Recap: Somewhere in Africa, two jeeps packed with mercenaries are speeding down a dirt road. They come to a stop so that the men can assemble their weapons and briefly strategize - and then the camera cuts to a quasi-abandoned village. A woman, presidential candidate Leona Mumbassa, tells her two men friends that she hates the silence of the village now that the children are no longer there...and one of the men assures her that the little gaffers will return once it's safe for them. The mercenaries in the jeeps approach the village and blow up one of the huts, and one of the men friends implores Leona to get outa here pronto and flee to the village of Adabba, and promises they'll meet up with her there. She disappears into the jungle...and we hear the mercenaries tell each other they want to take the woman alive if possible. After that, they storm the village and subdue Leona's men friends, then force them into one of the jeeps. Colonel Azzar admonishes his mercenaries for letting Leona get away, and one of them suggests that maybe she was never in the village. Azzar says that all of the presidential candidates agreed to stay in their home villages until after the election, so he's pretty certain she wouldn't have gone back on her word. Another mercenary advises him to just forget about the election and storm the capital now, but Azzar snaps, "No!" and says it's violent coup-ing like that that cost him the presidency once before. He's worried that Leona, the widow of his former opponent (former 'cause Azzar had him killed), is an appealing candidate to voters, so he's going to pretend to abide by the election rules so that no one can contest the results. One of the mercenaries gently reminds him that his reputation as a murderous despot hasn't exactly endeared him to his countrymen, and Azzar cackles maniacally and says he's confident he'll win the election by a landslide. He then explains that he has a nefarious plan in motion to rig the results after enlisting a man from Zurich to deliver a programmed computer element that will hook up to the voting machine and display phony election results in his favor. Once he seizes power, he's going to eliminate every member of the Mumbassa family so that no one is left alive to accuse him of fraud and/or start up a pesky resistance movement. Back in the United States, Oscar tells Jaime that one of his agents in Zurich has reported that a ruthless African dictator wannabe named Colonel Azzar is trying to fix the voting results in his unnamed country's upcoming election...and adds that the front runner among the candidates is her old college chum, Leona Mumbassa. Jaime's mission will be to exchange an OSI computer element (that will report the election results honestly) with the one Azzar is planning to use in order to fix the election. He's made arrangements for Jaime to meet with an American ex-pat named Jeff Peters, who will take her by boat to Azzar's compound. Jaime arrives in the unnamed African country, enters a rustic pub, and asks a Caucasian man sitting at the bar if he's Jeff Peters. He gives Jaime an appreciative once-over and flirtily says, "No, but I wish I were", then points across the room at a grizzled drunkard who's slumped across a table and says he might know the whereabouts of Jeff Peters. Jaime pokes the drunkard and asks him if he knows where she can find Jeff Peters...and he lifts his head, squints at her with bloodshot eyes while pulling a bottle of booze from inside his jacket and taking a swig, and asks her what she wants with Jeff. Jaime says she made arrangements to meet him here, and he looks despondent while muttering, "Arrangements can get screwed up in this part of the world" and tells her that Jeff and his boat got blown up by a landmine yesterday. He introduces himself as Mr. Walker, then gazes at her dreamily and says, "I like attractive women. Call me Harry." Jaime shoots him an icked out stink-eye and says she'll pay him $5,000 to take her up the river to Colonel Azzar's compound...and as she's telling him this, a large man named Duma, who's sitting at a nearby table and eavesdropping on their conversation, suddenly looks alarmed. Harry tells Jaime it's too dangerous to travel there by boat, not least 'cause Azzar has mercenaries and explosives everywhere - but when Jaime says she really neeeeeds to get to the compound, Harry says he'll take her there via dry land if she's willing to offer more cash. Jaime agrees to pay him $10,000 - half now, half later - and he's like, "Deal!" Duma rushes out of the pub and radios to someone that a white woman is looking to travel up river to get to Azzar's compound, then ominously says, "I'll take care of it now."
As Harry walks with Jaime to his nearby house, Duma finishes whatever nefarious thing he was doing to Harry's vehicle, then radios someone with the message, "It's done" and runs off. Harry proudly shows Jaime the WWII tank, The Princess, he re-purposed to function as an impractical, slow moving vehicle. An unimpressed Jaime climbs into the passenger seat and gets visibly irked when Harry has problems getting the engine started, then can't get the thing moving when he discovers a metal rod tangled in the tires (courtesy of Duma). Harry pulls out his flask and takes a few swigs, then stumbles over to his house to fetch a crowbar. An impatient Jaime tries to speed the mission along by bionically pulling the metal rod out of the tires, then sticking it back in so that Harry can "fix" the problem while being none the wiser about her bionic abilities. A few seconds later, he stumbles over with his crowbar...and looks impressed with his brute strength when he's able to easily extract the metal rod. He chirps, "Let's go, Cookie!" and the two climb back into the tank-trunk and head north. Harry tells Jaime they're about to enter dangerous territory...and when she looks worried and asks him if they need to work out some kind of plan to avoid getting killed, he just shrugs unconcernedly and goes, "Naah." Duma is monitoring the road with his binoculars and spots Harry and Jaime slowly motoring along in The Princess. He perplexedly wonders how Harry was able pull the metal rod out of his tires so quickly, then tells his men they have to do whatever it takes to stop the two from reaching Colonel Azzar's compound, even if it means killing them. Oh no! The Princess starts to overheat, so Harry pulls over and pops the giant hood, then swigs more booze from his flask. Jaime glares at him disapprovingly and asks him why he drinks so much, then activates her bionic ear and detects a jeep coming their way...and the two quickly scramble back into the tank-truck. The men in the jeep, Duma et. al., open fire on them, so Jaime leaps off of The Princess, races up a hill, and bionically pushes a giant Papier-mâché boulder [that just happens to be perched in that exact spot] onto the road...and it smashes into the side of the jeep and causes the front tire to pop off. Jaime races back to the tank-truck and tells Harry she took care of the shooters in the jeep. Harry pulls over, jots down in a little notebook that the fee for being chased by hostiles just went up by $5,000...and Jaime gets infuriated by his blatant greed and declares that, from this point on, she's travelling to Azzar's compound alone. Harry pulls out a gun, aims it in her direction, and - ack! - shoots a snake that had been slithering towards Jaime from a nearby tree. Jaime looks freaked out by the close call with her least favorite reptile and rushes back to the safety of the tank-truck. She tells Harry she'll pay him $2,500 more, then snaps, "No more negotiations."
Colonel Azzar is holding court with his men, bloviating about how he plans to maintain order after he rigs the election...and by maintain order, he means violently squashing all pockets of resistance. Leona's two men friends are brought before Azzar...and when he asks them where Leona's holed up, both men just glare at him hatefully and refuse to answer. Azzar tut tuts their disobedience and cackles about how she's soooo not worth the sacrifice, then shrugs and says his men will find her soon enough. After ordering them to be taken away, he smugly informs them that soon after the election, it's more than likely they'll be executed for hitching their wagon to a losing presidential candidate. Duma and his men, who have somehow caught up to Harry and Jaime, shoot poison darts in their direction. Harry and Jaime both get struck in the arm, collapse, and The Princess grinds to a halt. Leona, meanwhile, is still fleeing through the jungle, headed in the direction of the village of Adabba. Jaime and Harry are brought to Adabba...and when they regain consciousness, they find themselves tied up and surrounded by scowling, rifle-toting men. Duma tells Jaime he searched her bag and found a computer element, and leaped to the conclusion that she's the computer expert Azzar hired to help him rig the election. Jaime tells him he has it all wrong, then blabs that she's an OSI agent whose secret mission it is to ensure that the election results are tabulated correctly. She explains that she was assigned to exchange her accurate-votes-counting computer element with the rigged one Azzar plans to use to seize power, then adds that Leona Mumbassa can vouch for her 'cause they're old college buddies. Duma glumly says that Leona is probably dead, then snidely urges Jaime to use the rest of the time she has left on this earth to pray for a miracle.
A little while later, Duma orders his men to drag Jaime and Harry in front of a firing squad. As the men take aim and prepare to shoot, Leona suddenly emerges from the jungle and yells, "Duma!" ... then sees that Jaime is about to be executed and scrunches her face confusedly as she cries, "Jaime..?" Jaime changes clothes, freshens up, and blabs to Leona about the parachute accident that led to her to become a reluctant OSI agent - then stops herself and says she's really not supposed to talk about it. LOL. Leona catches Jaime up on her life: after college she moved back to her unnamed African homeland and married Mumbassa. Together they captivated their homeland's people with Mumbassa's words and ideas...and Azzar considered him such a threat to his dream of becoming the despot-in-charge that he ordered his murder and also took out much of his tribe. Leona thanks Jaime for coming all the way to Africa to help, then coldly says, "We'll take it from here." Jaime insists on being permitted to complete her mission...which irritates Leona 'cause she makes it clear that her people get kinda prickly about having to depend on white people for help. Jaime argues that she has special qualifications to get this job done, then says, "I want to show you something" ... and by something, she demonstrates her ability to bionically rip a thick metal chain off of the wall of a hut. When a startled Leona's all, "How did you do that?" Jaime tells her to please not breathe a word of her super human strength 'cause it'd be embarrassing if all of her indiscreet blabbing resulted in even the remotest of African villagers getting wind of the kind of OSI intel she's supposed to be keeping her mouth shut about. Leona's like, "OK, whatever", decides that having super strong upper body strength qualifies Jaime to ensure a fair election for her countrymen, and wishes her Godspeed in the successful completion of her mission.
Jaime snarkishly tells Harry she's tired of putting up with his shit and will be completing the rest of the mission herself. Harry apologizes for his greed and promises to not demand anymore money if she lets him needlessly tag along with her to Azzar's compound. Jaime and Harry arrive at the compound and spot the arrival of the man from Zurich, who has just arrived to deliver the computer element that will rig the election in Azzar's favor. Jaime and Harry sneak into the house, then eavesdrop on Azzar as he thanks the Swiss man for his delivery and announces that he's now going to put it inside of his safe. After the men scamper off to celebrate Azzar's imminent presidential victory with food and wine, Jaime sneaks into Azzar's office to make the switch while Harry stands guard by the door. As they sneak back out, they're spotted by one of the guards, so they make a break for the front door, then hop into a luxury car that's parked out front and just happens to have the keys in the ignition. An alarmed Colonel Azzar rushes back to his office to check that the computer element is still inside his safe, and sighs with relief when it appears as though it hasn't been tampered with. Fast forward to the post-election victory.. Jaime congratulates Leona on winning the election and becoming Madam President of her unnamed African country, and Leona chuckles about how shocked Colonel Azzar looked when the correct results flashed across the monitor of the voting computer...and then looked even more shocked when the army arrested him. Leona thanks Jaime for all of her help, then climbs into a black Mercedes and drives off. Harry, meanwhile, has been watching the exchange from across the street...and is looking a whole lot healthier now that he's laying off the booze. He walks Jaime to her cab and wishes her a fond farewell, and credits her for giving him the motivation to clean himself up. Jaime promises she'll never forget him, then bionically eavesdrops on him when he wanders into a nearby bar and orders water on the rocks and happily chirps, "This one's for you, Cookie!" Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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