with Corey now. Audrina weakly insists that she is letting go - but then complains, "He's all about mind games." Lauren counters that half-hearted nonsense by advising, "Well, shut it off. You can't play by yourself" ... and a big amen to that. 

Over at the dinner table, Justin mumblingly muses that Audrina hooking up with a new guy makes this the ideal weekend for him to have a hall pass, then whines, "I didn't start it!" Across the beach, Lauren suggests to Audrina that they make friends with the sleazies...and then everyone leaps into the pool so they can canoodle, frolic, and sexily splash about.

Heidi and Spencer are seated at a table in Pane E Vino, waiting for Stephanie and Cameron. When the two finally arrive, forty minutes late, Spencer calls them out for keeping him and Heidi waiting...and when his/Heidi's food arrives ['cause they went ahead and ordered, LOL], he toasts to "my sister and her first boyfriend". LOL. When Stephanie chides him for needlessly insulting her, he points out that he's never actually dined out with anyone she's dated before. He then changes the subject and cackles about how he just kicked Holly out of the apartment, and that "it felt real good" to rid himself of the biggest mooch on the planet. Heidi gently admonishes Spencer for disrespecting her family member, then clarifies that she was the one who asked Holly to leave after he gave her an ultimatum [that would have been totes hilarious if she'd called his bluff on]. Cameron, who really doesn't seem like an MTV-ready guest star, just stares back at the two of them blankly and stiffly says that one reason he digs Stephanie so much is 'cause she makes him laugh, to which Spencer sarcastically rejoins, "She makes me laugh a lot too." Heidi asks Cameron if he's met anyone from the Hills posse, so Cameron says he knows Brody and plans to one day confront him about making Stephanie cry. He then boldly asks Spencer why he's no longer friends with Brody, so Spencer explains that he can't seem to let go of the fact that Brody likes hanging out with his archenemy, then hastily changes the subject by asking Cameron what he thinks about Doug and his/Stephanie's recent candle-lit dinners. As Cameron's all, "Wuh? Doug? Candle light?", Stephanie irritably insists that she never dated Doug, and chides her brother for so sassily bringing him up.

"Why aren't you and Brody friends anymore?"

"I refer you to Season 3's Rolling With the Enemy episode."

Audrina notices that Justin is wearing her white flower scrunchie thing on his wrist and demands that he give it back - but he childishly refuses and snidely retorts, "Tell your boy I said hello." Audrina declares, "I'm done!" [as she's done several hundred times in past episodes] and storms off, leaving Justin grinning after her like the obnoxious fuckbag he is.

The next morning, Audrina finds Justin by the refreshment bar, and the two bicker back and forth about his nonsensical hall pass, the audacity of her getting a new boyfriend, his refusal to be exclusive with anyone...blah blah. She tells him that Corey treats her well and that she really likes him, so Justin holds up his wrist that's still adorned with the white flower scrunchie thing and taunts, "You'll never have this again." Audrina reacts by muttering, "Let me know when you grow up" and storming off yet again. 

"I continue to find your buffoonery intoxicating."

"I will take that as encouragement to continue to act like a buffoonish child."

Stephanie meets up with Spencer, who's getting his daily exercise by jogging up and down an outdoor flight of stairs. She calls him out for talking about Doug in front of Cameron, and Spencer responds by grumbling about how she and Cameron were forty minutes late to dinner (which he paid for), and for generally not being appreciative enough that he's still willing to talk to her. When Stephanie beseeches him to be nicer to her, he responds with the question, "Why don't you start being loyal to your family?", then continues his stairs workout. 

Back in Cabo, Audrina tells Lauren it's soooo ridiculous that Justin thinks he can make her feel bad for dating Corey, and Lauren concurs and says she should focus on what's right for her and what makes her happy. She then urges, begs, implores Audrina to not engage with this petty nonsense with Justin anymore and cleverly points out that it's not fair to Corey...and when Audrina argues that Justin continues to make things difficult, an exasperated Lauren blurts out, "Why do you want that in your life?!" Audrina flaccidly says she has stopped engaging in this mind fuckery - but Lauren points out that, on the contrary, she hasn't been able to shut up about the dipshit during most of this Cabo trip. She reminds Audrina that Justin is clearly not willing to be a normal boyfriend and again pleads with her to permanently cut him loose and thereby not allow him to have such an inexplicable hold on her...and Audrina stares vacantly into space as she ponders the unlikeliness of that course of action. 

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