Recap: Evel Knievel is performing his trademark brand of death-defying motorcycle stunts in front of an enthusiastic crowd in a West Berlin stadium. As the show wraps up, Jaime (who I guess is on a European mission) bionically chases after a curly haired man named Schmidt. He swiftly hops into a black car, which speeds off. As that's happening, Evel Knievel tells his manager he's going to ride his motorcycle back to the hotel. On his way there, he nearly gets into a three-way accident with 1) the black car Schmidt is fleeing from Jaime in and 2) Jaime as she's bionically chasing the car. Jaime urgently tells Evel she "needen den helpen", climbs atop the back of his motorcycle, and orders him to chase the black car...and he decides 'why the hell not get involved in a dangerous car-motorcycle chase with a total stranger?' and hits the gas. As the black car approaches the border between West Berlin and East Germany, Schmidt radios his KGB contact, Major Petrov, for help. Petrov asks Schmidt if he got the computer tape...and he says he did, but that the Americans are close behind. Petrov says, "Don't vorry, help eez on zee vay", then calls for air and ground support. A few seconds later, police cars speed over with their sirens blaring...and Jaime barks at Evel, "Mush! Schnell!" and then lapses into a faux German accent [the logic being that speaking in broken English with a heavy German accent will help a German person be able to understand her better, LOL] as she screeches, "Dey vent dat vay!" The black car crosses the border into East Germany...and, at Jaime's incoherent urging, Evel crashes through the gate a few seconds later. Jaime happily shrieks, "Ja, ja! Gooot motorbiking!" - LOL - and Evel finally tells her she can knock off the inane manner in which she's barking at him 'cause he too is an American. Petrov, meanwhile, orders the East German police to find the Americans and dispose of them. Jaime tells Evel that since they no longer have the black car in their sights, they're going to have to go into town and formulate something resembling a plan. Jaime and Evel take cover in a storage shed, and Evel wrings his hands about how worried he is that he won't be able to make it back to West Berlin in time for his 4pm show at the stadium. Jaime gives him a half-hearted thank you for charging through the border checkpoint and entering verboten GDR territory at her urging, then tries to radio Oscar. When Evel asks her who she is, she tells him she's an OSI agent...and he proudly retorts, "I'm Evel Knievel!" Jaime rolls her eyes and says she isn't buying that obvious lie, then rudely shushes him while she continues to try to radio Oscar. When Rudy answers the call, she tells him that Schmidt escaped into East Germany with the top secret computer tape, and Rudy's all, "Ooooh noooo.." and tells her that Oscar's going to hit the ceiling when he hears about this. He tells her that Schmidt will likely take the computer tape to the local KGB field office for decoding, then advises her to get back into West Germany, pronto. Jaime insists on staying behind the Iron Curtain as long as it takes to get the tape back, then mentions that she got across the border with the help of a dorky motorcycle rider...but when she turns around, she's startled to see that both Evel and his bike are gone.
Jaime bionically races after Evel. When she catches up to him, she implores him to help her get the stolen computer tape back, 'cause if the East Germans are able to decode it, they'll be able to break all of America's national security codes. Sounds like this computer tape should be locked in a secure vault somewhere in D.C. When the police spot them chit-chatting, they take off on the motorcycle and drive inside the back of a large moving truck that just happens to be parked on a nearby street corner...and just happens to have boxes of clothes they can loot to disguise themselves, along with IDs in the pockets of some of those clothes and snacks including wiener-schnitzels. No, I'm not kidding about that last thing. Over at the KGB field office, Major Petrov (in a heavy Russian accent) tells whoever he's talking to on the phone that they're now in the possession of the OSI's computer tape and plan to begin the decoding process right away...and Schmidt stands next to Petrov and nods approvingly. After the call, he tells Petrov he's worried that the persistent American OSI agent will still come after the computer tape, but Petrov just chuckles and points out what a boneheaded suicide mission that would be.
Jaime and Evel get stopped at a checkout on their way to the KGB field office. Jaime flashes the ID she stole from the moving truck, bats her eyes flirtily at the strapping checkpoint guard...and when he waves them through, she tips him with a wiener-schnitzel. She radios Rudy to give him an update on her location, and he grimly tells her she has about a 10% chance of stealthily making it inside the KGB field office, but a 0% chance of making it out in one piece. He implores her to turn around and head back to West Germany asap, but Jaime decides she's A-OK with those shitty odds and insists on pressing ahead. The East Germans intercept Jaime's radio transmission and dispatch a helicopter with armed militia who open fire on them with machine guns [but miss hitting them with a single bullet] and frantically tell each other in heavily accented English: "Vee haf to flush zem out!" Evel heads for the cover of a nearby wooded area and encounters a washed out bridge...and when he tries to execute a dramatic Evel Knievel type stunt that entails sailing over to the other side of the river, his motorcycle poops out midway through, and he and Jaime take a plunge. The two swim to shore...and Evel whines about having soggy boots and a ruined $3,000 motorcycle. Jaime chides him for continuing to pretend that he's Evel Knievel, then decides that their imminent arrest by East German police would be the fastest way to speed this completely-fuckwitted-even-by-Bionic-Woman-standards storyline forward. Jaime, Evel, and the $3,000 motorcycle are hauled over to the KGB field office, and Evel snarks at the guards to be careful with his bike. Jaime snaps at him to shut it so she can bionically eavesdrop on the two guards posted outside their room...and as best she can make out, they're saying something along the lines of: "Interrogate them, then shoot them while they're trying to escape." Evel moans, "Ooooh maaaan!" and tells Jaime he's not used to being in serious jams like this...and that his mother warned him against picking up hot female hitchhikers. Major Petrov enters the room and smugly informs Jaime and Evel that the computer tape is almost decoded, and that he'll be sending it off to Moscow within the hour. Evel suddenly looks hopeful and says, "Great! I need to perform in West Berlin at 4pm" - but Petrov wryly says he doubts he'll make it 'cause of the shoot to kill order he gave the police earlier. He leaves the room, taking one of the guards along with him...and Jaime perks up at that and says this could be their best chance for escape. Evel whines about how she got him into this predicament, and Jaime finally looks contrite and apologizes for holding a gun to his head and forcing him to crash through the East German border on his motorcycle - even though, uh nope, he pretty much did that voluntarily. The two then decide they're going to have to generate some positivity if they plan on retrieving the computer tape and safely make it back to the West before the end credits roll. Jaime bends the window bars to make it look as though she and Evel escaped through the window, loudly exclaims, "Hey! Let's escape through this window!" and then she and Evel hide in a corner of the room. The guard posted outside the door is all, "Wuh? Escape?" then bursts in and scurries over to the window to anxiously peer outside. Jaime comes up behind him, pokes her finger in the middle of his back, and barks, "Don't move! This is a gun!" and he widens his eyes with alarm and is all, "Ooooh nooo.." and lets Jaime and Evel gag him and pin his head between two of the window bars. Jaime then orders him to strip so that Evel can put on his uniform and somehow fool other East German guards by passing himself off as an East German guard who's transporting Jaime to a spare closet for some guard-on-prisoner sexy time. OMFG.
Evel is able to infiltrate the computer room, and [in his severely limited German] tells the decoding scientist he needs to hand over the computer tape 'cause Petrov wants it sofort. The decoding scientist decides there's nothing suspicious about a guard he's never seen before, and who's clearly not a native German speaker, giving him orders to hand over a top secret government computer tape he's currently in the process of decoding.
When a guard enters the room where Jaime and Evel were being held, he finds his fellow guard with his head stuck between the guards and stripped down to his gitch. When Major Petrov learns of the Americans' escape, he's all, "OMG! Zee computer tape!" and races down the hall toward the computer room. The decoding scientist hands Evel the computer tape seconds before an alarm suddenly goes off inside the building. Jaime bionically grabs the gun away from the guard in the hallway and crushes it with her bare hand, then bursts into the computer room, where the decoding scientist faints from the shock of seeing a bionic OSI spy shoving the giant computer across the room to block the door. She grabs the computer tape out of his hands and tells Evel they need to escape through the window, like schnellen, and escape on his motorcycle, which is conveniently parked out front. Jaime bionically leaps out, then breaks Evel's fall when he too jumps out...and the two hop atop his motorcycle and race toward the border. Major Petrov is enraged when he realizes that Jaime and Evel absconded with the computer tape. He orders every available law enforcement officer to do whatever is necessary to capture them and barks, "Dey must not get avay!" Evel rides through the wooded area they rode through earlier to once again avoid getting machine-gunned to death by the militia flying in the helicopter above them. As they approach the East-West German border marked by a chain link fence, Evel tells Jaime to hold on tight, then revs up his bike and sails over the chain link fence and lands safely in the West. He's all, "Yippee!!" and tells Jaime that if he can ride at the speed of light, he'll be able to make it to his 4pm show in the West Berlin stadium. Jaime scrunches her face in astonishment and sheepishly admits she's starting to believe he's really Evel Knievel. During the 4pm performance in West Berlin, Evel Knievel demonstrates his impressive motorcycle stunts to an enthusiastic crowd. Ooooh...jaaa... After the show, Evel meets up with Jaime, gives her a smooch, and asks her about the super human abilities he witnessed her demonstrating throughout the episode. She tells him she can't discuss it with him, other than to reveal that she "got stronger" after a really bad parachuting accident. He seems satisfied enough with that nonsensical answer, and then the two drive off in his fancy convertible. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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