The Bionic Woman - Season 2, Episode 13

"Who's got a crush on the hot new rookie? This guy."

"Jaime's Shield: Part 2"
Original airdate: 12/22/1976

Episode summary: Jaime teams up with Officer Bob Welton to thwart Parker's nefarious plot to kidnap Rinja Gabrin.

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Recap: Oscar is briefing Commissioner Hart and Jaime about the staffing at the Santa Regina Police Department (SRPD): in short, everyone's being assigned to the Fifth Precinct, along with the new file clerk/Russian spy Parker (who was never given a first name). He also tells them that Indian world leader [and world peace poster child] Rinja Gabrin will be arriving in Santa Regina in a couple of days to be examined by an eye specialist. Seems weird that she wouldn't go to New York or Los Angeles for something like that, but OK. Jaime remarks that a lot of nefarious people would like to see her disposed of, and Oscar concurs and says it's precisely why her security team doesn't announce her travel plans until the last minute. That said, he doesn't think that the Foreign Spy Situation at SRPD is, in any way, related to Rinja Gabrin's travels. Commissioner Hart says he's arranging a police escort for Gabrin and is only assigning police not from the Fifth Precinct to the detail...and adds that the code name for this escort is guardian angels. Jaime's like, "OK then" and says she's off to get some rest before her first day as a faux police officer, and Oscar warns her to be careful 'cause of how dangerous undercover work can be. No shit, Oscar, but it doesn't seem to stop you from putting Jaime (who I don't think has ever been fully trained as a government spy) in mortal danger every damn episode.

During the first roll call, a bunch of sexist douchewad male cops whistle and hoot at the three female rookies, and the captain half-heartedly tells them to cut it out or he'll tattle about their behavior to their wives...and there's so much to unpack with a remark that's so boorishly insulting and unprofessional in a police precinct - but there's no time 'cause he immediately starts announcing the partner assignments and (no surprise) partners Jaime with Bob Welton. After that, he briefs everyone about a purse mugger who's currently on the loose, then dismisses them to hit the streets.

Jaime tells Arlene she's irked that no one's been assigned to watch out for the suspicious red delivery truck, so they wander over to where Parker is sitting and ask her to run a check on the vehicle, then provide her with the license plate number. Parker tries hard to mask her stricken expression when she realizes that her nefarious plot is in danger of being exposed, but recovers quickly enough to promise Jaime and Arlene that she'll look into it asap.  

"We need you to investigate a suspicious red delivery truck we suspect is related to a nefarious foreign plot."

"I'll be sure to dig thoroughly into that."

Bob blowhards to Jaime about how she's going to have to earn his respect as a street cop...and Jaime's like, "Yeah whatever" and activates her bionic hearing in time to hear a little old lady scream after being robbed by the infamous purse mugger. Jaime barks at Bob to stop the car, then bursts out the passenger door and bionically runs in the direction of the screaming. She spots the mugger, decides that whipping a garbage can lid like a discus at him would be quicker than pursuing him on foot (which it proves to be), then jogs over to where he's laying and moaning in pain. He pulls a knife on Jaime while she tries to cuff him...and she grabs the knife blade and bionically bends it at a ninety degree angle. Wilton arrives in his squad car and glares in annoyance at Jaime - until he realizes she just captured the purse mugger who's been eluding police and terrorizing little old ladies for months. That's actually kind of a sad statement on the effectiveness of the SRPD. He picks up the bent knife and scrunches his face confusedly, and Jaime breezily says it's just a toy knife, then grabs it from him and tosses it onto a nearby garbage pile, even though it's probably evidence the prosecutors could use in order to ensure a successful conviction. Bob apologizes for being such a jerk and admits that she's a damn good rookie.

Parker calls one of her co-conspirators, Captain Jetton, and reveals (after needlessly lapsing into her Russian accent) that the code name for the Rinja Gabrin police escort detail is guardian angels. She then tells him to have the helicopter ready, and that Jaime and Arlene are fast becoming a thorn in her side and that something needs to be arranged "in the line of duty" to get rid of them. Eeeek! 

When Arlene asks Parker if she uncovered anything about the red delivery truck, Parker shows her a benign report she faked that indicates a general alert, but not much else...then discreetly tears up the real report that had more pertinent details.  

As Captain Jetton does the next roll call, he applauds Jaime for catching the elusive purse mugger, then announces that the helicopter will be unavailable 'cause it's undergoing repairs. As the officers head out to hit the streets, Parker calls someone and barks, "Go!" ... and elsewhere in Santa Regina, a group of fake cops grab their weapons and get into their fake squad cars. 

Bob shyly asks Jaime if she thinks she might be hungry after their shift - and Jaime grins and asks him if he's seriously asking her out on a date. He blushes and says he knows a great Italian restaurant nearby, and she gives him a firm maybe. Ouch.

​Captain Jetton walks past Parker's desk and gives her a conspiratorial nod. I guess this means that Phase One of their nefarious plot has been officially launched. 

The fake cops descend upon what looks like an abandoned part of town, then call dispatch to request backup for an imaginary crime in progress. The confused dispatcher wonders aloud to Captain Jetton who the heck these patrol cops could possibly be, and Jetton just tells him to send Jaime and Bob, along with Arlene and whoever her partner is to respond to the call...'cause, nope, that doesn't seem at all suspicious or weird. When the two unsuspecting squads arrive in the abandoned part of town, a fake cop yells from an upper floor window that he has a suspect cornered...and somehow Jaime and Arlene get partnered together as they enter an alley, their guns drawn. Jaime activates her bionic hearing just in time to hear a sniper on the roof cock his gun...and when she looks up and sees a rifle aimed at her, she bionically shoves Arlene out of the line of fire, then decides why fire on the sniper when I can simply throw my gun at him? ... and naturally the gun hits him square in the head, causing him to fall over and then scurry away like a frightened kitten. Jaime then spots a different fake cop jump into his squad car and squeal off, so she leaps onto the trunk of the car and holds on for dear life. The driver manages to knock her off when he has to swerve in order to avoid a head on collision with another car. A that moment, Jaime just happens to spot the red delivery truck, so she calls dispatch - but orders him to put her through to Captain Jetton so she can tell him first hand that she needs backup at an abandoned warehouse in the middle of nowhere. Captain Jetton smirks to himself and replies, "Will do. Help is on the way." 

Jaime tiptoes into the warehouse and bionically overhears someone mention her name and snark about how she's thwarting their nefarious plans. She then stumbles onto a confusing assortment of fake police motorcycles and squad cars...as well as a crew of fake cops, who quickly pull out their guns and aim them at her. She tells them it's too late 'cause the cavalry is on its way - but then Parker and Captain Jetton appear behind her and grin smugly. Parker says, "Velcome to my precinct, Sooomers" and Jaime scrunches her face confusedly and is all, "Wha-a-a-a?" as Parker sneeringly assures her that this time she von't get away.

"Vee von't let you escape, but vee vill reveal to your our nefarious plot in veddy specific detail."

"That information will likely be helpful to me later."

Oscar tells Commissioner Hart that Jaime has gone missing...and when Commissioner Hart says he suspects Officer Arlene Smith of being in on it, an amused Oscar calls her in for a debrief. Arlene sweeps into the room and is all, "Hi, dad!", and Commissioner Hart stares at her incredulously, then angrily reminds her that he forbade her to enroll in the police academy. She explains that she did it behind his back 'cause she really really wants to be a cop...then gets down to business and recounts that, for some unknown reason, Jaime shoved her into a pile of garbage cans, and she was too dazed to see what occurred after that. Commissioner Hart declares that he's pulling her off the street for her own safety, then reminds Oscar that Gabrin's plane is due to land in forty-five minutes. 

Jaime is handcuffed to a pipe as Captain Jetton is informed by phone that he's been put in charge of the guardian angels detail this afternoon. Parker then does the '70s villan thing and reveals to Jaime every detail about her peeps' nefarious plot, including their plans to kidnap Rinja Gabrin in order to demand various political concessions and discredit the United States. When Jaime asks her how she knew about Gabrin's travel plans, Parker smugly replies that one of her agents had inside info, so they knew about the plans all along. Since it's so difficult to penetrate Gabrin's security team, they simply decided, "Why not become her security force?" Genius! But so evil!

Gabrin's plane prepares for landing, and the fake security detail gets into position.

One of Parker's co-conspirators places an explosive in the warehouse and announces that it's set to blow in twenty minutes. Jaime puns, "Isn't this, uh, overkill?" so the fake cop explains that it's meant to be a diversion from the group's primary plot. Parker apologizes to Jaime in advance for killing her and acknowledges that she was very nice to her at the academy. She assures Jaime she won't feel a thing...and then another fake cop grabs Jaime from behind and chloroforms her. As she lays on the floor, motionless with a ticking time bomb a few feet away, the conspirators head to the precinct.

Gabrin's plane lands, and Oscar and Commissioner Hart are on site to ensure that everything goes smoothly with Operation Guardian Angels.

The dispatcher tells Arlene and Bob that Jaime had called earlier from an abandoned warehouse...and that Captain Jetton said he'd handle it, but then didn't sent any backup. He remarks on how weird that is, and Arlene and Bob agree that, yep, it's pretty fucking weird...but have no time to act on it 'cause Captain Jetton and Parker arrive at the precinct and pull a gun on them. Bob manages to escape, but Arlene isn't as fortunate and gets held captive.
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Commissioner Hart suddenly notices that the police escort is escorting Rinja Garbin in the wrong direction...and when he voices his confusion, one of the fake cop pulls a gun on him and Oscar and tells them to shut it and stay cool.

Jaime is still laying on the floor of the warehouse, motionless with a ticking time bomb a few feet away.

Bob hops on a motorcycle and races over to the abandoned warehouse - just as Jaime starts to groggily regain consciousness. When Bob arrives a few seconds later, he desperately tries to find a way inside the warehouse. Jaime, meanwhile, pokes at her handcuffs and is able to bionically break out of them.

Captain Jetton forces every non-conspirator into the Fifth Precinct holding cells, and they're all, "Wha-at's happening??"

Bob finally finds a window large enough to peer through, sees Jaime struggling to get up, then heroically crashes through the glass without suffering the tiniest of cuts or slivers. He runs in and chivalrously helps Jaime to her feet, then tosses her through the window seconds before the bomb explodes. When he gently coos that she's safe now, she's all, "Noooo!!" and tells him about the kidnapping plot, and that they have to race back to the precinct pronto. But that she'll sexily clutch him from behind while racing there via motorcycle.

"I'll save you, Jaime!"

"Have you thought any more about my dinner invitation?"

The co-conspirators contact comrades who are located aboard a submarine (!) and report that Operation Kidnap Rinja Gabrin is now in progress.

Bob and Jaime are racing back to the precinct when they hear via police radio the dispatcher send squad cars to respond to the warehouse explosion...and Jaime tells Bob it's merely a diversion from the kidnapping. A bewildered Rinja Gabrin (who it doesn't seem to have been given any lines in this episode), her bewildered entourage, and Oscar and Commissioner Hart are marched into the Fifth Precinct, and Parker promptly pulls a gun on them. When Commissioner Hart shoots Captain Jetton a WTF? glare, Jetton explains that the Russians offered him a million dollars to betray his country so he figured why the hell not collude with a foreign enemy for a big payoff? Parker informs the mute Rinja Garbrin that she's a valuable hostage and will remain in the precinct until, presumably, they can smuggle her onto the submarine...then locks everyone in holding cells.

Jaime and Bob arrive at the precinct...and Bob rides the motorcycle right into the building (!) and Arlene cleverly uses the diversion to reach through the holding cell's bars and pull the gun away from one of the fake cops. Bob bursts into the office area and is promptly held at gunpoint by one of the fake cops, so Jaime sneaks in through a different entrance, throws a chair at the gun-toting fake cop, then bionically leaps across the room while Bob - who has to put a pin in how visibly confused he is about Jaime's superhuman ability to leap so high and so far - grabs Parker's gun. He and Jaime then rush towards the holding cells and release the non-conspirators...and when Arlene asks Jaime how she was able to disarm and subdue the evildoers, Bob says she did it by throwing a chair in their direction. Arlene scrunches her face with skepticism, since she clearly doesn't buy that lame explanation. 

Parker, Captain Jetton, and the other co-conspirators are arrested, handcuffed, then led away. Hopefully to a different precinct. Commissioner Hart tells Jaime he'd love it if she joined the force, like for real, then wanders over to Arlene and gives her permission to be a street cop again 'cause of how great she is at the job. A sad looking Bob asks Jaime if she's really leaving, and she says yes...and to please keep the superhuman abilities he just witnessed on the down low. 

"If you stay, we can shack up and drive in to work together every day."

"As mildly tempting as that idea is, I'll give it a pass."

Jaime tells Bob she's officially accepting his dinner offer mostly 'cause she's super hungry after such a rough day of policing. Bob's like, "Really..?" so Jaime clarifies she's also dining with in order to say goodbye...and he still smiles all smitten-like as she tucks her hand into the crook of his arm and steers him toward the door.

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