Recap: Jaime is on a helicopter, flying over the San Angelo mountains to look for any sign of the aliens Steve had spilled the beans about during Part 1. She radios with Oscar to inform him of her location, and he tells her that Rudy doesn't think Steve is going to survive Part 2 of the Bigfoot/alien saga and is strongly considering pulling his life support plug. Jaime begs him to tell Rudy to hold off 'cause she heard that the alien colony might have a wonder drug that can cure Steve of his radiation poisoning. Oscar makes a disparaging pffft noise and says he doesn't believe that the aliens actually exist...which seems uncharacteristically dickish of him, considering all the perilous missions Steve has carried out for the OSI. Where's the trust and loyalty, dude? Meanwhile, 1800 miles south.. The rebel faction of the alien colony has settled into their new cave home on the coast of Mexico...and they're also still monitoring the airspace over the San Angelo mountains. They spot Jaime's helicopter on their video feed, but decide it's probably nothing to worry about and carry on with whatever they were doing. Jaime asks the pilot if he could fly a bit lower, then informs Oscar that she's going to roam the area on foot to see if she can uncover anything. She asks the pilot what level of security clearance he has...and when he says, "Five", she shrieks, "You're about to get six!" as if she hasn't already caused a major bump in the number of sixth level security clearances the OSI has had to grant after she's indiscriminately revealed her "top secret" bionic abilities to every guest star and random extra she's ever interacted with during her various missions. When she leaps off the helicopter and starts up with her usual dun dun dun dun slo-mo bionic jog, Nedlick spots her on the video monitor and is like, "Drats...another bionic person nosing around my bidness" and decides he should probably nip this problem in the bud. He summons Bigfoot and then uses his control device to transport the two of them to San Angelo. Jaime is roaming around the San Angelo mountains bellowing, "Shalon!" when she encounters Bigfoot for the first time. She's all, "Ack!" at the sight of the ginormously tall ape-man and mutters, "Steve said you were big, but this is ridiculous!" Nedlick barks, "Attack!" into his little device, and Bigfoot advances on Jaime while growling maniacally. She does a bionic leapfrog over him...and when she spots Nedlick standing several feet away, she asks him if he could please call off his Sasquatch pet. Nedlick responds by once again commanding Bigfoot to attack, so the beast obediently picks up a huge paper mache boulder and throws it in Jaime's direction. She easily dodges it, then leaps into a large tree and holds onto one of the branches for dear life - but Bigfoot grabs the trunk of the tree and bends it over, forcing Jaime to leap back down. Sandy Duncan, who remains a captive of the rebels in the Mexico cave and has been watching Jaime and Bigfoot square off via the video feed, sneaks up behind one of the rebels, grabs his control device, and transports herself to Jaime's location. She urges Jaime to take her hand...and when she does, the two abruptly disappear together. Bigfoot's all, "Wuh?" and glances around in confusion, and an irked Nedlick admonishes the dumb beast for letting Jaime get away, then zaps them both back to the Mexico base.
Sandy Duncan introduces herself to Jaime, says she'll take her to her leader, and escorts her to the entrance of the alien's complex: a glowy, crystallized, new agey spinning tunnel I know would give me vertigo if I was ever forced to walk through it. Sandy Duncan introduces her to a couple of onesie wearing aliens on the way to the control room where Shalon is based...and Shalon greets Jaime warmly and tells her she knows how fond Steve is of her 'cause she looked at the naughty details of his brain scans after his probing. Jaime looks unsure of how to respond to that weird remark, so she just kind of shakes it off and informs Shalon that Steve is about to expire after suffering severe radiation poisoning and that he could really use a dose of her wonder drug, if any happens to be laying around. Shalon holds up the last vial of Neotraxin she has left, doesn't mention that she was planning on using it to keep herself from expiring, and hands it to Sandy Duncan and tells her to do everything she can to save Steve's life. In exchange, she wants Jaime's help stopping the alien rebels from achieving full power at their new base 'cause of all the carnage it'll cause to earthlings. Sandy Duncan produces a map and shows Jaime exactly where the rebels' new base is located, and Shalon explains that the dumbfucks have been drilling a volcanic vent in order to harness its power for their magnetic shield...and seem unaware that so much drilling of such a sensitive area could result in a geological disaster. Jaime agrees to do whatever she can to help out, and Shalon nods approvingly and says she'll monitor the situation through her video feed. She then says that Steve means a lot to her, and Jaime refrains from snarkishly warning her to keep her alien mitts off of her cyborg man. On the Mexican coast, the alien rebels are continuing to drill into the volcanic vent...and even though it's causing a scary mess of shooting flames and smoke plumes, Nedlick orders Dallet to increase the voltage so he can get the job done faster. Sandy Duncan drops Jaime off in the jungle near the rebels' new base, then disappears to deliver the Neotraxin to Steve. Nedlick spots Jaime on his video monitor and makes a snappish remark about her tenacity. He orders Bigfoot to follow him into the jungle...and Jaime activates her bionic ear and overhears Nedlick tell Bigfoot he'd like to take Jaime hostage, 'cause he and his nefarious rebel faction don't have enough going on with their ill-fated volcanic drilling and would welcome the challenge of keeping a tenacious bionic woman confined to a poorly constructed jail cell. Jaime decides it would be an easy way to get inside the rebels' base and waits for Bigfoot to show himself. When he spots Jaime hiding behind some foliage, he scrunches his ape face confusedly and flashes back to when he used to hang with Shalon. Jaime activates her bionic ear and overhears Nedlick order Bigfoot to attack her before issuing another of his tired old threats to hurt Shalon if he refuses to obey. Bigfoot swats at Jaime, and she flies through the air, lands on the ground with a thud, and pretends to be knocked out cold. Nedlick orders Bigfoot to bring her to the base and put her in the jail cell.
Over at the hospital, Rudy is staring sadly at Steve, who still looks like he's at death's door. After Rudy exits the room, Sandy Duncan materializes and hovers over Steve holding a device that's designed to gauge exactly how much radiation poisoning he suffered...which turns out to be a fuckload. Sandy Duncan quickly disappears when she hears Rudy and Oscar approach the room - but Shalon continues to monitor the hospital room and hears Rudy tell Oscar that there's not a whole heckuva lot they can do for Steve. Shalon twitches nervously and cries, "Get out of there!" so that Sandy Duncan can reappear and administer the Neotraxin before all hope of saving Steve is lost. Jaime ambles around her jail cell, looking for a way she can bionically break out and start wrapping up this crossover saga. She tries to bend the window bars, but can't get them to budge, so I'll assume they're made of extra thick steel. She spots Bigfoot standing in the hall outside her cell...so she starts cooing about how worried Shalon is about him, and how upset she is that he's turned against her. As he stares at her with his head cocked to one side, she adds, "But you haven't, have you?" and correctly assumes that he's been forced by Nedlick to commit various robberies and attack her and Steve. She assures Bigfoot that the alien rebels can't hurt Shalon...and as he quietly mulls that over, Nedlick wanders over and tells his Sasquatch pet that he needs his help with whatever damage his nitwitted minions have perpetrated on the volcanic vent. When Oscar and Rudy finally exit Steve's hospital room, Sandy Duncan re-materializes to perform a thoracic curve examination on Steve...and while she's doing that, the data is being fed back to Shalon in real time. She identifies to Sandy Duncan the major areas of damage to Steve's body, and prescribes exactly where she needs to administer the Neotraxin and in what dosage. Once that's done and Steve is safely out of the woods, Shalon collapses from exhaustion and gets tended to by a green onesie wearing alien. Rudy and Oscar get word about a volcanic disturbance in Mexico, along with warnings that it could spark a major geological disaster. Eeeeek!! Jaime examines the wall in her jail cell and starts bionically karate chopping at it, and it easily crumbles...'cause while the rebels were clever about installing ultra strong bars over the window, they didn't think to reinforce the cell's flimsy walls. Dallet calls out Nedlick on his dickish insistence that he drill through the volcanic vent with extra voltage, 'cause now there's hot lava spewing everywhere. Nedlick breezily says he's sure it'll start to taper off any minute now - LOL - and Dallet stares back at him incredulously and points out that the earth could experience a Tectonic Shift Situation if the needle on his little sensor thing starts registering too much heat. Egads!
Oscar is horrified of the notion of a Tectonic Shift and laments to Rudy the devastating tsunami that could result. Oscar decides it would be prudent (and somehow possible) to order an evacuation of the entire Pacific coast, asap. Jaime, meanwhile, is making good progress bionically karate chopping her way out of her jail cell. Steve regains consciousness and is all, "Ack!" when he sees Sandy Duncan staring down at him. She tells him he suffered severe radiation poisoning, but was given some Neotraxin in the nick of time and will probably be completely fine. There's no mention of his bionic legs still being crushed after his encounter with Bigfoot at the end of Part 1...so I'll have to assume that Rudy quietly repaired those in record time, 'cause once Steve hears that Jaime is in the clutches of the alien rebels, he quickly jumps into action - but then pauses, glances around the hospital room, and tells Sandy Duncan he's going to need a pair of pants. Hee! Oscar and Rudy enter Steve's hospital room and are all, "Wha-a?!" when they find the bed empty. Dallet tells Nedlick that the volcanic vent is out of control, and that too much lava is spurting everywhere at an alarmingly fast rate...but Nedlick shrugs unconcernedly and says he's pretty sure that the volcanic pressure will start to ease any second now. He checks on his video feed and spots Steve and Sandy Duncan milling around the jungle outside their new base, gets irked that Steve managed to recover so quickly from his radiation poisoning/leg crushing, and dispatches Bigfoot to the jungle to finish off the pesky bionic man for once and for all. After more bionic karate chopping of the jail cell's wall, Jaime finally manages to kick out a hole that's large enough for her to crawl through. Sandy Duncan brings Steve to the exact spot where she abandoned Jaime earlier...and Steve activates his bionic eye and sees Bigfoot lumbering in their direction. He approaches the imposing beast and asks him if he knows where Jaime is, and whether he remembers him from when he debuted on The Six Million Dollar Man. Unfortunately, Bigfoot is so addled from all the attack! commands that Nedlick has been barking at him, that his brain is unable to absorb anything Steve is asking. He continues to follow Nedlick's orders and goes a few rounds with Steve, then picks up a giant boulder and holds it above him menacingly. While that's happening, Jaime sneaks into the hall leading to the control room and overhears Nedlick ordering Bigfoot to kill Steve. She's all, "Noooo!!" and bionically races over to Nedlick, grabs the device he's been using to control the hapless Sasquatch, and cancels the kill Steve command. She then coos at Bigfoot to trust her, and assures him that no one is going to hurt Shalon. Bigfoot stares contemplatively into space as he processes Jaime's soft lady voice and reassuring promise, then puts down the giant boulder and helps Steve to his feet. Now that the danger has quickly passed, Sandy Duncan rushes over to make sure that Steve is OK, and to say hey to her long lost hairy pal.
Dallet implores Nedlick to relocate the base asap 'cause of all the damage they're about to cause to the earth's plates - but Nedlick still looks unconcerned 'bout damaging the planet and grumbles about how Jaime now has the control unit for Bigfoot, and snarkishly refuses to leave his Sasquatch slave behind. Jaime, meanwhile, is lost in the complex's maze and uses the control device she stole from Nedlick to send a frantic S.O.S. to Steve and/or Bigfoot to please rescue her from these insane rebel nitwits. She's all, "Ack!" when she suddenly finds herself in the control room with a group of angry rebels - but a few seconds later we hear the familiar dun dun dun dun sound effect as Steve charges in and, one by one, bionically tosses the rebel aliens across the room. Sandy Duncan helps out by powering down each of the rebel's control unit, which appears to render them motionless. Bigfoot lumbers into the complex and finds Nedlick trying to escape. He grabs his former master from behind and gets payback for all of his cruelty by starting to squeeze the life out of him - but Steve rushes over and implores him to stop. Dallet warns everyone that the volcano is about to blow...and everyone's all, "Ack! What kind of plan can we quickly hatch in order to narrowly avoid a geological disaster?!" Collectively, they decide that the best course of action would be to throw one of the aliens' control devices into the erupting volcano, 'cause somehow its time traveling capabilities will rapidly cool the lava back down to room temperature. I guess I can buy that. Jaime and Steve bionically race toward the erupting volcano - but soon the heat of the lava becomes too much for Jaime. Steve takes the device from her and forges ahead, but then he too becomes incapacitated by the searing hot lava. Sandy Duncan, who's monitoring the operation via video feed, remarks to Dallet that she's doubtful Steve will be able to throw the device far or fast enough. And just when hope begins to fade, Bigfoot charges up the volcano mountain, grabs the device from Steve, and continues his upwards trek. He puts every ounce of his Sasquatch strength in throwing the device directly into the volcano...and it suddenly goes all freeze-framey as the lava cools down. Hurray! When the volcano stops erupting, Bigfoot collapses from heat exhaustion 'cause the fur suit he's encased in was a horrible wardrobe choice for a two hundred degree volcanic mission. Steve and Jaime race over to tend to him, and he grunts at them that while the inside of his furry onesie is hotter than a whorehouse on nickel night, he's pretty sure his core temperature will soon revert back to its default levels now that he's no longer surrounded by searing hot lava. The aliens thank Steve and Jaime for their help disarming the rebels, who are being held in confinement pending trial. Green Onesie Guy breaks the sad news that he had to power Shalon down to barely functioning sleep mode. He shows them where she'll indefinitely lay - inside a Sleeping Beauty style glass coffin tube - until their mother ship swings by earth again (in a hundred years) to transport her back to their home planet. Green Onesie Guy invites Steve and Jaime stay at the complex on a permanent basis and help out with their colony...and the two glance over at each other as if to consider the offer, but don't actually give an answer. I'll assume the answer was no, 'cause Green Onesie Guy, Bigfoot, and Sandy Duncan escort Jaime and Steve to the glowy, crystallized, new agey spinning tunnel exit. Jaime and Steve bid the aliens adieu, thank them for letting them retain their memory of this super awesome two-part episode, and hug each of them goodbye, including Bigfoot. The cyborgs amble through the tunnel, hand in hand, then turn around and wave goodbye to their extraterrestrial friends one last time. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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