The Bionic Woman - Season 2, Episode 10
Recap: A woman decked out in a nun habit is hurrying down the street, clutching a suitcase and glancing around shiftily. She hurries past an undercover OSI agent, who immediately starts chasing after her...and she reacts by fleeing down an alley, but ends up running straight into another OSI agent. He pats her down and finds a pistol under her habit, which he hands to a third man - Oscar! - who proceeds to rip off her nun hood and snap, "Marlene Stoler!" He tells her she's under arrest for various crimes, including treason - yikes! - and when the agents search her suitcase, they find a bag of diamonds in a little velvet pouch, along with a bus ticket. Oscar asks her who she's delivering the diamonds to, but she remains mute and refuses to talk. He orders his men to take her away, then saunters over to a nearby car, slides into the back seat beside Jaime (decked out in a nun's habit, interestingly) and says, "Looks like you're on, Sister Jaime." He shows her the bag of diamonds and tells her they're worth 750K...and when she freaks out about walking around with so much wealth, Oscar breezily assures her she'll be fine and that she merely has to pose as a courier until someone makes contact. He hands her a little OSI radio and tells her to keep in touch so they can move in quickly and arrest the scoundrel/thief/whatever, then shows her the bus ticket and says that Marlene's contact might be on the bus...but if not, she'll have to take her nun impersonation all the way to the convent and fulfill the somewhat confusing mission there. Jaime's all, "Wuh? Convent?" and says she seriously doubts she can pass herself off as a nun. Oscar (once again with the breezy tone) assures her she'll do fine, then jokes about how every convent needs a bionic nun. Jaime contorts her face into a faux tortured expression and moans, "Oh God, help me.." as the opening credits roll.
Jaime arrives at the convent by cab and climbs out of the back seat clutching her suitcase. She radios Oscar to report that no one approached her on the bus and that she's about to enter the convent's front gates. A Sister Barbara arrives, lets her in after pointing out that the gate's latch is broken...and Jaime promptly bends it back into place 'cause why the fuck not, since by this point she's given up any semblance of keeping her government-subsidized bionic abilities on the down-low from anyone she encounters on her OSI missions. Sister Barbara asks her if she brought everything, and Jaime's like, "Uh, yes..?", and the two head over to the main building.
Sister Barbara delivers Jaime to the Reverend Mother, an older woman who radiates dourness and shoots everyone around her with a bitter stink-eye. After a quick once-over, she reluctantly tells Jaime she's "fairly presentable", but warns that she doesn't tolerate bad behavior and that her "look and attitude" must be presentable at all times. A Sister Beverly interrupts to inform the Reverend Mother that the bishop is on the phone...and the Reverend Mother pissily orders her and Jaime to wax the floor while she takes the call. Once she's out of earshot, Sister Beverly wryly quips, "Welcome to the Bounty" and compares the Reverend Mother to a much crotchetier version of Captain Bligh. Jaime says it's nice to see someone joking around in this gloomy place, and Sister Beverly nods sadly and says that lately there hasn't been much for any of them to smile about.
As Jaime and Sister Beverly buff the floor, they bond over their experience as schoolteachers. Sister Beverly says that the convent used to be a happy place - until the Reverend Mother suddenly got all uptight, began sticking her nose in everyone's bidness, and got weirdly protective of the winery. Jaime perks up at the mention of a winery and says she'd definitely be interested in poking around there for some clues asap. Sister Beverly gets thirsty and scampers off to get them some water...and once she's exited the room, Jaime kicks the floor waxing into bionic gear so she has some free time to wander the grounds. Unfortunately, she runs into the grumpypants Reverend Mother, who snarlingly tells her to stay far away from the winery 'cause there's nothing - repeat, nothing - to see there. She then orders Jaime to go to her room and unpack.
As Jaime unpacks her suitcase, someone slips a note under her door telling her to go to confession at 11:45am. She arrives at the chapel at the appointed time, steps into one of the confessional chambers, and is ordered by the faux priest on the other side of the wall to hand over the diamonds. When Jaime pretends as though she forgot them in her room, he tells her she needs to comply within three seconds 'cause he has a pistol with a silencer pointed right at her and won't hesitate to pull the trigger. Jaime's all, "Ack!" and quickly hands over the velvet bag of diamonds...and seconds later, the faux priest vanishes. Jaime leaps up to pursue him, but finds the door to her confessional chamber blocked by a chair...and by the time she's able to bionically burst out of the chamber and through the chapel doors, the mysterious culprit has blended in with a group of other priests milling around the courtyard. As Jaime stares confusedly into space, the Reverend Mother appears out of nowhere and bitchily orders her to join the other nuns for prayers.
After prayers, Jaime radios Oscar to tell him:
a) the good news: she's been accepted as one of the sisters
b) the bad news: she lost 750K worth of diamonds
Oscar's all, "You what?!!" so she recounts what just happened in the confessional chamber and adds that, according to one of the nuns, the Reverend Mother has become a giant pill lately. She says that since she's overly protective of the winery, it's probably a good place to start snooping around in. She then breezily (ha!) tells Oscar to have faith that during her snooping she'll somehow stumble upon the missing diamonds. When she finishes the call and opens her door to head out, she's startled by the sight of the Reverend Mother standing at her doorstep, demanding to know who she was just talking to...and Jaime points up at the ceiling and says, "With him." The Reverend Mother glares at her for a few seconds before ordering her to team up with Sister Margo and get some garden hoeing done, pronto.
Sister Margo turns out to be a cheerful nun who's obsessed with Latin, and can't bear the notion that it's considered a dead language. Jaime does her best to feign interest in what is undeniably a dead language, then glances over at the winery and remarks on how she'd love to see what goes on in there. Margo warns her that the Reverend Mother is ultra sensitive about any unauthorized person going anywhere near there...and adds that she's become so suspicious and stifling lately. She silently mulls over the tense atmosphere she's been subjected to for the past several months, then shakes off the resulting emotional trauma she's suffered and tells Jaime she mostly copes with it by burying her head in the sand and spending her leisure time focusing on her Latin. Jaime decides to hurry this mission along by bending the blade of her hoe so that Margo will have to go to the shed and get her another one...and once Margo's out of sight, Jaime kicks the gardening chore into bionic gear and quickly finishes hoeing the entire garden. She suddenly spots a blue truck arrive at the winery, stares at it quizzically, and bionically jogs over.
Jaime discreetly watches as several men unload large barrels from the blue truck...then sneaks into the winery, where the Reverend Mother is barking orders at various nuns. Jaime hides behind a wall of barrels and notices white powder spilling out of one of the newly arrived barrels, gives it a taste, and somehow realizes it's heroin. Father Thomas suddenly spots her skulking around and chases after her...so she bionically flees the winery before he can ID her. Father Thomas gets on the nearest phone to report that he just saw an unauthorized nun snooping around the winery and says they need to accelerate their drug smuggling operation asap.
Jaime radios Oscar to report that the episode has taken an unexpected turn into Narcos-style territory after she discovered a barrel of heroin in the winery...and Oscar's all, "Wha-a-a? A barrel of heroin?!" LOL. When she adds that it's clear that Father Thomas is knee deep into the smack operation, Oscar stares worriedly into space.
Jaime returns to the winery and bionically overhears the smugglers talking about making a heroin shipment at 8:00am the next morning - just as the Reverend Mother spots her eavesdropping and chases after her. While in pursuit, Jaime finds a secret door leading to a secret room that's filled with bags of heroin, along with her little pouch of diamonds. She quickly radios Oscar to inform him that she recovered the missing diamonds and about $15 million worth of heroin...and Oscar is thrilled, then tells her he's pretty sure that the guy who's passing himself off as Father Thomas is an imposter. He wants to stage a raid asap, but Jaime urges him to hold off until 8:15am so they can catch the smack traffickers in the act.
That evening, Jamie finds the Reverend Mother looking visibly troubled as she prays in the chapel...and when she activates her bionic hearing, she overhears her lament to God about how lost and ashamed she feels about the heroin operation going on right under her nose, and that she's pretty sure that a narc (posing as a nun) has been sent to expose her crimes. Jaime rushes over to the Reverend Mother, apologizes for passing herself off as a nun, then blabs about the OSI drug bust being set for 8:15am tomorrow morning. The Reverend Mother wails about how the chauvinist pig of a bishop is looking for any excuse to dissolve the convent so he can install his monks in the winery...then regrets being so cunty to the nuns ever since learning that she somehow allowed the convent's winery to be the epicenter of a smack den. Jaime refrains from asking how in the fuckity fuck she let that happen, and instead urges her to share her burden with the nuns and offer them a chance to be part of the solution - but the Reverend Mother wails that it's too late, 'cause the bishop will be dropping by at 8:30am tomorrow morning for an inspection. There's no doubt that once he witnesses a big drug bust occurring on the convent grounds, it'll be over for her and the sisters. Jaime refuses to accept that, insists that if they all put their heads together they can save the convent, then excitedly chirps, "A fired up group of Christian soldiers can do anything!"
Jaime wakes all the nuns and gathers them together to explain the sitch. The Reverend Mother enters the room, apologizes for making their lives utter shit for the last several months, then promises that from now on she'll share with them the burden of whatever misery she's weighed down with. The nuns break into applause...and after that, Jaime goes over the details of Operation Prevent the Bishop From Getting Wind of the OSI's Drug Bust. She emphasizes how important it is that, under no circumstances, are the drug smugglers to be arrested on the convent's grounds. The plan is that they're to hide the packaged heroin that's being stashed in the secret room, then lure the smugglers off the property well before the OSI agents arrive.
The next morning, the drug smugglers arrive promptly at 8:00am and head straight to the winery. Jaime blocks the front gate with an old car by bionically turning it onto its side...and the superfluous scene is filmed in slo mo with a lot of dun dun dun sound effects, so it takes a really loooooong time. A group of nuns prepare to steal the smugglers' blue truck - just as the OSI agents are en route. Oscar is befuddled when he sees that an overturned car is blocking the front gate...then looks even more befuddled when a small flock of sheep being tended to by a group of nuns are blocking the back exit. He scrunches his face in puzzlement and is all, "Wha-at in the worrrrrld?!" and just stares helplessly at the herd. Fortunately for Jaime's carefully orchestrated plan, he doesn't consider the possibility of ordering his agents to step around the sheep and proceed with their drug raid on foot.
The drug smugglers are miffed when they discover that their packages of heroin are all missing, then exit the winery just as the nuns drive off in their blue truck. They take the bait by climbing into a nearby car and pursue them off the property...and once they're safely off convent grounds, Jaime hurls a rock at their car tire so that Oscar and his OSI agents can easily corner them on the public road. When he informs the smugglers that they're under arrest, they point out that there's no evidence to be making the arrest...but when the agents search their cars, they find several bags of heroin (carefully planted there earlier by the nuns, I'll have to assume). The fake Father Thomas stares up at the sky and cries, "We've been framed!" LOL.
Shortly before 8:30am, Jaime rushes back to the front gate...and the Reverend Mother is openly mystified as she watches Jaime bionically move the overturned car - just in time to let the bishop through the gates for his inspection. Phew!
In the next scene, the nuns happily tell Jaime that the inspection went well, and that the winery will remain under their control. Hurray! The Reverend Mother sheepishly admits that, yep, a burden is far easier to carry when it's shared, then tells Jaime she's genuinely sorry to see her go. She adds that she's seen the miraculous gifts [aka bionic limbs] that God [aka the OSI] has bestowed up on her and prays that she will always use them wisely, and Jaime solemnly replies, "I try to, Reverend Mother. I really do" ... then breaks into a wide grin before wandering off towards where Oscar is standing.
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4/29/2020 06:05:59 am
Having just watched this episode, I noticed a familiar tune that backgrounds the episode but I can't put a name to that tune, enybody there know what the tune is?
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