Recap: Oscar and another OSI agent are surveilling a sixty-nine year old retired OSI spy named Terrence Quinn, who's vigorously jogging in a neighborhood park. Oscar tells his agent that Quinn was the best spy the OSI ever had, not least 'cause he was "the master of disguise" and had "turned the world upside down" at the start of the Cold War. Oscar explains that the OSI desperately needs his help for this episode's mission, then climbs back into his car and drives over to where Quinn is jogging. When Quinn spots Oscar, he's like, "Beat it!" and grumbles about the lack of gratitude he got from the OSI once he hit the mandatory retirement age. Oscar ignores his grumbling and asks him if he remembers Boris Slotsky, and Quinn looks startled at the mention of his former Russian nemesis and agrees to a brief chat. Quinn recalls the injury he suffered years ago when he opened one of Slotsky's letter bombs, and says he figured the Russian spy was long dead. Oscar says he has intel suggesting that Slotsky is currently in the United States...and since Quinn is the only OSI agent who has any idea what he looks like, he's needed to make a formal identification. Oscar explains that Slotsky's spy team recently stole a computer chip that has the ability to decode the OSI's transmitted messages...and that he's planning to pass the chip along to a courier at a local hotel, who will then fly it to Moscow. I wonder if the OSI has ever considered a total revamp of their message decoding system to something more foolproof, 'cause it seems like a really high proportion of Bionic Woman episodes are built around the agency's chronic problems with chip theft and data decoding vulnerabilities. Quinn mulls over the request and says he'll do it, but only if the OSI offers him a ten year contract at full salary. Oscar says he's A-OK with that [ridiculously unreasonable] request under one condition: he has to work with special agent Jaime Sommers. Jaime arrives at Quinn's apartment complex and, unwittingly, encounters Quinn disguised as an old woman carrying groceries. The "old woman" asks her for help with the doorbell...and when Jaime walks over to help her out, Quinn sneaks behind her and covers her mouth with a chloroform soaked rag. When Jaime regains consciousness, she finds herself inside Quinn's apartment, tied up on his couch. Quinn is sitting in the easy chair opposite the couch, still decked out in his granny wig and dress, waxing on about the benefits of using chloroform whenever he has cause to knock people out. He tells her he's more than capable of handling this mission on his own and would prefer it if she didn't tag along, then heads upstairs to change out of his granny dress and pack a suitcase. Jaime bionically rips her way through the ropes and contacts Oscar on her little radio to report that Terrence Quinn is a total nut who just chloroformed her and tied her up. Oscar chuckles at Quinn's audacity and replies, "Give him another chance - will you, babe?" and stresses the importance of the mission. Jaime snarks back that despite it being against her better judgement, she'll agree to give it a go. She then pours herself a drink and is casually sipping it when Quinn comes downstairs with his suitcase. When he sees her sitting in his easy chair, sipping a drink, he stares at her perplexedly and is all, "Wha-a-a?" and she firmly declares that she's coming along on the mission whether he likes it or not.
Quinn and Jaime check into the local hotel where the chip exchange is set to happen. Jaime tells Quinn she learned that there are two conferences on the hotel's schedule: one for international fashion designers (that takes place today), and another for economists (taking place tomorrow). She suggests they get a look at the hotel registry cards to see if he recognizes Slotsky's signature on any of them, and he tells her he'll take care of it by creating a diversion. He proceeds to light a firecracker and throws it in a nearby waste can...and when everyone freaks out during the explosion, he dramatically slides his body across the check-in counter and reaches behind it to steal the stack of registry cards. Quinn and Jaime head back to their hotel room to pore over the cards. Quinn picks out two signatures that he thinks resembles Slotsky's signature...and suspect #1 is a Spanish fashion designer named Juan Robles, who's currently lunching by the pool. Quinn calls room service and orders a bottle of Dom Perignon to be sent to Robles's table so he'll know who Robles is...and then he and Jaime change into hideous clothes and don phony looking wigs that all but scream 'we're '70s TV spies wearing the least subtle disguises possible!' and head down to the pool area. Quinn squints in the direction of the man who received the bottle of Dom Perignon...and he's squinting 'cause, at sixty-nine years of age, his eyesight has gotten pretty terrible. Which is probably something he should have disclosed to Oscar...or avoided bad vision issues by bringing along a pair of eyeglasses. He tells Jaime it's possible that Robles is really Slotsky in disguise - but to be absolutely sure, he's going to have to break into the man's hotel room and find proof. He tells Jaime to keep an eye on Robles.
As Quinn breaks into Robles' room and looks around for anything that can prove he's Slotsky, Robles gets up and leaves his table. Jaime's all, "Ack!" and follows him - but falls behind when she's asked by the waiter to sign for the check. She skips taking the elevator and bionically leaps up to the second floor landing and breaks into the adjoining room beside that of Robles, and frantically motions at Quinn to exit now. Quinn thinks it's possible that Robles is really Slotsky and that he's planning to use the sequins on his fashion creations to hide the computer chip and pass it along to the courier. The two exit the room to head down to the fashion show...and on the way they walk past an old man, who Quinn suspects works for Slotsky. Jaime and Quinn sneak backstage so they can browse through the racks of clothes. They see Robles hand one of his slinky fashion creations to a model and hear him loudly tell her to go inside the fitting room to wait for the seamstress, who will sew her into the outfit. Jaime tells Quinn, "I'm on it" and enters the fitting room and pretends to be the seamstress. She bionically unravels the hem of the pants, then asks the model if she wouldn't mind removing them so she can sew them up quick, and also to go fetch the designer. Jaime quickly puts on the silky outfit - a midriff baring top and pants...and when she slips out of the fitting room, Robles sees her making a break with his outfit on and yells, "Stop that girl!" Quinn shoves a rack of clothes in his way so that Jaime can escape. In the hotel room, Quinn studies the sequins on the slinky outfit, but can't find anything that looks like it could be hiding a computer chip. He says the other Slotsky possibility, suspect #2, is an economist by the name of Vilmos Vanovic...and while they're talking, the old man from the earlier scene is standing outside their door, eavesdropping. The old man calls room 447 to report that two OSI agents are in the hotel, and were heard mentioning Slotsky by name. The man on the other end (Vilmos Vanovic!) orders him to make arrangements to kill them both asap. Oh no! When a room service cart is delivered to Jaime's/Quinn's room, Jaime activates her bionic hearing and detects the sound of a bomb ticking. When she tells Quinn that something in their room is about to blow up, he rolls his eyes and lectures her about the hysterical nature of all females, which makes them unreliable spies. Jaime refrains from giving the misogynist's nuts a bionic squeeze and instead feels around the bottom of the room service cart and is able to locate the bomb. She rushes it over to the balcony and hurls it onto an unattended dirt pile...and a few seconds later it explodes. Jaime shoots Quinn a smug glare.
Jaime tells Quinn she's going to look into Vilmos Vanovic's bidness to see if he has any connection to Slotsky. She leaps up to Vanovic's balcony, sneaks into his room, and starts poking around. When she hears Vanovic enter the room with yet another bad guy, she quickly hides in the closet. She overhears the two reveal that the computer chip will be given to the courier in the Rose Garden, and specify that the chip is currently hidden in an old photograph. As Jaime absorbs all of the details she's going to need to bust this Russian spy ring wide open, Quinn knocks on the door pretending to be hotel security. He tells the two men there's been a second bomb threat and that he needs to search their room to make sure there isn't anything ticking that shouldn't be. He looks over the furniture...and when he enters the closet, he sees Jaime hiding and for some reason can't refrain from loudly blurting out, "Jaime!" - LOL. The bad guys rush over and shake their heads in dismay that they failed to kill these pesky OSI agents. The men tie up Jaime and Quinn, and it looks like their plan is to stuff them into giant trunks and drop them in the nearest body of water. Jaime bionically breaks her ropes and springs through her trunk like a jack-in-the-box, which sends the two men flying across the room. She unties Quinn and tells him they have to get to the Rose Garden pronto so that he can ID Slotsky before he's able to pass along the computer chip to the courier. Quinn squints at the guests milling around the Rose Garden...and since he can't see worth a shit, Jaime asks him if he knows anything about the courier that can help her pick him out of a crowd. Quinn says he knows that the man is left-handed and that he always wears a pocket watch bedazzled with emeralds, 'cause yeah that's a subtle thing for a courier to be openly displaying whenever he's doing spy work. Jaime notices a bearded man approach a man who looks like he's the courier, and is all OMG! when she witnesses the exchange of an old photograph. She tells Quinn she'll chase after the courier if he can muddle his way through the capture of Slotsky.
Jaime follows the courier to an underground parking garage and is all, "Oh no!" when she sees that he's about to drive off. She thinks fast and shoves a parked car in his path, which prompts him to crash and pass out from the impact. Jaime reaches into his pocket and pulls out the old photograph - just as Oscar and his OSI team arrive on the scene. Jaime gives the photograph to Oscar, then bionically races off to see how Quinn fared in his efforts to capture Slotsky. Quinn handcuffs Slotsky and smugly says, "Gotcha!" ... and then the two sit on a park bench and reminisce about their various spy missions over the years. Slotsky says he'd loooove to retire and live somewhere tropical, while Quinn says he's considering writing a book. Slotsky sighs and refers to the two of them as old fools who'd be better off leaving the spy business to the younger folk. Jaime, who's been bionically eavesdropping on the conversation, ambles over and asks Quinn what she's going to do with Slotsky now that he's finally caught up with him after all these years. When Quinn dutifully replies, "Why, of course I'll turn him over to Oscar" then stares contemplatively into space, she tells him she's going to forget what she just walked in on and leisurely head back toward where Oscar is stationed. As she turns to leave, Quinn uncuffs Slotsky, and the two frenemies flee across the lawn together. Jaime grins and says, "It's nice when wars are over." It's also nice when OSI missions have a point to them. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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