Recap: A scared and sweaty man is fleeing from certain danger inside an empty wrestling arena. He's chased by several beefy women and eventually gets himself cornered inside the wrestling ring. As the beefy women surround him from the ropes and glare hatefully at him, a man emerges from the shadows - Mr. Roper from Three's Company! - and looks as ominous as is possible for Mr. Roper to look while he shoots the man the stink-eye and snarls, "Going somewhere, Mr. Haley?" Eeeeek! Oscar has summoned Jaime to his office in D.C. to discuss the unknown fate of missing OSI agent, Wayne Haley. He tells Jaime that her next mission - should she choose to accept, which she has to 'cause he never really gives her a choice - is to locate Agent Haley. As he's telling her this, an irritable looking Russian woman in a gray suit (accompanied by two bodyguards) drops by Oscar's office for their scheduled meeting, but Oscar tells her he's too busy at the moment and politely sends her on her way. He explains to Jaime that the Russian's name is Dr. Brandes, and that she defected to the U.S. in order to work on the very important Delta Satellite Project. He then changes the subject back to Wayne Haley and says that he had reported stumbling upon something UGE...but then mysteriously disappeared before he could reveal the details. He hands Jaime the only clue they have to work with: a piece of paper with the address of an arena that specializes in lady wrestling. Jaime makes a face and says the address is in a seedy part of town...and that she couldn't be any less interested in a wrestling-related mission, not least 'cause she could hurt one of the women if she's forced to get into the ring and use her bionic strength to fend off blows and perform high kicks. Oscar assures her that lady wrestlers are quite capable of taking care of themselves, and that it's of national importance that she locate the missing OSI agent asap. Jaime arrives in Seedytown dressed in jeans and a crop top, stares glumly at the ladies wrestling arena, and decides that the occasion calls for a stick of gum to defiantly chomp on. She enters the arena and finds her way to a practice gym, where Mr. Roper is barking at the lady wrestlers about doing a better job of hamming up the fake theatrics for the fans. Jaime looks weirded out by all the faux shrieking and flailing about of arms and legs, then approaches Mr. Roper and tells him she's looking to get into ladies wrestling. He gives her a once-over and derisively says she's way too skinny for the faux sport - but Jaime insists that despite her slender frame she's got some pretty slick movies, along with a total dedication to learning all she can about the art of pretend wrestling. Mr. Roper agrees to let her audition...and as Jaime curses Oscar under her breath, she gets into the ring with a hostile looking brunette named Mad Mary. Jaime darts around bionically to avoid Mad Mary's blows, then bionically arm wrestles her in mid-air and eventually immobilizes her with a bionic headlock. Mr. Roper looks surprised and intrigued by Jaime's superhuman strength and invites her to join his stable of wrestlers, then orders a chubby middle-aged blonde woman (April) to show Jaime the ropes. As Mr. Roper ambles off with Mad Mary, Jaime bionically overhears Mad Mary snark at Mr. Roper about how nuts it is for him to let an outsider into their nefarious operation - but he assures her they'll have no problems making the delivery to their foreign friends. Hmm...sounds suspiciously suspicious.
Jaime makes a beeline over to the nearest public phone and reports to Oscar that she overheard Mr. Roper talk about a delivery to some foreign friends...then abruptly ends the call so she can eavesdrop on April telling some old guy who works at the arena that she desperately needs $9,000 for a down payment on a health club she has her heart set on buying. The old guy relents and says he'll cut her in on whatever unholy nefariousness this seedy arena is perpetrating. April leads Jaime to a large, costumed filled trunk...and in the next scene Jaime is decked out in an offensive-by-today's-standards but revealing-eye-candy-for-the-'70s skimpy Native American get-up. A few seconds later, a woman shrouded in a spider costume lumbers into the locker room, and April explains to a bewildered Jaime that creating campy caricatures of themselves - e.g. Spider Lady, Amazon April - is what sells tickets to the uncultured dumbasses who shell out money to watch live lady wrestling in Seedytown, D.C. Jaime asks her if anything special is happening at the arena tonight, and April glances around shiftily before unconvincingly replying, "Uh, nope." April and Jaime head back to the practice gym, where April teaches Jaime how deliver and receive fake punches. Jaime notices Mad Mary glaring at her from across the gym, so she activates her bionic ear and overhears Mr. Roper inform Mad Mary that he has the drug they're going to need for whatever heinous plot they plan on hatching later in the episode. Jaime tells April she could really use a break from training...and when April nixes that request and says they have a lot more work to do, Jaime lifts her onto her back, bionically spins her around until she's too dizzy to continue training her, then sets her down so she can bionically chase after Mad Mary and Mr. Roper. She follows them down a dark hallway that leads to his office, where she eavesdrops on the two discussing the drug they plan to use to incapacitate their hapless target. Mr. Roper cryptically adds, "Her driver will be waiting", then says he also expects to receive instructions about what to do with Haley. A few seconds later, he gets a call that a news crew is waiting outside to get a lively preview of tonight's entertainment...and I can only assume it must be a really slow news day in D.C. if the news crew has nothing more substantive to cover during the middle of the day. Oscar turns on the little black and white TV that he must have gotten installed inside his desk console - just in time to catch the news coverage of tonight's lady wrestling event. The ladies ham it up for the camera by snarling insults at each other, then eventually rope Jaime - aka Savage Sommers (!) - into joining the freakshow...and she waves around her tomahawk and half-heartedly taunts her opponents. During all this, Dr. Brandes drops by Oscar's office to show him the teeny tiny circuit she's been working on, and explains that it functions as the brain of the Delta Satellite Project. She then complains about the shit quality of vodka in the U.S. and being surrounded by bodyguards every minute of the day. Oscar reminds her that she's "a priceless commodity" and that her "people" may want to reclaim her before she gets a chance to complete her work on the Delta Satellite Project. Dr. Brandes concedes that, yep, her "people" are very clever...then glances at the little black and white TV, recognizes Jaime, and remarks on how that Pocahontas chick was in his office a few scenes ago. Oscar blabs that she's doing some undercover work for the OSI, and Dr. Brandes mulls over that unexpected intel and looks more intrigued yet concerned than she probably should.
Dr. Brandes sneakily calls Mr. Roper to rat out Jaime and says it's critical that they get the Delta Satellite circuit out of the country tonight. She orders him to get Jaime out of the way so she doesn't throw any kind of wrench into their plot, and he's like, "I'm on it." April tells Jaime she did a good job hamming it up during the TV interview, and Jaime retorts by grumbling about how badly she needs to score some cash 'cause she owes $5,000 to a shady guy named Austin (hee!). April mulls over her dilemma and calls Mr. Roper in his office about cutting Jaime in on whatever amorphously shady thing they have going on the side...and Mr. Roper looks amused and tells April to bring Jaime up to his office right away. As soon as April and Jaime arrive at the office, Mr. Roper slaps Jaime on the arm with a drug needle, and she immediately collapses onto the floor. April's all, "Wha-a-a?", so Mr. Roper explains that he tranquilized her 'cause he just found out that she's a government spy who's looking to bust whatever nefarious shit he and his crime clique of lady wrestlers are cooking up. Mr. Roper orders Mad Mary and April to carry Jaime over to an empty cage that they'll then string up to the rafters (?)...and April wrings her hands worriedly and reminds him that the air up there is terrible and she may not be able to breathe. Mr. Roper says he doesn't give a rat's ass and supervises the ladies as they shove an unconscious Jaime inside the cage, then raise it to the ceiling. A few minutes later, Jaime regains consciousness, looks startled that she's been locked in a cage that's suspended in mid-air, and gets to work bionically ripping through the metal. Her stunt double is inserted into the footage so she can leap all the way to ground level, then bionically races up the bleachers, activating her bionic hearing just in time to hear Mr. Roper tell Mad Mary that they need to go check on something. April re-enters the room, gasps when she sees the ripped up cage, then gasps again when Jaime shows herself and motions her over. After glossing over how in blazes she was able to escape the suspended cage, Jaime asks April if she knows the whereabouts of Wayne Haley, and April scrunches her face in misery and says she never intended to get herself involved in the criminal side of lady wrestling. She says she doesn't know much about tonight's nefarious plot, except for one helpful detail: Mr. Roper and Mad Mary intend to extract something from someone in the audience during the match. Jaime files that tidbit away for later, then asks Mary if she knows where Wayne Haley is...and April leads her to where the poor man has been locked up for the past three days.
Rudy drops by Oscar's office to invite him out for a drink, then says he just ran into Dr. Brandes and her bodyguards, who mentioned that they're all headed to a wrestling match. Oscar's all, "Wha-a-a?" and looks suitably alarmed. As the fans arrive at the arena for the big match, Mr. Roper and Mad Mary have found Jaime and April while on their way to spring Haley free, and are now holding them both at gunpoint. Eeeeek! While en route to the arena, Oscar and Rudy hear an update on the radio that Savage Sommers and Amazon April will not be participating this evening. It's interesting how much local media this ladies wrestling match has been getting all day. Oscar furrows his brows worriedly. Mr. Roper and Mad Mary deposit Jaime and April in a high voltage vault room, where Wayne Haley has been dumped since the beginning of the episode. He's barely conscious - but when Jaime pokes him, he manages to squeak, "Doctor is...going to...defect. Escape...with circuit" before flopping over and losing consciousness again. LOL. Oscar gets on his car phone and orders one of his OSI flunkies to see if anything is missing from Dr. Brandes' lab. Meanwhile, Dr. Brandes and her bodyguards arrive at the arena just as the first wrestling match gets underway. As the high voltage vault room heats up to 110 F, Jaime assures April that they'll somehow find a way to break out. She asks April to show her what a high kick in wrestling looks like - I'm guessing so that she can perform the move on the door without April suspecting she's a cyborg...which seems like scant cover, but OK. April's all, "Huh?" but shows her the move anyway, and Jaime then "practices" it on the door and - no surprise! - manages to kick it down. She asks April to get Wayne Haley outta here 'cause she's off to the wrestling ring to do some good for the OSI. Oscar and Rudy are alarmed to hear that the teeny tiny circuit is missing from Dr. Brandes' lab...and Oscar barks into his car phone, "Code Snow White!" - LOL - and orders every available OSI agent to report to the ladies wrestling arena, stat! Mad Mary takes a pretend fall during her match and rolls onto the floor, then injects Dr. Brandes' bodyguards with the drug needles. During the chaos that ensues, Dr. Brandes disappears beneath a hidden stage compartment to change into the Spider Lady's costume, then reemerges and yells, "Out ov zee vay!" - LOL - in earshot of Jaime, who recognizes her Russian accented voice. Jaime leaps into the wrestling ring, where Dr. Brandes is swiftly unmasked and revealed as a fake Spider Lady...and when Mad Mary angrily attacks Jaime for foiling their nefarious plot, Jaime retaliates by tying her up with some wrestling ring rope. By this time, Oscar and his squad of OSI agents have stormed into the arena. Oscar spots the teeny tiny circuit that Dr. Brandes accidentally dropped in the middle of the ring and barks at Jaime to pick it up...and after she grabs it, she's officially declared the winner of this bizarre faux wrestling match by a referee who is clearly oblivious to all the treacherousness that's been occurring right under his nose. As he holds up Jaime's arm during the triumphant announcement, Jaime grins happily while Oscar flirtily salutes her.
Later, April and Jaime and Oscar sit on the edge of the wrestling ring and do a post-mortem of this episode's mission. Oscar reports that the OSI agents managed to round up all the criminals, then thanks April for all her help - despite the fact that she was an accessory to Haley's abduction by keeping quiet about him being held captive inside the arena for several days. Oscar offers her a reward: a $9,000 down payment for the health club she wants to buy. April squeals happily, then agrees to give Oscar and Jaime free massages once her business is up and running. Oscar makes a face and is all, "I dunno 'bout that" ... and the three chuckle at his squeamishness about a semi-nude rub-down as they stroll out of the arena. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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