Melrose Place - Season 3, Episode 11

Sydney is suitably icked out by the prospect of having to bed Creepy Chris

"The Days of Wine and Vodka"
Original airdate: 11/21/1994

Episode summary: Jake is attacked by thugs when he refuses to be shaken down for 1K a month in protection costs...and in a related subplot, Sydney finds herself at the icky mercy of Creepy Chris. Alison's binge-drinking continues to spiral out of control.

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Recap: Jo runs into Alison in the Melrose Place courtyard and makes it clear to the wino that she's extremely pissed off at her. When Jo further admonishes her for showing up at the custody hearing looking unkempt and strung out on whatever she's been ingesting lately, Alison weakly claims that she was merely jittery from drinking too much coffee. Jo snarlingly points out that she completely stank of booze, and that she's enraged about how completely unreliable she proved herself to be as a character witness who was supposed to convince the judge that she (Jo) is a fit mother. She further declares that she can no longer trust her and is rescinding her offer to be the spawn's godmother. Egads!

After the alarm goes off, Billy tries to persuade Susan to stay in bed with him so they can leisurely canoodle - but she regretfully declines 'cause she has to rush off to work. She reminds Billy that it's almost Thanksgiving and offers to whip up a fancy French dinner, and suggests inviting Alison in the interest of restoring the peace. Billy agrees that it's a swell idea - but only as long as she keeps the menu to something simple, like turkey and yams.

Jane drops by Sydney's apartment to try to get her interested in travelling with her to Chicago so they can have Thanksgiving dinner with their parents. Sydney shoots her a seriously? expression and says she has no desire to break bread with the man who helped put her away in an insane asylum...not to mention how horrifyingly blech it would be to also have to spend the holiday with Creepy Chris. Jane urges her to see past her anger and reconcile with their parents - but Sydney firmly says if she never sees them again, it'd be too soon.

Michael and Kimberly are consulting with an adoption lawyer, and he warns that if they want to enlist a surrogate to carry their spawn, they might have to pay as much as 100K up front - without any guarantee that they'd even get the baby. As Kimberly gasps in shock, Michael reminds her that they still owe 40K in medical school loans, then breezily reiterates how disinterested he continues to be about becoming a parent. 

While out for lunch, Alison asks Zack if he thinks she has a drinking problem, adding that Jo railed at her earlier for showing up to court disheveled and blitzed out of her mind. Zack describes that accusation as "a wild idea" and suggests that Jo invented the drinking problem so that she can blame her (Alison) for losing the custody suit. When Alison tells him that both Jo and Amanda have been on her case for indulging in as much binge-drinking as she has of late, Zack chucklingly recalls that Amanda's convict father was recently killed by his traitorous hit-woman girlfriend...and says this as though it's in any way related to Alison's drinking problem. He hastily changes the subject by asking her what she most needs in the world, and she decides she really really needs a new car...and he instantly perks up and excitedly urges, "Let's go get a new set of wheels!" 

"Tell me your heart's desire."

"A new car and more booze...'cause what could go wrong with that combination?"

Over at D&D, Bruce Teller drops by Amanda's office...and when she expresses surprise that he's not still at home recuperating, he grimly explains that news of his heart attack has been leaked to the press [on what must have been a really slow news day]. He adds that if it takes too long for him to return to work, the company is going to be vulnerable to a hostile takeover, as evidenced by some unknown person buying up a large chunk of D&D stock. Amanda asks if he happens to know who the mysterious buyer is - but Bruce says he has no clue 'cause the purchase was just below the SEC's disclosure limit. He then says he's very tired and needs to head home and take a nap...and once he's safely out of earshot, Amanda gets on the phone with Peter to tell him about Bruce's freakout over the recent stock purchase. Peter tells her it's all good 'cause he's behind it, and assures her that everything is totes under control and going according to plan.

Alison has just purchased a fancy new convertible, and is driving around with Zack while wondering aloud how in blazes she's going to afford the payments for the luxury vehicle. Zack uses her car phone to book a hotel room in Santa Barbara...and when Alison argues that she can't just drop everything at D&D to go to Santa Barbara on a whim, Zack tells her he hates the word can't and points out that she's really only missing one measly afternoon of work. He half-heartedly suggests that if she's that worried about her job, they can always drive back to L.A. tonight, and she responds by shooting him a mischievous grin.

That evening in Santa Barbara, while guzzling wine by the fire, Alison tells Zack she's sooooo happy, and that she has no energy to drive back to L.A. Zack wankingly refers to her as "an amazing, beautiful, and talented woman", then coos, "I love you" and gives her a big smooch. He glances over at the fireplace and remarks that they need another log to keep the blaze going, so Alison obliges...but when she walks back towards the bed while sexily unbuttoning her shirt, Zack has fallen asleep and is audibly snoring. Alison tries in vain to poke him awake, then looks visibly miffed when it's clear she's not gettin' any tonight.

Some nefarious looking guy we've never seen before enters Shooters, introduces himself to Jake as Mr. Black and makes a non-subtle effort to shake him down for $1,000 a month in exchange for some mob-style security. Jack grabs Mr. Black by the scruff of the neck and snarlingly tells him he wouldn't pay him a quarter for the parking meter, to which Mr. Black calmly urges him to reconsider his answer when he has a clearer head. After he saunters out, Sydney rushes over and warns Jake that thugs like Mr. Black - aka the kind of people she got tangled up with while hooking for Kristian Alfonso in Season 2 - can really hurt him, but Jake says he refuses to be owned by the mob.
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As anyone could predict, Alison oversleeps...and when she finally awakens from her booze-induced slumber, she glances at the clock and panics when she realizes she has an office meeting in fifteen minutes. Zack urges her to chillax and take a sick day, so Alison calls D&D and says that while she's too sick to attend this morning's meeting, she'll definitely be at the out-of-office client meeting this afternoon.  

Matt and Jeffrey are enjoying a pleasant lunch out with Ma and Pa Fielding and amicably chit-chat. When Jeffrey announces that he has to get going and ambles off, Matt asks his parents if he can bring his new beau to Thanksgiving dinner, and they blandly assure him they're totes OK with it [at least for the moment]. 

Kimberly is meeting with her obstetrician and nattering on about the possibility of taking fertility drugs while also looking into other birthing advances - until he warily reminds her that because of the horrific injuries she sustained in Season 2's car accident, she's physically unable to carry a baby to term. When he gently suggests she see a psychiatrist to get to the root of why she's so hell-bent on procreating, she snippily tells him she'd much rather find out what he knows about black market babies. The doctor looks aghast, points out that purchasing infants is illegal, and that he frankly finds it depraved that she'd even ask. An unfazed Kimberly snaps that it's soooo easy for him to pass judgement on her when he has several healthy children of his own, then gets up and storms out to the waiting room, where she happens to run into Jo and learns that custody of her yet unborn spawn was awarded to the Carters.

"You are one depraved woman."

"That's kind of an understatement."

Behind the wheel of her new car, Alison squeals over to the hotel venue of her D&D client meeting, where Billy and Amanda are impatiently waiting. Billy asks Alison whaddup with the fancy new automobile, so she irritably mumbles that she decided to buy herself a new set of wheels. Amanda chides her for being so unreliable lately that she felt she had no choice but to familiarize herself with the account and attend the client meeting, and Alison snappishly retorts that she knows this account inside and out, then stomps inside the hotel.

Susan returns home that evening and invites Billy out to a movie - but he tells her he's not in the mood 'cause of how miffed he is at Alison for being so outa control and negatively impacting his career by consistently screwing up at work. He grumbles about how hard it's getting to watch her sabotage her life, e.g. buying a car she can't afford and showing up all bedraggled to client meetings. Susan tells him that Alison hasn't confirmed that she's coming to their Thanksgiving dinner and says it'd be a good thing for her to know that people care about her. She then suggests extending the invitation to Alison's new scruffy-faced boyfriend, and Billy somehow agrees that that'd be a fabulous idea.

Jake is throwing out trash in the alley behind Shooters when he encounters Mr. Black, who asks him if he's reconsidered his shakedown proposal. Jake tells him to go to hell and that he's not getting a dime...and a few seconds later he's physically attacked by two men who emerge from the shadows. After they finish kicking and threatening him, Sydney enters the alley and is all, "OMG!" as she helps Jake to his feet...and Mr. Black gazes at her curiously as if he's trying to place where he's seen her before.

​The next morning, Billy apologizes to Alison for snarking at her before yesterday's client meeting, then asks her if she's coming to his/Susan's Thanksgiving dinner. She makes a blech face and says it'd prolly be too uncomfortable for everyone - but Billy urges her to come and bring Zack along if she wants. He adds that he really really wants to bring about a peaceful coexistence in the Melrose Place complex, and Alison mulls that over and promises that she and Druggie Boy will definitely be there. 

Over at the hospital, Amanda is on the phone (in Peter's office) with Bruce, who's doing his best to put in more time at D&D, despite his need to recuperate. After the call, Amanda tells Peter that Bruce sounds very frightened now that he's lost his D&D stock retirement money [and stupidly didn't think to diversify his investments]. She tells Peter she has a sudden change of heart and wants to pull out of the takeover scheme, so he reminds her what a shit Bruce has been to her over the years...and that it's a moot point anyway, 'cause the takeover train has left the station and it's too late to back out now. 

Matt tells Jeffrey he had an off-camera chat with his father, who's decided that he's uncomfortable telling their Thanksgiving guests that he has a gay son who's in a relationship...and wants to pretend that they're merely platonic friends. Jeffrey says he didn't give up his Navy career to abandon his principles, and Matt fully agrees that he also doesn't want to live a lie.

Kimberly drops by Jo's apartment to propose a thoroughly batshit-crazy plan to keep her baby: she'll induce labor a week before the due date, deliver the baby at her beach house, and pretend to everyone that the fetus was stillborn. Kimberly adds that she'd further commit fraud by completing all of the requisite paperwork, including the fetal death certificate...and tell anyone who's interested that that the body was hastily cremated. When Jo looks uncertain if this is truly the path she wants to go down, Kimberly points out that it's the only way to avoid handing her child over to Reed's weird parents. She pauses for a few seconds, then invites Jo to join her and Michael for Thanksgiving dinner at the beach house and let her know of her decision at that time. 

"We'll put an end to your custody battle by faking your baby's death."

"That idea sounds just crazy enough to work!"

Sydney is collecting her mail when she runs into Mr. Black, who chucklingly tells her he now remembers where he knows her from: Kristian Alfonso's prostitution ring. He says his boss has creepishly proposed "a little trade": her sexual services in exchange for him and his thug friends not beating the crap out of Jake. When Sydney dismisses the ultimatum as insane, Mr. Black roughly grabs her and warns that Jake is going to suffer a terrible accident if she refuses to comply...and a shaken Sydney agrees to put out if he promises to leave Jake alone.

On Thanksgiving Day, Matt stops by his parents' house to deliver two pies, then breaks the news that he and Jeffrey won't be joining them for dinner 'cause they refuse to lie to anyone about being lovers. Ma Fielding weakly says that surely they can find some middle ground - but Matt's like, "Nope" and wishes her a happy Thanksgiving. As he's heading back toward his car, she asks where she's supposed to tell people he is, so he suggests coming clean and telling them he's having dinner with his lover.  

Sydney arrives at a fancy hotel and meets up with Mr. Black, who hands her a room key and tells her that his boss's friend eagerly awaits her upstairs. A few seconds later, Sydney enters a dark hotel room and is flabbergasted to find Chris creepily sitting in a chair. She tells him she totally underestimated his criminal connections, and he says he thought it was sooooooo obvious that he was mobbed up 'cause of all the times he's traveled to Vegas for shady reasons. He tells Sydney he's gone through a lot of trouble and aggravation to organize this little rendezvous, touches her face and says he's missed her, and orders her to come to bed. As he strips off his jacket, a despondent Sydney asks him why he's doing this when he's supposed to be in love with Jane, so he coldly explains, "Jane lacks that slutty quality that you have in spades, Sydney." He then tells her she's free to go - but that if she does, Jake will be beaten so badly as to be unrecognizable. Sydney once again mulls over that threat, then sits on the edge of the bed and tears up as she slowly disrobes. 

"Jane's not nearly as slutty as you are."

"Right? She's always resisted my urging to amp up the vamp."

Alison is on the phone with Zack, who tells her that a group of buddies dropped by his place unexpectedly to watch football...and as a result he's really not into having Thanksgiving dinner with her and two dullards. He invites her to come by later, then abruptly hangs up...and a miffed Alison chugs some vodka before grabbing a bottle of wine and heading up to Billy's/Susan's apartment. 

Alison informs Billy and Susan that Zack just bailed on her, and Susan says it's prolly for the best 'cause it gives them a chance to stage a quasi-intervention. Billy tells Alison it's evident that Zack is bad news and has changed her for the worse, and Susan concurs that the sketchy cretin has clearly been a bad influence on her. Alison responds by getting irked about being judged for her bad life decisions, gushingly boasts that she has a new boyfriend who's crazy about her, and that she's ditching this "neurotic love nest" to go home. Billy snarkishly points out that it's impossible to have a rational discussion with her when she's drunk, which was pretty clear the moment she stumbled through their door. 

Over at the beach house, Jo tells Kimberly she's read about mothers who acquire superhuman strength when their children are in mortal danger, and Kimberly agrees that a mother's love "is the stuff of legend". She points out that their lunatic plot is her last chance to hold onto her child, and Jo agrees with that crazy-talk and says, "Let's do it."

A drunken Alison is in her fancy new car, weaving down the road and talking to Zack on her car phone. He tells her he'd prefer it if she drove around for an hour so he can finish visiting with his college buddies, and she snappishly retorts that she's not doing that, and that she'll just meet up with him tomorrow. As soon as she hangs up, she accidentally plows into a cyclist, who crashes onto the road and looks dead or at least critically injured...and Alison stares in horror at the carnage she just caused and moans, "Oh please no. Oh God!"

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