The Hills - Season 1, Episode 7

Soak it up

"Somebody Always Has to Cry"
Original airdate: 7/12/2006

Episode summary: Lauren and Heidi celebrate the holidays with their boyfriends.

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Recap: Lauren enlists Jordan to help her pick out dog tags to give to Jason as his Christmas present. [Interesting. I had no idea dog tags were ever a fashion accessory or something non-military people would contemplate wearing.] The two select a diamond-encrusted pair, and Lauren arranges to have them engraved with Jason's personal info. 

Lauren, Heidi, Jason, and Jordan buy a Christmas tree and haul it back to Hillside Villas so they can begin decorating the apartment for the holidays. As Lauren and Jason string the lights, Heidi remarks that in her family someone always had to cry at Christmas...and when everyone else is all, "Say wuh?", she clarifies, without a shred of embarrassment or self-deprecation, that she was always the person who would cry 'cause she never got the gift she wanted.

The next day, Lauren and Heidi stop in at an eat-in bakery to discuss the holidays. Heidi assures Lauren that Jason is going to looooove his diamond-encrusted dog tags, then says she has high hopes that Jordan will get her a puppy for Christmas. Lauren scrunches her face disapprovingly and says that Jordan may not do that 'cause she's somehow confident he's not so stupid he doesn't realize that it's a really bad idea to get someone as irresponsible as she is a live animal to take care of.

"I want a puppy for Christmas."

"Despite the fact that you're barely equipped to keep a houseplant alive?"

Lauren, Heidi, Jason, and Jordan spend the evening strolling around the Grove, and each couple is holding hands and canoodling as they stand on a small bridge, look down at the water below, and chuckle delightedly when fake snow is suddenly blown in their direction. After that Hallmark movie sequence, the four return to Hillside Villas to open their gifts. Jason is thrilled with his diamond-encrusted dog tags...as is Jordan with whatever chunky jewelry thing Heidi bought him. Lauren gets a black designer purse, for which she gives Jason a thank you smooch, and Heidi pretends to love the stuffed dog that Jordan got her. As she quietly sulks, Jordan sneaks out of the apartment and returns carrying a red box...and when he presents it to Heidi, she discovers a tiny, sweet puppy inside. She bursts into happy tears of joy, thanks Jordan, and announces that she's naming her new pet Bella. Run, Bella! Run!

"Yay! A puppy!"

"Please don't leave me in the sole care of this nitwit."

Lauren and Heidi are getting their hair done at a swanky salon when Lauren gets a pissy text from Jason about some guy named David that she used to like and recently got a call from. 

Over at a gym, Jason and Jordan are lifting weights...and Jason grumbles about how pissed off he is at Lauren for answering the phone when David called her. He then calls Lauren to bitch at her directly for talking to David on the phone, so she explains that she hadn't talked to the guy in months and merely answered her cell when he happened to dial her number. Jason's like 'whatever' and hangs up on her, and a mystified Lauren tells Heidi and their two stylists [who seem extremely eager to hear any inside Hills gossip] that her idiot boyfriend gets mad about the dumbest things. 

"I'm beginning to think that Jason is an insecure assbag."

"Now don't go putting my words in your mouth."

Lauren, Heidi, Jason, and Jordan arrive at the Lobby Nightclub to kick off their New Year's partying. Jason gets all kissy with Lauren and mumbles incoherently - hence the subtitles that suddenly appear on the screen - about how she'll soon learn about them being just close friends...and when she's all, "Huh?", he says that after they enjoy a rocking' New Year's Eve, things between them likely won't end well. As she stares back at him in puzzlement, he back pedals on everything he just said and declares, "I love you." Lauren reminds Mr. Mind Games that she didn't actually do anything wrong and that it'd be nice if he stopped threatening to break up with her, and he denies saying what he just said and barks at her to "just listen and not talk ever again" and admonishes her for continuing to make mistakes. A fed up Lauren snaps, "I don't care!" and storms out of the club...and when Heidi rushes over to get the skinny on the nonsensical drama that just unfolded, Lauren complains that Jason is freaking out 'cause a guy she once liked phoned her. She hails a cab, and Heidi insists on climbing in after her...and when Jason calls Lauren on her cell, she answers so she can tearfully say, "Happy New Year, Jason", then snaps her phone shut and stares sadly into space.

As Jason pretends to feel bad about ruining New Year's Eve for everyone, Jordan urges him to call Lauren, declare his love for her, and apologize for his douchebaggery. Jason decides to take his advice and calls Lauren's cell, but Heidi answers and says that Lauren has zero interest in talking to him right now.

Jason happens to stumble upon a flower vendor just outside the club and buys a large bouquet of roses before he and Jordan climb into a waiting limo. The limo then speeds towards Hillside Villas with only ten minutes to spare until 12am. Egads! Jason calls Lauren and asks her to meet him in her building's underground garage so he can be with her when the clock strikes midnight. Lauren is reluctant, but relents when Heidi and the camera crew filming this idiocy convince her it'd be a great way to wrap up this holiday episode with some kind of contrived, last minute happy ending. Jason and Jordan scramble to exit the limo and rush over to the gals...and Jason gives Lauren a bear hug and apologizes for acting like such a horse's ass for much of the episode.

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