Recap: A freaked out Sydney races over to Jake's apartment and tells him that Chris just tried to rape her inside Shooters, but that she managed to fight him off and hide in the storage closet until he left. An appalled Jake tries to persuade her to go to the hospital and also report the assault to police - but she refuses 'cause she highly doubts anyone will believe her. She asks him if she can crash on his couch so she can feel safe, at least for one night, and he assures her he'd be more than happy to provide her with some much-needed protection, then heads out to confront Chris. Jake storms over to Jane's apartment and yells at Chris to show himself...and Amanda hears the commotion and informs him that Chris and Jane went to Las Vegas an hour ago. Jake promptly deflates, returns to his apartment, and finds Sydney sacked out on his couch. As he tenderly covers her with a throw blanket, she sadly murmurs that no one will believe her - but Jake assures her that he does, and that he's going to do something about it. The next morning, Jake hands Sydney a cup of coffee and says he fully intends to give Chris the what-for once he and Jane return from Las Vegas. Sydney exclaims, "Las Vegas?!" and says it looks as though Chris is actually making good on his plan to marry Jane. Jake urges her to get some rest and says he'll see her at Shooters for the dinner shift...and after he heads out, Sydney stares concernedly into space. Billy drops by Alison's apartment to ask Susan about her job prospects, and she happily tells him she has an interview with the lunch manager at Chasens later. A few seconds later, Amanda ambles over to inform Susan that if she's moving into Alison's apartment, she's going to need to add her name to the lease - but Susan says that that won't be necessary 'cause she's really just passing through. Amanda clucks about what a shame that is 'cause it's obvious that people (meaning Billy) really seem to enjoy having her around. At D&D, Amanda is holding an impromptu meeting with Billy and Alison, passing along Bruce's instructions to take a more cheerful approach with two campaigns - just as a ginormous bouquet of roses arrives for Amanda. She quickly learns they're from Peter, and when she reads his 'let's get together again soon' card, she complains to Alison that the doctor seems to be moving pretty fast. Alison argues that he's a romantic and that she should go for it...then dickishly adds, "If you're still pining for Jake, that ship has sailed." Amanda sarcastically thanks her for throwing that failed relationship in her face and heads back to her office with the bouquet...and Billy tells Alison he has a lunchtime appointment - but is willing to stay late to redo the campaigns if need be. Billy is camped outside Chasens when Susan emerges after her job interview. He offers to take her to lunch then give her a lift back to Melrose Place...and she worriedly wrings her hands about hanging with her BFF's ex, but then decides 'ah fuck it' and accepts his invitation. Over the phone, Amanda thanks Peter for the roses - but calls the ginormous bouquet excessive and makes it clear that she's in no hurry to jump into another relationship. Peter promises to not be pushy, then tells her he scored four tickets for tonight's Mozart concert at the Hollywood Bowl and urges her to invite a couple of friends to join them. He promises she'll have a great time, and she mulls over the invitation for a few seconds and agrees that, yep, it sounds like fun. Sydney drops by the hospital to warn Michael and Kimberly that Chris is a dangerous psychopath who tried to rape her last night, and Kimberly mockingly retorts, "Ooooh, you better keep that appointment with your shrink." Sydney insists she's telling the truth, then drops the bomb that Chris and Jane are in Vegas, likely to get hitched in a quickie wedding. Michael suddenly looks alarmed by that revelation and worries aloud that Chris is plotting to seize more control of Jane's design firm and try to push him out. He announces that he's off to Vegas to put a stop to the wedding [despite being scheduled to work at the hospital], and Kimberly pronounces that no way is she letting him anywhere near Jane without her...and the two rush out of the room to catch the next available flight to Vegas, leaving Sydney staring after them amusedly. Jane thanks Chris for a wonderful day of shopping when the two return to their luxurious hotel suite. She then remarks on how distracted he's seemed all day and asks him if he's OK, and he explains that she's what's been on his mind, then abruptly proposes marriage. Jane chucklingly replies yes! and gives him a happy hug...and he calls her answer "a dream come true" and suggests they get hitched at the nearby Silver Wedding Chapel asap. Jane agrees, but says she first needs to shower and change into something resembling wedding attire.
Chris heads down to the hotel casino and tells the manager he needs a 20K marker. When the manager reminds him he's already in debit for 50K, Chris assures him he's good for it, and that he just finalized an unspecified lucrative deal. The manager mulls over that obvious nonsense and somehow agrees to increase his debt load. At D&D, Amanda invites Billy (and a plus one) to double with her and Peter at the Hollywood Bowl Mozart concert. When Billy's like, "Dunno..", Amanda passes along some bitchy advice she got earlier: "If you're still pining for Alison, that ship has sailed." Meow. Over in Vegas, Michael manages to persuade the hotel check-in clerk to provide him and Kimberly with Chris's/Jane's room number, as well as the name of the nearest wedding chapel. As the two head towards the elevator, Kimberly mumbles about what a tiny rat's ass she gives if Jane actually takes the plunge and marries her creepy boyfriend. Jo drops by Amanda's office at D&D to lament about how she's in a legal jam 'cause of the stupid Carters and could use all the photography work she can get...and Amanda promises to hire her anytime an appropriate job comes across her desk. Susan meets up with Billy on the street and complains about how much she hates sneaking around with her BFF's ex. Billy just kind of shrugs indifferently and invites her to be his date for tonight's Mozart concert. He promises that if things between them start to get serious they'll break the news to Alison...but points out that in order to know whether or not things can get serious, they're going to have to go out a few times. Susan chews on that logic for a few seconds and says OK, and then Billy leans in for a smooch...which leads to a full-on smoochfest. At the Silver Wedding Chapel, the minister begins the ceremony to wed Jane and Chris...and when he asks if anyone objects to this depraved coupling, Michael (with Kimberly in tow) bursts into the room and snarls, "I sure as hell think it's a lousy idea." He tells an irked Jane he's concerned that Chris is attaching himself to her in order to get control of her design firm, so then Jane accuses him of preventing her from being happy. When Chris threatens to call the police, Michael urges him to go ahead and says he heard all about his attempted rape of Sydney. Chris denies doing any such thing, and then Michael snarlingly warns him to keep his hands off of Jane's wallet, disdainfully adding, "I really don't care what you do with the rest of her."
After Chris and Jane storm out of the chapel, Kimberly points out to Michael that 1) they're both standing in front of a minister in Vegas, and 2) they definitely deserve to be stuck with each other until death do them part. Michael's like 'sure, why the hell not?', and the minister agrees to marry them on the spot. When Jane and Chris return to their hotel suite, an irritated Jane asks Chris why he didn't stand up to Michael, and he dismissively retorts, "That's your baggage, not mine." She instantly backs off and says they can always get married at a later date...and as they press up against each other and indulge in an amorous smoochfest, she coos, "I neeeeeed you so much." When she begs him to pleeeeeeease make love to her, he primly says he'd prefer they save themselves for marriage, prompting an exasperated Jane to bellow, "Cut the sensitive crap and just take me!" He condescendingly tells her to rest, and she snarlingly retorts that despite the huge asshole Michael is, he never had any problem hitting the sheets with her. Hours later, a hyped up Chris returns to the hotel suite and happily tosses his casino earnings into the air...then mounts Jane and lobs her with some pretty aggressive looking kisses. Alison ambles into her kitchen and finds Susan cooking...and when she asks whassup, Susan nervously fibs and says she's launching a catering career and is preparing picnic dinners for tonight's Hollywood Bowl concertgoers. Sounds plausible. In the courtyard, Jo checks her mailbox and is dismayed when she gets another letter from the Carters. She's so distraught that she stumbles on the staircase and calls for help...and Sydney rushes over to steady her and yells for Jake, who tells her to call the hospital. In the next scene, Jo is wheeled into the ER...and elsewhere in the hospital, Michael and Kimberly are cackling at each other about being a newly married couple. A vexed looking Peter Burns storms over and orders Kimberly to report to OB stat to see about helping with Jo, then admonishes Michael for ditching his weekend shifts without bothering to inform anyone, leaving the hospital short-staffed [unlike Kimberly, who apparently had the weekend off]. He brusquely fires Michael and orders him to clean out his locker pronto. Jo babbles to Matt about how she's unable to protect her unborn child, and he cooingly assures her she's a great mom and urges her to remain calm. Kimberly studies the scans and tells Jo her baby's doing fine, but that it's important she reduce her stress levels. She urges Jo to concentrate solely on staying healthy, then gives her her home phone number and says she wants to help any way she can...and Jo is visibly suspicious by how overly helpful Kimberly is being [spoiler: as well she should be]. That evening at the Hollywood Bowl, Billy, Amanda, and Peter compliment Susan on her tasty picnic dinners...but she just worriedly wrings her hands and tells Billy she can't shake her guilt about dating her BFF's ex. He breezily assures her it's all fine and that she should focus on having a good time tonight. When Susan whimperingly responds that Alison is her friend, Amanda interjects and agrees that while Alison can be a great friend, her priority is to always put herself first. Peter mercifully changes the subject and tells Amanda he's been recapping the workday in his head, and indiscreetly shares that he fired Michael. Amanda and Billy just kind of shrug at that and say they're not terribly surprised, given what a devil-may-care imbecile the writers have turned Michael into since the beginning of Season 1. After the concert, the foursome return to Melrose Place. Peter kisses Amanda goodnight and heads home, while Billy thanks Susan for a wonderful night and leans in for an amorous smooch...which is soon witnessed by Alison, who's stares at them incredulously from her apartment window.
The next morning, Alison enters the kitchen while Susan is cooking breakfast. A sheepish Susan fibs that her fledgling catering business is really taking off, and that the Hollywood Bowl customers seemed to really enjoy her packaged meals. Alison coldly retorts that she's not hungry for any breakfast and is going for a walk to blow off some steam...and she then beats a hasty retreat, leaving Susan staring after her concernedly. Kimberly finds a despondent Michael sitting on the beach, wailing, "What am I going to dooooo?" When Kimberly suggests he find work at a different hospital, he explains that Peter intends to call the California Medical Board in order to prevent him from being hired elsewhere. Kimberly reminds him that, at the very least, they're married and have each other no matter what, but he hopelessly retorts, "Who cares? I'm not a doctor anymore" and self-piteously tells her she's married to nothing. Alison is at Shooters, guzzling a screwdriver, when Susan enters the bar and says she was left wondering why she never returned home after her walk. Alison says she stopped in at Shooters to talk to Jake, but that he's not due in for several hours. She then makes it a point to call Jake a friend, aka someone who doesn't betray her by sleeping with her ex-fiancé and then lying about launching a catering business. She growls, "You make me sick!" and tells an ashen-faced Susan to get lost, and to also get outa her apartment. Upon returning to Melrose Place, Chris runs into Jake - who, incidentally, is looking very yummy in a wife-beater shirt. He calls Chris out for assaulting Sydney in his bar and makes it clear that he doesn't take kindly to his employees being messed with. Chris sneers, "You're going to believe that little whore?", and Jake reacts by punching him several times, causing him to fall backwards into the pool. Jane runs over and screams at Jake to stop...and a few seconds later, Sydney hurries down the steps and makes a beeline over to Jake's apartment to thank him for defending her honor, emphasizing that it's something no one's ever done before. She leans in for a kiss...and Jake weakly says they prolly shouldn't be doing this, but then easily gives in and reciprocates her smooch. Thanks for reading! If you are enjoying TVofYore's recaps, consider thanking me by buying me a "coffee"!
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MELROSE PLACE HOMEPAGE
Recapper: Isabel K. French 
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