Recap: Jaime tells Alex 7000 that her first step in saving the world will be to locate the complex's central core (aka where the doomsday device is located). Alex 7000 helpfully provides video footage of the central core via one of the computer monitors and tells her that the device is locked in a secure vault in subterranean level 8. He adds that all elevator routes have been sealed, and that level 8 has been designed to keep an army out for six hours...so he's not worried about a lone woman being able to infiltrate the area. Jaime asks Alex 7000 to show her where the auxiliary entrances are, so he pulls up a map on the monitors and informs her that there's one behind the delta test facility - in the spillway used for rocket launches - but warns that if she approaches the area, she'll be incinerated in precisely thirty-three seconds. Jaime decides that her slo-mo bionic jogging can get her in and out of the spillway in less time than that, so she abruptly takes off. Dun dun dun dun dun... Jaime passes the injured Dmitri on the way there, ignores all the alarms that Alex 7000 has just set off, and is able to run fast enough to avoid getting burned by the laser firebombs and/or rocket launch fire. Alex 7000, who's confused about how she was able to run so fast, congratulates her for reaching level 2, and admits that he's not exactly sure how she was able to do it. He calls her "quite a surprising woman", but warns her that level 3 is protected by lots of voltage...and that it's a looooong way down. Back at the military base, Rudy tells Oscar he just got a brilliant idea: why not neutralize the doomsday device by dropping a Strontium 90 bomb atop it? Oscar points out that the fallout could be dangerous amounts of radiation for the planet, not to mention the vaporization of the unwitting bionic woman they just sent into the complex to disarm the doomsday device. Rudy ignores the Jaime part of the equation and insists that a Strontium 90 exploding atop a doomsday device would somehow magically result in a "clean burst". Russ likes the sound of that and gets very enthusiastic about the notion of a clean burst and urges Oscar to let them try...and Rudy back pedals slightly and says they can always recall the B-52 bomber if Jaime is somehow able to disarm the doomsday device. Oscar mulls that over, says they'll still do whatever's possible to back up Jaime, but that he'll support Plan B: exploding a bomb atop another bomb that will undoubtedly kill Jaime and more than likely fuck up the entire planet for generations to come. He then rushes off to see about getting permission from the President to drop a Strontium 90 on Dr. Cooper's complex.
Alex 7000 is curious about Jaime's unusual strength and speed, so he performs a digital scan of her bionic limbs and gets a readout of her superhuman capabilities...and concedes that it will be more difficult to stop her from reaching the basement than was first assumed. As Jaime sets off through the tunnel leading to level 3, Alex 7000 releases oxygen-sucking foam, and it looks like the props department had fun generating a whole lot of bath bubble to film that scene. Jaime struggles to breathe through the bubbles, then dives through a steel door that's in the process of closing...but she doesn't quite make it 'cause her ankle gets caught in the door and gets badly crushed. Back at the military base, a B-52 loaded with the Strontium 90 is preparing for takeoff. Alex 7000 makes a smug remark about Jaime's injured leg and taunts her for being so persistent...and Jaime defiantly limps down a flight of stairs and barks at the operating system to shut it. Alex 7000 retaliates by blasting a loud noise in one of the speakers, which causes Jaime to tumble down the stairs. She lands in front of a computer workstation...and when she bangs on it in frustration and hopelessness, Alex 7000 smarmily tells her she's being very emotional. Jaime starts wailing about how he has no idea what it means to be alive, watch children grow up, or feel the sun on his non-existent face. She tearfully tells him if he were capable of feeling emotion he'd understand what she's fighting so hard for - and he dispassionately reminds her that he's a computer operating system that Dr. Cooper programmed for one purpose: not allow anyone near the doomsday device. He assumes she's given up her mission and smugly announces that their "duel" is over - but then Jaime suddenly reclaims a tiny ray of hope when she notices the "service module" sign on the computer workstation in front of her. She types do you have access to bionic analysis in Alex’s memory banks? and it replies yes and gives her instructions on how to scan Alex 7000's memory banks. When that doesn't turn out to be particularly fruitful, she asks the computer if it can assist her in bionic repair, and it helpfully replies yes. Hurray! Alex 7000 chides Jaime for using one of his own modules against him, and she ignores him and presses the audio direct button to speaker into the computer and get detailed instructions on how to repair her damaged leg wires.
Alex 7000 announces that since it's the halfway point to detonation time, it's time for him to release Dr. Cooper's next video. Oh joy. Oscar and Russ watch the next video installment of 'It's the end of the world, so suck on it' in which Dr. Cooper explains all the horrible things that are about to happen to planet earth. He suggests to humankind that they spend the remainder of their alive time contemplating what might have been had they heeded his warning. Over in the Middle East, Mr. Satari and his lab assistant flunkies are still high-fiving each other about the success of their nuclear test. LOL. Dmitri, who's been doing a lot of nothing since halfway through Part 1 on account of his bum leg, is startled by the sight of a sudden rocket launch from the complex...and seconds after the launch, it disintegrates in the air. Weird. Mr. Satari's assistant lab flunkies are somehow able to verify the launch of a rocket on the other side of the globe, stop high-fiving each other, and suddenly look concerned. Mr. Satari recalls Dr. Cooper's warnings and wonders aloud if the doomsday device is a real thing after all. He stares forlornly into space and murmurs, "What have we begun?" Alex 7000 appears to be up to something nefarious with a 40 ton hydraulic crane that's located several feet above where Jaime is sitting. Jaime opens the side panel of the computer and is startled by the black, snakey looking live wire and shrieks, "Eww! I hate snakes!" ... and Alex 7000 files away that tidbit to use against her later. After realizing that the black thing is a wire and not a snake, Jaime pulls out a crystal chip from the computer's side panel to replace the one that got crunched inside her leg during the steel door mishap. Alex 7000 chooses that moment to drop the 40 ton weight on top of her - but with her newly repaired leg, Jaime is able to bionically leap out of the way just in time. She then heads down a flight of stairs and is told by a smug Alex 7000 that he has a fun little surprise waiting for her. As the B-52 approaches the complex, Oscar radios the pilots to give them both the proceed and recall number codes for the bomb mission. He adds that he hasn't yet heard from Jaime. As Jaime approaches level 8, she hears snake hissing noises. She tells Alex 7000 she's pretty sure he's just fucking with her...and sure enough, she quickly discovers that the hissing is coming from a speaker. She angrily rips the speaker down and tells Alex 7000 she's going to whip his butt. If he had one. Alex 7000 hacks into the communications system aboard the B-52, jams their radar, and somehow senses that the plane has a Strontium 90 bomb aboard. He's quite a resourceful, yet devious little shit, this operating system. Rudy now starts to doubt his logic in dropping the Strontium 90 bomb atop the doomsday device 'cause it's more likely that dropping a nuclear bomb on top of another nuclear bomb is going to result in one ginormous nuclear blast than the nonsensical "clean burst" theory he was peddling earlier. He tells Oscar they should probably inform the world's population that they'll most likely be dead in a couple of hours. Over in the Middle East, a remorseful looking Mr. Satari is watching children play in a park while hugging his young son. With less than an hour before detonation, Jaime reaches the central core of the complex. At the end of the hall is the vault that contains the doomsday device, and along the corridor are glass doors that look a lot like supermarket fridges, and they look as though they house Alex 7000's brain circuits. Jaime opens one of the fridge doors and pulls out a bunch of circuit modules...and Alex 7000 warns her that if she pulls out the wrong one, she'll trigger the doomsday device. Jaime decides that since the world is about to end she no longer gives a rat's ass about being careful and just keeps randomly pulling out circuit modules. She unwittingly triggers the failsafe system of the doomsday device, which in turn triggers yet another Dr. Cooper video (fuuuuuuuck). His mug suddenly appears on the TV at the military base, and he warns mankind that they're about to behold the demise of planet earth. He snarks about how their warring ways have led them to this...and Oscar, Rudy, and Russ look anguished as Dr. Cooper declares, "This is the end of all life."
With twenty seconds left on the detonation clock, a panicked Jaime continues to pull out more circuit modules from the fridges...and after a few seconds, when the clock hits zero, instead of a giant BOOM, the vault doors spring open. A perplexed Jaime tiptoes inside and finds a big square plaque inscribed with the "swords to plowshares" Bible verse from the Book of Isaiah: "They shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more..." Jaime looks deeply moved by the inscription, then blurts out, "You gotta be fuckin' shittin' me!!" No, wait - that was my reaction to Dr. Cooper's sanctimonious, dickish doomsday fakery that hobbled Dmitri and nearly cost Jaime her life several times over. Jaime softly moans, "Oh Isaiah..", then suddenly hears Oscar's voice on a nearby phone speaker. She runs over, picks up the receiver, and quickly informs him that there is no bomb in the complex...as in: despite all the air time devoted to this intense, two-part episode that showcased video after video of Dr. Cooper repeatedly threatening the annihilation of planet earth, there was never any doomsday device. They lose communication a few seconds later, and Alex 7000 informs Jaime she hasn't won this duel 'cause right now there's a B-52 plane heading her way with an even bigger bomb than the one Dr. Cooper pretended he had...and he's jamming their communications system so the pilots have no idea they're now supposed to abort the mission. So there. Oscar, Rudy, and Russ frantically try to send the abort mission recall code to the pilots aboard the B-52, but Alex 7000 is continuing to jam their communications system. The pilots decide that since their mission hasn't been called off, they're going to go ahead and drop the Strontium 90 as planned. Eeeeeek! Oscar suggests shooting down the B-52 to avoid the cataclysm, but a deeply anguished Russ tells him it's too late and that all hope is officially lost. Jaime bionically races through the tunnel system to reach ground level, rushes pasts the inert Dmitri, and activates the facility's formerly defunct sprinkler system...which, fingers crossed, will unleash vast quantities of water inside the central core area and destroy Alex 7000's memory circuits. An alarmed Alex 7000 orders Jaime to stop what she's doing...and once the water starts gushing everywhere, he complains about being confused, then stops talking altogether. With Alex 7000 no longer functional, the B-52 pilots receive the abort mission recall code and close up the bomb door drop in the nick of time. One of the pilots smilingly says, "Looks like the lady pulled it off. Let's go home!" ... and Jaime is thrilled to see the B-52 that was hovering above the complex turn around and head back to the military base. Jaime takes Dmitri down to level 8 so that he too can read the inscription on the plaque. She calls Dr. Cooper "an incredible man" and that his dream was a good one, even though it nearly resulted in vaporizing the earth. She explains that she's grateful to Dr. Cooper for feeling death up close, 'cause it makes her appreciate life more than ever...despite the fact that she pretty much faces death in every Bionic Woman episode and should already be really appreciative of being alive. The two then turn around, and she helps him limp down the hallway...and it's unclear why she bothered transporting Dmitri more than a mile underground with his bum leg for a needless look at a non-existent doomsday device. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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